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"Open the fuckin' strait you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in hell!" -President Donald Trump on Twitter X to Iran hahaha.

Tuesday: 6-30-26: PLEASE BUY THE RESTAURANT.
We need someone to buy our failed shit-show Mad Kat Restaurant ASAP. We closed it for good o the 7th so it's been over three weeks, and we've dropped the price from $199k down to $149k with no takers. What a bunch of crap! I'm stuck in life until the thig is gone, and I guess we need to drop the price again. I don't blame people for not wanting it since all we did was fail, but the equipment has a value so I thought we'd get some kind of offer.

Tonight a guy whom I thought might take the place backed out, and that sucked. A lot. It put me in a down-mood so I just ate edibles and I'll have two drinks and attempt to sleep in about 1.5 hours. This looks to be the last decent-ish night for sleeping until next week because a heat wave is on the way. Daytime highs 90+ and nighttime lows over 70 for 3-4 days. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! 90 is pretty hot, but it's tolerable if the temp drops to near 60 at night. Over 70 at night = I should sleep downstairs where it will be cooler. I really should sleep at my new place, but it's not quite ready yet. However, I plan to have one bedroom mostly ready to use by Saturday. Maybe? Hopefully! Only problem with that plan is the weather. How much work can I really get done when it's 95 degrees with a dew poit over 70? I'll fuckin' ROAST. This impending heat wave will make some of the work I had planned difficult if not impossible later this week.

I need to start bivouacking at my new place ASAP. I'm hoping I can do more of that by this weekend, 4th of July weekend by the way. Kat still plans to have a party here in Eddington, and I already told her I will not be here for that. I'd rather just sit all alone and do nothing at my soon-to-be apartment. There is a nice porch I can sit on and have a few drinks. I don't give a shit about the 4th this year and it's actually a pain in my ass. Normally th dump would be open so I can haul off another huge load, but the holiday will cancel that so now I have to wait until the 10th. I could just pay at North Star Waste in Brewer, but it will be $100 per load cheaper if I wait for the landfill. North Star is a great place and they give me a veteran discount, but I gotta try to save precious... precious money since it appears I am about to be royally fucked and owe a ton that I can't repay. I'll just keep working, fuck it, and eventually I'll just die.

I'm gonna listen to the Pet Shope Boys "This Must be the Place I Waited Years to Leave." Yup, that just about sums up my dog-shit life since 2020. I've just been waiting to leave, and now I actually am leaving. For a while I wanted to leave life itself and join the worms, actually fuck that just cook me up so I take up less space, but now I'm waiting to leave my current life in the hopes of a new, somewhat better one. Sadly that fucking restaurat is like a noose around my neck that keeps tightening. I'm cool with dying, but slow metaphorical strangulation = what a bunch of crap! Sadly that's my current bootleg life that I made for myself. It's 100% my fault.

I don't know how to sum up June, 2026. Words can't really get me there. There was some good, it wasn't all-bad, but I'm in transition. I started June by working at that gods damned restaurant, and I've worked a shitload again this month. I have four big things going on at once. First, we are still trying to dump that restaurant and that eats up a lot of precious... precious time each day. Second, I'm trying to remodel my soon-to-be apartment. Third, I have to move the tax office and I'm remodeling that space. Finally, I have to work on that huge Treats Falls garage about 20 hours a week. It never stops!

One good thing about June, I was physically healthy and I got a lot of exercise. One bad thing about June: FUCK THAT THERE ARE 50 BAD THINGS. What a bunch of crap!

Oh, before I get off this bootleg site that no one ever reads, we finally closed on that land sale. The closing got pushed back three weeks due to clerical issues. Kat and I got a check for $18,858 made out in both of our names. I asked heer to deposit it and transfer half to her account. Totally fair, right? I log into the bank accounts and I see $11,860 was transferred out of our joint checking accout. HEY HOW DOES THAT MATH WORK?! She said she took half of what was the total in the joint saving and checking accounts. In theory that's fair, but I FUCKING PAY 80% OF EVERYTHING AND THE ONLY REASON WHY A FEW GRAND WAS IN THOSE ACCOUNTS WAS BECAUSE I TOOK OUT ANOTHER LOAN FOR HER FAILED, FUCKED BUSINESS. GODS DAMN IT WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

$18,858 seems like a lot of money and it is a lot, but we owe loads more than that so what we got is just a drop in the bucket, and Kat plans to use her half just to live on for a while. I guess I'm pwned and I'll just work more since she doesn't care... whether or not she cares about how much we are going to owe thanks to the failed Mad Kat's.

Yup, after two drinks and thinking that one through I realize with total clarity I need to get the FUCK out of here asap. I'll work on my soon-to-be apartment when it's 100+ degrees with heat index factored in. I'm already in hell so it might as well be hot.

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Saturday: 6-27-26: Beast mode doing demo, great exercise, progress.
I bivouaced early-ish last night, maybe 2130, and I woke up ready to roll and to get stuff done today and that's what my loser-ass did. First stop after doing DDY Yoga was mud on this wall at the tax office:

^That wall abuts what will soon be another tenant area. I don't have a hard deadline to get it done, but I want it done by the end of next week so their side is checked off the list. A tattoo parlor will be there, and the owner of that parlor is really cool. His wife is great as well, but I'm just getting to know them so who knows maybe they will suck and be assholes? I did a couple little carpentry things for them and they keep offering to pay me so that speaks a lot to their character. It's only about $30 so I don't care since they took care of the lease and all of that.

I got to Gavin's around 0915 to start prepping for some demolition. A huge section of ceiling has to come down in my soon-to-be apartment, and check out this ghetto bullshit:

Hard to tell from that one photo, but in the middle is a charred chimney hole as well as barely-supported joists. Some nincompoop in the distant past thought cutting most of the 2x8 joists out for plumbing was a good idea. What a bunch of crap! Plus I'm pretty sure there was a fire hence the charring. After we cut some of it out Gavin and I were standing above and I thought we shouldn't be standing too close to each other up there:

We got about 3 feet cut out total, and it was incredibly arduous. Layers upon layers of subfloor including a hardwood floor layer, and man did they LOVE using nails. Oversized nails as well so nothing comes apart easily. It was an awesome workout, though. Cutting out 4 layers of flooring = what a bunch of crap! It was slow-going, but we focused on trying to stay somewhat safe and not burn out too fast. We also were able to get measurements for the walls below and Bruce came to scope out the soon-to-be plumbing so today was a win overall.

As an added bonus Kat and I had Las Palapas and watched WWE Monday Night RAW together. It weird because I'm leaving, but I don't hate her and I want her to be well and to do well. I'm not sure we will be apart forever once I leave because I don't want anyone else so we shall see. She was planning to go to a karaoke contest in Dover tonight, but she went to Cap's last night and probably had one too many so she's here still. Normally I would have said "What a bunch of crap" to that, but I don't mind beause I still made time for myself and here I am right now as proof of that. I should have done that more for most of our marriage, but I didn't and that's on me.

I'll bivouac soon because I have to show that failed restaurant tomorrow at 0800. I can't fuckin' believe no one has bought that place yet. What a bunch of crap! I'm wasting hours, precious hours, each week on that gods damned place. Oh well, the more showings I do the better chance we have of actually dumping it. I got the bank on my ass and we owe a lot, but I'm working 7 days a week and I'll be living for cheap soon enough so I'll just pick away at it all.

So I plan to take two days off next month. How sad is that? At some point on or around the 4th next Saturday I'll go visit my family. Jason usually rents a camp on Damariscotta Lake so I'll see them there. Then around the 25th, either at the start of raking or the day after, Ill go to Warren for Hawke's birthday. I don't even know how old that kid is going to be. 6 or 7? I FUCKING SUCK AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET MY WORTHLESS LIFE BACK.

Other than that it's work, work, and more work. I need to get my tax office 100% done by the second week of July in case I have a needy client, and I still have to put in work at that garage job. I have so much going on it's totally ridiculous and I won't get bored in 2026. Maybe after tax season in 2027? Hopefully!

Weather was good today. Not too hot, not humid, and this time of year that's not always common. Looks like mid to late week next week we roast with high humidity, and that sucks. A lot. Oh well it will be summer and that's how these things go in summer.

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Thursday: 6-25-26: Raking in one month?! OMG how will I be ready for that?
Time is just flying by these days. Hard to believe in one month blueberry raking starts. Hard to believe we are going raking at all, but Cliff needs us. The field will probably suck, but helping Cliff is more important than the paycheck. Cliff tentatively plans to start on the 25th, but that is also Hawke's birthday so I might not start until the 26th. Who knows, maybe Hawke's party will be on the 26th? The party won't take all day, but it is a half hour from the Palermo field so going to that party will chew up half a day, easily. Oh, they got a badass in-ground pool so I'm guessing we will be doing some swimming. Maybe? Hopefully!

I've been getting great exercise lately, but I haven't actually lifted weights in a couple weeks. Normally I'd write "What a bunch of crap!" to that, but I went 1.5 years without lifting any weights so I guess I don't really need that in my life anymore, at least not as it stands right now. I get plenty of exercise doing DDY Yoga, jogging, playing racquetball, and doing carpentry. Gavin and I had two AWESOME games this evening. At first we kinda sucked, but then it was go-time and we were both wasted like Doc-J and 8-Ball from Full Metal Jacket at the end.

The carpentry is nonstop for my worthless ass. The tax office now looks like this after Jake did some more wiring this morning:

I also had to stain and prep casing and closet doors at that garage, and I had to run back and forth a couple times between my soon-to-be tax office, the failed restaurant, and that garage job. Thankfully everything is really close; the plaza with the restaurant and tax office is only a mile from the garage job. Oh, I had a 1400 tax client coming to finish as well haha. After that I worked at my soon-to-be apartment and got sheetrock installed in the entire bedroom including a small start in the closet. Here is the closet and bedroom entry area now:

^I'd love to have that room done in about a week, but my life is a shit-show so who knows?

It was nice working there and just waiting for Gavin to be ready to play rball. Easy commute when we will be living at the same address, but as an added bonus we will have our own space at that address! I'm not ready to live with anyone for a long time. Being by myself will be friggin' glorious.

Alright turds, all two of you who read this bootleg site, I'm gonna go watch a little of the Sox-Yankees before I bivouac. I dunno why I bother to watch it when the Sox are pwned. Get this, they just lost 2 of 3 to the lowly Rockies. What a bunch of crap! They blew leads in the two games they lost as well, epic failer.

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Wednesday: 6-24-26: My ass is PRIME.
I just joined Amazon Prime. It's $14.99 monthly, and I saved some precious... precious money on a couple sale items. I have a desk coming to my new apartment; I'm sure it's a ghetto piece of shit, but it was on sale down from $200 to $132 and the reviews weren't horrible. I'm not ready to use it yet because I have a room to finish, but I'm hoping by next week to have a basic setup in Brewer.

^Probably a bootleg piece of shit, but I need something and I don't want to spend too much right now when my life is such a mess.

I get a free trial for 30 days so if it sucks I can cancel. Right now we use Kat's Prime membership for the TV shows, and I gotta say they've had some good stuff on there in the past. There is probably good stuff on there now, but I dunno. I'm sure I'll use the TV part of it in my soon-to-be place. I'll start with just a 10x12 bedroom while I work on the rest of the place, and I don't think I'll be done with it until the fall. However, I can bang out most of kitchen and bathroom this summer. Maybe? Hopefully!

I worked on the place for 3 hours today, 1500-1800, and I got some mud done in my bedroom. Before that I worked on that garage job finishing the upstairs gym floor. I have a few other things to do as well including a stop at the restaurant to check email and look up a couple things for tax clients.

I should shop more on Amazon since it's "Prime Day" so stuff in on sale and I need stuff! I don't need a ton because my ass is simple. I just bought a speaker so I can rip out my 80s tunes in style. Right now I use Kat's speaker on occasion, but I need my own. I'm listening to a couple Ratt songs now before I wind down, and I'm just using the bootleg computer speakers so the music is coming from a tin can. What a bunch of crap!

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Tuesday: 6-23-26: Why can't we dump this place?
All I wanna know is why? Why can't we sell the stupid fuckin' failed restaurant that I hate? I actually don't hate the place, I'm indifferent to it, and I just want it gone. I feel no emotional pull, but I have been accused (probably rightly-so) of being emotionally impotent. What a bunch of crap!

I've fielded a lot of calls and done many showings for the place including one today to an interesting yet probably a dead-end gent. He wants to fire the place back up and start selling food. Great! That'll be $159,000 OBO. Sadly he can't afford it and my loser-ass ain't bring the place back so that's most likely a fail unless he can find a financial backer. Oh, get this, we had people who loved the place and who were going to make an offer, but then Kat booked other karaoke gigs and they can't compete with her so that was a giant fucking waste of time. What a bunch of crap!

I don't know how to feel about that one. On one hand I don't blame Kat for booking gigs because she has to make precious... precious money after I spread out of here. I do plan to help in July as long as it doesn't get ridiculous, but soon I'm gone and she will have to figure it out on her own. However, she did say before she was done doing karaoke gigs at bars and her booking this gig already just cost us a sale. It would have been a quick sale as well, and they would have been fired up by mid-month next month. I get it, she doesn't want to work at a fast-food joint for $16/hr, but that one sure hurt. It really made me confirm that leaving is the right thing to do. She doesn't care about money, but YOU FUCKING NEED IT UNLESS YOU WANT TO GO LIVE IN THE WOODS IN A TENT.

We are selling a piece of land and that will give us all some extra loot, but we will burn through that quickly. I'll use most of it for the apartment remodel at Gavin's; I've put a lot so far on my credit card and I need to pay that down before interest kicks in. Thankfully most of it is no-interest promotional rate, but that doesn't last forever. Plus Kat made it clear she doesn't give a shit about the impending restaurant debt, but I sure do. Paying it is the right thing to do. I'll fuckin' pay it without her ass, and I'll live my life without her ass as well if that's her attidute. I was already planning to leave, but I didn't necessarily see that as forever. Crap like this makes me realize it should be forever, though. What a bunch of crap!

Oh, get this, I'm at Treats Falls working on that huge garage job when Kat calls me. She says the news wants to come do a story, I say great let's do it, but they're coming at 1215 and I have Jake coming at 1230 to work on my soon-to-be tax office. Plus I'm in the middle of installing this floor:

Talk about bad fucking timing. I can't wait to go be by myself gods damn it. I made it work and crushed the intereview. Normally she does the interviews, but she was too emotional so she couldn't and I had to do it. It probably was already on TV, but I don't give a shit. I'll look for it on their website later to see if it might help or hurt our chances of dumping the place ASAP. I guess it can only help since we are royally fucked anyway. My life is still this:

Oddly enough I don't hate my life as much as I did three months ago. Financially it's a bloodbath, but I have some hope that I can slowly fix my shit when I move into Gavin's apartment. I worked on it a lot this weekend and I have one bedroom looking like this right now:

Sadly I have no time to work on it with that garage job, moving the tax office, and trying to dump our epic failer restaurant. I plan to work on it again later this week, and this weekend I hope to crush it with Gavin's help so if all goes well I can start mostly living there in about a week. Maybe? Hopefully! Being here at the Eddington house is unhealthy for both Kat and I. Kat hasn't even talked to me since the restaurant news interview. She left a bit ago so that works for me. No clue where she went, and I don't give a shit. I just get some bonus me-time and I can crank up the music. I've been on a Ratt spree again lately, the 1000th time in my life because they rule all, and now it's Dominion, Mother Russia. This song can't be explained, but it really kicks ass.

Today wasn't really a bad day for my ass. I did DDP Yoga, I started the truck and 100.3 WKIT was playing a rare Ratt double-shot (Double-shot Tuesday like a boss) and Ratt's Lay it Down came on. Favorite song of all-time starting my day? Oh Jesus Hell Ya! I got to that garage job and I had to do some mud-work in a weird patient room because he was in the hospital. They have a nursing home there, and it's very odd. The homeowner's wife randomly came upstairs as I was doing the floor and she seemed totally oblivious to my ass DOING THE FUCKING FLOOR RIGHT THERE. She was marching her ass across it, debris and stuff everywhere, with some bootleg tape measure so I helped her measure some dresser-thing that is there and totally in my way. I bet they've wasted $100 in my labor over the past couple months just by having so much crap in that room. It slows me down a bit and I have to move it every so often. What a bunch of crap!

I don't mean to dump on them too much because they are nice people, but the entire setup is one giant shit-show. They CONSTANTLY change the plan and send me on side-missions so I think I'll be working for them until 2030. I'm not even joking either. I only give them 20-ish hours a week because my life is a burning tornado dumpster fire. Plus that's really all they seem to be able to afford each month, give or take.

I worked another full day because that's how I roll, and I got back to the house around 1730. Frozen dinner meal, the usual, plus a little extra on the side, and I had time for a jog in perfect weather. Second day in a row doing DDY Yoga in the morning and going for an evening jog. I think I like this summer schedule and I will try to keep it as much as possible. Eat a mid-late PM snack, jog later PM or early evening, have supper, unwind some, bivouac. The days fly by and that's good because each day that passes is a day closer to my ass going to live by myself.

I could go live by muyself right now, but the space is a total mess and I already paid to be here in Eddington since I pay for almost everything still. If I give it another week I think I'll be more prepared to mostly leave here. I'm hoping to pay some to help in July so I can leave most of my stuff here, but we'll see. If things go sideways I'll just rent a storage unit and GTFO in a hurry.

I made one STIFF drink not long ago and I have a nice little buzz. I had one too many Sat night, but I didn't wake up hungover. It just affected my ability to sleep so I was awake a bunch in the night. I should have either gotten more drunk or eaten more edible. I actually haven't gotten totally drunk all year, at least not to the point of waking up hungover, so I hope to continue that for the rest of my worthless life. I'll probably drink too much at some point in the future, but I hope I don't.

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Saturday: 6-20-26: Did I manage to install this on my newer laptop computer? LEAVE ME ALONE!
I think I am ready to update this bootleg shitpile that almost no one ever reads from my newer computer. I can't call it a brand new computer because I've had it for 2 or 3 years, but I only really started using it as my primary computer this year. What a bunch of crap! I have an old Acer with Winders 7 on it still hahahahaha. God I suck at technology.

I can't live here much longer. I worked a solid 8.5 hours at Gavin's place today doing mostly demolition, and as an added bonus I found this petrified rat-corpse:

Is it ironic I was listening to Ratt just a few minutes ago? I keep getting interrupted by my drunk wife who thinks we should do sexual things. FUCK THAT. I know where that road leads. I say no, she gets mad and tells me I'm pokerizing some other chick, and I tell her drunk ass no way that's the last fuckin' thing I need right now. I DO NOT WANT TO POKERIZE ANYONE GODS DAMN IT. I'm 50 years old and my life is a burning dumpster. How horny do you really think my loser-ass is most of the time? The answer is not much at all because I am sad and I want to die most of the time. What a bunch of crap! Happy people want to fuck, sad people want to be left alone. I'm not sure that's really true, but it's how I see things right now.

Kat seems to think if I don't want sex with her it's because I'm pokerizing someone else. HAHAHAHAHA! Wow, ridiculous. No chance of that, and I don't want it. I just want her to leave my ass alone so that's the biggest reason why I have to leave asap. She won't fucking leave me alone. I don't blame her really, but it's too much for my dumb ass to handle. I'd already be gone, I don't want to be here, but I pay for fucking everything so the way I see it I still have a right to be here, even though being here sucks. A lot.

Notice what else is in that photo above? All that loose-fill insulation around that petrified dead rat from 1975. That insulation is 100% ridiculous, and it permeates everything. When you look at it dust goes airborne, and it needs to be gone asap so I can live there. The dust that crap creates is totally ridiculous.

MY FUCKING WIFE WILL NOT LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE I SHOULD GO SLEEP WITH RAT CARCASSES BECAUSE FUCK THIS JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALLLLLLLLLOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. She keep coming into my private space, that isn't really my private space, and trying to negotiate with my dumb ass. THERE IS NOTHING TO NEGITIATE. Earlier today I was feeling guilty about making my new life without her, but after tonight I can't fucking wait to be by myself because she truly is an agent of chaos. She's a good person, but she's a mess. I'm a mess as well, but at leasrt I understand the concept of peace and quiet and she does not. Hey, animal planet house? Sure thing the more pets the merrier. I tell her we have too many pets and we end up with this fucking retarded asshole cat callled Schroder and he can eat the peaunit out of my sheeeetitttt. Yeah now I'm getting angyr drunk because my wife is being an asshole and I don'rt want a wife anymore.

Kat was being great, at times, but then she drinks tequila and it's all-bad. I think I will leave in a few minutes and go sleep in the rathole that will soon be a nice apartment and I can have some peace and quiet and I don't have to look at any gods damned cats. FUCK THIS.

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Thursday, 6-18-2026: The "new" tax office?

The fact that my tax office only made it a half a year in the restaurant = what a bunch of crap!  Since the restaurant crashed and burned almost as fast as the 1986 Challenger (my apologies to the deceased from that one.  NASA = Need another Seven Astronauts straight from the 80s when I was about ten years old.) I need a new tax office.  Here it is:

I knew the restaurant was pwned a few weeks ago so I started looking around for a possible spot for the tax office.  Even if the restaurant was making loads of money I would have been kicking tires on a new spot for the tax office for two reasons.  First, the restaurant is just too busy.  Sometimes it's quiet and I can get real work done, but more often than not there are distractions.  Second, the office/storage area above attached to Paradis can be loud at times.  The owners and employees at Paradis are great, it's not their fault, but when crates are getting dragged around it can be very noticeable.

My "new" office looks like this right now:

I should have taken a photo of the space before I started demolition, but I suck at life so oh well.  It was a weird labyrinth of small rooms, and the walls were all "false" walls that just ended at the base of the drop ceiling.  HAHAHAHAHA!  Hey, it makes my life easy to do the work because in only about three hours at a steady and occasionally slow pace I got most of the demolition done as well as some new sheetrock up.  I stopped sometimes to take measurements and to mentally picture how I will set it up.  I am looking forward to being there, and I'm looking forward to some kind of life-reset.  What will that reset look like?  Too soon to know, but I'm cautiously optimistic it will be better than my current epic fail life.

Kat and I had a good talk not long ago.  She said she was ready to let me go, but it was sad because I know she doesn't want me to leave.  Thankfully her psychologist helped her.  I had the same psychologist, five years in marriage therapy, but about three weeks ago I respectfully fired the psychologist because that stuff costs a lot of precious... precious money and we just blew all of that on the stupid fucking epic fail restaurant.  What a bunch of crap!  Now this dumpster-fire of a bootleg site as well as a lot of 80s music can be my therapy.  Maybe?  Hopefully!

Icehouse, Crazy.  Yup, I married one of those.  I guess it takes one to know one, right?

I don't have a hard deadline to finish that tax office, but I'd like to have it 100% done by July 1.  I'm still using the Interweb and office at the failed Mad Kat's restaurant, but I need to shut all of that down ASAP.  I am just waiting for a buyer before I turn off the cable TV, phone, and Interweb.  However, at some point it just has to happen and we already dropped the price so the way I see it a lower price = less amenities we can afford to provide during a full tour of the space.

I'm guessing I only need another 12-15 total man-hours to get that office done.  Not bad!  I can pick away a little here, a little there, and it's so close to all my other projects it's easy to just work there for an hour between other meetings, work, and obligations.  I'm actually subletting from another tattoo business.  I showed them the space, they thought it was too expensive for what it was, and I had an idea.  I asked them about my taking the office side, their taking the retail side, win-win, and so far we are on track for that.  I like them, too.  I don't know them very well, but I vibe with them.  A cool husband and wife and he was wearing a "Big Trouble in Little China" tee shirt the other day so yes, winners.  If you don't like that movie then I hate you.  I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you a little more.

Oh look at this, the Red Sox got swept at Fenway by the mediocre Blue Jays.  Sox are 12-25 at Fenway this year.  How does that happen?!  What a pathetic bunch of crap!

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Wednesday, 6-17-2026: I guess I worked for free again because I suck?

My life is still a shit-show, and today wasn't going horribly at all until I dropped a 4x4x8 post from 16 feet in the air and it broke the passenger mirror housing on a vehicle at the huge garage I've been working on for over 1.5 years.  I dunno what the repair will cost, but probably a few hundred bucks so I guess I worked for free today.  What a bunch of crap!  I'm getting sick of working for free gods damn it.  I've spent years of my dog-shit life working for free every single week at that epic failer restaurant and I'm totally sick of it.

Speaking of the restaurant, we still don't have a buyer for it so we have to drop the price down to $159k.  Best-case someone pays that amount and it's still all-bad because we will be tens of thousands of dollars in debt still.  Gods damn it!  Thankfully Kat has most of the cleaning done so now the most important thing is locating a buyer, if we can find one.  If not giant yard sale it shall be and then we are totally pwned and in debt so badly that I will be working a lot to chip away at it.  A LOT.  I already work a lot so fuck it, but I'd like to work to actually keep my own money and that ain't happening anytime soon.

I'm still planning on leaving Eddington and living in Brewer at Gavin's vacant apartment.  I worked on that place quite a bit over the weekend last weekend, but I got distracted because of that black-hole fucking restaurant.  I had to do a showing there and do some other things.  I can't wait to officially dump that place.  Having that restaurant is really killing my life-vibe, bigtime.  Thankfully I already secured a new location for my tax business so that's a small victory.  Photos of that should come in the near future.  Maybe?  Hopefully!

This is my soon-to-be home:

AHAHAHAHAH!  No walls, no ceiling, no bathroom, no nothing.  I still set up a bootleg bedroom area, and I bivouaced there Saturday night after I had 3 drinks with Gavin.  He cooked burgers and we sat on the porch for a bit until it was time for bed.  I probably would have slept horribly, but I ate an edible and slept ok-ish.  I bought a "Bed in a box" at Marden's hahaha.  It's a mattress in a box and when you open it and cut open the plastic it expands into something fairly comfy.  It's amazing technology hehe.

I haven't worked on the place yet this week because I'm focused elsewhere.  I had to do some small carpentry for another customer, I've been dealing with final restaurant crap, I've been securing my new tax office location, and I also had a VA appointment Monday for my eyes.  They put drops in there and my pupils were huge and driving kinda sucked.  Working kinda sucked as well, and I tried to go for a jog a couple hours after but I didn't make it far because it was too bright and hard to see still.  What a bunch of crap!  I fucking hate my life and can't wait to start it over soon.  Right now I'm just caught in limbo and I shouldn't even keep living in Eddington, but I feel guilty because Kat wants my dumb, loser-ass to stay here.

My eyesight isn't horrible, still 20/20 at distance, but reading is harder so I am getting progressive glasses sent to the house.  I don't know what those are so they had to explain them.  Basically they are reading glasses.  I guess?  I dunno I'll just try them when they arrive.  I asked how much it cost and they said nothing and I don't really understand why?  I have an honorable discharge, but I was only on the ship for four years so shouldn't they make me pay at least something?  I told them I'd come get them to save on postage.  No wonder this country is trillions in debt.  What a bunch of crap!

We need a buyer for that friggin' failed restaurant asap.  Maybe the lower price will help get it moved out of our lives.  My tax office will be in the same plaza so I will see the restaurant every single day I use that office, but I'm not emotionally attached anymore so I don't even care... whether or not I care.  I'd love to see some place come in and be very successful so I can grab a beer there on occasion, and maybe even food if the food doesn't suck.  For the right owner I'd even be a greeter or door-man for a bit as well just to help them get fired up.

Alright turds, all two of you who read this bootleg site, I'm gonna watch a little more of the Red Sox game before I rack out.  The Sox are TERRIBLE this year.  One of the worst teams I've seen in my life.  What a bunch of crap!  For some weird reason they are 12-23 at Fenway Park, and that makes no sense.  They have a terrible offense that can't score runs for what is a decent pitching staff.  Lots of wasted opportunities.  I probably shouldn't even watch, but there is nothing else until football in the fall.  I watched a bit of the NBA finals, but that ended when the Knicks beat the Spurs.  I think the Spurs were the better team, but they are too young and made too many mistakes.  The Spurs blew a 29-point lead in game 4 OMG.  EPIC FAILER.  I was actually watching that game until halftime.

There are a lot of soccer game on because the USA is hosting the "World Cup" and Boston basically ran out of beer because of all the people from Scotland there for the games.  I read an article from one bar that said they sold 4x what they sell on St. Patrick's Day and they've never seen anything like it before, ever, in 30 years.  HAHAHAHAHA!  I don't know why so many people care about soccer because that sport SUCKS to watch.  Any sport where they only score a couple times over the entire game is garbage, and I include the NHL in that.  Even low-scoring baseball games are kinda boring to watch, but that's just theory because I never watch an entire baseball game anymore.

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Friday, 6-12-26: Enjoy the Silence? Should I feel guilty?

YouTube is playing the classic "King Lawnchair" music video to accompany the fantastic Depeche Mode's 1989 Enjoy the Silence.  It was my favorite song for pretty much all of 1989.  Yeah, I had favorite songs that lasted a year back then.  What a bunch of crap!  Before that was 1988 and Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me, also my favorite song for about a year.

This video has a profound effect on me, as does the song, but if I could watch one music video before I die it would be this one.  I have such fond memories of watching this video on MTV with Jason and Doug either on Cape Cod, when visiting Grammy and Papa in NJ, or both?  We definitely did NOT have MTV at home so when it was time to visit Grammy and Papa I'm pretty sure at least half the reason why we got excited to go was for access to MTV!  This video really resonated with us and all we could do was giggle and call the entire spectacle "King Lawnchair."

^KING LAWNCHAIR!

I'm looking for more silence in life, and if things go as planned I will get it soon.  That's really all I want to do: ENJOY THE SILENCE.  When was the last time I did that?!  Sad to say but I think it was before I married Kat. I sat outside on the porch last night here at the place in Eddington, it was nearing dusk, and there were two deer in the lawn just behind the swingset.  The dumbass, retarded dogs were out with me and I thought they would scare off the deer, but they didn't.  They didn't bark or make much of a stir, they just peeked at the deer from between the deck railing balusters then paced around.

I almost enjoyed the silence during those ten minutes, but I couldn't quite get there because the dogs were distracting and I still didn't feel like I was at home.  What a bunch of crap! Tonight I asked Kat if she wanted to watch some wrestling.  We used to watch a lot of wrestling together, but now I haven't watched any without her because it feels wrong.  We watched WWE Monday Night RAW and things were good then she asked my plan for the weekend and that re-affirmed my decision to leave.  I told her I'm going to bivouac at my soon-to-be apartment at Gavin's place tomorrow night and we plan to sit on the porch and have a couple beers after we work.

She seemed devastated then she asked why I was spending the night in Brewer.  My reply was swift and simple: "Because I want to."  She said I don't even have a bed, but I do!  Check out this Marden's beauty that I found for "only" $149.

That's an expensive cheap thin mattress so it better be an actual 10" thick with magic gel or I'll be disappointed.  I only bought a twin size for one IMPORTANT reason.  I don't want a chick in bed with me.  NO ONE.  I want to be by my gods damned self so I can decide if life is worth living or not.  Right now I'm 50/50 on it, and that seems sad but it's actually quite improved over the roughly 90/10 it was earlier this year, and the 90 was NOT the side of the living.  What a bunch of crap!

We were gonna watch WWE Smackdown, but I guess I broke her heart for the 100th time this year?  I feel guilty and I guess I really shouldn't.  Should I?  She's an amazing person, but at this point I view her as a friend and a roommate.  I'm still 100% planning to go live all by myself with NO ONE ELSE so I can attempt to enjoy the silence.  Gavin will be living there as well, but he has his own apartment and I have mine.  I haven't really lived by myself, ever, so I'm eager to give it a try.  I was living solo for a few weeks before I met Kat in 2014, but the place was under remodel and Doug was back for a lot of that so I wasn't really alone.

I lived alone for a couple months back in maybe 2005 when Doug moved to AZ.  Phil and Walter agreed to be my roommates, but they took off for the summer.  I barely remember that time in my life and I'm very glad I didn't stay living along because both Walter and Phil are great friends all these years later.  I don't know why they're still my friends after all the crazy shit I did back then.  Oh to be young again...

Am I going to become a sad, lonely old man?  Hard to know, but right now being alone is FUCKING AWESOME and I want more of it.  I'm taking my life back gods damn it and I will find where I am supposed to be before I die.  Maybe?  Hopefully!

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Wednesday, 6-10-26: When the hell will I get caught up?

Gods damn this has been a crazy busy, total shit-show year.  We opened the restaurant, we epic failed and it only lasted three months, now it's closed and we have to try to sell it.  What a bunch of crap!  I had a day filled with a little bit of everything and it's already 2000 so I guess I'm only a couple hours away from bedtime.  However, I might stay up a little later to watch game 4 of the NBA finals, New York Knicks vs. San Antonio Spurs.  I don't care that much who wins, but I'm low-key rooting for San Antonio because rooting for any NY team just seems wrong hehe.

My day had a little bit of everything in it.  Did DDP Yoga, worked outside putting a second coat of stain on Deno's back deck:

Got my tan on working outside in beautiful, almost-hot weather, went to the failed restaurant to work on a list of items to convey with a sale, and that took quite a while because it's a lot.  For lunch I scrounged up a hot dog, but Kat and the helpers had just dumped out all the ketchup.  NOOOOOOOO!  So I used grape jelly instead hahaha.  DO NOT EVER DO THAT.  It was not very good, but it was fuel and I found a fruit cup, I had granola bars in my cabinet, and I had a banana so good enough.

After that it was off to the huge garage job to work on this:

I worked there for 4.25 hrs then it was time to hit the road so I could go for a 2-mile jog/walk and do a little mowing.  Now I'm here updating almost no one about my dog-shit life.  I had some work to do as well as more planning for a vacant apt at Gavin's that should be my new abode soon.  Kat isn't happy about it, but I have to do what's best for me and this year has been another train-wreck of a year so I'm done.  5 years of shit-show = time to pull the plug on my existing life and start over.  Maybe?  Hopefully!

Oh well, everything is a dumpster-fire but at least the weather has been good and I have a tentative plan to start fixing my failed life.  Physically I feel pretty good, too.  I have so much going on this week it's almost hard to keep up.  First was a visit to the ol' homestead for Dad's 77th birthday then it was two windows and some trim for a customer who has waited a year for me.  She lives near that garage job and I know her from the failed Mad Kat's.  That took a good chunk of my Monday as well as meetings from prospective restaurant buyers.  Yesterday was the garage job, trying to sell Mad Kat, meeting with code about a possible spot for the tax office in the same plaza as the restaurant, more planning at my future apt.  Today was everything I already wrote above.  Now it's time to quite this bootleg site that almost no one ever reads so I can go watch a little TV before I rack out on the couch.  My life is still broken, but I don't actively hate everything about it like I did last month.  It's not great, but things have slightly improved and once we can fully dump that restaurant I think that will improve my situation again.  Maybe?  Hopefully!  

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Sunday, 6-7-2026: I'm cooked and so is Mad Kat's.

The restaurant that I hate is closed.  For good.  Mad Kat's Restaurant and Bar is now dead, and I feel badly saying that because it meant the world to my wife, but it was the end of my sanity and my time here in Eddington.  I'm cooked, done, I'd say stick a fork in me but I'm so far cooked it probably wouldn't even stick.  The place was busy, but not total chaos busy (mostly.)  I probably should have stayed there to help them today, but fuck that place I already helped a lot this week and I needed to go to Warren for Dad's 77th birthday party.  I don't think he has many birthdays left so it's important to see him more.

It's 2010, approaching dusk, and there is a deer.  I will miss that, but the cons of living here in Eddington outweigh the pros.  I'm listening to Ratt for a few songs then I'm gonna bivouac on the couch and hopefully sleep the whole night.  I have a busy day tomorrow with three meetings and windows to install between the meetings.  I'm planning to work 10+ hours tomorrow, and that's okay because THE RESTAURANT IS CLOSED so I don't have to worry about staff callouts and all that crap.  Ever again?  That's the plan.

Two of the meetings are with prospective buyers for the place and one is with code for the plan to relocate the tax office.  I have a lady who has waited over a year for me to do two windows for her.  What a bunch of crap!  She lives by that huge garage job and approached me about it last spring, but I was too busy.  She came to Mad Kat as a semi-regular as well so I do know her.  I feel badly about how backed up I am with everything so it's time to start getting caught up.

It was a nice trip down to the ol' homestead this afternoon, but now it's time to refocus on my other work post-Mad Kat.  We went out of business today and that sucks for Kat, but we were out of money for the place and I refused to put more into it.  Why put a rivet over a gash?  Better to let the ship sink and salvage some of the assets in a sale.  Maybe?  Hopefully!  

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Thursday, 6-3-2026: My last Thursday here by myself. Let's make the most of it. Fails everywhere!
I totally fucking suck.  Everything is chaos and mostly sadness, but I'm doing a little better because at least I have a half-assed exit strategy that might be not as half-assed as what it seems.  Leave here, go live at Gavin's, have some peace and fucking quiet and get my life back?  Hell yeah!  One thing that cheers me up is 80s music and right now it's Ratt.  A couple songs from one of the best albums of all-time, a certain top ten, Ratt's Out of the Cellar.  I FUCKING LOVE RATT!  What band is better than Ratt?  The only acceptable answer is Def Leppard.  However, Def Leppard had some stinkers and from 1984-1990 Ratt could basically do no wrong.  Every song is good to great from all five of their albums during that span.  Sorry Def Leppard, you can't say that.  Pyromania, Hysteria, and Adrenalize are great and of course the entire Hysteria album has basically saved my life at times.  Yeah, it's that good and it takes me back to the late 80s when my life wasn't a dumpster-fire because it really hadn't started yet.

Ratt Lay it Down, volume goes up, song totally RIPS.  I've had three drinks so I'm in the sweet-spot, but I still hate my dog shit life and today was okay to start then I got to the restaurant that I totally hate and it went downhill some.  Katherine was sick again for the third time in two weeks, give or take, and that = what a bunch of crap!  What's the best way to keep your job?  How about physically being at your job for a start?  That fucked me over because I had to be opening manager for a few hours, and I had a 1430 showing to a prospective buyer.  I was showing the guy around and about to talk in the office when Kat asked me to take down chairs from the tables in advance of opening.  HAHAHAHAH!  NO I AM NOT DOING THAT BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GET THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FAILED BUSINESS SOLD BEFORE WE CLOSE FOREVER.

I do give Kat credit, she is there working every day at her failed business for essentially no pay.  I'm sure that is very hard for her, and she has to do it twice because we already closed once before.  There are times I simply refuse to work there and if there was no other manager available to cover the shift I would have just closed for the day.  Seriously.  That place will end my worthless life, and it's not time for my ass to die just yet.

Oh, I had to be a fry cook last night at the failed restaurant for a few hours and man, it got busy.  People love to come when we are either grand opening or going out of business, but they don't show up often enough during the other times.  What a bunch of crap!  We blew it, badly.  Oh, get this, yesterday the bartender no-showed because he's been in the hospital since Saturday, but he was active on Failbook so he's not dead and he could have told us he can't come.  He owns a small part of the business, too. The people whom we thought we could reply on totally fucked us over including some of our own family so I'm all done.  Fuck them all.  I'm sorry bartender got sick, he's a friend, but fuck you for not telling us you were in Portland and could not work.   Kat had to bartend and then a customer bartended for the final few hours.  HAHAHAHAHA!  This customer is awesome and is a bartender elsewhere by the way.  We know a lot of good people, but the selfish ones ended up mostly on our staff.  What a bunch of crap!

Even being at that restaurant is bad for my mental health.  Customers see me and say "I'm sorry you're closing." and my reply is always "I'm not!"  hahaha!  However, I do tell them not to say it around Kat because she's heartbroken over it.  No sense rubbing salt in the wounds.  I just want peace and quiet and I can't have that until I haul on Mad Kat's Restaurant and Bar and also my wife.  After that we shall see.

I had to spend 2.25 hrs yesterday PM and 4.25 hrs this morning at Deno's scraping off old stain and re-staining his back deck that I biult way back when my life wasn't a toilet, before Covid, maybe 2018 with Dakota Wertzberger?  He was dating Katherine and he lived with us for a while and I really liked the kid.  We did a ton of carpentry together, but he and Katherine flamed out like most young love does and he's out like a fat chick in dodge ball.  Now I'm curious when I built that thing.  Guy looks in his archives...

^He's long-gone, but I hope he's doing well. Really good kid.

June, 2019.  God I miss those years.  Looking through the Crap-archives from then was difficult because things were so much better.  Everything in my bootleg life since mid-2020 has been a slow descent into hell.   What a bunch of crap!  I'm tired and half-drunk so I think I am done now.  I'll rip out more Ratt and some Def Leppard and then it's off to the couch to bivouac.  Goonies never say die!