9-04 10-04 11-04 12-04 1-05 2-05 3-05 4-05 5-05 6-05 7-05 8-05 9-05 10-05 11-05 12-05 1-06 2-06 3-06
4-06 5-06 6-06 7-06 8-06 9-06 10-06 11-06 12-06 1-07 2/07 3-07 4-07 5-07 6-07 7-07 8-07 9-07 10-07 11-07 12-07 1-08 2-08 3-08 4-08 5-08 6-08 7-08 8-08 9-08 10-08 11-08 12-08 1-09 2-09 3-09 4-09 5-09 6-09 7-09 8-09 9-09 10-09 11-09 12-09 1-10 2-10
3-10 4-10 5-10 6-10 7-10 8-10 9-10 10-10 11-10 12-10 1-11 2-11 3-11 4-11 5-11 6-11 7-11 8-11 9-11 10-11 11-11 12-11 1-12 2-12 3-12 4-12 5-12 6-12 7-12 8-12 9-12 10-12 11-12 12-12 1-13 2-13 3-13 4-13 5-13 6-13 7-13 8-13 9-13 10-13 11-13 12-13 1-14 2-14 3-14 4-14 5-14 6-14 7-14 8-14 9-14 10-14 11-14 12-14 1-15 2-15 3-15 4-15

"I hear voices in my head, they talk to me they council me..." -WWE wrestler Randy Orton's entrance theme song.
"When I told my doctor I heard voices in my head they tried to put me on medication." -Kat


Friday, 5-29-15: Working at 2115 on a Friday night!
I just finished my last rent increase/final warning letter to some of my tenants. Starting June 1st rents are increasing at four of my bootleg apartments. I also had to draft a final warning to a couple tenants who walk the line in terms of paying late. PAYING LATE IS NOT ACCEPTABLE YA GIBLET-HEADS! All I wanna know is why? Why should I ever tolerate people who can barely pay rent on time when I have people calling and asking me if I have anything available? The people on my informal "waiting list" would pay on time, too. Maybe. Probably.

Hmmm... I don't know this song, but I like it. Thank you, Pandora Radio. It's Journey Ask the Lonely. Not sure what album it's from, just says from the greatest hits, but I would guess 1980s because, well, that's my preferred station! I do not possess this song so I should acquire it through perfectly legal means. Hehehehe. Journey is a bit of an overrated band, but they do have a few catchy songs so I am ok with their existence on this Earth. Don't Stop Believing is pretty much on my shit list at this point, though. I liked that song until I heard it for the millionth time.

Kat is down at Jester's, and I took care of some work here in the office after I helped her set up for her weekly karaoke show. Earlier we went for a short hike up "Aprodite" mountain over in Clifton, but we had to bail out after maybe 10 minutes at the top because the asshole mosquitos and blackflies were unbelievable. Normally a good breeze on the ledges keeps them away, but today there was not enough wind. What a bunch of crap! We got all chewed up the whole time we were there. Epic fail!

^Last time we went to Aphrodite we got engaged. Oh Jesus, hell ya! Now we're married. Win! Hopefully I don't ever get hauled on because Kat keeps me mostly on the sane side of the line.

Kat and I watched all the Predator movies over the past couple weeks. We often have time to watch a movie on a Tues, Wed, and/or Sat evening. Thursdays is down at Tag's for her karaoke gig in Ellsworth, Friday is Jester's, and all bets are off on the weekend because we have various things going on. Usually on Monday we watch some wrestling.

^PREDATOR = Oh Jesus, hell ya!

There were five Predator movies made: Predator, Predator 2, AvP, AvP Requiem, and Predators. Obviously the original Predator movie cannot be beaten in terms of quality, but some of the sequals are not too shabby despite the lack of Arnold. If I had to rank the flicks from best to worst they would go as follows:

1. Predator. Not only the best Predator movie, but also one of the best movies ever made, period. In my all-time top 10 for sure. This movie is a perfect 10 on a scale of 1-10. Jesse Ventura, I ain't got time to bleed. Arnold, You're one ugly mother fucker. Movie = totally badass. Great cast, great director, and great special effects that still stand the test of time 28 years later. I simply cannot give this movie enough praise for it's awesomeness. Get to the choppa!

2. Predator 2. Danny Glover = awesome. Love how they expand the Predator universe to show it's spaceship and the other predators giving Glover respect at the end by giving him the pistol from 1716. This is a very worthy and excellent sequal. Never expected it to top the original, but a fine addition to the franchise. The R-rating helps as it has a gritty, violent feel yet doesn't sacrifice a decent story just for more blood and gore. Love how it references the original, too. A solid 8/10 rating.

3. AvP. Alien vs. Predator is a pretty cool movie. The more I see it the more I like it. (all 3 or so times) It's not a classic all-time great, but I like how it shows a glimpse of the history of Predators and Earth. I would give this movie a 7/10 on the scale.

4. Predators. This movie is not without its flaws, but it gets 2 bonus rating points for Lawrence Fishburne and the "Die space faggot." line. I know "faggot" is a very offensive term so I don't use it on this bootleg site like I have in years past, but holy crap that was hilarious when we saw it in the theater. I think this flick would have been better with Arnold (or some other musclehead badass) as the lead, but it's a passable entry in the series. Not stellar, but watchable and entertaining enough. I give it a 6/10 rating.

5. AvP Requiem. All I wanna know is why? Why was this movie made? It makes no fucking sense, and it is mostly garbage. It's a bunch of crap! Cool scenes include the Predator ship crashing, but that's about it. An alien that is half Predator?! Fucking seriously? What a bunch of crap! Seriously, not cool at all. I do also like the 10-second scene where you see the presumed Predator home planet. One point for that. Zero points for most of everything else, including the piss-poor acting and story. This movie fucking sucks. 2/10 on my rating scale.

As a side rant, in the AvP movies why do the Aliens hatch so fast? In the original Alien movie it takes a while for the Alien to burst from the dude's chest, but in the AvP movies people get face-sucked and then just a few minutes later they are having serious chest issues. Continuity fail!

I wonder what Predator movie will be next? I'm sure there will be another as they make money and people love them. Maybe a sequal to Predators? I would be ok with that. Maybe? It would probably suck, but they would get my money!

If I were in the woods deer hunting with my Hoyt compound bow and a Predator decided to play Ninja Warrior with me then it would be all bad. I would do a log-roll, sweep the leg, talk all kinds of shit (Best line in a Predator movie from Predators "Die space faggot!") then get skewered and my skull would be a trophy. All that would happen in about 2 seconds, too. I would be pwned. Then a big 12-point buck would walk by about 10 minutes after I was a strung-up, skinned, headless corpse. What a bunch of crap!


Kat and I watched the original Alien movie on Wed. night, and we will plow through all of those flicks next. Then I can hop onto this bootleg site and properly rank all of those movies. I hadn't seen the original Alien movie from start to finish in many years so it was nice seeing it Wed. That frigging movie is scary. I am a sissy when it comes to scary movies. What a bunch of crap!

Tuesday, 5-26-15: Allergies and work.
The last 1.5 weeks or so have been all bad as far as pollens and allergies go. I've been sneezing a lot, and even my eyes have been itchy and puffy at times. What a bunch of crap! Thankfully I've mostly been able to push through it and still jog, play racquetball, and lift weights. It's weird how I'll feel just fine but then all of the sudden get a little itch in my nose or eyes that won't disappear. Gods damn it! For the first time in my life I put some drop-thingies in my eyes a couple days ago. Kat had to teach me how to do it because my plan was to just look in the mirror so I didn't miss. However, gravity makes that plan impossible so nevermind. Kat also told me to use some of her nose-spray (FlowNaze?) and that stuff seems pretty awesome. I was gona buy some earlier when I was getting her prescription, but I didn't know where it was and then I gave up. I suck at medicine. What a bunch of crap!

I took pretty good advantage of the free dump week last week. Made 4 trips plus helped Gav with some of his junk. He joked that his entire house could get wheeled to the dump because he is slowly renovating the entire place. The landfill is pretty high already; I would guess in a few years they will need a new place unless they start a new pile in the area. I took a picture of trash mountain on Wednesday:


By Friday when Gav and I both rode over in my truck it was like a trip down memory lane. "Oh, there's the fence from earlier today. There's our old dishwasher. There's the fridge I brought a couple days ago." Gav was saying the same thing when we drove past crap he brought earlier in the week, too. Hahaha.

I ended up hauling on a fence that borders one of my duplexes. Not sure if it was my fence or not, but I contacted the management company for the property next door and they let me take it down. They even said they would pay for a new fence. Nice! It took a few hours to remove, but it was well worth it because the thing was falling apart and was a wicked eyesore.

^What a bootleg piece of shit!

I still have a fair amount of work to do over at that property, but thankfully tow worst of it is in my rear-view. I've whittled this dirt pile down to about nothing. Still gotta rake it up and take a few more wheelbarrow-loads out back behind the garage.

^The pile was a LOT higher last fall. I took that picture a week or two ago, and since then it's mostly gone. That giant piece of concrete weighed a few hundred pounds so I backed my trailer up and rolled it on. I tried to smash it all up with my sledge, but it was too solid. What a bunch of crap!

Once the fence was all removed I realized how bad this tree really is:

^What a bunch of crap!

That tree is HUGE, too. Will not be cheap to have removed. Hopefully I can convince the owner of the property that it sits on to pay for its removal entirely, but it might kinda be on my property, too. 50/50 split perhaps? Maybe that tree won't fall down for a few years, but who knows it could come down as I write this bootleg update. It is so big that it will do MAJOR damage, too. Could wreck my garage, could wreck his building, take out a few cars, some people, etc. it needs to get hauled on ASAP. I gotta call them and talk to them about it this week.

Alright you turds, all two of youz, it's about 1000 and I have some things to take care of before lunch. I gotta finish some rent increase notices, measure some steps for replacement at the building I manage, and then go home to do a bunch of work there this afternoon. I have tons of stuff to do. What a bunch of crap!

Saturday, 5-23-15: Let's begin with some ACDC.
I like ACDC, but I own none of their albums and only 6 of their songs. I don't know why I never got into them more because a lot of their songs are catchy. Right now it's Sink the Pink, one of my favotires of theirs. Their best is probably Thunderstruck, but I also give Mistress for Christmas a solid thumbs-up. Obviously you can't go wrong with other ACDC classics like Shook Me All Night Long, TNT, Shoot to Thrill, etc. ACDC rocks, but other bands rock more so I never thought to go on a binge and download everything they've ever done.

I don't have a lot of time today because I have to help Gav remove an old cast-iron tub from his rental and then mow lawns. Plus I should get my swell on and write threatening letters to tenants. All tenants who do not pay rent on time can ggggggggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttt ooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttt! I didn't care as much back when I was single and spent my extra money on beer, but life is different now, much better, and I want to spend my money on my family so all tenants are required to FUCKING PAY ASAP or else get the punishment:

^Yeah beotches, I will call up Mankind (Mick Foley) and ask him to come to your apt with "Barbie", his baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. That makes no sense because he writes children's books these days and is retired from wrestling, but gods damned youz if you do not pay rent I will find a way. PAY OR GTFO!

Time for more ACDC. Little secret, the reason I am listening to ACDC is because it starts with an A and my MP3 collection is alphabetical. Hehehhe. I do like ACDC so it's ok, though.

I need to mow some lawns and then do stuff. I have family plans this weekend that do NOT involve going to the midcoast. My real family is up here now, not down there. Pop wanted me to come down to turkey hunt at 0700, but HAHAHAHAHAHA. I love turkey hunting with Pop because he is awesome, but Mom gets on my nerves and I don't want to look at her face. She hasn't even given Kat a chance to assimilate into the family, and I still remember the time last July that I talked to her judgemental ass on the phone last July. This is what I wrote back then about that call:

"I talked to my Mom on the phone on Tuesday night, and that was a bunch of crap. I haven't talked to Mom and Pop in a couple weeks or so, and since then I've gotten myself a new girlfriend and I've been having the best summer, ever. I told Mom that I had a new girlfriend, and that's when she went full-on bitch mode. The first thing she said wasn't "Oh good, I'm happy for you." or some similar words of encouragement. Nope, instead she asked "Where did you meet her, in a bar?" She said it like she was pissed off, and then I told her yes I did meet her in a bar but it's because she WORKS there every Friday as the DJ/KJ host. Who gives a shit where I met her anyway? Lots of people meet in bars!

After that it got even worse. She started saying all kinds of monkey-crap and went on a rant about how the world is all screwed up these days and how she doesn't know what happened to her three sons, but we're all failures at romance and pretty much at life. She asked "Is she 20? Is she black? Is she hispanic? Is she on welfare? Let me guess, she's been married and divorced two times and has three different kids by three different fathers." OMG MOM STOP BEING A BEOTCH TO ME THAT IS TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

The question about whether she is black or hispanic really confused me. My parents never acted racist when we were growing up so all I wanna know is why? Why does she gotta ask me that? Why does it matter? During her rant she also told me that I've been going downhill ever since Doug came back to visit, and how I enable Doug to fail. Gee, thanks! Not my fault his dumb ass drank all night and was hammered on Memorial Day when they came up to visit and to see my new house. I told her that, too.

I didn't even talk to Mom about my awesome new gf after she said all that trash. I guess she's pissed off because she wanted me to stay with Kelly? My parents liked Kelly a lot, and that's funny how she referenced my dating someone who has been married and divorced since Kelly had been married and divorced. Gotta love hypocracy! I should have told Mom that I'm dating a hooker whom I met down on Harlow Street in Bangor in front of Diamond's (the nudie bar), and I kept her around because she gave me the best $20 hand-job that I've ever had in my life. I should have also told her that the woman's name was Jiggles because she has massive boobs and a gut, she lives off welfare, food stamps, and a steady diet of government cheese in a van down by the river with her seven kids!

^I should email this photo to Mom. "Hi Mom my new girlfriend isn't 20, black, or hispanic! Love, Stevie."

Mom might have had a heart attack if I do that. What a bunch of crap!

So now I can't even introduce my new gf to my parents when they come up to visit next Monday because they're fired from my love-life for a while. Too bad because I think they'd really like Kat. She's not black or hispanic (not that I fucking care what her skin color is as long as she's a good person and not fat and/or busted-ass ugly!), she's not 20 (how am I gonna meet a 20yr old in a bar, Mom? Think that one through you simpleton!), she's not on welfare, and she doesn't have three kids by three different fathers. Hahhaha! Mom, you just got served. Beeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooottttttttttttcccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mom likes to do that on occasion, to totally dump on her three sons and to remind us of the fact that not one of us has gotten it right yet in our love-lives. I suppose I get the worst of it becasue I'm the oldest and I'm supposed to set the bar? Doug got married and divorced. Jason and Holly have been together for 7 years with a house, pets, a kid, and the American Dream yet Jason won't ask Holly to marry him, and I guess I'm just a total loss in her eyes. Maybe because I told her at Grammy's service a couple months ago that I hope I never have kids? She is in full-on Grammy mode these days. She wants more grandkids yet I plan to let her down. Oh well!


That was from July 24, 2014. I've realized since then that my Mom is more annoying and judgemental then ever. She has spent too many years working and hob-knobbing in Camden with the supposed social elite or something. She needs a dose of reality. Her latest little mini-meltdown happened last night when I called to say hello. On Thursday I sent her an email saying I was planning to let Doug fly free on his cellphone plan, but I know she has US Cellular like we do so I thought she might want to put Doug on her plan. I've had Doug on my plan for years now, and sometimes he pays me for it. However, most of the time he does not pay and I don't care that much because he does host this bootleg site, my business site, and Kat's business site on his server. However, hosting costs about $5 a month for the bandwidth we use and his phone costs about $30 a month. I already bought hosting when I renewed my business site a few weeks ago for sometime like $92 for the whole year, all 3 sites, but I haven't switched it because I don't know how to yet. I still have to learn. That's on my list of 1000 things to do.

Since Kat and I are married it only makes sense to combine our cellphone plans together. Keeping Doug on the plan just doesn't make sense, and Mom had paid me $120 for Jan-April for Doug's phone so I thought she would want to keep paying for it and just add it to her plan. Switching it over is simple because we all have US Cellular. All I need to do is sign a release form, and then she can stop by her US Cellular and add it to her plan. However, you'd think I was asking her to perform a fucking miracle when I talked to her last night. She got all annoyed and kept telling me about a surgery to remove a bunion off her hoof on June 11th or something. After her surgery she can't walk around for a while so she was all worried that it couldn't get dome before then, and I had to keep telling her it was no problem and she didn't even have to do it anyway because Doug is 35 and shouldn't need his frigging Mommie to pay for his phone each month. She did NOT like hearing me say that! If I didn't have personal pride and a work ethic I'd tell her to just add me onto her plan, too. The fact that a grown-ass man who is physically capable of working can't afford a cellphone each month so he will let his Mom pay for it = WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

So after she got all pissy with me about Doug's phone she asked about coming down for a cookout around Dad's birthday in a couple weeks. She had mentioned it to us when we were at Nadia's recital last weekend, but I was noncomittal then because that weekend is also Kat's birthday and we will have two new family members by then (two adorable lab/golden puppies!) I didn't rule it out, I said I didn't know, but last night Mom cut me off mid-sentence and said "Well I will just count you out because I can just tell you won't be coming." She said it in a total beotch voice, too. Totally not cool and a bunch of crap. Definitely makes me not want to go now!


Alright, I don't want to write about anything anymore because I have other things to do. Goonies never say die!

Friday, 5-22-15: Some honeymoon photos.
All I wanna know is why? Why have over 3 weeks passed since Kat and I got back from a lovely honeymoon yet I am just now posting photos from our trip here on this bootleg site? This month is flying by. Can't believe tomorrow will already be the 23rd. I began the month with 1000 things on the "to do" list, and now I still have 1000 things on the list. What a bunch of crap! It's a recurring theme on this bootleg site. Thankfully I have made some good progress on a lot of the work. Unfortunately, when I finish one thing another comes up to replace it on the list.

Kat and I have been married for 33 days. The wedding ring still feels weird on my left index finger, but I wouldn't trade it in for all the tea in China. That expression makes no sense, but a lot of expressions in this world are bootleg. I don't want any tea from China because tea fucking sucks. It's a bunch of crap! I've literally never worn jewelry before. No piercings, no earrings, no rings, no nothing. Now that I have my ring I wouldn't give it up for anything because it is priceless. If someone tried to steal if from my hand I would give him or her a 5-knuckle shuffle followed by a Stone Cold Stunner. The threat of wrestling moves always scares people off, right? Hehehehe.

^Try to steal my ring and you will pay. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so!

Tommy gave one of Kat's friends a Stone Cold Stunner last year late-night, and it was hilarious.

We got married on April 19th, and we left for our honeymoon on the following Saturday, April 25th. We had to drive down to Portland to fly to Cancun, Mexico from the Jetport down there. We could have flown out of Bangor, but it would have been around $300 more plus worse departure/arrival times. F that! I need to sign up for an airline credit card so we can just get free miles or something.

Kat had never flown before, but she did great. She's great at pretty much everything so I knew she would be A-ok. We landed in Cancun around 2200 and then caught a shuttle about 30 miles south to a town called Playa Del Carmen. We booked a stay at the Royal Haciendas there, and that was our base-camp for the entire 4.5-day stay. The Royal Haciendas is a beautiful place; I adored it there. We liked it so much that we even bought a timeshare. Hahahaha! Maybe in hindsight that was unwise, but screw it we get access to the place for a week for the next 42 years for "only" $6200. (Payment plan on that thing cause I damn sure don't have a spare $6k lying around.) It's actually "only" 21 times since we bought the bi-annual plan, but what sold it for us was the fact that we can bounce around to other resorts within their system. The company is Royal Resorts, and they own all kinds of different resorts in the tropics. Considering booking a stay at the Royal Haciendas is currently near $300 a night on Travelocity it's a no-brainer.

The Royal Haciendas is right on the Caribbean Sea, and it was like summer there. Highs in the 80s, lows around 70, perfect. There was some humidity, but a nice sea breeze never made me roast too much. Plus after the fucking asshole winter we just had here I wouldn't have cared if it was 110 degrees in the shade. Getting out of this worthless frozen-tundra state for a while was great!

^On the beach at the resort with my awesome wife.

^Out front of our resort. She was chopping it down with the edge of her hand, Hendrix-style. We own that muther! (Well, 1/512 of it for a week every two years. Hehehehe.)

We relaxed at the resort on our first full day there, Sunday April 26th. I got a burn because I am a simp, but it was not a severe burn. Peeled a little, and I deserved it. I was so pasty-ass white thanks again to the winter so without a base tan I was set up to fail. All I wanna know is why? Why do I even live in Maine from Dec-March?

Our plan was an "all inclusive" meaning food and drinks were included at no extra cost. We ate a lot at the buffet. Buffets rule! Their desserts weren't too great, but the rest of it was good. Especially breakfast! Plus the buffet was right on the water so we had a nice view and fresh, salt air during every meal there. We spent some real quality time on the beach after dinner and at other various times of the day. It was very peaceful and very relaxing there.

On Monday we took a tour bus to Chichen Itza, one of the major Mayan ruin sites in the Yutatan, and that was a LONG day. Like, 13 hours from start to finish. The bus ride seemed perpetual because we had to stop at other resorts to pick up other tourists. The ruins of Chichen Itza (Chicken Pizza!) were fabulous, but holy crispy crap it was hot there. Some people in our tour could not make it the entire way because they were out-of-shape sissy Marys. Must have been 100 degrees in the sun, maybe more? We got a lot of photos at Chichen Itza including obviously the main Mayan pyramid.

^Hi, beautiful wife. I love that hat. I could have gotten an umbrella for shade, but screw that only old ladies and sissies use umbrellas.*

Chichen Itza was awesome, but it was a bit of a tourist trap and way loaded with other simps and vendors trying to hock their crap. I almost bought a badass Predator statue for Kat there on the way out, but I got scared and bailed. The tour bus was gonna leave, the vendor lowered his price from 1000 Pesos to 500 Pesos, but I was not able to compute in a timely fashion so I failed. Oh well, at least we did find another cool Predator statue a couple days later.

We also stopped off to see a Cenote, which is basically a hole in the ground filled with fesh water where you can swim. I gave zero craps about swimming and neither did Kat so we just drank water and waited to go back to the Royal Haciendas. We did see another cenote a couple days later after the horseback riding:

On Tuesday we bought our timeshare and went into the town of Playa Del Carmen. They gave us good hotel credits and crap for buying the timeshare, about $250 worth. We also relaxed at the resort, went to the beach, swam in the hot tub, etc. Then on Wednesday we went horseback riding. I really don't care that much about horses, but it was fun because it was with my beautiful wife on our honeymoon. How romantic is that? We saw wild iguanas, banana trees, etc. Iguanas run around down there just like squirrels run around up here. Iguanans > squirrels, though.

^Kat is like the animal whisperer. She is GREAT with animals, and I am, well, a work in progress let's politely say.

My horse kept stopping to pig out. He saw leaves, he wanted to eat leaves. A lot. I told him forward march, but I don't think he respected my authouritai. What a bunch of crap!

We spent Wednesday afternoon after horseback riding, our final full day there, relaxing some by the pool, walking on the beach, and having a romantic dinner at their finer restaurant (reservations required!) Then it was back to reality on Thurs with a trip home. We got back to the house very late Thursday night, but thankfully all our flights were on time both to and from Cancun. (with a layover in Philly.) The Cancun airport can kiss my arse, though. A can of Pringles there was $79 Pesos. (~$6) What a bunch of crap!

In conclusion, the honeymoon was fantastic and I'm already excited to go back to the Riviera Maya again. Timeshare = oh Jesus, hell ya! I loved it there, and the Mexican culture is fascinating. A lot of people there live in relative squalor, a sight we saw often once we left out 5-star resort, but it is overall a beautiful and safe place. They obviously target the tourist, but I am ok with that because all I wanted was a warm, safe, and interesting place to go with my best friend and wife. Mission accomplished! It was our most epic Goonie adventure to date, and no doubt we will have many more to come over the remaining few decades of our lives together. Hopefully we can go back and bring family and friends in the coming years. However, my Mom can't come until she stops being a beotch to me. Seriously. She wouldn't want to go anyway, and she's invited approximately never.

*I am a dumb man sometimes. Hey, it's encoded in our DNA. Ba ba da burrrrr.

Wednesday, 5-20-15: Cardio fail.
My cardivascular conditioning is an epic fail. I have been jogging more lately, but I have to stop and walk for some of the way. What a bunch of crap! A lot of my runs have been only about 2.3 miles, too. I definitely need to step it up and get my ass back into better shape. As far as weightlifting goes, I'm not as bad off as I am with my cardio, but I'm still below goal for the year so far.

In April this year I jogged a grand total of 7 miles. Fail! I did use the elliptical for 60 total minutes, and I played racquetball a couple times, but in April 2014 I jogged 37 total miles plus racquetball plus the Kenduskeag Stream Canoe Race. Definitely no comparison year-year. Not even close. The brutal winter hurt this year plus all the hours I worked at Jackson Hewitt. Plus the wedding, honeymoon, etc. Now I'm paying for it by being in the worst cardio shape that I've been in since maybe when I was in my 20s. Maybe ever? I dunno, when I was 17 and started training for the Navy I could barely run 1/2 mile so that was probably my worst.

Last year in May I jogged 43 miles, but this May so far I've only gone about 20. What a bunch of crap! However, this May I have played racquetball 3 times as opposed to only once all May last year and racquetball is great exercise. Nevertheless, I definitely need to step it up because every year I get older and it takes more to stay fit. Jogging is great for my cardiovascular system, and I need to do it more. I've never been a great runner; I've averaged 7:30 per mile over 3-4 miles only a handful of times in my life and not at all close to that this year. I may never do that again in my life if I kep slacking. It took me 25:45 to go 3 miles yesterday. What a bunch of crap!

I just lifted weights here in the gym, and now I need to get going so I can take another load of junk to the landfill before I do some yard work at one of my rental properties, take a long lunch with my sexy wife, and then work around the house some. Today I'll try to get the roof framed in for the shed out back. Then maybe I will go for a jog/walk before I get Katherine at driver's ed class and eat supper.

Last night Kat and I watched Predator 2 after supper. We watched the original Predator movie last week, and maybe tonight we will watch AvP. The oroginal Predator movie is one of the all-time greats, in my personal top 10 for sure. Arnold kicks ass. Plus the supporting cast is top-notch. The entire movie just wins.

^Get to the choppa!

I haven't seen Predator 2 in a long time, especially not the full R-rated version that doesn't get chopped up and edited for regular TV viewing. Predator 2 is a fucking awesome movie, too. I'd rate the original a perfect 10 and the sequal about an 8. Danny Glover is great, and I love how it ends when we see the other Predators give Glover the 1716 pistol as a trophy after he beats the Predator. Really expands on the Predator universe. Plus it has Gary Busey. That's a win! However, Kat and I had one question left unanswered at the end. How in the hell did they park the spaceship in the sewer under LA? We thought maybe some kind of teleport, but at the end you can clearly see Glover walking out of the sewer along the presumed launch path of the ship. That cannot be explained!

Kat has a totally awesome collection of horror/scifi action figures at the house. We have a shelf above the TV with some Predator statues including one we bought in Mexico for around 450 pesos ($30?) The statue had a little chip missing out of the front so we left to shop around elsewhere and when we came back to the shop the guy had just taken a Sharpie marker and used it to black out where the white chip was showing. Then he offered it to us for an even deeper discount. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sold! Shopping in Mexico is fun because many of the shopkeepers don't even mark their products with prices. They tell you a price, you say no, then the bartering begins. Speaking of that, I haven't even posted photos of our awesome honeymoon yet. What a bunch of crap! I need to do that ASAP.

Alright turds, all two of youz, I need to go measure how I framed in the roof of my bootleg shed over here so it's easier for me to do it at the house. Work smarter, not harder.

^A real Predator would kick my candy ass. Let's hope I never see one for real!

Tuesday, 5-19-15: Puppies and a shed.
We miss Dende terribly since he passed away just over a week ago. Since then Chessa (age 9) just hasn't quite been the same; she doesn't like to go outside in the back yard, her appetite is a fraction of what it was when she had Dende by her side night and day, and she shit/puked on the bedroom floor Saturday night. She actually did that a few other times recently, too. Even before Dende passed away she seemed to know that something was wrong and she hasn't been herself.

Thankfully Chessa seems to enjoy our recent walks with her at Indian Trail Park. However, we know she needs another canine companion because we don't want her to wither away. Dogs can die of a broken heart, and she definitely hasn't been the same old Chessa lately so we're concerned for her well-being. Therefore, we started looking online at puppies on Friday. We looked at a lot of different dogs, but we struggled to find exactly what we wanted. I did stumble across an Uncle Henrys listing for lab/golden mixed puppies that had promise, but there weren't even photos. Fail! Nevertheless I sent an email asking if there were photos and what was still available from the litter.

I didn't expect much to come from that email, but to my surprise Saturday morning I got several text messages with photos attached as well as an email back from the guy. He still had one golden male and two black males from the litter available, and that seemed great. The photos all but sold us as well because they are so cute! We were tempted to drive down and see them that very morning, but we would have had to travel 100 miles one-way to Greene, and that would have been over 3 hours just in driving. Still mighty tempting to just go right then, but Katherine had to work so our timeline would have been very tight so we just decided to wait and go Sunday AM. Greene is about 23 miles from Augusta, and we had to go to Augusta Sunday morning anyway to meet with clients for a July wedding that Kat booked, so that made more sense.

The guy agreed to meet us Sunday AM so we left the house a bit after 0700 full of excitement and anticipation. We arrived 1:35 later, and the puppies were even more adorable in person. We took a few photos:

They're so cute! $700 for the golden, $600 for the black, and we were all-in for both. We had already discussed getting two puppies beforehand because Katherine wanted to get a puppy last month already. She wanted a small dog at first, but F that small dogs aren't as fun as larger dogs. The puppies were born April 10 so they were about 5 weeks old when we saw them. The mom is a pure black lab and the dad is a pure golden retriever so I think it's a perfect mixed breed for us. I grew up loving labs, and Kat loves goldens so we both win.

Since the puppies are so young we can't take them home yet; they're not available for a couple more weeks. $1300 for two dogs. Wow! However, that's nothing compared to some of the other prices we've seen. Most labs and goldens are over $1000. WTF?! What a bunch of crap! Mom and Pop said the breeder who sells labs down their way chargs $1500 now. Ridiculous! 12 years ago Nitro cost them $800 from the same breeder so that is some serious inflation.

We're all excited to add two puppies to the family. We have to go back to Augusta Sunday May 31st to meet with yet another wedding client (Kat's business is doing great!) so we will get them then. Hopefully it won't be as hectic of a day as this past Sunday was. We drove 235 miles total that day. First, from home to Greene. Then from there to Augusta. Then to Mom and Pop's house for a quick visit before heading to the Camden High School for some bootleg recital-thing that Nadia was in. Then from there back to home to watch some of WWE Payback before we fell asleep. Sunday was a long day!

This is free dump week here in Brewer so I took advantage of it yesterday by bringing a load of crap over to the landfill. Junk accumulates around the rentals so it's a great chance to haul on lots of it. Today is rainy so I won't take anything else to the dump. I think only one more, maybe two more trips will get it all done. Plus I need to help Gav with some of his crap. I owe him since he always helps me out with different things.

Yesterday was about perfect for my schedule. I used the gym in the AM after I dropped Katherine off at school, I did some yard work plus the dump run after that, I had a long lunch with my awesome wife, I went for a jog, and I worked on a shed out back for a couple hours. I've been working on an 8x10 shed, and on Saturday it looked like this:

Since then I've installed the floor and framed up the walls. If the rain ends by midday then I will frame the roof this afternoon, but if not it can wait until tomorrow. I'm not in a huge hurry to finish the shed, but it would be nice to have it all done by the end of the month. Don't wanna have the back yard be a construction zone when we will have two young puppies running around out there trying to play with and chew on everything.

I've never owned a dog before. This is exciting!

Thursday, 5-14-15: Gods damned allergies.
It's only 0930 and I've already sneezed 50 times today. I'm a bit snotty, too. Frigging seasonal allergies. What a bunch of crap! I get like this every year around this time, but as I grow older it seems to get worse. Thankfully it's not a 24/7 thing, but when it happens it can last a while before my body fixes itself. I don't feel sick, I still have plenty of energy, but it is a nusiance.

I already got my swell on here in the gym and have done some paperwork in the office. I just uploaded all of the photos that I took since May 1 when I had tenants move out of the 4BR apt at this property. The Giblet-Heads were all college students who liked to party a little too much. Their downstairs neighbors called the cops on them a few times this winter, and that was a bunch of crap. I didn't have to evict them, but I did let them know that they weren't really welcome to stay much longer so they gave their notice in March and hit the road the first of this month.

I knew they wouldn't do a great job cleaning, but they actually did better than I thought. However, they had some glaring omissions so they lost some of their deposit. The fridge was not cleaned, and the oven was a total disaster. Look at this shit-show:

What a bunch of crap! It took a long time to clean that oven; it was the dirtiest over I have ever seen in any of my bootleg properties, ever. Their food must have exploded in there every time they cooked.

They had some mysterious stains on the carpet in the living room that would not come out. Melted wax? That's my best guess, but I will never know for sure because now that carpet is hauled on. Yesterday I had Marden's install a new one. Bye bye $420 for that. Not a bad price for 350 square feet of carpet and install for the living room area, but money I would have rather not spent. Thankfully some of their deposit money covered that expense. The old carpet was only 6.5 years old, but it had suffered through some wear and tear. Carpet sucks, but I have to use it in some of the properties for various reasons (not a great subfloor, in upstairs apartments it reduces footfalls, etc.)

I won't post photos of all their fails, including the downstairs shitter that was not clean (a literal bunch of crap!), but now I have the place re-rented and hopefully problem-free for a while. Kat helped me do some cleaning and painting last week. If not for her I would have had to put in a couple full days of work over there. Thankfully since she helped we only had to work a few hours each day. She's the best!

Now I need to head over to Chamberlain St. to work until around lunchtime on this mess:

My assface contractor, Bob Dunn III, never cleaned up the mess like he promised that he would do last frigging year. Thankfully he at least finished the foundation repair as seen in the photo. He did that foundation last July. I remember Kat and I had just started dating, and we went over together to see him. we laughed so hard at his pathetic ass behind his back. I think I made her a bet that he would say "Dude", and I made Three Stooges noises behind his back because he operates his business like Moe, Larry, Curly, and Shemp would have done.

That dirt pile was a lot bigger after Bob balied, but I've worked it down quite a bit. It totally sucks moving that dirt because it's all clay, and it's filled with rocks, bricks, and concrete from the old foundation. The yard over there is a mess so I definitely need to stay motivated and get it taken care of ASAP. I feel like a slumlord when I look at that mess. What a bunch of crap!

If I can work about a half day on the properties every day (M-F-ish) then I should be able to stay mostly caught up. At least that's the plan. I will try to work in the AM from around 0800 just after I drop Katherine off at school until around lunchtime. Then that gives me the afternoon free to do work around the house and hang out with my hot wife. I need to build an 8x10 shed at the house, do yard work, and remodel the garage to become Kat's new studio. Oh, there's also plenty of work left to do inside the house for those rainy days.

I'm out of here. Time to go shovel dirt and work on my tan in the bright sunshine. Goonies never say die!

Wednesday, 5-13-15: We said goodbye to a great dog Monday.
We had to put Dende to sleep on Monday. He was Kat's oldest of two Golden Retrievers, and he will be sorely missed. Poor Dende, he had been losing weight lately, and he didn't want to eat more than a few bites of his dog food. Kat took him to the vet on Friday, and that's when we got the bad news: lung cancer. So we mourned the news, we treated him to delicious "human" food over the weekend (which he would still eat without hesitation!), and then on Monday we took him back to the vet so he could go to doggie-heaven.

Most humans don't deserve any afterlife, but all dogs deserve a bonus level because they only live a dozen years, give or take. What a bunch of crap that is! I wish dogs could live longer. Fucking turtles live to be 100, some birds live to be 80, and a dog only gets a decade?! Epic mother nature fail.

Monday was a very sad day. Thankfully Dende went peacefully on Kat's lap. He fell asleep very fast, and I think he knew it was time to move on to the bonus levels. Maybe he can meet Nitro and Maggie, too. Hopefully Shadow, Dyna, Onyx, Tigger, Bear, and all the others. Now I feel badly for Chessa, Kat's other Golden Retriever. She's 9, and she's never been alone before. She and Dende have always laid down next to each other, gone outside together, and played together. Chessa normally wolfs down her breakfast and even tried to mooch Dende's food many times, but this morning she didn't even eat all her breakfast. When we let her outside she just stood there as if wondering where her friend was. So sad to see. Hopefully she gets through it ok and doesn't give up on her own life. We took her for a nice walk at Indian Trail Park yesterday and she did good so that is encouraging. She's out of shape so the walk made her lame last night and this morning. I can relate; I can barely even run 2 miles these days. What a bunch of crap!

I've seen many asshole dogs and many good dogs, and Dende was definitely a good dog. He meant a lot to Kat; when she got him over 12 years ago he was just a tiny puppy who helped her get through cancer. How ironic and unfair that he should one day get cancer himself? I didn't even meet Dende until last summer, but I am very glad that I did get a chance to know him. I wish he could have stayed with us longer.

Over the past several days I've been busy but not overwhelmed. I finally bought my hunting licenses a couple days ago for $105. $42 resident hunt/fish, $25 archery, $12 expanded archery, $20 spring/fall turkey, and $6 fuck-you "agent" fees. All I wanna know is why? Why are there agent fees when you buy your fucking license to fish and hunt from their website and there is no agent? Fuck you, society. Paying $105 for the right to go get supper is a bunch of crap, but I understand game wardens need to get a paycheck because assholes will take advantage and shoot all the deer if things are not kept in check. People who kill game just for the hell of it are the worst kinds of scumbags. KILL IT AND EAT IT GODS DAMN YOUZ.

I went turkey hunting yesterday with Pop and Jason. We only saw one turkey, and that was one flying away as we stood there looking stupid. We went into the woods off Rt 90/Keating Road, a spot that has been great for turkey hunting in years past. (I shot two there last year.) We were setting up for a hunt when Jason accidentally hit the coyote howls button on the electronic call. It was totally hilarious, but definitely does not help when you are trying to lure turkeys to show up. We set up the two decoys, we called for 20 minutes to no avail, and then we all stood up when a big turkey flew away overhead. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The bird must have been roosting in a tree just above where we set up, and it stayed there and watched our dumb asses until we were done making fools of ourselves. What a bunch of crap!

I should get going now so I have time to lift a few weights and go remove an old fridge from one of my local rentals. In addition to losing Dende on Monday I had a fridge fail so I had to deal with that. First they thought it was just not cold in the fridge part cause they left the door open a crack, but I still had to bring the coolers and ice. I checked it a couple hours later and it was still too warm so I had to get one of the spare fridges from the shed. However, the spare was filthy from sitting there for a few years so it took a while to clean up. I wasn't even sure it would work, but so far so good. I hope! My spare is old, but it will get the job done until I can find a good deal on a newer one. It's one of the 1000 things on my "to do" list. The frigging "to do" list does not shrink. What a bunch of crap!

I'm out of here. RIP, Dende. Hopefully there are lots of horny female doggies and unlimited treats in dog heaven.

Thursday, 5-07-15: Maybe by July. Oh, wedding photos!
I don't even have a "real" job anymore so all I wanna know is why? Why do I have to be so busy still? I guess the answer is obvious. I "deferred" a lot of work on the bootleg properties and on our house over the past several months so I could do more important things like get a couple different seasonal jobs (USPS then Jackson Hewitt), get married, and go on a great honeymoon. Now I gotta take care of all those things that I deferred. The house isn't falling into total disreapair, and the apartments aren't total slums yet, but I need to keep my ass motivated so I don't fall too far behind on everything.

If I dropped the hammer and worked 8-hour days 5 or 6 days a week I would be caught up by around early June. However, F that! Instead I think I'll work a few hours every day, give or take, and then by July I'll be mostly caught up. Nothing will EVER be 100% done, not a chance with 6 rental properties that we own, one I manage, plus our own house. Can't be responsible for 8 buildings and not have various issues on the "to do" list at all times.

I finally uploaded photos of the wedding and honeymoon onto this bootleg PC. Kat is like a boss when it comes to photos so thankfully we have a lot from the honeymoon. If I were in charge of the photos on the vacation I would have not taken any at all and then I would have just Googled the cool places that we visited and used those photos. Seriously. What a bunch of crap!

Our wedding photos are fantastic. I mean, they are totally awesome. We paid around $1931 for oour photographer, but she did a great job so I have no regrets. In case you need a wedding photographer who does not suck her name is Emily Mcintosh, and her business website is here. She should totally pay me for that endorsement. About two people will ever see it so I'm bringing her the clicks. Ba ba da burrrrrr!

There are a couple wedding photo turds in the proverbial punch bowl, but she gave us 621 photos total and almost all of them are very good. She took one photo where I was about to bawl like a sissy-mary. Not cool. My wife was so pretty in her dress and I was so happy that I my eyes got all watery (allergies, damnit!)

^Kat getting walked down the aisle with her two sons. I was very happy that day! She's so pretty that she made me cry some.

^Nadia was a fantastic flower girl. She steals everyone's hearts because she is so adorable. My family has been shitty at times (many times) concerning this wedding, but thankfully Holly finally allowed Nadia to be in the wedding. A decision that was a win for all.

^The venue, Morgan Hill Event Center, was beautiful. We probably had 40 people in the audience, around 45-50 total there including the wedding party. I was a ball of nerves as I stood there waiting for Kat to come on down. Like, bad. I had no idea getting married would be so amazing and stressful all at the same time! I'm not that great at this romance stuff, but I tried my hardest to do it right.

^Fucking Mom looking like she thinks I'm a giant fucking idiot. What a bunch of crap! She looks like she give zero fucks. Hopefully that was not her true sentiment, but knowing her ass it probably was. Congratulations, Mom. You win the bootleg crap trophy for that expression on your face at the most important event of my life.

I do love my Mom, but holy crispy crap she could be a lot more supportive and she pisses me off a lot these days. Thankfully Dad's cool demeanor and understanding offset her attitide some. Pop doesn't say much at times, but I can tell he knows that Kat is not a fuck-up. He can tell she makes me happy, and he knows she will make me happy. he doesn't even have to say it because he doesn't talk emotion, ever. However, I know he supports my decision and I appreciate that.

^I do. Your gods damn right I do. Goonies forever! Goonies never say die!

^Yeah, we had Teddy grahams as party favors. Honey Teddy Grahams were boss at the wedding. I even mentioned them in my vows. Hehehehe. The first night Kat came over for a late-night fire last June I told her I had Honey-flavored Teddy Grahams that I would share. From there it was the fast track to everlasting love.

^Our cake was pretty good. We had a lot leftover, and we just finished the last piece a couple days ago. How safe is it to eat 2-week old cake? Hehehhe. We didn't smear it all over each other's gom-holes and faces because that tradition is just lame. Less cake on the face = more that can go into our stomachs!

^Kat and I have to teach my niece the important things in life; every 4.5-year old should know how to play air guitar! We had the most amazing collection of mostly 80s wedding music, ever. Big thank you to Joe for doing our wedding for free. We did give him some cash, but he deserved more.

Kat and I coordinated the toss of the flower boquet so that Holly would be the winner. However, when we tried to get Jason to catch the garter belt he was playing "frogger" in the back row and hiding from the thing so he obviously didn't get it. Damn him! He's asked me a couple times since the wedding how the married life is treating me, and each time my reply is the same "It's awesome, you should try it." Poor Holly, she wants to get married yet Jason does not ask her to be his wife. What a bunch of crap!

^Towards the end of the night my beautiful bride and I went outside to take some photos. Emily did a great job with some black and whites including the one above.

^I'm kind-of a Giblet, especially in that suit, but thankfully my wife is awesome. Plus she's really pretty. I'm a very lucky man.

Overall the wedding was great. I got married after "only" dating Kat for 9.5 months, but I feel like it's the right thing for us both and I have zero regrets. Her and I have seen and done so much in our first year, and we can spend all day together and not get sick of each other. I've never had that before. Hell, I built this bootleg office in part so I could escape and have my own time, but now I'm only in this office to take care of the bare minimum. I don't even have a TV in here anymore, and I don't ever just come to this office to hang out. When I'm here it's all business or to spend a bit of time updating this turd-heap of a site.

I'm glad that my greatest friends came to the wedding. Big thanks to those guys even though pretty much none of them read this shitty site. Gav came, Walt came, Phil came, and Pat came. Phil came all the way back from Michigan. What a great guy! I should have had any one of those great fellows be my best man, but instead I had Doug do it and we all know how that turned out. It was a bunch of crap and I had to fire him. Gods damn it! I wish Tommy could have been at the wedding because he's also a great friend, but I understand totally why he couldn't. Tommy would have been a great best man. Doug would have been a great best man as well if he didn't get so drunk and act like an asshole. Doug actually drank at the wedding, but he didn't go full-Giblet. I had to tell the bar to cut him off, just in case. What a bunch of crap!

In conclusion, I am married and very happily so. Kat is a beautiful person both inside and out, and I really never thought I would ever meet someone as amazing as her. I hope she feels the same way about me and never hauls on me because I don't have a plan B that doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol and disapearing for a great length of time, possibly forever. She's a Goonie just like me and Goonies never say die!

I'm out of time for today so writing all about the honeymoon will have to wait until next time. Somehow I never have enough time to update this bootleg site. What a bunch of crap!

Monday, 5-04-15: Perfect weather. We bought lots of things.
Today is the first summer-like day that we've had so far in 2015. The last two days were very nice, but for the first time all year we cracked the 70-degree mark. Currently 75 outside and beautiful. The wife and I spent the morning shopping at Home Depot, Lowe's, and WalMart. She printed a ton of awesome wedding and honeymoon photos at the WalMart photo center, and in between that we bought a lot of stuff at Home Depot. A lot. We had a total of over $5000 at the Pro Desk, but we got everything for $4503.41 after the bulk discount.

Buying several thousand dollars worth of merchandise at Home Depot would be a "what a bunch of crap!" moment, but it's all stuff we need both for the house and for the apartments. Thankfully we used a special financing coupon so we have two years to pay it off interest-free. Once upon a time I had a balance on the Home Depot card of $8000-$9000. Since then I've paid it down to under $2000, and now it's back up to $6500, give or take some. I'm very proud to say that I've taken full advantage of all the no-interest programs over all the years so I always end up paying zero interest. Awesome!

Eventually the balance on that card will be zero again. Maybe? Definitely won't be before 2017 now!

^$4503.41, beotches. Includes awesome stuff like new flooring, lumber, sheetrock, gas water heater, suspended ceiling materials, and much, much more. Here are the things we need to accomplish with those materials over the next couple months:

-Build an 8x10 shed out back so we can store yard tools, bikes, and other things.
-Convert the garage into a studio for Kat's DJ business. Right now she has all her gear in a tiny 10x10 bedroom.
-Haul on the bootleg piece of shit "on demand" water heater in the house and install a real one with a tank. Tankless water heaters fucking suck. Just two days ago the bootleg thing died for the third time this year. What a bunch of crap! Thankfully I know how to reset it. It came with the house, and we 100% hate it.
-Finish the ceiling for the part of the gym that I expanded last year. Been over and year and that's still not done. HAHAHAHA! It would be an epic fail if it was something that needed to be done quickly.
-Replace the floor in the house. The flooring that I installed last year fucking sucks, too. My bad. At least it was cheap! Sorta flushed a few hundred bucks and a lot of my time away on that failed idea. It was a Marden's special for around .65 a square foot. Hey, sometimes you really do get what you pay for.
-I bought a new $179 lawn mower for the bootleg properties. My old one still works, but it kinda sucks. The mower I bought will hopefully last at least 2 years. (That's how old my previous one is that still runs.)

I know there are more things on the list, but those are the bigger ones that come to mind. We still have much more to purchase before everything gets done, but we can at least get started for now. We took a few things with us today from Home Depot, the rest gets delivered Friday.

Our shopping trip literally took all morning, but it took us a while to pick everything out. After that we had a nice lunch outside on the back deck, our first outdoor lunch as husband and wife at the house. Last summer we sat out there a lot. Hopefully we will do the same this summer. After a leisurely lunch it was time for my ass to get to work. I came over to the office around 1345, and now it's 1420 so I should go move some more brush and do a little work over at a vacant apartment here on this property. Yesterday I hauled a bunch of tree debris to the street for the city's annual curbside "spring cleanup" where they cart off brush and white goods.

^Still need to chainsaw up the bigger parts of that fallen tree for firewood and haul away that bootleg, rotting couch. Thank you tenants for leaving that couch out there all winter. I could make them haul it off, but the dump has their free week starting in two weeks so I will wait and do it then. That's Gavin's building off to the right. He literally cancelled the back end of the place last year and this year he hopes to finish the rebuild before next winter. That house is a money pit. What a bunch of crap! I was supposed to buy it until I talked him into doing it last winter 2014. Do I feel guilty about it? Yup! However, I wouldn't have done as much work to it right away like he is doing...

I was supposed to be writing about the honeymoon and wedding, but I don't have all the photos on this bootleg office PC so that will have to wait until I can transfer them over to here. Maybe next update. For now I need to get my ass to work. Goonies never say die and my wife is awesome! The end.

Friday, 5-01-15: The honeymoon was great, but Nitro died when we were away.
I just had one of the shortest phone conversations with my Mom that I've ever had in my life. I don't have too much time to gab it up tonight, and she is packing for her bi-annual trip out west to visit her family so we kept it brief. Normally I'd be ecstatic to only be on the phone with Mom for 3 minutes and 13 seconds, but now I feel sad. Their black lab, Nitro, died on Monday. He likely breathed his last breath as Kat and I explored the Mayan ruins of Chitzen Itcha in Mexico on that day.

^RIP, Nitro.

Nitro was about 12.5 years old. Black Labs don't live much past 13, at least not in my limited experience, so thankfully he didn't die way too young. He had developed a tumor on his neck/throat and, although Mom didn't want to go into exact specifics tonight, I'm assuming that led to his passing. I know the last few times Kat and I have been down there his breathing has been labored, especially when he tries to run around in the yard.

I was never really super close to Nitro because I now live my own life and only go back to the ol' homestead for a visit, but I feel badly because I know it really affects Mom and Dad. Nitro was their 4th black lab over the course of their 40-year marriage. Yeah, 40 frigging years. OMG! First was Shadow who got hit by a (potato chip?) truck when she was around 7. I remember bawling my little 5/6-year old eyes out when I got that news. After Shadow came Dynamite, and she lived to be around 13. She passed when I was 18 years old and stationed near Memphis, TN for CATCC school in the Navy. Tumors also led to Dynamite's passing. Dyna was a wonderful dog. When she was a puppy she scared the shit out of me. I guess I ran around the yard screaming like a little sissy-Mary when she chased me. What a bunch of crap!

I met Onyx, the third family black lab, when I came home on leave from the Navy. I got 30 days of leave per year so I think I came back home about twice a year for a visit. Onyx was their first male lab, and sadly he passed away at the very young age of around 7. Gods damned lymes disease is the most likely culprit, and according to Mom that loss hit Dad really hard. Fucking ass-fuck ticks and their lymes disease. What a bunch of crap those little fudge-cicle-smear stains are! I ate a tick once, and I hope it spends decades dying a slow death in the Sarlaac Pit that is my stomach. Mom said it was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen, but she was just saying that because it was at the dinner table.


Pop also got Lymes disease around the time that Onyx did, but it hasn't killed him because he is a badass mother fucker. My Dad is so hardcore that he once fell down, broke his rifle in half, chowdered his hip and knee all to hell (injuries that did not fully heal to this day) and literally crawled to his hunting spot. (I know right where he fell because crossing that brook is a serious pain in the ass.) Oh, Dad also got blown the hell up by a mine when he was in Vietman. Oh, Dad also got sprayed with Agent Orange in 'Nam. He does not die because he is bionic. Not really, but he is badass. More badass than Danny Trejo in the actual movie called BADASS (Great movie!)

^Been a while since I used Photoshop to creat a monstrosity for this pathetic excuse for a website. What a bunch of crap! (That Photoshopped image is literally making me laugh. Hahaha. Maybe cause I've had a Bud Light Lemonada-A-Rita 8% beer already? Limited edition and tastes pretty good, but I would get diabetes from all the sugar if I drank more than one tall-boy can.)

All joking aside, I feel badly for Pop. His dog died, and now Mom will be gone for the next 8-9 days out west so he will be hanging out all alone and sad. I should go down and turkey hunt with him so he's not so lonely. Nitro was a really weird dog, but he was a good dog. It was literally impossible to pet Nitro without having him get all wound up and excited. He would start playfully trying to nip your hand, but thankfully never too agressively. He loved to lie on his back so you could pet his belly, and he loved to use his paws when he played. I'll miss Nitro. Labs are great dogs. So sad most dogs only live such a short life, at least relative to how long we live. We suck compared to dogs. Dogs are awesome. Lifespans should be the other way around.

I was planning to write all about the epic honeymoon that Kat and I just returned from at about 1245 in the wee hours of the morning today. However, I just spent most of the update writing about the sadly too-short life of dogs. Dogs are awesome! Our honeymoon was awesome, too. Kat is such an amazing person; I really hit the love powerball when I met her. We had amazing Goonie adventures together in Mexico, we took many pictures, we had fun in the sun, and we even bought a timeshare. Yeah, epic. Next time I will write all about it.

Being married is great!

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