September 2004


Tuesday, 9-28-2004: I hate shitty endings to great stories!
I just finished reading Stephen King's "The Dark Tower VII." As the title indicates, it is the 7th (and final) book in his epic series, a series that dwarves other supposedly great ones (like that piece of trash "Lord of the Ring-Dings") in size and scope. King wrote the first Dark Tower book in the 1970s, and I read it in the 80s. The first time I read it I remember thinking "what the hell did I just read?" It was kinda cool, but it was very confusing. Then, as future volumes came along in later years, I started to put it all together. By the time I had read part 3 I knew I was reading something incredible; I became a big fan of the series. Therefore, I was excited when the last volume was released last week, and I headed over to Borders to spend my hard-earned $26 for a copy.

In the series, Roland is the last gunslinger who is on a quest to save all of existence by finding the mythical "Dark Tower." He faces many challenges and makes many friends along the way. However, most of his friends die, and by the end he has lost ALL of his best friends. EVERYONE! He finds this tower, kills the bad-guys, and he is allowed to enter it to climb to the top and have what I assume will be a happy ending. Man, I was wrong about that. The book was AWESOME up until the end. I expected (and hoped) he would get all his friends back, and they would live happily ever after. Instead, he gets to the top of the tower and when he goes in the door he is brought back to where he started in the very first book! It's like a giant loop. It's like that old impossible Nintento game "Ghosts N Goblins" where, if you're lucky enough to get to the end of the game and save the damsel in distress, you are told to go back and try again because you need to get a ring (or something like that.) WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I can't believe how badly Stephen King hooked me down! I guess I should have seen it coming because King isn't the type of guy to write happy endings in a lot of his works, but damn... this sucks!

Saturday, 9-25-2004: FUCKING RED SOX (again)!
Mother puss-bucket! The Sox opened up a 3-game series with the Yankees last night with another bitter loss. They took a dramatic 4-3 lead in the bottom of the 7th on a Johnny Damon solo home run, and Pedro Martinez went back out to pitch the 8th for the Sox. As soon as I saw him take the mound I thought "shit, we're fucked." because his pitch count was over 100, and I thought he would be weary. Sure enough, on the second pitch of the inning he gave up the game-tying home run to that Japanese pond-scum Hideki Matsui. So then what does Sox manager Terry Francona do? He leaves Pedro in the game! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Relievers in the pen were all ready to go so he had no excuse.

By then I was swearing at my TV because the same fucking thing happened last year to the Sox in the 8th inning of game 7 of the ALCS with the Yankees when former manager Grady Little left Pedro in the game too long. That game really, really pissed me off. (Of course, I was very boozed-up, and I ended up drop-kicking a pound cake all over the living room.) So last night after giving up the game-tying home run, Pedro was left in there to surrender a double and then a single which scored the go-ahead run. Terry Francona did the same thing that Little did last year: he left Pedro in the game too long! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! That fucking no-good sunbitch fucked over the Sox and any slim chance they had to beat NY for the AL East division title. Now they-re 5.5 games back with only 10 games left in the season. FUCK! After the go-ahead run scored I had to turn off the TV and go lift. I really, really get into a Sox-Yankees game. So much that it causes me real pain when I have to see them fuck it all up. I think I'm getting an ulcer. FUCK.

Tuesday, 9-21-2004: FUCKING RED SOX!
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! The sox were winning 1-0 in the 9th inning with 2 outs and the Orioles batter, Javy Lopez, was down 1-2. Sox closer Keith Foulke threw what looked like a great pitch that should have been called strike three. Instead it was called a ball by the fat piece of shit umpire behind the plate. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Then, two pitches later Lopez hit a home run and the Sox instantly were down 2-1. Not only did Foulke blow the save but he also blew Curt Schilling's chance to win his 21st game and possibly the CY Young award for the AL. WHAT A STEAMING, STINKING BUNCH OF CRAP! God damn it! FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK! I'm gonna get an ulcer before I turn 30.

Sunday, 9-19-2004: A crappiful first entry.
I got my first feedback on the beta version of my Picasso. "Doug: LAYOUT SUCKS AND YOU KNOW IT! Girly font! I say this about your current color scheme: WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP."
I say this about your comments: you can go fuck yourself mister "runs websites and is good at it." I ain't changing my font color because I don't GIVE A FUCK! You don't like it you can gggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttttttttttttttt oooooooooouuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttt!

Ok, check this out: I'm at a kickin' frat party up at UMO last night with Phil, having a good time and boozing it up. So far so good! I even get a chance to meet a cute college freshman named Nikki. She actually talks to me and doesn't tell me to get lost. Great! Then she admits she's a New York Yankees fan and she even flips my hat off my head. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I wanted to punch her in her goddamn face, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I really would have liked to deck the broad, but there were too many witnesses and I'm not programmed to hit a lady. Shit like that's just not in the wiring. Besides, maybe she's just misguided and she can be changed. It's like Star Wars. Darth Vader is a fucking asshole bad guy, but Luke sees the good in him and eventually infulences him to be a good guy again. Too bad 5 minutes after Vader finds that path to the promised land he fucking DIES! What a bunch of crap...

So I tell myself "fuck it, everyone gots their flaws. She's cute and drunk and probably horny based on her obviously hard nipples under that skimpy white shirt." I flirt with her some more. I think I might have a chance to get her either to my place or go back to her place so we can get vertical. Only problem: she has her friend and roomate with her, and her friend eventually wanted to leave. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Stupid bitch fuckin up my game, and I don't have much game at all so fucking it up even a little bit is really bad for business.

I ended up leaving without even a little bit of foolig around. No sex, no kisses, no touching, no ballgame. Game over. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I gave her my number, but I didn't get her number because I told her the truth: I probably wouldn't call her anyway.

Oh, and speaking of game over, the Red Sox played the Yankees today in the third game of a three-game series in NY. The series was tied at 1 win apiece, and the Sox had Pedro Martinez on the hill. You'd think it would at least be a close game, but Pedro gave up 7 runs in 5 innings and he sucked. The Yankees won 11-1. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Furthermore, both Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, and Alex Rodriguez hit home runs. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I can't stand those pig-fuckers. I hate all the Yankees, but Derek Jeter is the worst of the bunch. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's a faggot. Speaking of faggots, who would name their kid "Jorge?" It's pronounced "hoar-hey" too! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! He and Jeter are obviously butt-fucking each other in the locker room.