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"I need a wall - like the US needs - but not quite as long - with a door and about 300sf of flooring." -Carpentry customer texting me about work he needs done.

Sunday, 9-29-24: A possible buyer? Five events in three days = epic work.
We have a potential buyer for our restaurant. Oh Jesus, hell ya! Unfortunately their offer is this:

We are asking for $250,000 and the offer is:

The payment structure I am proposing would be $85,000.00 Paid to you at closing. Then over the course of 12 months the remaining $75,000.00 would be paid on a monthly basis by December 2025. During that time you would hold the note. This will allow us a reasonable amount of time to get the business profitable.

WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

WE DO NOT WANT TO ACCEPT $160,000 WE WANT MOAR. Okay I might accept $160k, but I'd want cash up front. Briefcase-style in a back alley with gangs and drugs. I'd also want hookers if I was 20 years younger hehe.

The timing of this possible sale is interesting because we had five different events in the banquet room over the past 48 hours (one Friday night, two yesterday, two today) and that helped us to a huge $23,300 week. Our sales have averaged closer to $18,500 for the past 13 weeks with none of those weeks passing $20k so that's awesome and it indicates what's to come. The place does better as the weather gets colder. The great sales should entice any possible owner, right? Mabye? Hopefully!

Truthfully I just want to be done with the place so I can get my life back. The owner-financing part is a risk, but if they blow it oh well at least we got something instead of closing and getting nothing. I just finished an email back to our broker with a letter asking for the following:

-$100,000 down payment
-$75,000 owner financing with interest on the note
-We keep some tools and DJ gear. They already knew that
-We get paid to help them transition. They asked if we would stay on to teach them the ropes and we will, but not for free.
-Change the name to something without Kat in the title by the time the loan is paid

I'm getting tired so I'll be hitting the rack shortly. I have A LOT to do this coming week including a lot more roofing. Forecast is great with lots of 60s and low 70s and no real rain chance. I'm getting some staging as well so that will help get the roof done sooner. If we can get Mad Kat under contract to sell then we might put our own house on the market...

Oh, the Red Sox won their final, meaningless game of 2024 so they finished the season at 81-81, right at .500. No playoffs for the Red Sox what a bunch of crap! They were competing for the Wild-Card spot back in August, but this month they epic failered. Again. The Patriots lost and are 1-3. Gods damn it!

I worked 16 fuckin' hours Friday, about 12 yesterday, and probably "only" 10 today. What a bunch of crap! That restaurant ate my soul over the weekend and I'm sick of it. The vibe was great, the staff totally crushed it, and things went well. I still 100% want to sell, though. Poor Kat worked way more than she should have and she's still physically very unwell. Her back won't improve and I feel so badly because I can't make her better.

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Wednesday, 9-25-24: I still hate my dog-shit life but hopefully soon things will change. Oh, a roof.
My life still sucks. What a bunch of crap! I'm 100% mentally checked out of this stupid fuckin' restaurant that we decided to open a bit over four years ago. Thankfully we had a staff meeting Monday to let everyone know and it's officially listed for sale. If anyone actually came here maybe I could find a buyer, but all that passes through these parts are these hehe:

^Full of cobwebs and tumbleweeds what a bunch of crap!

The place is listed online at a few different places. Loopnet maybe? Guy looks now...

I swear to the gods who do not exist I might take half the asking price right now if I could get a quick sale out of it. I'm just done, but the sad thing is I can't be done. I don't want to lose all that money and people work there who are truly good people and I don't want them out of a job. Half our staff can kiss my ass, but the other half are really good and I like them. Unfortunately it's impossible to have a great staff when you employ 25 people because there will always be a couple turds in the punch bowl.

The meeting yesterday was sad and Kat gave a really nice speech. She wants to keep the place going, but I don't give a shit about it at all. See the problem? I don't I don't care... whether or not I care... when the place is open for hours and I don't even look at the cameras or check sales. I used to be all over that like white on rice but now? Guy gives no fucks.

Thankfully today I didn't have to work at the restaurant that I now hate. I guess I did work this evening replying to event-room emails so nevermind, but all day I was able to work on this roof:

^Got a 3-square section 100% done today. Had some shingles on it from yesterday, but only a little bit to start. Also was able to get some stripping done on the back side. No work tomorrow since we're expecting an inch or so of rain.

It was a perfect day for roofing. Mid-60s, cloudy, light wind, no rain. We did get a few sprinkles later in the day, but we were essentially wrapped up for the day by then. I have 3 square done and the total roof is 15-16 so I'm only 20% done. However, I haven't put in tons of time yet so that's okay. My helper today and yesterday is a 66-year old dishwasher from the restaurant on his days off, but he's a good guy. His son also helped some yesterday and a bit today; he also cooks for the restaurant. Paying a helper is great to a point, but not always because sometimes there are things I don't want them doing.

I worked on that roof for 9 total hours today including an early-morning trip to the dump with 900 lbs of debris and a stop at Lowe's for supplies for the day. Roofing is damn hard work and one of these days I'll just stop doing it. Maybe? Hopefully! My roofing gun wasn't working right for a while, but then I stopped to think about it and I realized I had my compressor set for finish nailing 1" nails when I was doing trim last week so I had to up the PSI. Such a simple solution that cost me precious... precious time. What a bunch of crap!

We also worked on that roof yesterday afternoon for a few hours. The cook switched his shift at work with another cook, I told him to get permission from Kat first as she does the schedule, and still I came home and Kat was all pissed off about it and taking it out on me so I called her a bitch and went back work. What a bunch of crap! She keeps it up and she's hauled-on because I don't need that shit. I didn't even do anything wrong gods damn it.

This fuckin' roof is going to be a pain in the arse. The back section that we finished one half of today has the most ridiculous roof trusses of all-time. They are only 2x4s (real 2x4 not the 1.5 x 3.5 they sell today) and spaced 36-39" apart. OMG WHO FUCKIN' DOES THAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SPACING ROOF TRUSSES 3 FEET APART AND USING 2X4 FOR THE TRUSSES?! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

There are holes in places as well. Check this out:

OMG EPIC FAILER!

It reminds me of 30 Chamberlain St, the first big remodel I ever did and the one that almost made me go broke back in 2007-2008. That roof was a shit-show as well and we covered the whole thing with 3/4" Advanteck. I'm not covering this one with plywood because it's not in the budget. Plus the place is likely to sell soon as it's on the market for $215,000. I bought it for $75,000 back in 2010 and I sold it for $131,000 three years ago. Amazing how prices have jumped!

Kat's middle son and wife own the place so I'm doing the best I can to fit their budget. I don't want to charge them extra for the dumpster-worthy decking, but if other sections are this bad I won't have a choice because I can't be losing money doing this job. It will take probably 60-70 hours of my precious... precious time to finish.

Alright turds, all two of you who read this bootleg site, I'm all done. Time to listen to some Crowded House Don't Dream it's Over follwed by Something So Strong and then I will hate my life a little less. Maybe? Hoepfully! 80s music after a couple drinks sure helps me not totally lose faith in all of humanity.

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Thursday, 9-19-24: Busier than ever, but that changes in 2025. Maybe? Hopefully!
Mad Kat & Company Bar & Grill will officially be listed for sale to the public on Monday. The listing is ready to go live tomorrow, but Kat rightfully suggested we wait until Monday when we're closed so we can have a staff meeting to tell everyone. If it listed tomorrow staff would be freaking out and worrying. Who knows, maybe a couple of them will quit? We don't need that on a busy Friday. We'll see if it will sell for $250,000. What do I think will happen? No clue it might get under contract in a day or two or it might take months with a few price-drops to get it done. Or maybe it can't sell for some administrative/landlord issue that pops up last-minute and we'd be screwed.

I can't want to sell the place. I was an 11 on a scale of 1-10 of wanting to be done with it, but now I'm about a 12. I know there really is no such thing as a scale like that. IT CANNOT GO ABOVE 10 GODS DAMN IT. However, if you don't like it you can gggggggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttt oooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!

I don't enjoy doing the restaurant, I haven't for a while, and I'm booked up for the rest of the year and into 2025 just for carpentry. It looks like I will be starting a HUGE garage next month, I still have a roof to do before that, and we might be moving/selling this house.

I'm trying to finish a carpentry job just up the road, the same place where I'll be doing the garage, but more and more keeps getting piled on. What a bunch of crap! Today it was "Oh, the person moving in thinks this room is too dark can you paint an accent wall?" I want the precious... precious money so I got it done, but bye bye a couple more precious... precious hours. I am really close to done after I hit it hard today. I was able to work 7 hours, 3 before lunch and 4 after, and that's rare considering I still have so much to do at the restaurant. I "only" worked at the restaurant and a little for a tax client today for about an hour.

The person who was going to move into the newly remodeled space (part of it was a garage) was going to set up camp there tomorrow, but he had to go to the hospital and they amputated his foot. OMG THAT'S TERRIBLE! Needless to say he won't be moving in anytime soon so I have a little more precious... precious time to finish. However, I don't really have the time because I have to work at the restaurant the next couple nights and I need to start that roof next week. It's ironic we've had no rain for almost all month yet I've been working indoors. What a bunch of crap! It's been really warm, too. I think we're close to a week straight of 80-85 degree high temps with nights cooling into the 50s. It's been fantastic weather, but that's over and tomorrow and next week we're back to normal with 60s and near 70 for high temps. Perfect for doing a roof! 85 is actually too hot on a clear, sunny day. It's do-able, but productions slows and you need to be extra careful walking on the shingles so you don't leave footprints and cause damage.

We put an offer in on a property located 8 miles up the road. How?! It's a long story and I don't have the precious... precious time for all the details. Dillon and Debbie are making the offer with us for a 7-acre piece with two houses. One house is not really a house it's 1100 sq ft of living space above a big garage area. We've been working on it for a few days; we all went to see it last Sunday and loved the property. We submitted an offer a few hours ago so if all goes well we'll have it under contract tomorrow. Maybe? Hopefully! We are offering asking price and no inspections so I think that bolsters our case.

So everything is happening all at once. We're about to try to sell the restaurant, I have tons of work lined up, and we're going to most likely sell our house and move. All of this seems likely to happen within the next 3 months. OMG! Time is critical on some of this as well because it will get cold in the weeks to come. Today was probably our last 80-degree day for a half a year or more. Some carpentry work I can't do in the middle of winter, but I'm hoping by then I will be busy doing taxes. Assuming I can find a tax office to lease of course. More on that in the weeks to come.

I feel overwhelmed more often than not, but knowing we have a chance to reset our lives gives me hope and keeps me fueled so I'm not as depressed as I was just a couple weeks ago.

I'm gonna watch the Patriots lose to the Jets; I didn't even know they were playing until a half hour ago hahahaha! Thursdy night football is on Amazon Prime not regular TV. 21-3 Jets now halfway through the 3rd so that is all-bad. Speaking of all-bad, the Red Sox gave us all some hope over the summer when they were a few games over .500 and in serious contention for a wild-card playoff spot. However, they've been losing a lot lately. A lot. They lost tonight and are 75-76 and essentially done with only a few games left in the season. What a bunch of crap!

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Wednesday, 9-11-24: Too much to write and not enough precious... precious time. $250K?
I have to go to work in about an hour to close down dish-pit. We hired a new guy, but he totally flamed out after about four total work shifts. Said he loved working with us, but his personal demons ate him up and spit him out. 54 years old, lost his brother a few months ago, was trying to get back into the world and just blew it. No-call, no-show Sunday so that fucked me over yesterday and some today. What a bunch of crap!

YOU'RE FIRED!

That stupid fucking restaurant. Sales yesterday were only $589, too. Gods damn it! Labor alone was more than that. Thankfully today isn't as much of a dumpster-fire. I just checked sales at 2000 for the first time all night because each day I care less and less. End of the week will be busy. Maybe? Hopefully!

I stopped paying the landlord rent and sent him a letter instead. What kind of landlord slumlord doesn't answer the phone, respond to text messages, and doesn't even respond to letters included with no rent?! All I wanna know is why? Why does that happen? For weeks we've had to working plaza sign and no parking lot light tower. Thankfully the light tower was repaired yesterday so thank you to the new owners of Paradis for making that happen. They seem like nice people and I'd love to sell the restaurant to them, but they're not interested (trust me, I asked haha)

My simple request to the landlord above and beyond the other important requests like a WORKING FUCKING PARKING LOT LIGHT AND ILLUMINATED MARQUEE SIGN was his permission to sell the business. How hard is that to respond to? I told him we either sell and he keeps getting rent or we close and no rent for him while we scuttle the place and sell assets for pennies on the dollar. Not his assets of course because he gave us keys to a shell of a business four-plus years ago. What a bunch of crap!

Thankfully while I was working on this earlier my phone rang and it was our not-so-glorious slumlord:

^The job I started working on a couple days ago. More on that shortly...

Thankfully the slumlord of our plaza did give us permission to sell the place so I called our broker and got things moving along. He was already working on a listing, but now tomorrow he can push it along at a faster pace. Nothing is certain yet, but $250k is most likely going to be the asking price. When will it hit the public? Hard to say, but I told him I'm still an 11 on a scale of 1-10 as far as wanting to sell and faster is better.

I'm actually not in a terrible mood for once while updating this bootleg site. I gots some 80s music playing before I finish this bootleg update that almost no one will ever read and go wash dishes at a restaurant I hate. Doing carpentry and actually earning a paycheck sure helps. Kat asked me a serious question last night before I went to watch the shit-show presidential debate in the living room, and gods damn it all I wanna know is why? Why does she wanna talk about our relationship before bedtime? Especially when I'm not drunk!

I can't even recall what she asked, but essentially she was wondering if I cared if she left and found another man. I tried to be honest and the truth does hurt. I don't care at all. I told her more truth, too. I'm in nuclear-scenatio mode and nothing else matters except one thing. I am going to make more money than I spend and get financially stable again in life and at all costs. I'm not talking about selling drugs or my worthless body for sex; I'm talking about hauling on the financial black-hole that is the restaurant and doing work that actually pays. I don't give a fuck if I have a wife or not for that to happen either. I am not built to handle this watching our precious... precious money disappear for what has been YEARS now. It is totally unacceptable and I don't care... whether or not I care... about her dream of owning a restaurant. She got to own one for four years and it didn't work. Sorry about that, but it wrecked me and that dream is over. Sounds like a Crowded House song that I should listen to now.

Is my marriage over? 50/50 right now. I also told Kat once the restaurant is gone and we are actually making money again I can decide what I want to do and if that is not okay with her then we have to part ways ASAP. She says she doesn't want a divorce and wants to stay together. I told her right now things annoy me and it's exponential due to the stress of the restaurant, no fuckin' time, and no fuckin' money so we'll see. My main example is some dumbass retarded fuck-stain cat she got called Schroder. HE SHOULD BE CALLED SCROTUM GODS DAMN IT!

Why the hate for Scrotum? I told her a couple years ago I didn't want another pet, she persisted about it, I caved in like a giant pussy, and now I have to look at that asshole cat as an example of my failed life each and every day. Oh, don't even get me started on this other cat she has called "Eleven."

^FUCK YOU ELEVEN! YOU ARE A NINCOMPOOP!

Cats live to be like 15-20 years old these assholes are probably not even 5 so I'm stuck with them for another decade-plus and that sucks. A lot. Like, sucks to the point I actually consider not wanting to live here. There are multiple reasons why I don't want to live here anymore, but those two little shit-stains factor in. A lot.

I'm trying to quit the restaurant, mostly quit, but it's very difficult to do. I have carpentry work lined up and have been doing as much of that as possible so far this week. A guy for whom I've worked in years past hired me to remodel some of his garage area and it's hilarious because I built a wall in the exact same spot where I took one out a couple years ago hahahaha! As usual I'm there working and he's asking me about doing other work including possibly building a huge garage so if that comes to fruition I'll be booked until things get too cold to work outside:

^It's a beautiful location and only a mile, a two-minute drive up the road. He wants a HUGE 2-story garage where that class A RV is parked, but there is no guarantee he will hire me to do it or have the funds to pay for it this fall. I'd certainly love the work so we'll see...

I still have a roof to start either next week or the week after so it seems at least until early October I'll have steady carpentry work. After that hopefully we have a buyer for the restaurant so I won't have to worry about precious... precious money again for a while. Once we have money maybe my life won't be a shit-show anymore. Hopefully!

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Thursday, 9-05-24: A little more clarity on my future, but not much.
It looks like I'll have a couple carpentry jobs to do in the next month, but that's not 100% confirmed just yet. I'm planning to do a roof on a property that I actually used to own when I was a slumlord, and a guy whom I've worked for in prior years texted me earlier asking if I could do a "small" job for him. These small jobs he has often aren't so small hehe. He texted me this hilarious message when I asked what he needed:

"I need a wall - like the US needs - but not quite as long - with a door and about 300sf of flooring."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OKAY I WILL DO THE WORK BECAUSE THAT IS HILARIOUS! I haven't even seen the "job" yet, but I'll see it tomorrow and then make a decision. Last fall he hired my loser-ass to put a shower into a closet. I told him I thought it was a dumb idea, but it's his house so whatever. Bruce (my plumber) did the water and drain and I did all the rough-in and install. There was other work as well, but the shower part was the main-event of it all. It was a job that I enjoyed doing and it gave us extra precious... precious money.

^From October last year. It came out looking decent after the ceiling was finished so I'm happy with it.

It's the same customer for whom I did a deck for back during the peak of the 'rona in 2020, back before my life became a giant epic-fail train wreck. Man I really miss pre-covid life. Like a lot. I really don't think my life will ever be that good again and that is incredibly depressing. What a bunch of crap!

I'm glad to be lining up some carpentry work. The roof and mystery "wall" will be what I'd guess in total 3-4 weeks. After that if we still have precious... precious money I'll do some deer hunting and then maybe go work for the USPS as a seasonal employee before Christmas. Hopefully by then we've hauled on our failed Mad Kat restauarant, but who knows? I'm ready to fire-sale that place or just close. Sales today are TERRIBLE. Like, half what they were last year. What a bunch of crap! At what point is the place no longer viable? We're almost there now and if the next couple weeks don't substantially improve we are going to have to close for good and lose a TON of money.

I am working with a broker on trying to sell the place, but it all takes time that we are quickly running out of. Can we pull it off before we run out of funds? Right now I put our odds at 50/50. We are seriously regressing as a business whereas in the past we were improving. Sales are down over the past several weeks as compared to last year. Gods damn it! To add insult to injury Katherine got hired at a bank for full-time work so she's leaving on the 16th and Kat was planning to pull me off the schedule on the 23rd for good so I can go actually make precious... precious money.

So not only do we not have the business we need for the place to be vialble but we also don't have the people we need as of the end of this month. Poor Kat is really sad about it; I don't blame her for that because I'm also sad so the negative-energy in my life right now is crippling. It's my own stupid fault, too. What a bunch of crap!

Today was a beautiful weather-day, perfectly sunny and around 80. Low humidity. Couldn't ask for a better day. We did spend a little time outside, but not enough. During a lunch on the back deck we talked about the future of the business and of us. I'm not sure where I will even be in a few months, and sadly some of my scenarios include only me, myself, and I. If we can sell the restaurant for even half what we have into the place I'll be very happy. Do I think we can? NOPE. 1/4 maybe? Hard to say. We have an all-time terrible landlord so that hurts. A lot. We put all the work into the place but we can't control the exterior that is rapidly falling apart. Not enough parking-lot lighting, marquee sign died, potholes, etc. It's terrible and the place looks uninviting so overcoming that might be totally impossible.

If things don't improve then we will be closing next month.

I'm actually looking forward to starting a new chapter in my life because this one has been unbelievably bad. What will that chapter be? Who knows, could be working a desk job, gig work, any number of things. Jason offered to hire me next year working for him a little here and there, but will that really pay the bills? Plus he's 1.5 hours away and I'm not good at TV and A/V installs. I put a new TV up at the restaurant this morning and it took forever because I suck. What a bunch of crap!

What about the tax business? Right now not looking good, but if I can lease a reasonably-priced space that isn't totally ghetto maybe I can still do it. Of course in that scenario we will have sold the restaurant by then. I dunno, but I'm definitely NOT renewing my software anytime soon because that will be $2000 for the unlimited-use package and I might be doing something else by then.

I've actually somewhat considered applying for a state job down in Augusta in their tax division. What else could I do? Go to Alaska for a few months working on a pipeline for $50k? I'm not qualified for that at all, but I do know how to run a drill hehehe. I guess if Harris wins I can forget that but if Trump wins it's time to DRILL BABY DRILL.

If Harris wins America is fucked. The end. Fin.

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Sunday, 9-01-24: Mom's birthday, The Crow, it's finally about to be over.
It's Mom's birthday today and I gave her a call to chat for a few minutes. We didn't talk for too long since I'll be seeing both Mom and Dad tomorrow around midday; I'll go to their house for a bit to visit and then I'll go to Jason and Holly's with Mom and Dad following (only a short 4-mile drive) to do a nice meal and Mom's official birthday party. She's 68 now and borderline retired. She still works a couple days a week at a local toy store, but for how much longer remains to be seen...

I was online farting around for a bit when I saw the box-office report. We almost never go to the movies anymore because... fuck it. The theater is nice now with assigned seating that you can buy in advance, but we get too busy and a lot of new releases look like five pounds of shit stuffed into a ten-pound bag including the new Crow remake. All I wanna know is why? Why would someone remake that movie?! The remake flopped hard and was an epic failer for the studio. GOOD BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL IS GREAT! I've never seen any Crow sequels or remakes because they all get failing grades from reviews here and there that I mostly trust.

^EVERY CROW MOVIE MADE EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL!

I just listened to The Cure, Burn, a fantastic song from the original Crow movie soundtrack. If you don't like that song then I hate you. I probably hate you anway, but I'll hate you a little more. Now it's Legacy of the Wizard Nintendo music because YouTube knows what I listen to hehe. probably next will be ABC, Pet Shop Boys, Def Leppard, etc. Maybe a little Tina Turner (Thunderdome) and The Kinks as well (Fly Like Superman) just because why not?

I'm pretty much mentally checked-out now. August broke me badly because I'm tired of doing a job that makes me no money and that comes with unrelenting stress. Last night I was manager-on-duty for a bit and it was totally dead then it got totally packed before it died off again. We didn't hit our sales goal at all for the week. What a bunch of crap! It's the 10th consecutive week not hitting goal and it's good and bad all wrapped up into one ball of shit. The bad? NO PRECIOUS... PRECIOUS MONEY.

The good? I can quit and we can either sell the place or close and I won't feel so guilty about it because we can't keep it open if we don't have precious... precious money. I wasted four fuckin' years of my life, and they should have been my best years, and it will take a long time to dig out of this hole. I hate my life, I hate my job, and changes are coming soon. What changes? Nothing is certain yet, but it seems likely I will do some carpentry then taxes (if I can find and office) then go from there.

I had a BAD weekend at the restaurant. I hate being there and it sucks. What a bunch of crap! This is my overall attitude:

I've totally given up and I told Kat just a few hours ago that my last day is coming soon either mid or end of September and it's already September! I will stay on to do payroll, pay some bills, and handle some repairs and dealings with contractors but I'm going to be off the schedule forever and be damned what happens after. No dishwasher because of a callout? Solution: close and put a sign on the door saying we don't have enough staff. I can't do it anymore because I shouldn't have to do it. I paid for it all so why shouldn't it be my decision what happens next?

If we can't find a buyer for the place in the next month we're probably just closing and going out of business. What a bunch of crap! I'll either go do a roof or apply for a job and maybe both. I'm hoping to do a roof at the end of this month then go work seasonally at the post office. Meanwhile I'm hoping to find an office I can lease for a reasobable rate, nothing huge, for the tax business. Who knows, I might get a full-time year-round job and just not have a tax business anymore? In that case, and a very likely scenario, I will have lost and fucked away everything and at age 49 I will be starting over again. What a bunch of crap!

Whose fault is all of this mess? Guy goes and finds a mirror and looks into it for the blame.

I wish I had one of these in the yard so I could get trashed, like stupid-drunk, and jump in:

^According to Star Wars lore it takes about 1000 years to get digested by the Sarlacc-Pit so maybe nevermind. I should to get stupid-drunk and get into the freezer that probably takes care of things a lot faster and a lot messier. Plus the dogs are stupid so a Sarlacc-Pit in the back yard would eat them both and that would suck. A lot.

I fired up Crazy by IceHouse. Is it too much to ask to be all by myself for like a year so I can see if I can recover from my epic failer life? I only heard this song for the first time a week or so ago and it's so damn good! It's awesome to discover an epic 80s song that I never knew existed, and at my age (closing in on 49) that's easier said than done.

I wonder where I'll be in a year? Hell, I wonder where I'll be at the end of this year in just under four months?! I think there's a 50/50 chance I'm not even living in this area anymore. Right now I'm not planning to move away, but I might. This area doesn't feel like home to me so I should figure out what feels like home before I die. Maybe? Hopefully! This house doesn't even feel like my home it's just a place I hang out when I'm not at work. I don't think I'll ever find a home but it would be nice. I'll never have a family with my own kids and all of that and I'm more than fine with it. I don't want kids, F that! I can tolerate them in small doses, but I would be lying if I said at least some part of me didn't yearn for this in life:

^Jason and Hawke catching fish and seemingly enjoying life. I'm more happy for them than I can even put into words.

Instead I ended up with this:

WHO RUNS BARTERTOWN?! IT'S PIGS IN SHIT AND IF I WERE TO LOOK INTO THE MIRROR RIGHT NOW (A TERRIBLE IDEA) IT WOULD BE ONE PERSON'S FAULT FOR IT ALL: MINE.

WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

I should take another look at the job listings but I got overwhelmed and really sad for a minute and couldn't bring myself to do it. It's too early to appy for a job anyway for two different reasons. First I don't know what I want to do yet. Second I gotta wait to see if I'm doing a roof or not. Doing roofing is hard, more hard than ever at my age for a 12/12 roof needing staging, etc. However, I did a huge roof with Neil just four years ago and that guy worked like a fuckin' boss at about 54-years old. Too bad things ended badly not long after that for us as friends and that still burns. A lot. Another reason why that gods damned restaurant ate me up and fucked up my entire life...

What is the solution? I guess keep on drinking booze, taking things day-by-day, and posting about my failed life to almost no one who reads this bootleg site because it helps me cope with everything at least a little.