(Last updated: 7-20-2026)

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Welcome to my crappy website. It truly is a bootleg bunch of crap, but I don't care. Not at all. I'm not doing it just to entertain you scumbags; I'm doing it because writing is fun but I am too lazy to actually write a real book. Don't laugh because I'm serious.

If you want to know who the hell I am and why I spent my hard-earned $21.99 to register this domain and to share my thoughts with the world then you can click here to find out. I have no update schedule so if you don't like it then you can ggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt oooooooouuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt!

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Why are you still here? Chances are pretty damn good that I WILL insult you in some fashion if you choose to continue beyond this point. The purpose of this site is to entertain me, and I am often entertained at the expense of others. Therefore, prepare to be slandered. A lot. It's still not to late to leave with your feelings intact!

Monday: 7-20-26: I Still Believe.
100.3 WKIT comes through again. Yesterday I was getting back to the failed restaurant after a trip to Lowe's for supplies. 2x4x10, R15, and ceiling tiles so I could finish my unfinished bedroom ceiling and have supplies on-site for the next few days:

^Still needs window trim, flooring, and the closet isn't done.

I stopped at the restaurant because I had laundry in the dryer from Saturday, but I was too busy Saturday to get it and fold it because my life is still epic-busy. Doing my laundry at our failed restaurant = what a bunch of crap! Gavin said I could use his washer and dryer, but my dumb, loser-ass is still paying for the restaurant that no one wants to buy so I might as well use it. I won't have my own washer and dryer for around a month, give or take a bit.

I was listening to the Red Sox, but it went to commercial so I flipped to 100.3 and a really catchy song came on. I wrote down a few of the lyrics and I looked it up last night, and it's called I Still Believe from the awesome 80s movie, The Lost Boys. How cool is that?! Pretty rare when I find new 80s songs that I don't remember hearing before. I've seen the movie a few times so I must have heard the song, but maybe they just played a small part of that song in the movie? I dunno because my old ass hasn't even seen that movie in a very long time. Too long really.

^Epic song that is awesome, and it's actually a cover song from a band The Call. The cover is much better jazzed up with the saxaphone playing. A song can be epic if it finds the right balance of Rock and Saxaphone, and Tina Turner seemed to be a master at that craft. If you don't like this song then I hate you. I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you a little more.

Now I need to listen to more The Lost Boys music. Gerald MCMann did a great one that I've kown for a long time called Cry Little Sister, but I think this one is better. Cry Little Sister is great, but the instrumental interlude doesn't flow quite right and that keeps the song from being totally epic.

Another awesome song that popped up on my random playlist is from Peter Murphy called Cuts you Up. This song really rocks, but I heard it earlier when I was trying to finish this bootleg, made-in-China Amazon desk that I bought a few weeks ago and never set up:

^It's nice upgrading from two milk crates and scrap plywood to a "real" desk, but this thing is kinda bootleg. It's not easy to put together either. I've had to undo some part and redo them. I worked on it last night a bit and this evening a bit before I got frustrated with it and quit. It is only half-done in the photo. You can also see the unfinished closet and my tarp bedroom door. My life is so fucked hahaha. What a bunch of crap! Oddly enough mentally I'm doing better now by a bit so that's a small win. Maybe? Hopefully!

I hung out with my good friend and old roommate, Walter, Saturday night. He cooked a delicious steak dinner so I was well-fed, and my loser-ass needs to gain weight so I have been trying to eat a little more. Not just junk either, but some junk hehehe. It's amazing how long I've known both him and Phil, and living with those two guys who have become close friends were some of the best years of my life, if not the best. 2006, 2007, 2008. Lots of epic times.

Oh Jesus, Hell ya! Crowded House Something So Strong. This song is one of the most uplifting songs of all-time. Not saying it's in my all-time top ten because it's probably not, but it's still great and it just seems impossible to be in a bad mood when this is on. My only complaint is the song is not long enough. It's only a 3-minute song, but that's okay because the best individual song ever made, Ratt's Lay it Down, is about the same length.

I'm drinking on a Monday night hehehe. I'm not trashed, but I'm feeling a bit buzzed and driving right now would be unwise. I'm about to take my edible, and I realized 5MG isn't enough and neither is 7.5 (1.5 of what I currently have) so tonight I'll eat two for a total of 10MG. Most nights I fall asleep fast, but I wake up an hour or two later and I toss and turn. Last night I actually got up for a bit. What a bunch of crap! I wonder when my life isn't so fucked if I can sleep again without getting baked? Maybe? Hopefully! It will be a long time before that happens, if it ever does.

I have a shitload of bootleg updates just sitting on my computer that I need to put online. I couldn't find the login to my Plesk hosting last time, but I was tired and half drunk and baked so I'll try again. I didn't upload a lot of this bootleg cesspool because I didn't want my wife to read it, but at this point why the fuck do I care? I don't want to hurt her, but I'm taking my life back and this is a part of it. Probably not a good part hehehe.

Hey, the Red Sox have won 13 games in a row how cool is that?! They are now 50-48 and only a few games behind the Yankees and they hold a slim lead on the final wild-card slot. I'm sure they'll start losing again, but hopefully not. They have GREAT pitching, but the offense could use a little help. Everyone considered them a dead team as of the beginning of this month, myself pretty much included, but I still listened to some of the games on the radio when I could. I haven't watched them on TV because I don't even have TV here yet. No living room, no bathroom, no kitchen...

I guess I do have a "kitchen':

^HAHAHAHAHA! Shit-show life = CONFIRMED.

^Awarded to myself for making terrible life-decisions. What a bunch of crap!

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Friday: 7-17-26: Bathroom framed and mostly wired. Plumbing next? BODY BEAT UP.
Gavin took yesterday off from work, really cool of him to do, and we finished the ceiling for the kitchen and bathroom in my under-construction apartment. It was mostly done on Sunday so we finished it around 1100, only three hours, and it all worked out very well. That gave me precious... precious time to take a little lunch break and frame up most of the bathroom before we played racquetball mid-afternoon. That ceiling needed to be done before I did the bathroom, and I am pleased with the progress I made on it:

^I could leave it like that hehehe. Jake came this afternoon and busted out a bunch of wiring so, assuming Bruce comes Sunday as planned, I can start a little sheetrock on it next week. Maybe? Hopefully! I WANT MY OWN SHITTER HEHEHE. I'm not desperate for it, especially this time of year when it's warm and going upstairs isn't too ridiculous. I have to go outside and up the spiral stairs to get to my toilet and shower. I still have a little old, bootleg mop sink here in the apartment, but not for much longer because a wall needs to go there. I guess that sink goes upstairs next week? At least temporarily until I can get that bathroom in the photo more together.

Racquetball was fun, but I wasn't 100% because my body is beat. I feel a little better now, but I felt wasted like Doc-J and 8-Ball from Full Metal Jacket yesterday after rball. Gavin beat me handily; I had a slight lead in game 2, but my body tanked out so he came back to beat me. What a bunch of crap! Not only working on this apartment but also working on this have really required a lot of precious... precious energy:

I didn't work on it at all yesterday so I could focus on this place, and today I did trim out front because the weather was perfect. Not humid, sunny, crisp, awesome. I had my shirt off some because my worthless ass needs to be more tan for raking. I was 15 feet in the air installing an Azek board when the dude's wife came out and decided she had other priorities. That's not the first time it's happened and it won't be the last, but at least it's job security. She wnts lattice around a heat pump and their Generac because she thinks they look ugly. HAHAHAHAHAHA! FUCKING DUMB. Oh, get this, there is a little brook and a big white pine toppled over yesterday in a massive thunderstorm and she wants me to cut it up because it blocks her view of the stream. HAHAHAHAHAHA! CHICK IT'S DRY AND NO WATER IS EVEN THERE RIGHT NOW. It's on the list. It never ends at that place, but I still enjoy working there. The brook isn't even that close to their place so in my mind it can wait. If I don't get that garage fully sheetrocked, mudded, and taped by the end of September it will be a challenge to finish because it's a huge space and a big heater won't keep it at temp long enough for everything to dry when it gets cold at night. Plus it will take a lot of propane to run the salamander-heater, and the fumes might get to the two mostly-finished rooms upstairs. I really don't think I can finish it all without some help, but they don't pay my ass enough to justify paying for help. I also like working by myself because I can come and go as I please. With help I'm sort-of tied to the place and my crazy shit-show life right now is still incredibly scattered. What a bunch of crap!

So after yesterday's racquetball games I felt like I had been blueberry raking for a few days. For context, raking is the most physically taxing thing I've done in my life, at least for something that spans most of a work-day. I've been hitting it hard and, get this, I weighed myself for the first time in a very long time and the scale said 138. OMG WTF, OVER?! I don't think I've been that light in my adult life, ever. We're talking probably 1992 weight as a junior in high school, if I had to guess. So I've made eating more food a priority. I should be a few pounds heavier, and I can tell I'm light because I have to wear a belt with most of my pants and shorts now. I underestimate how much effort all this carpentry takes not only here at my soon-to-be apartment but also at that garage. I think I'm in great physical shape, but I'm walking a fine line between too much physical exertion and I flirt with that line several times a week. What a bunch of crap! Raking starts in just over a week as well so I need to recover some before the first day of that or else my season will suck. A lot.

It didn't help that on Wednesday afternoon I moved a lot of the gym stuff into storage. I didn't want to go to Eddington, but I had to because it's the right thing to do. Kat was there, I wish she wasn't, and to her credit she did organize a lot of my personal stuff from the upstairs. She didn't have to do that she could have been an asshole about it. I respect her, but I don't want to get back with her. I'm comfortable-ish here so far and this is where I need to be if I want to fix my epic failer life. I might never fix it, but I should try. Right?

Moving the gym was a little workout as well, but I didn't do it all. When I was about to leave Kat asked if we could talk and I said NO. I felt badly, but I told her the truth. She would just ask why I'm leaving and she'd ask if I'm pokerizing other chicks and I'm sick of those questions getting thrown at me every single time. I wish she wanted me gone so I wouldn't feel so guilty about leaving. My resentment for all of them got worse yesterday when I was getting cable boxes from the restauranat to return to Spectrum. FUCK THAT PLACE WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BUY IT?!

I did sign up for my own TV and Internet package to be installed Aug 6, and by then I might have a TV set up. Maybe? Hopefully! I painted my bedroom walls today so that's forward progress for at least one room being mostly done. I wanted to also sign up for a cellphone, but first I have to ditch TMobil and that won't be so easy. It used to be US Cellular until rich people did rich people things and now it's no longer US Cellular. I went into the TMobil store where they were understaffed, and other people were there also wanting to cancel. The line was too long gods damn it so I quit. I tried to call 611, but I needed a code and fuck that.

^TMobil can eat the peanuts out of my sssssssshhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttt. I like the service, works just fine, but their store is a shit-show and their 611 phone number is a turd. Plus they put apps on my phone that I did not ask for. What a bunch of crap!

Get this shit, I go to Spectrum to return the last two cable boxes from our epic fail disaster restaurant, and a few minutes later MY WIFE WALKS IN. WTF IS SHE GPS TRACKING MY ASS?! I know she's really not because she texted this morning she was going there, but I didn't think she would show up 5 minutes after I got there at about 1715, probably 10 hours after she had texted me. I never told her what time I was going. What a bunch of crap! She wants cheaper monthly cost, but she doesn't want to give up a cable box so I doubt that worked out so well for her. She said she'd dump the SciFi channel hehehe.

I had gone to Reny's and Marden's the night before to shop around a little to see if I could find a decent bed frame or other little night stand for my apartment, but they didn't have jack shit so I saw KOHL'S by Spectrum and I went there. I don't know what the hell Kohl's is because I suck at shopping so I thought I'd check it out, and that store SUCKS. It might be great if you're a chick who wants clothes, but that ain't me! Oddly enough they have a huge pillow selection, though. I found a memory-foam pillow that's normally $80 on sale for $56 so I bought it. I almost didn't buy it, but I suck at sleeping and I need t be better at it. I havn't slept all night in a long time. I fall asleep well with the edible, but I wake up in the middle of the night and I toss and turn. What a bunch of crap! This pillow better be awesome gods damn it. My old pillow is ancient and nearly flat so it's well-past time for a new one.

When I was checking out I joked with the clerk that it better be an awesome pillow for $60. She said they have a 90-day return policy so I laughed, not trying to be rude, and I said "Who would return a pillow?!" She agreed because I don't see how you can use a pillow and refund it hahaha. YOU BUY IT YOU USE IT IT'S YOURS AND IF YOU HATE IT YOU MAKE IT A SPARE FOR YOUR GUESTS OR YOU THROW IT AWAY. She also said I got $10 in Kohl's points or some shit, but I didn't provide my phone number because I don't want to be on their spam list F that. I told her she could keep those, but I guess she loses her job if she does that so that's great, I have a credit for a store I never plan to shop at again in my life. What a bunch of crap!

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Tuesday: 7-14-26: It's been about a week living in Brewer. MILKSHAKE RIPOFF. A bathroom?
I'm listening to The Sisters of Mercy, and they are pretty damn good. I guess they are a goth band that was more popular in the 80s and 90s? I base that on the YouTube comments at the bottom of some of the songs. Mother Russia was the first song by them I ever heard, and I think that was earlier this year. Since then a few others have come up on the random playlist, which is tailored to my likes, and one called More by The Sisters of Mercy is also awesome. Not saying I'm gonna go buy their albums or make them regulars on the playlists, but I might!

I'm fuckin' beat to shit. Every day is a long day, and the days fly by. I'm working a lot. A LOT. I have two do that for two reasons. First, I'm fucked and owe a ton of precious... precious money. My wife also owes, but she doesn't give a shit and that's part of the reason why I left her. She owed 55% of the restaurant and I get 100% of the debt? FUCK THAT I'M DONE. I'm happier by myself, at least so far, and by a lot. I've had great support from some of my closest and most reliable friends and family so that means a lot and it helps me make this transition. My last night in Eddington was a week ago.

Bluebrry raking is in only about 10 days and my body feels like it's already been raking. Doing that huge garage ceiling is arduous, and the demolition work here at my unfinished apartment is also incredibly taxing. I worked on that garage all morning then I worked on my apartment this afternoon. The forecast was for lower 90s and heavy later PM thunderstorms, but there is smoke in the air from Canadian wildfires so that killed off the storms and it never even rained here. It's still plenty humid so that sucks, but we never hit 90 so it wasn't as bad as I expected. Later in the week fantastic, cooler, crisp air is heading out way so that will help my productivity when working. It helps for sleeping, too! No AC here, but I really haven't needed it yet because this place gets a great breeze with no windows hahaha. There are old, crusty storm windows I can close, but mostly they stay open.

It took a lot of planning, but we came up with a basic bathroom layout that I think works well enough. Maybe? Hopefully! Here is the rough floor layout:

^Toilet will go where that ladder sits, landry ad storage goes next to the ladder on the right side. The shower/tub will be off to the left where the little box of screws sits, and the sink/vanity will be next to that and by the door. So when you walk in the sink is on the left and the laundry is on the right. Gavin thought putting the toilet by the window made the most sense since a closet can't really go there and getting rid of the window seemed dumb. I framed the window for a smaller, higher window but it should still let in plenty of light and, in warmer weather, fresh air.

I plan to frame that bathroom Friday and Saturday before Bruce comes Sunday to start plumbing. At some point soon Jake will come do some wiring, but the plumbing is far more important. Tomorrow I'll work on that garage before I head back to Eddington to move more of the gym to storage. I need to get my shit out of Eddington ASAP because I have no desire to go back there. Kat, to her credit, has mostly left me alone and I do appreciate that. She probably hates me now, but thanks to her ass I'm in debt for-fuckin-ever. I still wear my wedding ring, but my marriage is pwned. What a bunch of crap!

I went to McDonald's not long ago for two McDoubles and a milkshake. I saved a McDouble for tomorrow, and I had a Lean Cuisine frozen dinner with some veggies in it so that made my meal healthy. Right?! Hehehe. The burgers are only $2.59 each, pretty cheap, and I think they got smaller. I haven't had one in a while, and I don't think I've had a milkshake there yet this year. I got a medium-size milkshake, and maybe that's the only size they sell now? I dunno, but the dude at the drive-in order-thing asked if I was using the app so I said no I'm using cash. Then he said I can still order with the app and I DON'T FUCKIN' UNDERSTAND WHY I WOULD DO THAT WHEN MY ASS IS TALKING INTO YOUR LITTLE SPEAKER-TRANSMITTER-THING AND I JUST WANT TWO LITTLE DINK BURGERS AND A MEDIUM MILKSHAKE. I'M TOO DUMB TO ORDER FOOD WITH AN APP GODS DAMN IT WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I'm guessing one day there won't be a place to drive up and order, you will be forced to use an app, and at that point I hope I'm dead and long gone.

The burgers are a fair price, probably a little too cheap, but holy jebus they make up for it with the cost of the milkshake. This dinky little thing was $4.99 OMG!

^Window trim/screen is on the list hehehe.

My Yeti, the same one I've had for many years, isn't huge. That friggin' milkshake is TINY. If that's a medium I shudder to think what a small is. A thimble?! What a bunch of crap! That size would be fine if it was $3 or $3.50, but five bucks is bullshit. I won't do that again! Okay I probably will, but not for a while hehehe. I put coffee brandy in it so I'm a little buzzed, but not too bad.

I don't have TV to watch, but I haven't missed it. The Interweb is good enough plus I have a great little porch to enjoy sitting on. If the weather was better I would have sat out there and read some, but the threat of rain was in the air most of the day and the radar looked all-bad until the rain just never really got here. A couple very light sprinkles, no big deal at all, but even now it feels like it could pour.

I need a tent. I guess I'll get on Amazon and see what they have. Last year I used one of Kat's tents, but I'm not doing that this year F that. We will be camping out for a week, maybe 8 or 9 days, and I don't wanna sleep in the truck. I probably need other camping stuff as well, but I'll see what I have in Eddington and I can grab smaller stuff at a local store. Maybe? Hopefully! I'm looking forward to raking, but I don't feel ready since my life is so crazy right now. I should take a day off before raking, but I doubt I will. What a bunch of crap! Maybe I'll take Sat the 25th off for Hawke's birthday and I'll just start raking on the 26th. I'll figure that out next week because I don't even know what time his birthday party is. I'm guessing PM because that makes the most sense...

I'm gonna listen to INXS now. Never Tear Us Apart, great song and if you disagree with me then I hate you. I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you a little more!

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Saturday: 7-11-26: I AM FUCKIN' BEAT. Epic exercise and work-done.
Blueberry raking starts in just two weeks. Two weeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkksssssssssssssssssssssssss Total Recall like a boss I need to watch that movie again. The 1990 original with Schwarzenegger not the bootleg and far inferior remake. The remake = what a bunch of crap! I actually haven't even watched TV lately because I'm working a lot. A LOT. All this hard work should help me be in better shape for raking. Maybe? Hopefully! Gavin and I did a lot more demolition and I-joist installs today, but by the final hour we were quickly turning into this:

We got off to a great start and fiished demolition of another area of the ceiling:

^Gavin wonders why he bought this place hehee. Getting that area clear is incredibly arduous, and it takes a tremendous amount of precious... precious energy. By later morning we were both fairly beat, but we wanted to get another 4 feet of I-joists installed and we did just that gods damn it. I had my dump-trailer staged so we could heave stuff out the window:

^The lumber off to the side of the trailer are actual rough-cut 2x8s from most likely 125-150 years ago, actual dimensional lumber, and some of it is quite heavy. We had to be careful removing it so we didn't get hurt, and it's a miracle we didn't get hurt badly. Some scrapes and small bruises, very sore, but no injuries. However, it was dangerously close a few times.

Gavin's house is very difficult to remodel, and removing that section of ceiling/floor and replacing it with new lumber is no exception. We did pretty good before lunch, but after lunch we kinda turned into two of the Three Stooges. A couple of the measurements were off, I almost dropped a full sheet of Advanteck into my soon-to-be apartment, I almost fell 9 feet, I almost got a concussion, I almost had a pry-bar hit me in the nuts (small target hehe), Gavin stepped on a nail that thankfully didn't make his foot bleed, and then there was this:

^HAHAHAHAHAHA! The foam-glue was a total shit-show and we were getting it everywhere because the "gun" to dispense the stuff was all clogged up. We had to ditch the gun and do it the old-fashioned way, but we had to hurry and that's when I almost fell down below. Then we couldn't get the piece of Advanteck to connect the tongue to the groove so we were beating on it with the sledge and we boogered some of it, and man we were getting TIRED fast. It was exhausting work, and by the end of the day I told Gavin I felt like we had been blueberry raking for a full 8-hour day. GREAT exercise, but perhaps a bit too much for our borderline old-asses.

We worked a full day and were both really worn out, but I took a little break and made time to go mud the tax office. I really did not want to do that, but it needs it. Thankfully the weather was as close to perfect as you can get for July. High temp around 80, but not humid and tonight we drop down to 55 Oh Jesus Hell Yeah! I'd get cold early AM with all the windows open so I closed most of them, the storm windows at least since I don't have "real" windows in the main area of the place.

Sitting on the porch this evening was beautiful, and Gavin came down to shoot the shit for a little bit. Towards dusk not long ago we saw 5 skunks just cruising around hahahaha! The porch here is awesome and I should post a picture of that soon. I actually used it at 0715 today to do yoga, and that was fantastic. Not too hot, not too cold, fresh summer air, perfect. However, my entire body is epic-sore so I'm not sure yoga helped. I guess in theory it does. Maybe? Hopefully!

I am absolutely beat to shit. We have a lot more to do tomorrow, and I have to get the tax office as done as possible, so there just isn't enough time in the day to do it all but that's okay. I like being here so far, but I'm not sleeping well so that sucks. A lot. I hope to sleep a little better tonight because I'm so beat up, but we shall see. I won't be up much longer because I feel totally wiped-out. If we can get the last five I-joists installed then I can start framing the bathroom this coming week. Maybe? Hopefully!

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Friday: 7-10-26: Poor Amos, he passed away.
Mom and Dad lost their 11-year old black lab, Amos, last night. It was very sad; Mom called me around 2130 asking what she should do because Amos had collapsed in the lawn. He was awake, but immobile. Dad is 77 and getting frail (but he's no pussy!), Mom is almost 70 and can't lift a fraction of his weight, so I considered driving down to help. However, they are 1.5 hours away, I ate my edible, and I had two drinks so I don't think I would have been sober enough to do it safely. What a bunch of crap! Two drinks won't get me too impaired to drive (normal drinks, not super-stiff or huge drinks!), but that combined with the edible is a bad mix. I think if I had one edible and no booze I still shouldn't be driving because I start to feel impaired. Especially not driving 65 miles on back roads when I'm already beat.

I Googled emergency vets in their area, I told them to call, they seemed to hesitate because they thought he had kennel couch and the vet wouldn't take him in, but I said they have to at least try. Thankfully Dad called them, they had wonderful volunteers who came to the house to help load Amos up into the car, and off they went to get the dreaded bad news. Not kennel cough, but tumors in his liver and organs. Tumors get really common in labs and Goldens. What a bunch of crap that is! They made the sad decision to euthanize him because he was literally dying in front of them.

I wish I had a picture of Amos, and I might have one, but I'm half in the bag after 3 drinks so nevermind. Mom and Dad have had five different black labs over the course of 52 years. FIFTY-TWO YEARS HOLY FUCKING CRAP THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. What an amazing "feat" or milestone or just being amazing people. Shadow was the first, and she sadly died at age 7 and I was 6 and I recall bawling like a little baby when Mom woke us up and told us. She got hit by a potato-chip truck OMG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! better not have been Ruffles because I was just eating some of those. Where's my pshchologist?! Oh yeah I politely fired her because my marriage was this even after 5 years of marrige therapy Zoom meetings:

^HAHAHAHAHA! Well I'm still married so maybe it hasn't failed. Just kidding it's pwned and I did what I set out to do and now I will probably die alone.

After Shadow was Dynamite, the dogs I recall most of all because she was in the family for most of my memorable youth. She lived to be 13, and she was awesome. I was in the Navy when Dyna died, and I remember Mom telling me over a sattelite phone call with a time-delay and sounding like we were both in tin cans. Hey, it beat just sending letters, which I still did hehehe. Yeah, I wrote letters in the 90s like a fuckin' boss.

I remember meeting little puppy Onyx when I was home on leave from the Navy. Onyx only lived to be 7 because FUCK YOU TICKS. As I recall that one hit Dad pretty hard, and I think one of my siblings said Dad cried. Wow, never seen Pop cry. I guess that's where I get my lack of emotion from, but I cry more than I did when I was younger. Rocky at Adrian's grave = gotta cry. Stranger Things a few times, espeially the season where Eddie checks out, gotta cry. Beth and Rip, many of their scenes in Yellowstone, gotta cry. Ending of Of Mice and Men... okay you see the dumb point there.

Nitro was their next black lab, and he lived to be 13. I think he basically died of old age. Now Amos, the dog I called an asshole in the past but not because he's a dink. No, he was a ball of fire and loved to jump and get all up in your busienss. He was very excitable, and he loved to run around in the yard with me. Mom and Pop can't run with him so I tried to do it as much as possible when I visited. I did't visit enough because my life here in Penobscot County was a shit-show a lot of the time. What a bunch of crap! Dad and Amos had really bonded because for many of those years Dad was finally fully retired and they could hang out more. In the past couple years Mom retired and she could be with him more as well. Kids all grown up, just them and the dog, now the dog is gone. It really makes me want to cry. I talked to them this evening on my new porch, a beautiful evening, and they did say getting another dog might not be an option because Dad is 77, and he said he doesn't know if his dog should outlive him because then what happens to the dog. A totally fair, balance, and respectable view. However, it's a heartbreaking view because Dad was essentially saying he's too old for another dog. He LOVES to bird hunt with his dogs, and now he doesn't have that. So sad.

I'm hanging out all by my gods damned cursed self, and it is FUCKING GLORIOUS. I'm at my scrap plywood "desk" and I have had four drinks so my ass is done. It's 2222 hehehe. Past taps, but fuck it because I steered my ship away from that huge iceberg that even a blind man would have seen coming. In aother life (only 6 weeks ago wow!) I would have been at Mad Kat's Restaurant and Bar working for no pay and thinking about my shitty life. My life still isn't great, but it has improved. I'm getting GREAT exercise lately as well. Doing this garage ceiling is quite a workout:

^I believe the ceiling is around 750 square feet (800 square feet total less the 2x8 walls) and it needs to be 5/8 sheetrock so I have to install it in 4-foot panels. The first panel almost kicked my ass, but I got smarter and found a better way to leverage it up. I've installed 6 panels so far, 96 square feet, but I have strapping installed so a couple more panels can go up quickly. Without that scaffholding I would be screwed because it's 14 feet in the air so my sheetrock lift won't work and renting a mechanical man-lift is epic expensive.

So I went for a jog this evening. It was a weird, interesting, revealing trip down memory-lane. I went past my Allen Rd properties (well I see them every day hehehe) then down Chamberlain Street, back through Parkway North, then past North Main. I saw all but one of the seven buildings I've owned in Brewer, Maine since 2005. I didn't know if that would suck, but it was totally fine. I just feel more at-peace here, and in some weird way when I was sitting on the porch here I felt like I was back home. Not home where I was raised, but the home I first made for myself when I was fresh out of the Navy 28 years ago. I was within 100 yards of where I sit right now back on September 1, 1998 when I signed the lease to rent 24 Prospect Ave #2 Brewer, ME 04412 for $545 per month with heat included. OMG EPIC. The city has since changed the name to Allen Rd, and that same apartment is rented as an Air B N B and I was renting for around $1600 monthly before that. INFLATION, BEOTCHES!

So far I feel good about being here on my own, but we shall see if that changes. I have so much work going on I'm mostly just focused on that, and trying to get as much done as I can before blueberry raking in only two weeks. TTTTTTTTTTTTTTWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO WWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I'm taking my life back gods damn it.

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Thursday: 7-09-26: I'm pretty much living in Brewer now, as planned.
I had to expedite my move to Brewer by a couple days, but that's okay. Actually I feel badly about it, but I did what I had to do for my own sanity. Living in the same house as Kat is unacceptable now. Every day she would ask me why I'm moving out, accuse me of pokerizing other chicks, and asking when Doug would be moving back. OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I HAVE NO DESIRE TO POKERIZE, FLIRT WITH, OR EVEN HANG OUT WITH ANY OTHER CHICKS RIGHT NOW. Emotionally I am cooked. I was never emotional anyway so what little emotions I do have are gone. All that's left is sadness for the life I am leaving behind, and yes that is an emotion I guess. I do have hope for my future, but not a whole lot. I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine, but I am in a little better mental shape than I was even a month ago. I don't feel like dying as much so that helps. Right?

I have too much going on in my worthless life right now to even cover it all. On Monday evening I was attempting to update this bootleg site that almost no one ever reads when Kat came into the little kitchen/dining room office area to ask why I'm leaving. My answer upset her, I knew it would, but it wasn't as bad as Tuesday night. Wow that got bad in a hurry! She came into the same little office area, the place where I hung out a lot in evenings while she watched TV in the bedroom (that I never slept in anymore), and she asked agai why I was leaving. Apparently my "I'm not happy my life sucks and it has mostly sucked since 2020." was not good enough for her, she would not let it go, so I finally gave her the cold truth. I told her she's an agent of chaos, she's too controlling, and she can't even imagine the amount of times in our marriage that I didn't go deer hunting or play racquetball because she was needy.

^My life with my wife in it 100% of the time. She disagrees, and probably I'm part of the problem and I defiitely admitted that.

That did NOT end well. She melted down, called me an asshole, went into the bedroom, came back 5 seconds later to say "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" so I threw some stuff into my bag and I was about to hit the road when she asked me to stay. Then there were deer under the apple trees and one of the does there kept getting onto its hind legs to pick the unripe apples and that was cool to see. She calmed down enough so I stayed one final night on the couch, my last night there. She cried a lot and I felt badly, but I have to survive and I'm not making it long with her up my ass all the time.

The sad thing is she doesn't mean to do it, she just does, and it adversely impacts my life. A lot. So I'm out, and I worked on this yesterday evening after working another long, full day:

^MY NEW BEDROOM!

Walls are all sanded and ready for paint, and I was going to paint them and do the drop-ceiling before I moved into that room. However, I am way too friggin' busy working all over the place so I just decided this room, the room where I am doing my first-ever Crap update from here, is good enough. I cleaned the hell out of it and set up a bootleg base camp. Plywood "desk" on milk crates hehehe. Today I am using a smaller scrap piece of wood and I am a little more set up than I was 24 hours ago. I can live like this for a while until I get a bathroom, and framing that up is more important than painting and fiishing this bedroom.

I rented a storage unit yesterday. Kat didn't know I did, but I told her I was going to do so. She texted me asking how much I'd sell her and the kids the gym stuff for, I told her it's not for sale, but I might sell the treadmill. She replied "So you'll sell my Christmas present to you but nothing else ok. Nevermind."

AHAHAHAHAHA! CHICK I PAID FOR 90% OF EVERYTHING AND YES I WOULD 100% SELL THAT FIRST SINCE I BARELY USE IT BEING MARRIED SUCKS A GIANT BAG OF DICKS WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

Mom just called, and it's not looking good for Amos, their dog. He's 11, he's very sick with what they say is kennel cough, and I think he's dying. He collapsed on the lawn and they can't move him. I told them to call the emergency vet, I wish I could go help them, but I can't drive right now because I've eaten an edible and I've had two drinks. I didn't tell Mom that, but I should have. I figured if I told Mom I needed edibles to sleep she would just judge me and that would suck. After I eat an edible I get a little loopy. I'm ok still for now, but they live 1.5 hours away and I would barely make it. Hopefully I won't need edibles forever, but I definitely do right now because my life is fucked. I didn't eat enough edible last night so I fell right to sleep, but I woke up in the middle of the night and I was awake for a while. What a bunch of crap! I ate a little more edible and eventually racked out.

So I'm basically living in Brewer now, and I have no plans to sleep in Eddington again. I took most of my stuff yesterday and today, and being there today sucked until Kat left for work. I don't hate her at all, but it was incrediby awkward. She's sitting there in the rocking chair while I bail my stuff into boxes. I told her I'd move when she wasn't there, but she said she wanted to be there. What does she think, I'm gonna rob her and take her stuff? I DON'T WANT SNOOPY STUFF YOU KEEP IT ALL.

I feel really badly for Mom and Dad because this is probably their last dog. I hope they could have another one, but at their age it seems unlikely. Poor Dad is not taking this well at all, and rightfully-so. He's really close to all his dogs, and he trains them all to be outstanding bird dogs. I hope Amos makes it, I really do, but odds are not in his favor. He doesn't even eat anymore and he is too smart to take his pills even when they are hidden in foods like peanut butter, hot dogs, etc.

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Monday: 7-06-26: How can you hate Def Leppard?!
I've had a busy past few days, VERY busy. Today was my first almost-day off in weeks; I drove to Jefferson to visit my family at the lake house on Damariscotta Lake that they've rented for the past 6 years. We had a GREAT visit, we did some swimming, we had a fantastic lunch, and Hawke and I played catch with the football for a while before we kicked the soccer ball around. When we were swimming Jason had the boat docked and he put on Def Leppard. Oh Jesus, hell ya! He's done that for me a lot in the past, and I really appreciate it. Today the first song to come on was Rock, Rock 'Til you Drop from the 1983 Pyromania album. Might be the first song on the album, I think it is, but I'm not looking it up. It's a total kick-ass 80s hair rock song!

The song was only playing for about 30 seconds when my 15-year old Niece, Nadia, said "This is the worst music I've ever heard in my life."

OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! All I wanna know is why? Why does my niece think Def Leppard sucks?! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I should have drowned her on the spot for the good of all humanity. Hehehe obviously joking plus if anything she could drown my loser-ass first she knows how to ride horses so you gotta be tough for that, right?

On the drive there and back I ripped out Ratt and Queensryche. I listened to a little of Glenn Beck before he got preachy and I listened to a little sports radio talk. Pundits seem to think the Celtics trading Jaylen Brown was as bad as when the Red Sox sent Babe Ruth to the Yankees. What a bunch of crap! I like Brown, but they can't afford both Brown and Tatum so might as well send Brown down the road for future draft picks, Paul George, and a reduced payroll.

Before I got back to Eddington I stopped at Lowe's to buy paint for my soon-to-be bedroom at Gavin's. I thought I'd finish the bedroom this weekend, but Gavin was available to help both Friday and Saturday so we did the first four feet of I-joists. Check this out:

With the outer walls framed the rest of it shouldn't take as long. Maybe? Hopefully!

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Thursday: 7-02-26: When will I finish my bedroom?
We are in the middle of a severe heat wave, and it's all over the news because basically everywhere east of the Mississippi is roasting. Low temps in the 70s at night = what a bunch of crap! Hey, relative to other places I guess we are lucky. I saw earlier places like NY and DC won't drop below 80 at night. OMG what a bunch of crap! How do you sleep with no A/C when it's 80 at 0500? I think the worst we've ever seen for overnight would be 74-75, but I'm not sure. Tonight's low should be around 73 so that is epic fail and really hard for sleeping. Oddly enough last night's low was 70 but I slept ok. I guess getting half-drunk and baked does the trick. Will it work tonight? We shall see, and hopefully soon because I already ate my edible and I'm on a third drink. Really splurging tongiht hehe. I had two drinks last night and the same Tuesday night. Just enough to catch a buzz and survive until I leave. I don't hate being around Kat, she's still a great person and my wife, but it's awkward and she doesn't want me to move out so it makes me feel guilty. I should not feel guilty, though. It's my life and I want it back.

For the past couple days I've gotten a relatively early start and I've been installing rockwool insulation in the ceiling and finishing mudding and sanding in my soon-to-be bedroom before I go work on other stuff. I was hoping to have the room done by Saturday, but the odds are slim I pull that off. I still have to insulate more, I need to finish mud and paint, do a drop ceiling, etc. Gavin has tomorrow off so we plan to frame some kitchen/bathroom walls, but it will be 96 fucking degrees with a heat index of 105 in the afternoon so I don't think we will get much done. What a bunch of crap! I plan to go visit Phil in Hartland tomorrow evening, I'll attempt to bivouac at my soon-to-be apartment, and I'll work more on the place Saturday before I rack out there again. Saturday is July 4th, and that used to be one of my favorite days of the year before I fucked up my life. Now I don't even care... whether or not I care and I have no desire to be in Eddington for the usual party. Hard pass there I can have 2-3 drinks at my new place, sit on the porch, rack out, and work Sunday. On Monday I'll go visit my family at the lake house in Jefferson, same place Jason and Holly rent once a year for a long time.

I finally have this gym-room about done at the huge Treats Falls garage job:

^It takes a lot of precious... precious time to stain and polyurethane the doors. The walls above the slider and left closet door were white until 6 or so hours ago when I painted them blue to match an accent wall. Here is the other part of the room:

The plans there change constantly or I would have had that room done last week. They change their minds about things that get expensive, but I'll keep charging my hourly rate and I'll be working there until the year 2030. I might not even be joking about that either because after I finish their humongous garage/addition they already plan to have me do other work. JOB SECURITY! They seem half-nuts at times, but as they say it takes one to know one. His wife came up and she was so happy to see the blue walls, but Mike (her husband and technically the guy for whom I work) asked me to do it so I don't deserve any credit there.

Man, it was stupid-hot today. Just riciculous, and at 1600 it was still 94 degrees. OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Thankfully at that garage job there is a heat pump in the adjoining room so I had a little AC and I didn't 100% roast. After I worked there for 4 hours I went back to my soon-to-be tax office, but I didn't have a paint roller arm so I was scrounging around at the failed restaurant when I found one encased in green paint. The paint was hardened so I had to find a knife to cut it loose. What a bunch of crap! Then I felt rushed because Kat said she was loading up at 1700, not 1745, and I had planned to help. She's hosting karaoke at the Pour House tonight. I should not have felt rushed, but I did. It all worked out because I had a wall section to paint and I plowed through that quickly.

I actually felt pretty good when I got home so after I helped load up I used the gym for a light workout, first one in 2-3 weeks. I've gotten GREAT exercise lately so I haven't needed to lift, but my body told me I had the juice in the tank for a little workout and since it's a concrete floor down there it wasn't 95 degrees. It was plenty warm, but not totally ridiculuos. The thermostat at the house was off the scale about 3 hours ago because it was too hot to register. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

Okay, Twisted Tea Light sucks. A lot. We had some leftovers from the failed restaurant and I'll leave the rest of them for other people.

I also cooked supper tonight. OMG RARE! I made Deer-burger Helper and mixed veggies, and it was glorious. Normally I'm doing a frozen dinner with a small side; my favorite frozen dinner is the $2.49 alfredo and broccoli Lean Cuisine. There is no protein so I can throw in some chicken, ham, whatever. Or have that with a sandwich. I try to get frozen dinners with veggies so they're healthy hehehe. I'm going to eat a lot of frozen dinners this year because I don't think I'll have a kitchen in my new place until August. Oh well, I need a bathroom more than I need a kitchen hehehe.

How many more nights will I bivouac in Eddington? I plan to crash here tonight (obviously) then Sunday, and after that we shall see. If I can motivate and get my bedroom done that will help. A lot. As an added bonus the extreme heat and humidity breaks Sat PM/evening and next weeks looks fabulous so I can be more productive. Maybe? Hopefully! I really just want to be able to sit on the porch at my new place in peace. I've done that already a little, but not for very long only on short breaks before I get back to work.

I'm excited for my new place, but I also feel guilty for wanting to leave Kat. My entire family is ready to throw me a party over it, but Kat is not a bad person and I still defend her to my family. She's an agent of chaos, but that's not really her fault. I might be an agent of chaos as well, I can't possibly know, but it's possible her and I together are prone to making bad decisions so we should not be together anymore.

Plus her cats can all fuck off. I HATE THIS ANIMAL PLANET HOUSE. I don't really even like the dogs that much anymore. They are obnoxious and they eat their own shit. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! I want no pets, no chicks, just booze, TV, Internet, and books and I'm good. I'll be working a lot anyway because I have to pay down debt from that shit-show epic failer restaurant.

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Wednesday: 7-01-26: The bootleg Eddington Store.
When we first moved to Eddington things were good. We had more precious... precious time to hang out, work on the house, and wind down from restaurant chaos. (Too bad that was fleeting.) As an added bonus there was this cool local store/gas station, The Eddington Store. That place had an AWESOME menu with A+ food. They had a little ice cream station, and it seemed well-run and generally great.

^Photo probably taken before new owners took over. The place looks a lot more ghetto now!

Several months ago, maybe a year I dunno, I go in and different people are there, Indian descent. Hey they were polite so good for them. Then I found out the store was sold to these new people. I still wanted to give them a fair chance so Kat and I ordered food from their website, and the order was canceled with no refund given. Kat actually went into the store and the guy wasn't helpful. What a bunch of crap!

Word quickly started getting around about the place turning into a dumpster-fire, but I still stopped for gas because you can jam cash in the pump without even needing to go into the store. How cool is that? The place looks more and more run down each day, but I thought they must sell greasy pizza by the slice at 1730, prime supper hour, right? I went in and, get this, SOME FRIGGIN' CHICK WAS CHANGING AN UGLY-ASS PISSY BABY ON THE AREA WHERE THE CHILI USED TO BE. ALL I WANNA KNOW IS WHY? WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN?! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

Next to turd-diaper McGee sits the pizza-thingie. All gas station convenience stores have those things, right? Normally there is shitty pizza spinning around. The light was on, there was a greasy empty round tray, so I figured they sold out because the cook was busy changing a fuckin' diaper right in the middle of the customer area. I asked the clerk-guy if they sold out of pizza or if they sold it at all and he said no, they only do that in the mornings.

OMG WTF, OVER?! What kind of bootleg, piece of shit store only sells pizza in the morning? I guess he meant breakfast pizza? Breakfast sandwiches? I do not understand, and if it was sold out since morning why was the thing on with a greasy tray in it roughly 8 hours after breakfast would have ended?! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

I looked in the sandwich cooler, and I saw a bunch of stupid-looking Indian food. No chili anymore either gods damn it. I mean the people running this place are like Apu from The Simpsons, but I'm not trying to be racist just sell good food and don't change your baby IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE.

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