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"I can also give you options for touristy stuff to do around here, like running from the cops and dodging bullets in the hood." -Phil (who lives not far from Detroit, MI)

Tuesday, 9-30-14: I'm gonna get married to my best friend!
I asked Kat to marry me, and she said yes. AWESOME! I even gave her a ring and stuff. How cool is that? The wedding will most likely be next June 27th, exactly one year to the day from when we she came over to my house for a fire for the first time. Chances are I hate you and you're not invited, but maybe you can come if you bring cool gifts, even if I do think you're a loser.

The weather was awesome over the past weekend so on Sunday early afternoon Kat, her daughter Katherine, and I went up "Aphrodite Mountain" to have a picnic and to celebrate our 3-month anniversary. Katherine and I already had the event planned out; I had already gotten "permission" to pop the question from not only Katherine but also from her two sons. I put the ring in a bigger box and threw some placebo gift in there to cause a distraction. Katherine took some pictures as things unfolded...

^Goonies never say die! My wrapping paper is totally ridiculous, eh? I had a bunch of crumpled newspapers in the box, and the box with the ring in it was hidden amongst those. The placebo gift, a globe-shaped paperweight that's been kicking around here in my office for years, was easy to spot. She thought that was the only gift, but I told her to fish around in the box and after a minute she had the ring. I think I totally screwed it up because I left the ring in the jewelry box, though. I guess when you ask a woman to marry you you are supposed to have the ring in your pocket or something? Then you put it onto her finger? Hell if I know, but damnit the small details ain't that important as long as she says YES!

^Kat had picked out the ring earlier this month when we were shopping around. I have no idea how many carrots it has, but it doesn't matter whether it's 1/100th of a carrot or 1000 carrots as long as she likes it!*

*I don't know how much one carrot costs, but they are fancy and spelled karats so that probably means "a lot" and the 1000 carrot one might be a tad bit out of my price range. Hehehehe.

I was kinda nervous when I gave her the ring; I didn't do the best job of the delivery, but thankfully she said "YES" so I didn't have to throw myself off the ledge. It really was a great spot to get engaged. The views from the ledge up there are spectacular, and the hike up doesn't take too long so that's a nice plus if you bring a lunch. After we took some serious pictures we took some silly ones, like we normally do:

SHE SAID YES.

OMG I THANK THE GODS WHO DO NOT REALLY EXIST.

Some people have already said that we've "only" been together for three months, not very long over the course of a lifetime. I have already heard a few of the "you should wait" type of comments, but for the most part people have been very supportive. Even Mom said congratulations and if I'm happy she's happy. She's actually the one person whom I expected to say "Stevie! Don't you think you should have waited longer?" I'm sure she's thinking that, but major props to her for not saying it to me Sunday evening. I know 3 months isn't that long, but our 3 months hasn't been what I would consider a normal 3 months of dating. Kat and I have done more in our 3 months together than I've done in years with others. We've literally done EVERYTHING together since we first met. She's helped me work on my bootleg apartments, I've helped her at her gigs, we've gone on what seems like 100,000 awesome adventures together including many times hiking and camping. We spend almost every night together either at her place or mine, we have most of our meals together, we use the gym together, we watch movies and TV together, we can just sit on the couch and use our laptop computers together, and we are 100% compatable no matter what we do. Sometimes we just sit and do a crossword puzzle, and sometimes we're on the go (road trip to Michigan!), but no matter what we always are happy to be together.

I feel like my whole life has changed for the better lately. When I built this office it was my "fallout shelter" and I would often come here to have my own time. Of course I need to be at my office to pay bills, do paperwork, collect rents, and to generally run my business, but I would spend extra time here just to watch TV and maybe surf the web for a bit. These days I'm only at my office long enough to take care of my essentials and then, only if time permits, update this bootleg site. Even in the past before I had this office I always wanted to have my own time because if I spent too much time with a chick I'd get sick of her and want a break. I've always been very independent and I've always enjoyed having my own space and my own time to myself. However, with Kat it's the opposite. I'm totally at ease and most happy when her and I can be together. When her and I are apart for even a few hours then I can't wait to see her again.

I have no doubts about my decision to ask Kat to marry me. Not even a little bit. I know it's what I want to do because she makes me happy. I really didn't think I'd ever be this happy. There have been times in my past when I did think I was happy, but now that I look back at those times I'd never want any of them back because that happiness was jack shit compared to how I feel now. My fiancee is a great woman; she's honest, friendly, sweet, caring, generous, and gorgeous. She has become my best friend, and I feel like every day that passes makes our relationship grow even stronger. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with her.

On Sunday evening we celabrated our engagement by watching The Neverending Story on Blu-Ray while we ate cheeseburgers and cake. We both quoted the movie many times, and Kat knew the entire scene where Atreju meets the Childlike Empress verbatim. She knows that movie better than me. OMG REASON #236,452 WHY I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER.

To those of you who might wonder what would happen if Kat decides to haul on me. Divorce rate 50%, what if she takes half your shit, blah blah blah, I will kindly tell you to fuck off. I don't worry about that because life will happen as it will. I'm almost 39 years old, she's 39, and we're not young kids just learning about how the world works. We've both had many successes and failures in our lives and I know that has made me who I am today. Not all of the decisions that I've made in my life have been the right ones, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and I believe it is right. I have no plan B for this one. If Kat does shit-can me then I have failed at life and there won't be any reason to live anymore.

^Plan B if Kat falls out of love with me: drink a lot of hard liquor and say goodbye to the world.

The wedding isn't for 9 months so we still have plenty of time to plan. We gotta pick a venue, invite people, get a cake, find a person who says "I now pronounce you husband and wife", etc. We've talked about living together at my house so at some point in the near future that will be an awesome reality. I'm excited! I have a finacee and she's perfect for me. It's "only" been 3 months, but at this point I would be lost without her. Thanks again, gods who do not really exist!

Saturday, 9-27-14: Summer's last gasp.
It's technically fall now, but summer has made a triumphant and brief return for this weekend. Awesome! Yesterday was sunny and 76. Today will be sunny and 79, and tomorrow we are expected to see 82. Oh Jesus, hell ya! This afternoon Kat and I are going to Bar Harbor to enjoy some of this fine weather before she DJs a birthday party this evening. I'm going with her to hang out, to help set up and break down speakers, and to creepily stare at her as I mumble my precious... precious (evil, twisted Gollum voice from that overrated Lord of the Ring Dings movie.)

Today is our 3-month anniversary. Last night I got her a gift, but I can't tell you droolbuckets what I got for her or else she might find out. (she knows about this bootleg piece of crap site so she could read it with her own eyes. What a bunch of crap!) I'm gonna wait and give the gift to her tomorrow, though. I could do it today, but I think tomorrow would be better since her daughter helped me get it and she will also be hanging out with us tomorrow. Today Kat and I will have a nice romantic dinner down in Bar Harbor before her show starts. (Do they have a Denny's down there? Hehehehe.) The last time I told Kat we would have a nice romantic dinner we ended up having to get a fast-food style meal at a casino in Naigra Falls, NY. What a bunch of crap! Hopefully I can redeem myself and do it better today...

The past three months with Kat have been totally amazing. We've spent so much time together! We see each other every day for a good part of the day, and we've spent every night together for close to three consecutive weeks now. She has her house, I have mine, and I spend a lot of my nights at her place lately. We only live 1.9 miles away from each other so being close is a nice bonus. We often get to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. A lot of mornings at breakfast we will eat Captain Crunch and listen to the question of the day on 100.3WKIT. They list four events that happened all in the same year and you gotta guess what year it was. Sometimes she wins, sometimes I win, but when we are together we both win. Hehehehe!*

*Brownie points for being romantic? Oh Jesus, hell ya!

Asia has a newer song out called Valkyrie. It kicks ass! I kinda assumed that band faded away into obscurity long since The Heat of the Moment, but apparently they still know how to rock. The song has a very 80s vibe to it; I shall find it on YouTube and post a link now:


^Click above jpeg for YouTube link. The video is kinda lame; the dude just stands around on a beach and pines for Valkyrie a lot. Who is Valkyrie? A lost love? A former gf who hauled on him? I know not, and I care not. I don't even care... if I care. All I know is this song is great! More songs like this need to exist on this planet. Nice job, Asia.

Are the singers in Asia from Asia or did they just want a short band name? I know not, and I care not. I don't even care... if I care. The dude in the video looks quite caucasian so I'd guess probably not from Asia. Maybe they should have called themselves CaucAsia. Hehehehe... (Pronounced Cock-Asia. Nevermind!)

Asia should pay me royalties for promoting their new song. What's the going rate per click these days? 0.2 cents? At that rate I'd be a millionaire... never. What a bunch of crap! I wouldn't even earn a penny... sigh.

Back to the topic at hand here, my gf is awesome. Her and I are like two peas in a pod. We have lots of fun together! We watched the latest Godzilla movie Thursday night with her daughter, and we all said Godzilla! about 1000 times. (In a twisted Japanese accent of course!) Then yesterday on the drive to Lowe's she convinced me to yell "I got a man!" out the truck winder to some old dude who appeared to be getting his mail. I tired to use a ghetto accent, too. Last night she even let me sing The Neverending Story theme at Jester's. Awesome! Tommy even backed me up on vocals, and I got onto the floor and pretended to be in the Swamps of Sadness. Back in early June Doug pretended my swampy area out back was the Swamps of Sadness, but then he got poison ivy all over himself. What a funny bunch of crap! Oh, the cops got called, too.

Kat took pictures and I think maybe even filmed some of my butchering of The Neverending Story song. How many beers did it take for me to do that you ask? Quite a bit!

Man, I kinda have a sore throat a little. I hope it's from yelling into the mic at Jester's last night and not some little illness. Kat also made me "sing" Def Leppard's Let's Get Rocked. All I wanna know is why? Why did she allow me to sing? Maybe because it was almost last call and she wanted to clear the place out. I definitely have NFT (no fuckin' talent) when it comes to Karaoke so I shouldn't be anywhere near the mic, ever. I also put my arm in my tee shirt and pretend to be Ric Allen, the one-armed drummer. That's my Def Leppard signature move that I've done for a very long time. What a bunch of crap! Society probably should weep for me.

So I'm all excited for this 3-month anniversary. In my past celebrating a 3-month anniversary would have been theory because I never would have made it that far. I've been going through some of the archives of this bootleg site when I have a spare few minutes, and some of the stuff that I used to write was pretty horrible. Kat read a lot of the raw, unedited archives (before I pulled them down for "maintenance"), and I actually can't believe she didn't haul on me after she read some of that trash. I used to be proud of my old self, but now it's really kinda sad and embarassing. It's a bunch of crap!

I have to show a 3BR apt here at this building soon. It's the one above the one where I used to live. So far I've showed it about 7-8 times, and I have 5 more showings on the schedule. I was hoping to have approved applicants after the first batch of showings, but so far I've had a lot of interest but no definite takers so I scheduled another batch of potentials. I did have one application from two women, but they were DENIED because I think they were too poor. If you are knocked up and have no job then how are you gonna pay rent? Oh wait a "student loan check" is coming you say? Yeah, I've heard that one before.

^If you are poor or if you are a piece of trash (both?) then you can ggggggggggeeeeeeetttttttttt oooooooouuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttt!

Rule #1 in the slumlord business and free advice from the proprietor or this horrible site: NO TENANT IS BETTER THAN A BAD TENANT. (I think you could also Google that advice in 2 seconds.)

I put a new kitchen in the apartment a couple years ago and it still looks fairly decent up there. The tenants now have a few things yet to be moved and they could empty the cat litter box, but overall it's not too shabby. Here's the kitchen and apt entrance from a couple years back:

^All yours for $920 a month (heated.) Pay rent on or before the 1st and it's "only" $890. The going rate for a half-decent 3BR in the current market (Market changes a bit after Sept 1 when the college kids are already all situated) is about $950, give or take a bit. Some are closer to $900, some are much more. There's a 3BR next to my Chamberlain St. duplex listed for $1400 a month. OMG THAT IS RIDICULOUS! I could see if it was the nicest place in the county, but it's not that great. No wonder it's been vacant since at least July!

I should go do other things now. I'm excited to give my sweet pea her gift tomorrow. Maybe she won't like it because I kinda suck at gift-giving. However, I think it will make her happy. If not I'll just push her off the ledge up at Aphrodite Mountain (Her name for the place we are going tomrrow.) like that guy from Rockland did. Did you hear about that story? The guy was cheating on his wife and mooching her money, he wanted her inheritance, so he took her on a hike up Maiden's Cliff near Camden. Once at the top he pushed her off, but she didn't die becase she was able to cling to some rocks and get rescued. OMG! She's a Goonie because Goonies never say die! The dude got a 10-year prison sentence for attempted murder. HAHAHAHA! I shouldn't laugh, but the story is kinda entertaining. HAHAHAHA!

Monday, 9-22-14: My next job?
I should pick up some bootleg part-time, seasonal job at some point this fall. I don't desperately need the extra money, but it sure would come in handy so I can pay important things off like property tax bills and the Home Depot credit card (all no interest now on that card, but would be nice to kill it off soon as the special financing only lasts a limited time.) Plus I'd have extra money for toys like more gym equipment. Finally and most importantly, I'd have extra money for more Goonie adventures with Kat!

I've looked through the job listings off and on over the past couple or three weeks, but nothing looks great yet. Kat and I did apply for a seasonal job at the USPS, though! That application was actually a very involved process. First, you gotta create an account on their website. Second, you gotta take some online 150-question assessment where they ask you questions like "How awesome are you as a human?" Then you choose from responses like "More worthless than Private Pyle, kind-of a chump, a slapnut, a great fella, a god who walks among mortals." My answer is the god one. Hehehehe. Obviously that's not really a USPS question, but it should be!

After you take that 150-question online assessment then you get to sign up for an in-person test. However, you only have one week to take the in-person test or else your application results in a disqualification. What a bunch of crap! Since Kat and I both did the first part about two days before our vacation that gave us no chance to sign up for a test locally. You don't even find out about that one-week limit until you get to that final step either. Gods damn this government!

Fortunately, we put our heads together and came up with a sweet plan B. We took our test in Ann Arbor, Michigan when we were out there on vacation. The in-person test was actually just on a computer screen in a room at a community college, but parts of it were tricky. I started my test before Kat started hers, but she finished before I did. She's fast and probably smarter than me! We both passed so now hopefully someone will give us a call and offer us a badass job.

^My next employer? It is a possibility, beotches!

I'm not hanging all my hopes and dreams on this potential job, but it would be cool to say that I whored myself out to both FedEx, UPS, and the USPS all within the span of only a few years. Plus it's $15 an hour. Not bad! I didn't even start off that high at UPS. The fact that it's only a seasonal job also has me quite interested, but maybe the hours will suck, the job will suck, or else something else will turn me away from it. I'm sure it would be a lot of hours later in the fall, especially as Christmas draws nearer.

So I'll take some time today and see what else is out there for jobs. At this point I definitely want to try for something that's only seasonal so it ends around Christmas. I do have plenty to keep me busy for a while so there's no rush. I haven't even finished my house yet. What a bunch of crap! Plus my office needs to be cleaned, the cellar/gmy here needs to be cleaned, and I have some rental-property projects that could be tackled.

In other news, The Patriots are 2-1 after narrowly beating the Raiders in Foxboro yesterday. They haven't looked so great yet this season so hopefully they step it up when it's time to play teams that are actually good. The Red Sox are firmly in last place and their games haven't mattered since maybe last July. I still check in on them from time to time, but normally when I do all I see is a bunch of rookies and a losing score. What a bunch of crap!

Hunting season is right around the corner and I haven't even dusted off my bow or fired one arrow. Epic fail! I need to get it out and start shooting ASAP. Maybe this week I will get more serious about it. Archery season in the expanded zone already began, but I really don't wanna bowhunt this early. I usually wait until October to hunt, but I should get a trail camera out and do some scouting. I guess if I do get a seasonal job I won't have much time to go hunting this year. Lots to consider in the coming weeks!

Saturday, 9-20-14: A great vacation with Kat.
I'm back in the state of Maine, beotches. Did you miss me? Of course you didn't because only about two people read this garbage and one of them was on the trip with me. Hehehehe...

Kat and I left last Saturday morning right on schedule because my sexy gf epic has her shit together and when it's time to get going she doesn't mess around. Her and I got a whopping 3-4 hrs sleep Friday night because we always stay up late thanks to her gig that goes until last call at Jester's from 2100-0100 every week. Of course we never just go straight to bed after the show because there's gear to break down, etc. Thankfully we didn't feel too tired early last Saturday because it was time for VACATION. Oh Jesus, hell ya!

Going on vacation for a week = good way to test a relationship to see if people can tolerate being crammed into a car, hotel rooms, etc. for days on end. I guess that last sentence is just theory because I've never gone on a road trip with a woman before, at least nothing I can remember even a fraction of what Kat and I did over the past week. Thankfully her and I didn't get so sick of each other that we wanted to toss one another into oncoming traffic. Getting hauled on by my gf by a forced tuck-and-roll at 55MPH on Route 2 would be a bunch of crap! In fact, we're actually closer now than we were before the trip. Our relationship cannot be contained, beotches. I should go buy her a ring ASAP.

When you plan an epic week-long road trip/vacation you have to realize that some things ain't gonna go exactly as planned and that was certainly the case this trip. First, we had to skip the ride up to Mount Washington because clouds were rolling in before oncoming rain. No sense going up a high mountain when there will be NO FRIGGING VIEW AT ALL. At some point in NH I blew it, went off Route 2, and started heading north towards Berlin. What a bunch of crap! Fortunately, we fixed that without losing too much time and we decided to follow signs to Jericho Mountain State Park for a picnic lunch. In my mind I had this vision of a nice view and a romantic little lunch, but we had a hard time even finding the state park, there was no frigging mountain, and it was so cold that we had to sit in the car and eat our lunch in the parking lot with a view of the state campground headquarters office. What a bunch of crap!

In the afternoon we crossed into Vermont and stopped off for a factory tour at Cabot Cheese and then Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. We also stopped by a cider place and bought delicious cider-donuts. At the Cabot tour we sat in the back during their video montage and acted like teenagers. (I tried to touch her boob. Hehehehe.) Kat ate so many free cheese samples that I think if you combined all the little pieces into one ball it would be about the size of a beach ball. That last sentence is an obvious exaggeration of the real truth, but she really liked that cheese! I had a bunch, too.

We spent Saturday night in Ticonderoga, NY and our first stop Sunday AM was Fort Ticonderoga. That fort was fucking awesome! Just the week prior we had gone to Fort Knox here in Maine, and by comparison Ticonderoga > Fort Knox. Fort Knox is still an awesome place to see, but it never even got its cannons because I guess it wasn't really that important to defend the entrance of the Penobscot against all enemies, ever. Thankfully Ticonderoga actually had cannons atop their walls. It was a tad crisp that morning, but we still had a lot of fun:


^Lucky we didn't get booted. I pretended to pokerize one of the cannons in another photo, too. What a juvenile and entertaining bunch of crap!

After the fort we hit the road for a bit into the nearby Adirondacks for a visit to some Stone Bridge and Natural Caves park/attraction. That place was awesome, too! We spent a couple hours there exploring and taking pics. Actually, there is really no "we" in the photo-taking for the trip. Kat took about 1000 pictures and I took 15. I fail at photography. What a bunch of crap!

We left from the Stone Bridge park and had to drive another 5-6 hours to arrive in Niagra Falls. I booked a room at the Waldorf Hotel, which I mistakenly thought would be a decent place. My bad there. That hotel was a total, bootleg, disgusting bunch of crap. It was HORRIBLE. We got a smoking room so it stank in the room, the walls and ceiling were yellowing, there were a ton of spiders, what looked like pubes in the bed sheets, and the windows afforded us a ghetto view of the nearby gross neighborhood. What a bunch of crap!

I had planned for us to go eat at a decent sit-down restaurant, but we decided to avoid the one at the Waldorf and walk over to the nearby casino. At the casino all they had was an expensive buffet and some fast-food-type place that was loud and where people could smoke. Epic fail! Once we were done eating we went back to the Waldorf and I just booked a room at another hotel because there was NO WAY we would have slept well at the piece of dump Waldorf hotel. It was seriously the worst hotel room that I have ever seen in my life, and even switching rooms was not a good option because the entire hotel sucked ass. What a bunch of crap!

On Monday morning we saw the actual Niagra Falls. I stopped off at the falls back in 1998 when I was on my drive home after I got out of the Navy (Seattle to home mostly via I-90.) However, I only briefly visited and I barely remembered it. This time seeing it with Kat was fantastic. That waterfall is so amazing! She took a ton of photos there, and many of them are postcard-quality.

I think we picked the perfect time of year to go sightseeing, especially at the falls, because there weren't an overwhelming amount of giblet-head tourists getting in our way. We both loved the falls and hopefully will go back on a future vacation.

We spent a few hours at the falls and did the Cave of the Winds thing where you can actually go down near the bottom of the falls and get blasted by water. I'm missing some of those photos still so I need to get them from Kat, but thankfully I have all kinds of other awesome photos still including this one from the wax museum that we visited before we left to head to Phil and Danielle's house in Michigan.

^Would suck to actually ride a barrel over that waterfall!

The drive to Michigan was 6.5-ish hours including stops for gas and maybe a snack, etc. We arrived Monday evening around 2100 and stayed until Thursday morning. It was great seeing Phil and his wife Danielle, and it was neat seing how their house has come along since a couple years ago when I went out there for a few days to help Phil with his renovations. While out there we saw some museums and local attractions including a Marden's-like discount store called "Ollie's." Also, Kat ate at her first IHop, ever. (I think I ate at an IHop when I was a kid. maybe? Hell if I know but that restaurant is the best breakfast place, ever. Pancakes rule!)

^Two thumbs-up for IHop!

The drive out to Michigan took us most of 3 days because we stopped off at many tourist attractions, but the drive home only took us two days. I knew we would have time for one fun "Goonie adventure" on the way home so before we left Phil and Danielle's house I gave Kat four choices: Penn's Cave in central PA, a glass museum in upstate NY, a stop in Hershey, PA (chocolate factory!), or Impact Wrestling in Bethleham, PA for a TV taping. It took Kat .0002 seconds to make her decision: WRESTLING SHOW. OMG THAT IS THE BEST CHOICE! MY GF IS A 15 ON AN AWESOME SCALE OF 1-10. OH JESUS, HELL YA!

So we drove 570-ish miles on Thursday and got to the Sands Casino Event center about an hour before the show. That barely gave us enough time to get our tickets and shovel in some food before the wrestling began. I bought $25 apiece bleacher seats for us, but it was far from a sellout so they let us sit in floor seats only about 4-5 rows back from the ring. Oh Jesus, hell ya! Kat and I even made signs on posterboard beforehand so hopefully those are visible when the show airs on TV later this fall. In fact, they did two TV tapings that night so we might be on TV two different times. Spike TV, 2100 Wednesday evenings, Impact Wrestling. Watch it, beotches!

The wrestling show was awesome, and as an added bonus after the show we got to meet a couple of the wrestlers and get autographs. Check out Kat and I with Magnus and with our cool sign:

^Impact rules (My gf is hot!) Magnus said he actually saw my sign on the monitors in the back during the show. How cool is that?

During the show there was a hardcore match between Devon Dudley/Tommy Dreamer vs. ECIII/Monstorous, and Devon grabbed a beer from a guy in the front row so he could smash his opponent with it. The beer can must have been mostly full still because beer went flying EVERYWHERE including on Kat's chest and then down her boobs. It was hilarious, and she actually took a picture as the beer was flying towards us:


^HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Every other chick I've ever known probably would have gotten upset, but Kat thought it was hilarious when the beer rained down upon us and then down her shirt. Life win? Oh Jesus, hell ya!

We didn't get too much sleep Thursday night because the wrestling show didn't end until 2230 and then we had to get autographs from Magnus and RockStar Spud and go to our hotel. On Friday we drove the final 525 miles back to home; we got into Bangor around 1600 yesterday. Kat took a picture of the odometer right before we turned the rental car back in:


^2278.6 miles total from Bangor to Michigan and back over the course of a week. Getting a rental car that got 35-40MPG = epic smart!

Overall I guess the vacation cost $1500? Maybe? As far as vacations go that's actually not too shabby. A trip to Ireland or even to Florida for that many days would be much more. In hindsight I probably would have skipped going all the way to Michigan and maybe just stayed in New England and upstate NY. Michigan was fun, but it did add several hundred miles and many more hours to the journey. It's always nice to go on vacation and have some down time to relax, but we were on the go quite a bit and didn't even get to our hotel room most nights until later in the evening. Then the next morning it was time to go. Being on the go too much during a vacation can be stressful and we did have some stress, but overall it was a fantastic trip and we're already talking about saving up so we can have another fun vacation next year!

It's already 1940. Damn! Kat has a gig tonight so I have no reason to rush back to the house, but I haven't eaten supper or showered yet so I should hit the road. In conclusion, the vacation was great. It was a fitting way to end what has been the best summer of my life and to start off what will hopefully be a really fun fall. I'm glad my sexy gf and I can have so many fun times together. She's the best!

Friday, 9-12-14: Vacation time!
Today I mowed lawns, tied up some loose ends, turned on the furnaces (39 forecast low tonight. What a bunch of crap!), and went over to Enterprise on Hammond St. to get an economy car for the next week. Kat and I are going a most epic Goonie Adventure that begins tomorrow morning and ends next Friday afternoon. Over the next week we will drive about 2300 miles. OMG!

The rental car is a dinky Chevy hatchback. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ISSUED A FORD GODS DAMN IT! However, I own a Ford truck that gets 19MPG on the highway and this little car gets close to 40. Nice! The math on fuel at 19MPG for my truck is $460-ish, and obviously in the car it will be close to half that much. The car only cost $270 to rent for an entire week, too. Awesome! So for what will essentially be $500 I get the car and fuel for 2300-ish miles. That's only $40 more than if I just took my truck, and I don't have to put all those miles on my F150 so it's a definite win. Oh jesus, hell ya!

^Rental car looks like this, a Chevy Sonic. Made by Sega? We might look like giblet-heads cruising down the highway in the thing but at least we'll be getting damn good fuel economy! Actually, I will look like a giblet-head, but it is impossible for Kat to look like one because she's smokin' hot.

It's already 2010. WTF am I doing in my bootleg office this late and on my bootleg site you ask? Well I ran out of precious... precious time earlier to take care of a few loose ends so here I am! I just helped Kat set up some of her gear down at Jester's for her karaoke show tonight and I will be heading back down there again soon to have a few drinks and to hang out.

I'm drinking some Snirnoff Black Fruit Punch 24-oz pounder can of alcohol here. 8% gets the job done. A fair price for $2.69 at the Mobil. I won't get torn up tonight, but there's no harm in having a few. Then Kat and I will sleep for a few hours after her gig ends at 0100 before we get up and hit the road tomorrow AM. Yeah, baby!

Our final destination is Ypsilanti, Michigan. Phil and Danielle live there now so we'll spend a couple days visiting, and along the way we will do all kinds of touristy stuff. It's around 1050 miles to Phil's one-way, but I guess we'll be closer to 1100-1150 miles each way considering the tourist stops. On the agenda is Mount Washington in NH, Cabot Cheese/Ben&Jerry's/Mill Valley Cider Mill in VT, Fort Ticonderoga, some of the Adirondacks, and Niagra Falls in NY, and most likely a stop in Cleveland, OH (Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?). We might not get to all those places, but we'll see at least a few. The trip out will take us 3 days; we plan to arrive in Michigan on Monday evening. We'll stay there Tues and Wed, and then we'll spend most of Thursday and Friday heading home.

This Smirnoff stuff ain't too shabby of a drink, but damn if I drank it all night I'd wake up tomorrow with the diabetus. Lots of sugar. Do you get drunk or just epic sugar high when you drink these things? I dunno, but on occasion I do kinda like them (or something comparable.)

So on a scale of 1-10 my excitement for this vacation is about at level 15 now. I was thinking back to previous vacations that I've taken in my life, and I've never taken a romantic vacation with anyone before. Gav and I have taken all kinds of trips, but we most definitely do NOT get a hotel room with only one bed in it. F that! I know Kat is excited as well. In about 12 hours we should just be hitting the road. Awesome!

Things are great right now for me. Meeting Kat 2.5 months ago sure was a turn in the right direction for this aging giblet-head who sometimes calls himself RAMBO. Summer is ending and my favorite sports teams suck (Red Sox in last place, Patriots got thumped in Miami last Sunday to start off 0-1.) However, I'm all in love so I don't give a shit. Maybe next year the Red Sox can win another World Series? Maybe the Greatriots will win a bunch of games this season and win a Superbowl early next year? It could happen. I hope it does!

Alright you droolbuckets, all two of youz. Don't be jealous because I'm putting all my blueberry raking money to good use: EPIC GOONIE VACATION WITH MY BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND. I win, you lose. The end.*

*Don't tell the city that I blew off paying my property taxes at one of my rental houses so I had extra "Oh shit!" money in the bank in case the vacation has unexpected overages. Oh well, it happens. Hehehehe.

Thursday, 9-11-14: A family of talent. (and me)
My family has lots of talent. Papa was a kick-ass artist whose works included sculptures such as this eagle that proudly hangs on my office wall:

The talent that Papa possessed passed down the family tree to Pop; my father has always been a great artist and sculptor. However, unlike Papa Dad decided not to pursue art as a career. His love for firearms and all things related to that and to hunting took him down a different road in life. He ended up as a firearms instructor at the state prison down in Warren for decades, and even though he's retired he still goes back and runs that range on occasion as a contract worker. How cool is that? He does so well that they still need him to come in and help as a special consultant even though he already retired. HAHAHAHAHA!

Since Pop has "retired" he has more free time to pursue another hobby that he seems to enjoy, writing. Pop has already had success writing articles for magazines related to firearms and hunting, but this year business really picked up for him. He is writing a series of books, and the first one has already been published. Survival Guns is for sale on Amazon.com and on whatever site sells e-books these days. I could have gotten a free copy of the book, but screw that I wanted to buy one and support the cause. You should, too!

^If Pop can sell a million or so copies of this book then maybe he will become rich and famous and then I can score free loot from him since I'm his favorite son!* Actually, I have a better idea. I'll just take all the credit since the author, Steve Markwith, could also be me! Pop and I have the same name, but our middle names are different so I'm not technically a jr. I told Pop he should have put his middle initial in there so I can't mooch off his fame, but he knows I was just joking around.

*I'm pretty sure Jason is his favorite son. At least I'm not his least favorite!

My copy of Survival Guns came in the mail yesterday. It might have come the day before, but I don't check my mail every day over here at my bootleg office these days because hanging out with my awesome gf takes precedence. I'm excited to give Pop's book a read because I'm sure I will actually learn stuff. Pop taught me how to be a good shot and a decent hunter, but when it comes to the technological end of firearms I totally suck. I'm just not a gear guy at all. I don't even care... if I care. However, I should care because when the Zombie Apocalypse strikes I need to be able to shoot a pile of bad guys and then properly clean my weapons so they don't seize up and/or rust away to a bunch of crap. Right? Or I could just let a zombie eat my face and then not worry about it. That would have been my plan 2.5 months ago, but now that I'm all in love I would actually have to care since I'd have to protect my future wife from the forces of evil. Then she would see me kick all kinds of ass and get horny and want to have sex with me. Oh Jesus, hell ya!

In addition to Pop's success as an author his brother, Uncle Pete, was a writer for a few years before he went back to his consulting work. Pete wrote a few books, and I gave a couple of them a read. Pete actually had some of his stuff for sale on Amazon.com as well, and he published at least one book that ended up on a shelf at Barnes and Noble (or something like that.) I liked one of Pete's books, but then I read another one and never finished it because it wasn't that great. Still awesome to have family members who can write and get published.

It gets even better. Doug, my younger brother, has written and published a couple children's books and he's in the process of writing his autobiography. Cool! I bet his autobiography will be a fun read since his life has been an adventurous shit-show. Doug is a good writer; I've read some articles and other stuff of his over the years. He's also a great artist and web designer. He has a shitload of talent, but he's mostly a lazy selfish asshole who uses people so he hasn't been able to find huge success yet. Hopefully he can turn it around and make something of himself soon. Right now he and I aren't on good terms because he asked if he could come live with me for a month or two and I said this:

I was gonna pay him to make Kat a DJ/KJ webpage and he was all for it until I denied his request to come stay with me. Now he's pissy with me because I said no and he's not gonna make her a site. What a bunch of crap! Too bad he's acting like a chump because he's broke as fuck and he still owes me money for his cellphone and for the window of mine that he ruined when he lived in our old apartment. Hopefully he mans up and takes care of his shit before it's too late. Even though he is a dick I still want to see him succeed.

So my family has lots of talent. Then there's me. When I was a kid I wasn't too bad at drawing, but these days I'd be lucky to pull off a stick figure. I guess I could have some talent as a writer, but then I created this bootleg monstrosity of a webpage instead. The heading even makes it clear how much I suck: "I'm not doing it just to entertain you scumbags; I'm doing it because writing is fun but I am too lazy to actually write a real book." So I gots family members successfully publishing books and I probably have just as much talent but instead I just have this piece of shit blog. What a bunch of crap!

Ever since blueberry raking ended a couple weeks ago Kat and I have been hanging out, working some, and having more Goonie adventures. We've done so many fun things that I can't even begin to cover them all on this site, but just a couple days ago we went for a nice hike back up Chick Hill. I took pictures with my cellphone, but I hate my gods damned cellphone so much that I'm not even sure that they came out or that I can get them from the phone onto this computer. I should try now.

Time out, Girls Girls Girls plays on my 80s Pandora station. Guy cranks it up. Guy plays air guitar. Guy rocks out!

I should try to connect my phone to my PC now while this song plays. That way when it fails and pisses me off at least I can still rock out. Girls, Girls, Girls. At the dollhouse in Ft. Lauderdale. Girls, girls, girls...

Hey cool, I found a bunch of older photos that I just deleted. I thought I accidentally deleted the new ones as well, but they are still in the phone and I cannot get them out. Fuck this phone! I hate this thing and I need to bring it back. I'll get my old penny phone back because it was seriously better than this newer thing. Plus I can haul on Doug's cellphone because all he does is mooch and then do nothing for me when I ask. What a bunch of crap!

I don't know if I will have time to update this turd-heap tomorrow; I'll be fairly busy taking care of a bunch of things before Kat and I leave on Saturday for a most epic Goonie adventure. We're gonna be gone for a week! I'm blowing a lot of my blueberry raking money on a vacation for us both. We will take lots of pictures and hopefully have fun stories to tell when we get back. For now I need to hop off this thing and do some work. I don't have a lot of work to do, but there are a few things that do need to get checked off the list.

Goonies never say die!

Sunday, 9-07-14: It fixes its embarassing crap because it is in love and doesn't want to get hauled on.
I used to think the archives of this bootleg site were funny. Just before I bought my house earlier this year I remember reading some of the crap from 2004-2006-ish and being entertained by it. Then I met Kat and I fell in love with her. I've told only two other women in my past that I loved them and Kat is the third, but in hindsight the love I had for the first two was like a shit sandwich on a hot summer day (without condiments or bread) when compared to the love that I have for Kat.

^Hobo name: Sundrop. My love for her is bigger than the sun! (Cheesy line that I used on her in person yesterday.) If Sundrop hauls on me then my Hobo name will be Teardrop...

Funny story about the hobo reference. When we went blueberry raking down in Franklin half the anemic raking crew that John and Susette employed were legit hobos. They travelled the country by hitchhiking and riding the rails, and they had awesomely hilarious stories to tell one day when Kat and I gave three of them a ride up to Bangor with us. One guy whom Kat nicknamed Tulip acted like he was baked/drunk/high on narcotics all the time. He was ridiculous in the blueberry field, but he sure was funny. On the ride to Bangor he told us tales of crazy "rainbow" parties where you just get drunk and high in the woods for weeks at a time. All the hobos were nice people and I'm glad we got to work with them.

Sundrop has been looking through the archives of this bootleg site of mine, and needless to say she's not too impressed with some of the crap that I've written and done over the past decade. I never took this site that seriously, and I always exaggerated a lot of things for entertainment value, but I have done some things that I'm not proud of anymore. Eating a slice of pizza off one of Doug's models boob seemed pretty awesome back when I was single years ago, but now that I'm not emotionally impotent anymore it doesn't seem like something I should even have on this site anymore. Especially not the picture that goes along with it. Having that junk on here = what a bunch of crap! Honestly it's actually a bit embarassing these days. How can I look the love of my life in the eyes and explain that to her? The simple answer is I can't. There is no explanation except for the fact that I used to legit not give a fuck because I thought love was a suckers game. My bad there.

So I decided to temporarily haul on the archives of my crappy site until I can go through them all and clean them up a bit. I gotta do some housekeeping here at the crap, some maintenance if you will. I'm certainly not going to delete the archives, no way! One day I'll be old and forgetful so I'll need the archives of this bootleg site to help me remember important life events. There are a lot of awesome things on this site that I'd never send off to the cyber-dump. For example, how can I ever delete something like this:

The answer is obvious and needs no further explanation.

Also, lots of crazy things that I've done and seen will stay. This funny spoof photo will always have a home somewhere on my piece of shit site:

^HAHAHAHAHA! I love that Slobba the Slut photo!

I'm still gonna hop onto this site and talk shit about people who annoy me, I'll still call president Obama the worst president ever, and I'll still use this place as a dumping ground for my negative thoughts. However, I am going to remove some of the most offensive photos (me looking at/touching boobs, etc.) because Kat had a great point when her and I talked about it. She asked me how I would like it if she had an online journal with photos of her from her past days playing with some guy's balls? The answer is obvious and needs no further explanation.

I don't think I ever truly was a scumbag of a person in the past, but I did some scumbag things. I was so proud of the fact that I was single that it became a hindrance to me emotionally and I stopped even trying for a long time. The joke about my being emotionall impotent became my reality. Then I'd coumpound my issues by coming onto my Crap site and exaggerating the extent of my failures at life (which honestly most of the time weren't even failures. I didn't lie, cheat, or steal anything from anyone.) I guess I was emotionally about 18 when I should have been 28. Men are supposed to emotionally mature late, right? Is about a decade late ok or did I legit need a psychologist? I guess I'll never know. What a bunch of crap!

In 2010 I met Kristen and started to square my shit away emotionally get my shit in somewhat of a pile. Then that relationship failed because she was a Giblet-head and I went back to my old cynical ways. In fact, after Kristen I think I might have actually regressed quite a bit emotionally. In the winter of 2011 before I met Kelly I really didn't give a shit, but then her and I became friends and lovers and I thought I was good-to-go. I thought I was happy. Her kids liked me, her family liked me, she liked me. Great! I guess I should have known I was in trouble with that relationship when, after 3 months of her and I dating, I told her I loved her for the first time. I got her flowers and crap, and she kinda just sat there and said nothing. What a bunch of crap! Eventually she told me she loved me some when I would say it to her first, but then I stopped saying it to her on purpose to see what would happen. When she didn't ever say it to me, not even when I said I was thinking of hitting the road, then I was all done.

Kat and I have only been together for a little over two months, but it feels like forever. I can't even imagine my life without her anymore. She's the most amazing woman I've ever known, and as an added bonus she's beautiful as well. She seriously has so much to offer the world that sometimes I feel like she'll find someone better and hit the road. I know this bootleg site doesn't help me out, but at this point it has become a part of me and I can't just pull the plug on it. I guess if she decided to haul on me then I'd Total Recall out and then thumbs-up into whatever afterlife awaits...

^Plan B if I get kicked to the curb. However, I'd probably wait until it got cold because freezing to death > smelting yourself in molten lava.

For the first time in my life, ever, I actually care and am 100% emotionally invested in the relationship that Kat and I have. If she decided to haul on me then my heart would be broken. Badly. I was thinking about that last night some when I couldn't fall asleep. Every woman who has ever been part of my past either as a girlfriend or a potential has been just there. I've had some girls send me packing and I've sent some packing, but every time that has happened I haven't even cared... if I cared. I haven't been sad, my heart hasn't ached, and I never thought my love was lost. I actually was excited because I had more time to screw off, watch wrestling, play Ages of Empires II, etc. How fucked is that? I never really thought about it until the past couple days, but it's seriously the truth. I did feel bad about leaving Kristen and Kelly, but I only felt bad because I am a nice guy and I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Now no part of me misses them, or misses anyone from my past, even a tiny little bit. Kat is my future and I'm excited about that. In fact, I haven't seen her in a few hours so I gotta go fix that right now. (We're like two peas in a pod!)

I gotta roll out in a few because we have to watch the Greatriots season opener with my true love. They play the Dolphins in Miami. Go Pats!

Tuesday, 9-02-14: Blueberry raking finally ends.
Man, I blueberry raked like it was my job this year. Oh wait, it WAS my job. Hehehehe! Most other years I've had a "real" job so I've only blueberry raked for a week-ish during a vacation or long weekends, but this year I hauled on UPS and got real serious about my raking. I made over $2500 from blueberry raking in total, but I actually have to deduct some of that for expenses like camping out, gas, ice, etc. Still not too shabby of a pay rate and over $20 an hour on average for the entire season. Nice! I actually could have made $3500 if I really put in the hours, but then I would have ended up in the ER so nevermind. I'm very happy with how this season went and it was great having Kat blueberry rake with me for many of the days during the past couple weeks.

I actually had planned on blueberry raking this week as well, but the owners down in Franklin started to see their raking crew diminish and the berries start to shrivel so they hired a Mexican crew to do their last field before they lost too much of their remaining crop. Kat and I got down there last Thursday AM ready to rake and camp out and then rake more on Friday, but we got the news about not raking that last field so we finished up the field we were in for 1/2 a day and $140 between the two of us and then we still decided to camp out that night since the weather was good. I know Kat wasn't heartbroken about the season being over and neither was I because it was all bonus money in my world anyway. (Blueberry raking money = paying for more fun Goonie adventures with my awesome girlfriend. Oh Jesus, hell ya!')

Poor Kat, that last day on the blueberry field was a rough one for her. She wasn't feeling well, she got no sleep, she was considering hauling on my ass because she read some of the archives of this bootleg site, and she got stung by a bee while she was trying to take a power nap in the truck. What a bunch of crap! A bee seriously flew into the truck and stung her. That's a first for me on a blueberry field. Talk about bad karma that day. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that she raked with a broken finger for most of her season this year. She's TOUGH.

^We had some decent raking this year. Overall not a bad crop. Get 'dem booberries!

Kat and I camped out down at Lamoine Beach State Park last Thursday night and then on Friday morning we hiked up Acadia Mountain down on Mount Desert Island in Acadia National Park. I've never been up Acadia Mountain before, and I hope to go again before I croak because it was a beautiful hike. The weather was perfect so that really made the trip special. Hiking on a beautiful day after you've made over $2500 blueberry raking > going blueberry raking even more. By then I was glad they gave their last field to the Mexicans because Kat and I saw the field and it didn't look so great to us.

We stood on top of the mountain, and we chopped it down with the edge of our hands. (Thank you Jimmy Hendrix.)

John and Susette down in Franklin were nice blueberry bosses. They intived Kat and I and only two others from their entire 2014 raking crew to one of their fields to have a lobster, clam, oyster, and corn lunch on Friday. Oh Jesus, hell ya! I think lobster is an overrated bunch of crap, but I still had one. I like the taste of lobster, but getting the gods damned meat from the crusty shell is a shit-show. I can't even remember the last time I had to pry meat off a boiled lobster corpse, but it had been so long that I pretty much forgot how to do it. What a bunch of crap! Fortunately it's not exactly rocket science and when you're a cyborg like me then you just touch the shell and it begs for mercy as it falls off. Hehehehehe.

Even though I've been done with blueberry raking since Thursday early afternoon I haven't updated this bootleg turd site because I had other things to do. Obviously hanging out with my awesome girlfriend > most other things in life up to and including essentials like eating and sleeping so that keeps me busy. Plus I had tenant turnover in two of my bootleg apartments so that took up some of my precious... precious time. I installed a new closet in one of the bedrooms of my Bangor duplex, and I gotta admit I was a boss on that install. That thing went in FAST. I should have taken a picture, but it's just a closet and I already stopped caring. I don't even care... if I care. What a bunch of crap!

On Sunday we went down to Mom and Pop's for a visit and to celebrate Mom's birthday. Kat and I brought a bunch of blueberries, but most of them still had leaves and crap in them because I don't have the patience to clean out those little fuckers. I can rake them up like a vacuum, but when it comes time to separate the good from the bad then I fall apart. Too bad they don't winnow in the fields anymore; it all gets done at the factory. That means whenever I take some with me I have all the leaves, stems, unrpie & smushed ones, etc. Thankfully Kat is the best and she helped me process some of them. Then we had to quit and go have an "office meeting." Her and I have a lot of office meetings. A lot. If I ever put her on my payroll I'd go bankrupt before the end of the year. I'd die happy, though! Hehehe.

When we visited Mom and Pop Jason and Holly came over with Nadia. Kat and I tried to beat her at races in the backyard:

It's a close race. I think Kat's gonna win...

Okay, I guess not. Crushed by a 3.5-year old! I didn't win either, but the rules of the game are you never crush little kids in a game unless you plan to also steal their candy. That last sentence doesn't really make sense, but the point remains. If you play games against other adults then your goal is to "crush your enemy, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women." (Thanks Tommy for the Conan quote that I now use several times a week. What a bunch of crap!) However, if you play games with kids then you gotta let them win at least some of the time. Right?

Thankfully Kat is damn good with kids because I kind-of suck at being an uncle. I did have Nadia pull my finger and then I farted, but then somehow our game turned into my running away as she tried to beat my ass. Literally. What a bunch of crap! I should be a better uncle and learn how to play dolls with a 3.5-year old, but nevermind I have a better idea: keep Kat around for the rest of my life and then she can just carry the "good-with-kids" torch for our team. Hehehehe.

Well summer is pretty much over with now. It is still kinda hot and muggy outside and will be for the rest of the week, but the kiddos are back in school and the Greatriots play their first game this coming Sunday. Soon the nights will be crisp and apples will be ripe. I am sad to see summer disappear because it was by far the best one that I've ever had in my life, but I think it will be a fun fall as well. Winter can kiss my hairy ass, but I still have a few months before that shitty season comes to be so no sense getting premptively bummed out about that yet.

I suppose I should go lay out some kind of a budget for this coming month. I hae water bills, tax bills, and the usual here to deal with. After I do that I might lift a few weights in the gym, go for a jog, and then wash up before a nice dinner at Kat's house later. Her and I are like two peas in a pod. We're together 90% of the time! Yesterday her and I both used the gym for the first time in over a month, but that only lasted for about 20 minutes before we needed to have an "office meeting" so she could approve of some rental applications. Hehehehe.

Goonies never say die!