9-04 10-04 11-04 12-04 1-05 2-05 3-05 4-05 5-05 6-05 7-05 8-05 9-05 10-05 11-05 12-05 1-06 2-06 3-06
4-06 5-06 6-06 7-06 8-06 9-06 10-06 11-06 12-06 1-07 2/07 3-07 4-07 5-07 6-07 7-07 8-07 9-07 10-07 11-07 12-07 1-08 2-08 3-08 4-08 5-08 6-08 7-08 8-08 9-08 10-08 11-08 12-08 1-09 2-09 3-09 4-09 5-09 6-09 7-09 8-09 9-09 10-09 11-09 12-09 1-10 2-10
3-10 4-10 5-10 6-10 7-10 8-10 9-10 10-10 11-10 12-10 1-11 2-11 3-11 4-11 5-11 6-11 7-11 8-11 9-11 10-11 11-11 12-11 1-12 2-12 3-12 4-12 5-12 6-12 7-12 8-12 9-12 10-12 11-12 12-12 1-13 2-13 3-13 4-13 5-13 6-13 7-13 8-13 9-13 10-13 11-13 12-13 1-14 2-14 3-14

"My Mom was so obese when she died that she couldn't fit into the crematorium to be cremated. We had to dig up my Dad and move him over two feet so she could be buried next to him." -Pathetic fat guy on Dr. Phil.
"Awww... that's so sad. I feel bad for the guy." -Kelly
"AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." -Me laughing so hard at her dead pathetic ass that tears came out of my eyes.


Tuesday, 4-29-14: Drug bust at UPS?
This morning at UPS the cops had to come take away a package thanks to me. OMG! The fun all started about halfway through my shift when I was scan-checking packages in one of the trucks on my dock. When I scan-check I basically wear a cybornetic-looking little computer on my belt and a wireless scanner that attaches to my finger as I go around and scan packages on different trucks. I don't scan-check for the entire shift, but for about an hour or so on an average day I'm bouncing around, making sure boxes are loaded correctly as I scan-check them. Goal = 1000 scans a day! Misloads are our worst enemy so we try to catch as many of those as we possibly can. (Misload = loader puts package on the wrong frigging truck or in the wrong section of the truck.)

One of the trucks that I went into for my scan-check smelled like a rotting skunk. The smell wasn't enough to make me want to puke or pass out, but it was a definite nusiance. The loader pointed out the package that was stinking up the joint so I did what I normally do when a box is questionable. I cut it open and had a look! The exterior of the plain brown box didn't have any marker indicating its contents, but there was a Roto-Rooter sticker on it along with the regular UPS address label. As soon as I got the box open the smell grew 10 times more potent, and then I pulled back some newspapers to find a giant pile of these:

^AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EPIC MARIJUANA! I do not know if it is legal to possess that much dope in Maine? Hell, I don't even know it it's legal to ship the stuff from another state so I had to bring it to the boss. He had to call our corporate security person, all the other full-time managers got involved, and then I had to go to the principal's office. I guess if a package smells funny I'm not allowed to open it up? News to me! When something sounds broken we routinely open up the package to see if it's shattered glass or just a few washers/fastners rattling around. If something is leaking we open it up to see what it is. I guess my bad there doing what we all usually do, but thankfully the BIG CHEESE didn't ride my ass too hard about it today. Maybe he got laid last night or something because earlier this month he was on me like stink on shit for stuff that I barely screwed up. What a bunch of crap!

The cops had to come to the building to get the package. I bet that customer is happy! It was a pretty funny find, and word of it spread throughout the building quickly. I've often wondered how many boxes of contraband I've been around over all my years in the logistics industry. I bet I've seen coutless boxes of narcotics, weapons, etc. pass through my work area and even in and out of my hands both at FedEx and at UPS without a clue. Today I popped my cherry and I actually found a box full of contraband. Awesome! The sender is a moron for not sealing it up in ziplock bags. What a bunch of crap!

I thought owning marijuana in the state was legal now? Hell if I know because I don't touch the stuff. I've probably drank enough booze in my lifetime to fill up an olympic-sized swimming pool, but I've never smoked anything or done drugs. I wonder if the nincompoop shipper will get pissed that his illegal crap didn't make it to the recipient? I wonder what would have happened if I opened the box and it was full of cocaine? Hehehehe.

^If it was cocaine then I'd have a Tony Montana wannabe coming after my ass!

I bet I'll get a phone call later and have to make a police report or something. That would be a bunch of crap!

It's already 1330; I guess I should get my swell on in the gym, go work on my bootleg new house some, and then go for a jog before bed. I should be able to finish the framing today and then tomorrow I can install some sheetrock. I'll have to post more photos soon!


Sunday, 4-27-14: Cable TV WTF.
Last night was my first real night in my new house because, even though I slept there Friday night, I just got half-loaded at my fire pit with Gav and then I passed out in my half-made bed once he left. Does my first night count if I wasn't even really inside of the house for most of it? Yesterday evening I set up my "Craigslist special" 42" HDTV on some of Doug's old homemade shelving that I scrounged up from the cellar here, and I also made a bootleg "coffee table" out of the same materials. Cinderblocks and 4-foot sections of 2x8s rock! I was all set up with my ham and cheese sandwich and leftover pizza. I watched some of the WLBZ2 news and then I decided to channel surf. That's when it got ugly.

When I called Time Warner about a week ago to sign up for service I got some broad on the line who spoke broken English. She sucked! I thought I was getting a package that included 100 channels, but I guess I picked the "starter" one that gives you a mere 10 or 15 channels. Plus, as an added FU from Time Warner, half of those channels are home shopping and religion junk. What a bunch of crap! HEY TIME WARNER I DO NOT WANT ANY GOD-SQUATTER MONKEY CRAP ON MY TV SCREEN, EVER. I basically had NBC, CBS, ABC, PBS, and a couple other mystery lower-number channels. It was almost like I was a kid again in 1988 with rabbit ears on the TV set. Epic fail!

I knew that was not gonna work for my ass, not even close, so I got on the hook with Time Warner and had a very helpful guy who actually spoke clear English. Nice! I told him I wanted more channels, he said sounds good, and he hooked me up. It is gonna cost me a bit more each month, but I don't give a crap because I need some real channels gods damn it. Not having staples like AMC, Discovery, NESN, ESPN, Fox News, Spike TV, etc. is a bunch of crap. Now my monthly bill will be $109 with taxes, and that includes Interweb, 250-ish channels, and as an added bonus I got 3 free months of HBO and Cinemax. Oh Jesus, Hell ya!

Unfortunately, a Time Warner install dude has to come back and climb the pole outside to remove the filter (or some shit like that) so it won't be until Tuesday when I get the missing 240 channels that I don't have now. Fortunately, HBO kicked in immediately so last night I was able to watch movies. Awesome! I had to be on the phone with the dude for a frigging half-hour while he jerked off in his cubicle or whatever, but HBO came on immediately after he pushed a button so I put it on some movie called Pacific Rim where monsters were fighting robots. I kinda half-watched that for a while as I was on the phone, and then after I was done with Time Warner I had to talk to Mom and Pop on the phone so I only really saw pieces of the last half of that flick. Then it ended and I made my bed for the first time and cleaned the house a bit before a Stallone flick called Bullet to the Head came on. Awesome!

^First movie that I watched in my new house as I sat in my folding camp chair with my feet up on a piece of 2x8 resting on cinderblocks!

Stallone is the man. His movies rock! Bullet to the Head wasn't a cinematic masterpiece, but it was still worth watching. Stallone played an older hit-man who needed to get revenge after some people screwed him over. It was a fun little movie. After that movie ended I started watching the beginning of Pacific Rim. That movie has great special effects even though it's totally unrealistic. Still, it was a decent movie and overall I'm glad I saw most of it. Now both movies will be on 10000 more times because that's how HBO rolls, but while it's new to me I'll enjoy the selection. By the time my free 3 months are over I can cancel the shit because by then I'll be sick of it anyway/


Saturday, 4-26-14: My new house... I'm busy!
Man, I have a lot of crap to do between now and probably at least mid-May. It's not an overwhelming amount of stuff to do, but it will keep me going. I have this new house now and not only am I doing construction over at the place but I am also working on moving my pathetic ass into the joint. Yesterday I had Time Warner come over and install my cable and Internet. I have this badass cable box and wireless router just sitting on the floor, and until this morning I had no devices to connect anything to. Look at this bootleg setup:

*Photo added after I set up the TV later in the day. What a bunch of crap!

When you get cable installed and do not have a TV or computer to hook it to then you have yourself a little epic failer. I could have waited and had them turn on the cable after I got a TV, but screw that I wanted it ready to go ASAP. Getting a TV is easy anyway. TVs are so cheap these days! I was in K-Mart yesterday, and they had a 50" no-name brand LCD HDTV for around $350. However, I didn't buy it because I spent time shopping on Craigslist and I found myself a used 42" LCD HDTV for only 150 bucks. Score! I picked up that sucker this morning, and right now it's sitting on the spare bedroom floor of my house, still not hooked up to the cable. I'll probably go "home" tonight and set it up. Then I can sit in a folding camp chair and watch TV!

In case you're wondering why I was in K-Mart yesterday, allow me to enlighten all two of you who will ever read this crap. There's a thrift store right next to K-Mart so I popped in there to see what they had for beds. I don't need a bed, I can just camp out in my sleeping bag, but I want a bed so I got myself a queen mattress and box spring for $300. Score! The bed seems pretty decent, too. Funny story about my buying the bed. When I pulled into the shopping plaza some dude was dressed up in a Donald Duck costume waving a thrift-store sign that read "Twin mattresses for $55!" (In hindsight I should've bought two of those and just hooked them together to save money!)

After I paid the chick at the register for the bed she asked me to pull my truck up to the front while she got someone to help me load it up. I pulled around to the front and two guys were just lugging my mattress to the door. One toothless dude looked like he was missing several chromosomes, and the other toothless homeless-looking dude was wearing the lower half of his Donald Duck costume still. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG THE THRIFT STORE MASCOT WAS ALSO THE LOADER FOR HEAVY MERCHANDISE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He looked all sweaty and disgusting, too. Thankfully my new bed came wrapped in plastic so I had a skeeze-barrior.

The thrift store didn't sell new sheets, but that was A-okay with me because I wouldn't buy sheets at a thrift store anyway. So I went next door into K-Mart to buy pillows, sheets, etc. I also bought some paper plates, solo-cups, and plasticware so I'm all set! I was too cheap to buy real dishes and pots and pans. I'll do that tomorrow or Monday I guess. First I'll pop into Marden's to see if they have anything on sale that might work for me.

Shopping at K-Mart is like a time warp. The K-Mart here in Bangor is extremely dated and 100% bootleg. I felt like I was stepping back in time to about 1986 when I was in there. What a bunch of crap! I haven't even been in that store this century; I forgot how ghetto it is. Oh well, they had what I wanted and then some so it works for me.

I need a bunch of stuff for the house still. Thankfully I have a few beers in the fridge and a couple slices of leftover Domino's pizza. Gav came by last night, we burned some wood in the fire pit, and we shovelled in some pizza. I hadn't even put sheets on my bed yet (thankfully Tommy helped me bring the bed in earlier.) and the plastic wrap was still on the thing so I took my utility knife, cut off the plastic, threw down my sleeping bag, and called it good enough. I guess I should make my bed today, too. Oh, the plastic is still on the box-spring underneath. HAHAHAHA! WHat a bunch of crap! I don't have a bed-frame so it's just on the floor; I'll deal with that when I get around to it (when I see a deal on Craigslist or Marden's or something.)

So I have a TV and a bed. Good start! Gav and I are gonna go to the ReStore downtown in a few minutes so maybe I will see some stuff there worth buying. I need a lot more crap still. Eventually I should have a couch/loveseat/table/chairs/end-tables/coffee table, etc. The list goes on and on. I'll just pick away at it, I'll keep my eyes on Craigslist, and eventually it will all come together. The place is still under construction now so I'm not in a huge rush to completely furnish the joint.

Kelly and the kids are doing well. It was kinda sad moving out of her place, but she seems happy about it so I know it was the right decision to make. Lexi is probably happy to get rid of my ass; her and I didn't get along too well at the end. I think Kelly and I will still be friends. I'll show her and the kids the new house later today or tomorrow, and I'll go visit them from time to time. A lot of my crap is still at Kelly's house so eventually I'll get most of it moved down to Brewer. I'm not in a huge hurry; it will come together all in time.

I guess I'll all done for now. Fin. I should go to that Re-Store place with Gav and then get my swell on before I shower, eat chow, and head on over to my house. I still haven't taken a shower at the house because I just got the hot water working yesterday. (I just used the shower here in my bootleg office/cellar yesterday and will probably do the same today since I don't have a towel, shampoo, etc. at the house yet.) I had to pay my heating contractor $255 for furnace work, too. What a bunch of crap! I'll write about that nex time...


Friday, 4-25-14: My new house!
The closing went as scheduled on Wednesday early afternoon, and I walked out of Cohen & Cohen around 1330 that afternoon with the keys to my new residence. Awesome!

^My precious... precious house!

I went over to the empty house, and I kinda just soaked it all in. I had an idea about what I wanted to do, but not a clear vision. I spent some time thinking it over, looking at things more closely, and then I decided to execute operation DEMOLITION.

This used to separate the kitchen from the living room:

Here it is from a different angle:

The washer/dryer are right there, and off to the left of the washer and not in the photo is a little closet-pantry. I wanted it all to disappear so I got the tools out and I went to work. After I built a fire pit in the back yard I did a little bit of demolition Wed. afteroon, but the bulk of my demo too place yesterday afternoon. Here is what I accomplished as of the end of the day yesterday:

^Disappear, wall and closets. Now I have a pile of junk. I can literally say "what a bunch of crap" because that is what remains scattered about all over there place. I cleaned up a lot of the debris today, though.

I gotta get going now because it's time to drink some beer and burn stuff in my fire pit. I'll write more about my new house tomorrow. Goonies never say die!


Tuesday, 4-22-14: Tomorrow I own a home! (I think.)
As far as I know I'm closing on my new house tomorrow at 1300. About 25.5 hours to go! Jody, my real-estate dude, is supposed to be calling my ass soon so we can meet up over at the house for a final walkthrough. The owners had the natural gas turned off so I hope no pipes froze! Frozen pipes = not closing tomorrow unless they do a serious price concession. I don't think the gas has been off for long, though. They had to replace a gasket in the furnace or something like that.

Hopefully my camera is charged so I can take a couple photos, but if not I can always do it tomorrow when I actually own the home. I already set up Time Warner for a Friday Cable/Internet install, and I called the gas company to get told that it's turned off. Since yesterday was Patriot's Day, a holiday that's only celebrated by Maine and Mass, I couldn't switch over the water/sewer and electricity. What a bunch of crap! I should call those places now.

I normally shovel in lunch around this time of day, but I know as soon as I get my sandwich out my phone will ring and I'll have to roll out for that inspection. Thankfully I already got my swell on in the gym so I have all afternoon to put the finishing touches on this closing. I don't know how much of a down payment I need yet either. I'll have to call my bank dude, too. Seems like I have a lot going on!

Okay, I'm back and now it's 1325. I did my walkthrough on the hacienda, and things are good enough. The furnace is kinda-sorta taken apart because they have to put in a replacement part. Hopefully that gets done today. My camera had enough juice left for some photos. It was nice seeing the house without a ton of snow all over the place. Here is the house from March:

^Frozen tundra = what a bunch of crap!

The house now:

^Much better!

I was finally able to get a feel for the back yard, too. Here is the ass-end of my future house:

The decks aren't that great, but they're good enough. The deck by the garage (left of those red patio blocks) sags some and is 100% bootleg, but I don't even care... if I care. The deck to the right of the patio blocks is still in okay shape. The patio blocks themselves fucking suck. They're a hideous red and not really level. What a bunch of crap! Maybe I will rip off both decks, shit-can the patio blocks, and make one epic deck that spans that whole area.

Here is a view of the back yard from the deck:

It's not a huge yard, but I'm perfectly fine with that because what the hell do I need with a bigass yard? I sure as hell ain't going to play kickball outside with my friends. This house is a KID-FREE zone. Maybe Kelly will bring Lexi and Dylan over to visit, but then agai maybe she won't. Hell if I know. Her and I are good now, but once I hit the road she might decide that she hates me.

There's just enough room for a sweet fire-pit in that yard, and priority #1 is making that happen. That stubby little fence-thing along the border of Shrek's Swamp out in the alders cannot be explained. It's not really a swamp back there, but there is a low spot with some water in it. Mosquitos will love it there. (What a bunch of crap!)

I made some phone calls and so far we are still on schedule for the closing tomorrow. If all goes as planned then 24 hours from now I will have the keys to the place in my hands. Then I can get in there and decide what work I want to do, if any, before I start moving in. Moving in tomorrow should be easy since I possess almost nothing. When you start from scratch then moving is a cinch! (What a bunch of crap!)


Monday, 4-21-14: Canoe race results... last place finish?*
The 48th annual Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race was this past Saturday. For the third consecutive year Gav and I did the race together, but I use the term "race" quite loosely because we have never tried to actually win. F that! Trying to win is too much work, damnit.

This year the water flow was great. A few days before the race the water was raging thanks to tons of snowmelt and rains, but by Saturday it had settled into a nice 7.5-foot or so height at the 6-Mile Falls bridge. That's just about perfect in my book. Even though it's a canoe race we did the thing in a raft this year. Awesome! They do allow rafts, but almost no one uses one. We were definitely a special attraction to the event in my Mariner 4 raft. Check us out just after 6-mile Falls:

^That's not "Jaws", the main drop, behind us... epic fail! (Photo purchased for only $10 from Whittling Fog Photography.)

The beginning of the race was slow-going, and by the beginning I mean the first 10 of the 15 miles (normally a 16.5-mile course but the last 1.5 or so miles got cancelled due to high water downtown Bangor.) Most of the first ten miles is flat-ish water so you actually have to paddle to keep moving. Two people paddling in a raft rated for four people is a lot of work on flat water. We didn't have to paddle with all our might, but we had to keep at it. The raft has a ton of drag compared to a canoe so we got passed by about 100 different boats. Hahaha! I'm not even exaggerating that number either. Maybe 200 boats passed us! We were number 29 so we were one of the first to launch out of a group of over 400 boats and 700 people. Since we launched early and we were slow we got smoke-checked by A LOT of folks.

We launched at 0835 (Five boats launch per minute starting at 0830.) to a few sprinkles of rain/snow and raw, cloudy, cool conditions. It was pretty cold Saturday; the temp stayed in the upper 30s for a while until getting to the 40s by the end. No sun and a cool breeze combined with 30-something degree water kept us cold all day. Thankfully I wasn't so cold that I was hypothermic, and we both had booze to help power us through. In some prior years I've gotten shit-show drunk in the race, but this time around both Gav and I didn't get totally hammered. By the end we were both a bit boozed up, though. Booze = cold repellant!

We were bold at 6-Mile Falls and decided to take the less-travelled river-right path. River-center is too bony so only idiots take that route (Phil and I did just that the first time we ever took my canoe into the Kenduskeag! It ended badly...) Most people take river left. I decided to do river-right because I thought left would get all jammed up with canoes. In hindsight that might have been a bit unwise. We plowed right over everything up above the main drop at 6-Mile so the raft did great in those rapids. Then we shot out towards the main drop with the intent to hit it at an angle and cut in. Unfortunately, the raft is such a slow turd-tanker with two paddlers that we couldn't make it to the main drop. Instead we bounced off a boulder and shot down what looked like an all-bad drop off to the right. What a bunch of crap! When we were going into the hole I thought we were screwed, but the raft totally kicked ass, Gav straightened us out, and we had no trouble at all. It was awesome! I shouted "Rafts rule!" like a moron. Hopefuly we entertained the throes of "vultures" who watch the race from the falls.

After 6-Mile Falls we felt invincible. No other rapids could even challenge us. The raft was like a tank, and at no point did we even come close to dumping out of it. We just had no ability to make last-minute course corrections like you can do with a canoe, but we really didn't need to anyway because there was plenty of water. Thankfully we didn't hit any sharp rocks so I don't think the raft took on any damage. Awesome!

We got to the Flour Mill finish line (normally the first portage if the race isn't shortened) and thought it was around 1500. We literally had no idea what time it was. Turns out it was only around 1250 when we finished. We caught the shuttle back to the top and when we got back to the Flour Mill to load up the raft and get the hell out of there they had posted many results. We looked on the list of our "Open Class" and saw our names at the bottom. Last place. AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Out of 31 boats that had finished in our class we were dead last. What a hilarious bunch of crap! Our time was 4:15. Still much better than in 2012 when we got blackout drunk in extremely low water and took over 6 hours to finish!

After a quick stop to drop off the raft and some gear here in Brewer it was back to the house for a hot shower, some food, and an awesome nap. I didn't leave the house for the rest of the day, and I didn't do anything yesterday. That race wears me out, even when I'm not trying to win!

In conclusion, the race was fun and I'm glad we did it in a raft. We entertained many passers-by, and we got entertained by many other clowns in the race. In the flat water only a mile or so into the race some college frat guys were getting wasted and totally sucking. They rolled their canoe and took forever to get their shit squared away. It was hilarious! We went over to see if they needed help, but they had other friends in a different canoe already on the scene. When you dump your canoe in flat water then you truly have failed. I hope they didn't lose their PBR beers!

I'd definitely do the race again in my Mariner 4 raft, but maybe not in really low water. Also, having a third or even a 4th person to help paddle would have been fantastic. The raft handled great in the rapids despite the fact that it's not rated for any whitewater. (Most people buy the thing as a lake-boat to go fishing with.) I don't think I'd wanna take it through really raging rapids, but for the class III and below of the Kenduskeag it was perfect. The raft was easy to steer; one power-stroke by Gav in the stern spun us in a full circle. The thing can turn on a dime, but as I mentioned earlier you need to plan your line in advance because it sucks trying to switch "lanes" on the water in a hurry. I guess with more paddlers that wouldn't be an issue, and since it's a raft it can hit some holes and bigger wave trains without swamping like a canoe would. I'm definitely glad that I bought the raft and I hope to use it often over the years. A great investment for sure. The maiden voyage was a success!

I close on my new house Wednesday. Less than 48 hours from now! I guess I'll talk about that in my next bootleg update.

*Many others finished with worse times than ours in other classes of watercraft. Even a couple "open class" boaters/racers had worse times than ours. The results that we saw Sat PM didn't include everyone because many hadn't finished yet. We ended up 31st out of 33, though. What a funny bunch of crap!)


Thursday, 4-17-14: Epic water.
Back in 2007 the Kenduskeag Stream was raging at this time of year, a torrent of water. However, I was sick that year so I couldn't do the race. What a bunch of crap! Phil and I were gonna do it that year, we had done the Soudabscook the week prior, and then my bootleg body failed. That year Phil managed to get his brother, Joe, to take my place. I remember laying in the couch and feeling like ten pounds of shit stuffed into a five-pound bag as I watched the WABI TV-5 coverage. Most people dumped at 6-Mile Falls that year because the water was so massive. I didn't even get to see Phil and Joe on the TV going down the main drop in my canoe because they never made it to the main drop. They ended up getting off track and going through the trees off to river left if I recall. HAHAHAHA! You know the thing is ripping when it flows hard through trees.

Since 2007 I have done the race a few more times, twice with Jeremy and twice with Gavin if I recall correctly. Unfortunately, most years since 2007 the water has been ridiculously low. What a bunch of crap! This year it will be different. It will be better. It will be MASSIVE.

Look at this screencap of weather.com that I just took a few minutes ago:

^OMG have some flood warnings!

We got a healthy dose of rain Tuesday night (that changed over to an inch of slushy snow as I was going to work Wed. AM. What a bunch of crap!) and that helped the already-swollen rivers and streams reach the bursting point. Since we had such a nasty winter the snowmelt has been responsible for most of the high water. The recent few rainstorms have been like the cherry on top.

Here is the gauge readout at the 6-Mile Falls USCG station:

^AWESOME! This is what it looked like two years ago when Gav literally had to get out and push a few times:

On race-day the water level was under 4; it was a total joke. It shot up to 8 a few days too late after a rainstorm. What a bunch of crap! Gav actually fell in once that year when he was pushing the canoe ahead (because he was too drunk.) We kept snagging on rocks, etc. He didn't get soaked because of the low water, but it was still pretty funny! We got really drunk that year. I think it took us five or six hours to finish. Epic fail!

I think the highest that I've ever done the Kenduskeag is around 8. Maybe 9? Right now it's dropping, but 10.5 is still awesome. I bet on race day it will be around 8 or 9. Perfect, especially for my new raft. I'm excited!

In other news, I still don't have a closing date for my next house. Epic fail! It might be as early as tomorrow or it might not be until sometime next week. Yesterday my real-estate attorney called and said we could forget doing a closing Friday because the sellers didn't have their shit together. However, Jody called me this morning and said everything is ready. I assume someone will call me at some point to confirm a date and time. Maybe? I kinda have to set up the utilities like Internet, electricity, water/sewer, heat, etc. COME ON PEOPLE SPREAD THE WORD PLEASE.

I guess I should decide what I want for an entertainment package at my future house. I need Internet. Who should I buy it from? I guess I need some TV channels, too. I'll call up Time Warner and see what kind of deal I can get through them. It's on the "to do" list!

So tomorrow I might own a house. Or I might not.


Tuesday, 4-15-14: Closing date this Friday?
Yesterday evening my bank guy called my ass to let me know that the appraisal for my future residence finally came in. Finally! It only too the frigging slapnut appraiser two damn weeks to get on it. What a bunch of crap! I gots this long pdf file of the appraisal in my email that I looked at for about two minutes last night. I should look at it again in more detail to see what's really going on. I didn't have time last night because I was busy reading about this:
^ It's NOT a whitewater raft, but I've seen YouTube videos of people taking rafts just like it down serious rapids. Hopefully it survives the "mighty" Kenduskeag on Saturday!

My awesome $270 raft arrived at UPS first-thing yesterday morning. Perk of working at UPS: when a package for me (or for Kelly) comes in then I can take it with me. Awesome! I blew up the raft here in the yard by my office just to make sure it doesn't leak and to see how it looks. I like it! I really wanted to take it down the Kenduskeag yesterday, but everyone who might go with me has a real job so nevermind. Hopefully I can take it for a test run before the race on Saturday, but if not then oh well.

I guess I'll take a look at this appraisal again. $400 for this thing, what a bunch of crap! These things are such a scam. The appraised value I see here is $130,000 and I'm paying $122,500 so that works great. Hey this part of the appraisal is interesting: "Original List Price $149,900; List Date 07/15/2013; Reduced several times; #1102404 expired 1/15/2014, relisted 2/18/2014 & Pending 3/19/14; Property is currently under contract for sale."

OMG THEY LISTED THAT MUTHER FOR ALMOST $150K LAST YEAR. AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No wonder the house didn't sell! It's an okay house, probably worth about what it appraised at, but $150k is a total ripoff. The appraiser sure loved to use semicolons in that detail above. What a bunch of crap!

Here is a paragraph about the Bangor area:
"Suburban neighborhood close to intown for employment, shopping, schools, places of worship, recreation & other service. Population is approx. 9,000 per last census. Area of ranches, capes, bungalows & colonials primarily. Sister city to Bangor, Maine's 3rd largest city. Close to commercial hubs including; downtown, Broadway, Bangor Mall area & Airport Mall area & several colleges & tech schools."

This appraiser fucking sucks. I could have crapped out that paragraph in two minutes. I love this part of the description: "close to commercial hubs; including..." WTF?! All I wanna know is why? Why does there gotta be a semicolon there? This appraiser needs to go take English 101 again. I might as well have flushed $400 right down the crapper because this appraisal is a giant turd. What a bunch of crap!


This is not some fast-food bullshit; these "professionals" are making damn good money to do this crap. They need to not suck. What a bunch of crap!

Supposedly we're gonna close on this thing Friday, but not really because someone will screw something away. The seller's agent still hasn't gotten some of the paperwork to Cohen & Cohen, my title company. Maybe people will get it right over the next two days, but I have my serious doubts. Oh well, I don't care that much. I'll just get it next week if I don't get it in three days. I don't own furniture for the place yet anyway. Hell, I don't even have dishes. What a bunch of crap!


Sunday, 4-13-14: Job listings, cake, and a raft.
Over the weekend I've spent some time looking through the job listings online. Bangor Daily News, check. Craigslist, check. Career Builder, heading there now.

As I wait for the page to load I hear Pat Benatar's Shadows of the Night on Pandora Radio, 80s station of course. I would love to pokerize the 80s version of Benatar. She's probably a busted old hag now, but back in the day she was pretty hot.

^In that photo she's thinking Put the boots to my hot ass, guy whose fake Internet name is Rambo...

Last night Gav, Tommy, and I had some beers at my former abode and we eventually ended up at Jester's. Jester's is pretty much a dive, but I don't mind going there every once in a while. They do Karioke Crapiaoke (fuck me I don't even know how to spell that.) so that's a major drawback, but there was a hot-looking Crapiaoke hostette there last night so that was A-okay in my book. She had nice legs. Not long after we got there the Host-ette with the hot bod asked if anyone wanted free cake. I raised my hand faster than the Flash because Oh Jesus Hell Ya to that! Who wouldn't want free cake, especially after a few beers? I went up to her area of the bar to claim my awesome prize that I did nothing to earn, I realized that the Crapioke chick was still hot up close, and then I got pawned off to a table full of old hags. This toothless ancient lady was saying how it's her birthday and she had leftover cake. Bait and switch! Not only did I have to talk to the old bag, but I also was obligated to take the plate-full of mashed turd-looking slop that was once a piece of cake. It was totally smashed up. I guess because the old lady didn't have teeth anymore? Hell if I know. What a bunch of crap!

I brought the smashed-up piece of cake back to our table where Gav took a cellphone photo of it. I should get that from him and post it on here! We all had a good laugh at that cake and it just sat at our table until later when I finally decided to take a few bites before we spread out of there.

I bivouaced here in my bootleg office last night, I slept great, and I woke up not hungover at all. Win! We played racquetball this morning and I actually won 2 of our 3 cutthroat games. Awesome! Since then I watched the movie Suicide Kings at lunch and now here I am. Suicide Kings is a pretty good movie that I hadn't seen in years. I'm on the Voobly Game Zone and might 14, but probably not because it's already 1430 and I want to get the hell out of here pretty soon.

Wasn't I supposed to be doing something? Oh yeah, job listings. If something looks good I might apply for it, but so far I haven't seen anything too great. Plus I still have a job at UPS so I don't care that much. However, I might not work at UPS much longer because that joint kinda sucks. What a bunch of crap!

I guess I'll look at jobs later because right now I want to write on this bootleg site more. I think I'll have a slow start to the week but then it will get busy. Acording to my email this should be waiting at UPS for me tomorrow:

^Awesome raft that I plan to take down the Kenduskeag ASAP. It supposedly holds four people, but I'm thinking three is more realistic. I got the email saying it shipped yesterday PM with an estimated delivery of Monday the 14th, but I'm not so sure I believe I'll actually get it tomorrow. How in the hell can it ship on Saturday PM and already be in Maine first thing Monday? Maybe it's coming from somewhere close or maybe it shipped a few days ago and there was a notification delay. If it does come in tomorrow then bonus because it will be 72 outside and the Kenduskeag is raging right now. It would be a perfect day to take it out for a ride (if I can find some slapnut to go with me at the last minute!)

I blew almost an entire UPS paycheck for that raft. $269.80 with free shipping. I think it's a steal, a great deal! Thank you, Amazon.com. (Dear Amazon, please pay me for the plug that two people might actually see.) The raft is not meant for huge rapids, but I think it will be perfect for something like the Kenduskeag. It better be awesome for a week's worth of pay.

At the end of the week I supposedly have the closing on my house, and the Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race is Saturday. Right now there water is really ripping everywhere so I'm hoping that continues as the last of the snow melts away. Doing the race in a raft this year instead of in a canoe should be great!

Okay, I've had enough. Fin. The end. I'm out of here. Madonna sings Live to Tell as I close with the classic: Goonies never say die!


Saturday, 4-12-14: My last two work days at UPS.
Thursday at UPS ended badly when the boss of the entire place (The BIG CHEESE) brought my sorry ass into the office (along with my boss) to tell me that he thought I sucked. He didn't say I sucked to my face verbatim, but he was frustrated with a few things that he saw so I got to be his scapegoat. Awesome! [sarcasm] The conveyor belt got turned off so he blamed me. One of the drivers was bitching about his load chart so he blamed me. There were too many shoes to fit onto a delivery truck so he blamed me. Awesome! [sarcasm] I got to hear his old ass tell me how when he was a young belt supervisor at age 22 (back in fucking 1975 when I was born would be my guess) he was the UPS equivalant of The Flash and Wonder Woman's love child. What a bunch of crap!

I thought I did a good job on Thursday. My bad on the shoes, but there were too many to fit so I had to do something. In hindsight my decision may have been unwise, but it certainly was not a "visit to the principal's office" type of epic fail in my opinion. The BIG CHEESE was just pissed and he needed someone to take it out on. I can live with that. I don't like it, but I can take it.

So yesterday at work I crushed it. I pwned the world and I regulated. I guess I do that every day (even my boss said recently that I've been doing great) but I made sure I didn't cross paths with the BIG CHEESE. At the end of the day drivers were dispatching from the building when someone found a couple small packages going to Belfast. The Belfast drivers had just left, I knew they hadn't gone far yet, so I called the guy who was supposed to take them. No prob, he was just up at the Hannaford plaza 1/2 mile or so away. I grabbed the packages, I went out to my truck, and I drove my ass up to Hannaford parking lot to get those packages into his hands and out for delivery. Using my own truck to bring packages to drivers pretty much blows, but I don't mind doing it every once in a while if it helps get packages delivered. All of us supervisors do it, and that's how we've rolled since the day I was hired.

Unfortunately, yesterday one of the hourly loaders happened to be in the parking lot, just off the clock, when he saw me heading out with the packages. He asked what I was doing, I told him, and he said "Stealing my work, eh?" Then he went into the office to complain. OMG. I knew that would end up being a thorn in my side, but the driver was sitting in a parking lot just around the corner waiting for those two packages and, at over $30 an hour, I wanted to get them to his ASAP so he could get moving and out delivering. (The drivers make GREAT money there.)

Fucking unions. How many times on this bootleg site have I mentioned how much I think they suck ass?

^I'm not stealing your work ya fuckin' DINKS.

Shit! The Red Sox just finished losing to the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. They're 5-7 on the season so hopefully a lot more winning is on their horizon. Losing sucks. Especially to the Yankees. What a bunch of crap!

It's already 1620. If I was a fan of the doobage I would be toking up right now. No pot for me, but in an hour or so I'll start putting some alcohol into my precious... precious body.

I digress. Back to UPS, when I got back from dropping off those two little packages my boss said not to worry about it, the union wasn't gonna be able to grieve what I did. Then the BIG CHEESE came into the office, he overheard some of what we were talking about, and he started firing off a series of questions in the most douche-baggish of ways. He pretty much started dumping on my ass and on the preloaders for letting two small packages get left behind after the driver rolled out, but we do over 10,000 boxes on a slow day so sometimes shit happens. Always has and always will. He was trying to make me feel like a retard for what I did, but I wasn't about to take his verbal smackdown without putting up a fight of my own so I shot right back at him. It escalated pretty quickly, and a few other superisors were also in the office when it happened so they got one awesome show.

The BIG CHEESE was really being a fucker, and I really was not okay with it. He was totally shitting on me for taking those packages and for not giving them to another driver instead. I told him all the drivers don't work for me because I'm pretty much a peon. He said I'm a manager so all the drivers work for me, but I call bullshit on that for sure. More words were said, he asked me if I was calling him a liar, more words were said, and then as we continuted to argue I said "Now are you calling me a liar?" That really set him off. Like, bad. In hindsight it was fuckin-A how I had the balls to ask him that and I'm sure jaws were dropping, but it's not that awesome if I get a pink slip on Monday. The BIG CHEESE then told me to put into words that I thought it was okay to take packages and to not assign them to hourly workers and that I accused him of calling me a liar. My final reply makes me proud "Oh so you can put it in my file." PWNED!

It wasn't over after that. No way. My boss, the Big Cheese, the HR rep, and I had to go back to the principal's office. We had to talk it all out, the BIG CHEESE continued to be a fuck, and my boss just sat there. Again. Just like he did yesterday. It would have been nice of him to say a few things in my defense, but I guess he's a pussy so nevermind. He cares about his career because he drinks the Kool-Aid (he probably also helps to manufacture it) so of course he would fall in line. What a bunch of crap!

One of my friends and fellow part-time supervisors texted me later in the AM. He had this to say to me "I thought he was way out of line. Did he apologize? What happened?" I replied "He was being a fuck. I don't tolerate that from anyone. Not too much else happend. I'll tell you about it Monday if I'm not fired between now and then!" He wrote back "Ok buddy. I have a lot of respect for you and thought u kept your cool. He was being a fuck for sure."

In conclusion, the BIG CHEESE at UPS is a BIG DICK. Fortunately, I don't see him that often because he comes in as we're wrapping up the preload. I definitely don't want to work for his sorry ass anymore, but I probably will for a while more because I make $15 an hour these days and that's good enough. However, I might get fired and I'll definitely keep watching the job listings in case something else part-time comes up that looks okay. I'm definitely gonna get fired if anyone at UPS reads this bootleg site. I'm already on the shit-list so I better behave if I wanna keep my job. What a bunch of crap!

I hope Cross Country Mortgage has already verified my UPS employment because it would totally be a bunch of crap if I get shit-canned literally days before my closing on the house around the corner that I plan to go live in. I need to last another week there and then it doesn't matter!

I don't hate UPS, but it does kinda suck. Fortunately there's a lot of good people working over there so I can tolerate it... for now.


Friday, 4-11-14: Come on, IRS.
A condition of the loan for the house that I'm close to finalizing a purchase on is my 2013 IRS income tax bill needs to be paid. No prob! I'll just mail the IRS a check like I do every year. Oh wait, the mail takes a few days and then once it arrives those droolbuckets probably won't process it for a while. That won't work! My tentative closing date for the house is next Friday (very tentative at this point since the appraiser is a useless pile of civilian shit who has not done her fucking job yet.) so I gotta put a wiggle on it and get this thing paid.

I figured I'd just go down to the Bangor IRS tax office and write them a check. Piece of cake! Unfortunately, they're closed from 1130-1230 so nevermind going just before lunch. Thankfully I looked up their hours ahead of time so I knew they wouldn't be there. Sucks because I was already in Bangor, though. I went back about an hour ago expecting to see some kind of office with a receptionist, but instead what I got was some sketchy-looking small space on the second floor of the Federal Building (have to go through airport-like security just to get into that place.) with a DMV-like setup. You gotta take a number and wait. Okay, no problem. Uh oh. There were two other people waiting before me and only one IRS person was on duty. That's a problem! The person getting served at that time was taking forever so I knew I'd have to wait a goddamn hour just to get my turn to write them a check and get a receipt. Plus the office was about 90 degrees. What a bunch of crap! I spread the hell out of there pretty fast once I realized it would take forever.

Congratulations, local IRS office. You win this because you absolutely fucking suck:

^The boss at UPS is gonna get one of these, too.

Now I'm back in my bootleg office and on the IRS website. I can pay with my debit card for a $2.69 processing fee, but no I can't because I owe $3120 and that exceeds my debit card daily limit. What a bunch of crap! OMG ALL I WANT TO DO IS FORK OVER A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS. ALL I WANNA KNOW IS WHY? WHY DOES THIS GOTTA BE SO FRIGGING HARD TO DO?!

My bank just called my ass back. They have to get the technical-weenies who work behind the scenes to manually override the cap so I can spend a lot all at once. Spending a lot all at once = what a bunch of crap! I'll see if this whore thing works now. Of course I gotta enter 1000 things about myself first. Gods damn it!


That did not work. What a bunch of crap! I JUST WANT TO PAY THIS FUCKING BILL.

Maybe the bank didn't push the "authorize" button yet. I'll wait a minute and try again. Actually, it's already been a couple minutes since I took a screencap, sized it, and saved it to this bootleg site. Guy tries to pay his tax bill. It pays its tax bill or it gets the hose again. Hey cool, it worked! I win. Not really because I just coughed up over three grand. I lose!

I want to write a whole segment about what a fuck my boss at UPS was being today, but it's 60 degrees and sunny outside so screw being in here anymore. I'm gonna get the hell out of here. Maybe tomorrow I can whine about my loser-ass boss. Maybe by then UPS will call me and tell me not to bother coming to work anymore...


Thursday, 4-10-14: Stop wasting my precious... precious time!
I've been on hold for a confrence call from Cross Country Mortgage for the past 20 minutes. What a bunch of crap! Thou shall stop wasting my precious... precious time. BEING ON HOLD SUCKS. We're waiting to get TD Bank on the hook so they can verify some of my mortgage crap. I think? I guess before I get final approval on my future house the people who work behind the scenes at Cross Country have to check me out from every angle. I hope everything they look at it is good or else I'm pwned.

Speaking of wasting my precious... precious time, the big cheese at UPS today dragged my pathetic ass into the office so I could get told for 15 minutes that I failed. Failure sucks. A lot. I made a bad decision to hold some packages out instead of putting them in to the truck because they weren't gonna fit. My bad there. Plus I supposedly screwed up a couple other things even though I really didn't screw up. What a bunch of crap! I didn't think I had a bad day but I guess the boss saw it from a different angle. Oh well, I'll just remember how much failing sucks and make sure that I don't suck anymore. Sounds easy, right?

I'm back on hold now. They already verified numbers with TD Bank but now they need to verify some crap with PNC Mortgage Co. I have so many loans that this shit takes forever. Gods damn it! All I wanna know is why? Why can't they just trust me and then I can own another home? I pay my bills. I'm not a moocher. They can approve the loan (it's already approved!) and I'll make my frigging payments.

^Could be mine as early as next week. Or never? I need a photo where the house ain't buried under mountains of snow.

I've had a lot of work to do this week. Nothing that I've had to do is monstorous, but the little things are adding up. I had a roof leak after some heavy rains Tuesday morning. I gotta finish installing an exterior light today and fix a leaking tub drain. I've been going back and forth with my mortgage guy at Cross Country, trying to put the finishing touches on my house. Oh, and I also formed up and got concrete poured at the edges of my new floor in the cellar here. The concrete is mostly dry and I'm pleased with how it's turning out so far. If all goes as planned we'll do the floor itself next week.

I suppose I should spread out of here and go do more work. If things fall into place then hopefully the next time I update this bootleg turd site I'll have a closing date for the house. That would be awesome!


Saturday, 4-05-14: Taxes and fatbodies.
I just did some cleaning in this bootleg office of mine because I gotta use it to do taxes today. Walt, my old roommate and good friend, is coming by in 30 minutes or an hour so I can hook him up on his taxes. Then later this afternoon I gotta do more taxes for a couple acquaintences. My office is fairly bootleg no matter how clean it is, but there was dust and cobwebs all over the place so I had to eliminate that crap. My floor could use a vacuuming still, but screw it I already stopped caring. I don't even care... if I care.

I won't make a whole lot of money doing taxes today, but I don't wanna get rich. My friends would rather pay me $40 or $50 than go to Liberty Tax and pay closer to $200! (I've done their taxes at Liberty Tax over the past 2-3 years.) My former co-worker at Libery Tax and I have emailed back and forth a couple times recently and she said that place is busy. She said she's had one day off in the past 2.5 months. What a bunch of crap for her! I guess the boss should've kept me on the payroll after all.

I hope I don't screw up on these taxes for people. That would suck. A lot. I better do it right! I have my tax books here so that makes me seem legit, right? I still have my PTIN (Paid Tax Preparer ID Number) from the IRS so that makes me even more legit! I think I'll be okay as long as the TaxAct program that I possess does its damn job and as long as my printer doesn't jam up or anything.

Last night Kelly and I were hanging out and watching some TV as we chatted. The Red Sox home opener was on NESN so that was my clear choice, but Kelly likes Dr. Phil and we almost never have that show on the tube anymore (thank the gods who do not really exist for that.) so we flipped to that show for a bit. The Sox game didn't actually start during Dr. Phil anyway; it was just their World Series Ring ceremony so I didn't miss anything. Plus the game was a replay since they played at 1500 yesterday.

So the Dr. Phil episode was about disgusting fat people who fail at life. Great! This one 500-lb fat guy was on there crying about how he needs help. He said his mother was morbidly obese when she died. She wanted to be cremated, but her fat dead ass did not fit into the people-furnace so that was not an option. HAHAHAHAHA! Then he said that in order for them to bury her beached-whale carcass they had to dig up her late husband and move him over two feet so there was enough room for her.


^For being a disgusting fatbody family there is only one appropriate Crap award.

Kelly was saying how she felt badly for them as I was sitting next to her and laughing so hard that it made my eyes water. His fat mom couldn't fit in the crisperizer and then she needed an XL-sized grave. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's what I call epic fail at life and what a bunch of crap all rolled up into one.

I don't know why Kelly still likes me? The example above is why I should not have a girlfriend. Ever. She feels bad for the fatbodies who cannot control their selfish indulgences while I laugh at them and wish for then to all kick it over and just die. As the Dr. Fail episode was on I told Kelly about the house that I plan to buy. I described the house and its exact location and then I said "Remember how I said a couple weeks ago how I was gonna buy a house and move out because everything sucked? Well I bought a house." We were laughing and joking as we talked so I don't think she gets the fact that I actually plan to hit the road. I dunno wtf? Maybe she thinks I'm gonna expand the rental property business instead? Over the past week or week and a half she went from not giving a shit to liking me again. That simply cannot be explained.

Hopefully the appraisal on my future home went well yesterday. I guess I won't have the results back for a few more days. I drove right by the place at 1625 yesterday, and the appraisal was scheduled for 1630. Fuck it! I don't need to be there for that shit. I wanted to go for a jog since it was nice outside and then I wanted to have a few beers and tell Kelly about my future home. Mission accomplished!


Friday, 4-04-14: Weekend!
Hey awesome, my weekend has begun. I think? I'm still at my bootleg office, but I'm not really working. I haven't done much work today since I got out at UPS. I did swing by Lowe's to buy a bit of lumber for my cellar floor expansion/remodel. I should take a picture of what it looks like now, but screw that I am too lazy.

Okay, I am not really too lazy. Check it out:

That wood needs to be placed for the edge-forms for the concrete. Then that will dry and I can remove the excess dirt and have the floor poured. Bob, my fuck-up foundation contractor, is across the street right now working at Gavin's recently acquired 3-unit apartment building. He said he'd hook me up on this cellar floor since I've given him so much work in the last year. Bob is one helluva contractor. He does good work, but getting him to stay on schedule can be a daunting challenge. Plus he's always trying to get more money because his broke ass always blows what loot does wind up in his pockets. What a bunch of crap!

Funny story, today I went with Gavin to stop by the code office to get a permit for his foundation repairs. Bob said he couldn't go because he owed them some money. When your foundation contractor cannot get a permit from the city then you might have a problem. Hahahaha! Sure enough the lady at the code office said Bob wasn't allowed to do work in the city yet, not until Monday, but of course he's been over at Gavin's place for the last three days digging out the old foundation and getting things ready to go. Epic fail!

The appraisal at the new house I intend to purchase and live in happens today in about 45 minutes. The house is literally 1/3 of a mile from here and I have no other plans yet I don't plan to be there for the appraisal. I don't even care... if I care. I absolutely plan to buy the house still, but my being there for an appraisal accomplishes nothing useful. No one even invited me to the appraisal so it's probably common for the buyer to NOT be there. I didn't even know it was happening today until not that long ago. Hopefully the place appraises for at least $125k or else I will have a problem. At this point I definitely do NOT want problems. Solutions, yes. Problems, no.

^Once the snow melts more then I can take a better picture of my future house. Right now I'd say there's a 80% chance I get the place. My loan guy still says I'm approved and the title work is in process so hopefully there are no last-minute shit-shows to put the screws to my ass. That would be a bunch of crap!

I should go do other things now. Maybe I'll lift a few weights or screw off for a bit before I get the hell out of here. It's nice outside, mid 40s, so I can go for a jog later as well. Bonus!


Wednesday, 4-02-14: Budget, eat, dig.
It will be lunchtime soon, but I have a little bit of time to kill before then. It's 1030 and I could eat now, but screw that I'd rather wait until at least 1100 so I'm not starving later this afternoon. I gots a PILE of bills on the desk here so I guess I should make some kind of budget/plan for this month. I already know that I'll be blowing off my city property tax bills until May (they were due March 12. Epic fail!) but I think I should pay everything else. I gots some gas bills in the mail yesterday and more of them today. Last month's bills are a total of $1042 more than they were for March last year, and that doesn't include my Bangor property because it was oil over there last year, not natural gas. OMG THAT IS TERRIBLE. What a bunch of crap! Fuck you, March 2014.

This afternoon I need to dig out some more old concrete and dirt from the cellar here, but my wheelbarrow is literally still encased in snow and ice so that really sucks. A lot. Check this out:

Does not look that bad, but that isn't soft snow. It's compacted and settled, months worth of snow, and now it is solid ice. I tried to shovel some of it but I quit because it is too hard. Quitting when something is hard is okay, right? Gods damn it!

I guess I will haul out dirt in 5-gallon pails or else borrow a wheelbarrow because I don't want to literally chip away at that ice piece by piece just to unlock my precious... precious wheelbarrow. I did pick away at it some this AM and got the top of the wheel exposed. I guess by next week it might be melted enough to get out, but maybe not and I think I need my floor prepped before next week. Hell, I might need the thing prepped as soon as later this week if Bob stays on schedule at Gavin's new apartment bulding across the street.

I got a 40-cent an hour raise today at work. Awesome! The boss did my annual review (even though I've only worked there for 10 months.) and said I do good work now. I kinda sucked at first when I was new, but in my defense that job is fucking hard until you get to know what the hell is really going on. Thankfully I kinda know what I'm doing now so it's easier for me to get through the day without wanting to quit. Hopefully it stays that way.

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