9-04 10-04 11-04 12-04 1-05 2-05 3-05 4-05 5-05 6-05 7-05 8-05 9-05 10-05 11-05 12-05 1-06 2-06 3-06
4-06 5-06 6-06 7-06 8-06 9-06 10-06 11-06 12-06 1-07 2/07 3-07 4-07 5-07 6-07 7-07 8-07 9-07 10-07 11-07 12-07 1-08 2-08 3-08 4-08 5-08 6-08 7-08 8-08 9-08 10-08 11-08 12-08 1-09 2-09 3-09 4-09 5-09 6-09 7-09 8-09 9-09 10-09 11-09 12-09 1-10 2-10 3-10 4-10 5-10 6-10 7-10 8-10 9-10 10-10 11-10 12-10 1-11 2-11 3-11 4-11 5-11 6-11 7-11 8-11 9-11 10-11 11-11 12-11 1-12 2-12 3-12 4-12 5-12 6-12 7-12 8-12 9-12 10-12 11-12 12-12 1-13 2-13 3-13 4-13 5-13 6-13 7-13 8-13 9-13 10-13 11-13 12-13 1-14 2-14


"Her friends knocked on my door in the morning and, while I pretended to be asleep still, they told her it was time to get up because they were leaving. I faked being asleep while she got up and got her shit so I wouldn't have to talk to her." -March 18, 2005 Crap update.

Monday, 3-31-14: Disappear, piece of shit month.
In a matter of hours this giant turd of a month, March 2014, will be over. Good riddance! This month has been COLD. Like, several degrees below average cold. The dude on the local weather news a few days ago said it would be in the all-time top five coldest Marches ever recorded. What a bunch of crap!

I didn't do much work this month; it was borderline dull at times but never straight-up boring. I watched TV, I played AOEII, and I got a good amount of exercise. I stayed healthy and UPS was pretty easy so things definitely could have been a lot worse. I also put a house under contract that I will probably own soon! The weather this month was the real downer. It's almost April and there's still a lot of snow on the ground; I have to dig out my wheelbarrow still because it is 100% buried in the snow. What a bunch of crap! Oh well, I won't need that until tomorrow or midweek.

On a brighter note, the Red Sox play Baltimore this afternoon for their 2014 season opener at Camden Yards. The game actually starts in about five minutes. Awesome! However, I won't watch all of the game because I have other things to do. I should watch some of the game, though. Hopefully they can have another great season and win back-to-back World Series. That would be swell!

^MOAR PLEASE.

I'll get busier next month with the onset of warmer weather and this house that I'm planning to buy. I still don't have a closing date on the house, but I signed all the loan papers and am awaiting an appraisal. I talked to my loan guy earlier today and he said that should be happening soon. I don't feel a huge sense of urgency to close on this house, but I do want things to keep moving along at a steady pace. Once I get an actual closing date then I'll really know how to plan.

I suppose I should check in with the Red Sox game before I take care of a few more things and then get the hell out of here. They've been playing for about 3 minutes so there's nothing exciting to report from today's game just yet. GO SOX!

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Sunday, 3-30-14: LET ME BUY THESE!
I want to buy a couple cheap replacement mailbox flags for one of my bootleg properties, but so far I cannot figure out how to do so. WTF, over? I found some for $3.98 each on Amazon.com, I threw them into my digital shopping cart, and when I go to check out. However, I cannot find an option to click "BUY THESE THINGS." Look:

I guess most of that screencap is small and quite hard to read, but trust me. It shows my subtotal off to the right there of $7.96 for the two, but then all I can click is "continue shopping." There is no option to make purchase. HEY AMAZON.COM WHY DON'T YOU LET ME ACTUALLY BUY THIS CRAP FROM YOUR BOOTLEG SITE? I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND $25 SO I CAN GET SUPER-SAVER SHIPPING. I WILL PAY SHIPPING. JUST LET ME MAKE THE PURCHASE YA FUCKIN' DINKS. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

So I gave up and went to ebay. A short search led me to some $6 flags with shipping included. Excellent. I threw those into my digital basket and was ready to pay when this happened:

OMG I DO NOT POSSESS A PAYPAL ACCOUNT. EPIC FAIL! The bill me later crap is if you sign up for a credit card. There is no option to simply put in my debit card number and pay. What a bunch of crap! I haven't had a Paypal account in years.

I wish I could just pick up these mailbox replacement flags at Home Depot, but they do not have them there. You gotta buy the entire $17 mailbox. F that! I guess I will order them from somewhere else or I will add onto my Amazon.com order until I have a total of $25. Gods damn it! It's ridiculous how much of my precious... precious time I'm wasting trying to order these cheap flags. What a bunch of crap!

I wonder if I used to have Bitcoins in my Paypal account and someone stole them? A million or so Bitcoins got stolen by some mooching hacker(s) not long ago. HAHAHAHA! Paypal doesn't really use Bitcoins; I think they use real money? Bitcoins are cyber-money and their value has fluctuated wildly since their invention a few years ago. I don't want to own any of those unless I get them for free, but maybe in the future it will be Bitcoin or bust...

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Thursday, 3-27-14: My next project that I've spent about two hours working on so far.
Gav closed on the building across the street just over a week ago, and he's already scheduled some major foundation repairs on the place. I hooked him up with my dirtbag foundation contractor (Bob), the guy who I bitched and moaned about on this bootleg site just last year, because the price was right. The contractor is a giant nincompoop, but he is capable of doing quality work. You just gotta make sure not to give him too much money up-front so he has incentive to come back and finish what he started.

Since Gav will need to have some concrete poured over there I figured I could piggyback a cellar gym expansion with that job. I'm going to rip out this old, crooked, cracked bootleg section of floor:

^I bashed out a little test section already before I took that picture.

Once all the concrete is removed I need to haul out a bunch of dirt so I can have the new floor poured at the same height as the floor in the rest of the gym. The photo doesn't make it look like the existing floor is that much higher than the lower/newwer gym floor, but that 6" or so does make a HUGE difference when you want to get to a 7-foot clearance, give or take.

I spent a couple hours on Monday smashing out a lot of the old concrete with my sledgehammer. That stuff is barely 2" thick so thankfully I don't need a jackhammer. I started to cut a straight line at the back end with a concrete diamond blade on my Skil-Saw, but so much dust kicks up that I quit for the day after I got about a foot done. I'll have to rig up some sheets/tarp around the area so the entire basement doesn't fill up with smoke and dust. I remember how dusty it got down here when I needed to make cuts during this office plumbing install a couple years ago. That was a bunch of crap!

It's barely 30 degrees outside today so I'll wait until tomorrow or next week when we'll be more seasonable in the 40s. If it's not totally frigid outside I can leave the cellar door open and air it out some. I'm also not in a huge hurry because it will be at least a week, maybe two, before Bob is ready to order the concrete for the footings at Gavin's new place across the street.

I suppose I should head on out of here for the day. It's damn cold and windy outside, about 15 degrees below normal, but I'm gonna try to go for a jog outside. I haven't done any cardio in a week now. What a bunch of crap! I can blame cold weather for that; winter has refused to end and I'm just done with the treadmill. From this point on it's jogging outside or bust! Thankfully a massive blizzard missed us to the east yeaterday so I saved $170 in plowing bills. Score! There was a Winter Storm Warning all day with 4-8" predicted, but all we got was a dusting. Sweet! Parts of Cape Cod and Canada got pasted with loads of snow and over 100MPH wind gusts. Thankfully we dodged that meteorological bullet. Hopefully there will be no more plowing bills until next winter.

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Wednesday, 3-26-14: An old Top Ten list revisited.*
I've been reading some of my bootleg Crap site archives, and today I'm taking a look back at March, 2006. Eight years ago! Back then I was "only" 30, and I was missing out on a lot of great tunes that I would eventually discover over the next eight years. Here is my top ten favorite musicians list from March 22, 2006:

10. Pink Floyd
9. Tom Petty
8. The Scorpions
7. U2
6. Motley Crue
5. Van Halen
4. Poison
3. Steve Winwood
2. Bruce Hornsby
1. Def Leppard

OMG I can't believe back then I ranked Van Halen above the Crue. Also, where the hell is Ratt?! What a bunch of crap! Thankfully in years past since that update I used the hell out of Limewire and acquired all kinds of rockin' tunes. (RIP: Limewire.) Plus Pandora radio has introduced me to some other relatively hidden gems that I didn't have access to when I was younger.

Many years ago I used to like pop rock, light rock, and hair rock in a more balanced variety. However, now that I'm older I definitely prefer hair rock over anything else. Sorry Bruce Hornsby and Steve Winwood, I like your music a lot, but your asses cannot compare to the Crue, Ratt, and Def Leppard. Bands like Pink Floyd, The Scorpions, and U2 are all great but there's no room for those guys on my updated list.

Oh wait, I don't have a new list yet. What a bunch of crap! I suppose I should make one now. Then, in another 8 years, I can look back and laugh at my stupid self all over again and make even more changes!

10. Steve Winwood
9. Tom Petty
8. Queensryche
7. Dokken
6. Cinderella
5. Poison
4. Bruce Hornsby
3. Ratt
2. Motley Crue
1. Def Leppard

The obvious top choice for me continues to be Def Leppard. I've loved Def Leppard ever since I heard Pour Some Sugar on Me in 1987/1988, and over the years decades I've grown to appreciate the band even more. Choosing a clear-cut #2 was difficult because I love both Ratt and Motley Crue so much. I decided to give the second spot to the Crue becase of two songs: Girls, Girls, Girls and Wild Side. Plus I saw Motley Crue in concert last year and it was BADASS.

Who knows, maybe in the future I'll rank Ratt higher or another band will come onto my radar and fly on in. Back in 2006 I think the only Ratt song that I owned was Round and Round. Since then I've acquired just about everything they've ever done. I love me some Ratt! They made 5 awesome albums from 1984-1990, but they haven't really done much since then.

Bruce Hornsby is still the fucking man. He's kinda the opposite of all the other rock bands on my list. He doesn't totally kick ass, but he gets the job done with his piano and bluegrass-style of lighter rock. He had a new album come out since that 2006 update with a catchy song called Gonna Be Some Changes Made that got airtime. I think. Okay, I can't really remember when that song came out but I thought it was after March, 2006. I'm too lazy to look; I don't even care... if I care. What a bunch of crap!

Poison is iconic and Brett Michaels is a hero. Open up and Say Ahhhh is one of the best albums ever. They only slid down one spot to make room for Ratt.

Cinderella wasn't on my 2006 list either, but my love for their 1986 Night Songs and 1988 Long Cold Winter albums earns them a solid middle-ish spot on the list. It's just too bad that their later albums aren't as good. Same goes for Dokken and Queensryche and a couple of their late 80s albums. Under Lock and Key by Dokken and Operation Mindcrime by Queensryche both kick some serious ass.

Tom Petty is just timeless and Steve Winwood stays on the list because, about 20 years ago, he was my favorite. yes, there was a time when I was 100% dork (as opposed to "only" 99% dork now) and I thought the soft-rock specialist was great. I still do think he's great, but I haven't heard any of his albums in years. I should dig some of his stuff out and listen to it soon!

There are so many great bands and songs out there that it's hard to narrow them all down to a top 10 that doesn't leave out the greats. I could do a top 100 and get most of them, but screw that because I have other things to do like go home, eat chow, wash up, and bivouac.

*If you disagree with my top ten list then I will send you a virus and punch you in the face.

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Tuesday, 3-25-14: A final middle finger from Mother Nature, and my failure at life.
The calendar says spring now, but the atmosphere says "F-that." We tied a record low last night, got up to 23 yesterday (20 degrees BELOW average), and set a record low again this AM. What a bunch of crap! We'll get all the way up to 32 today before more snow moves in tomorrow. Then Thursday will be below freezing all day as well.

HEY MOTHER NATURE KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF ALREADY YOU GRUBBY BEOTCH! This month has been brutal and this winter has been the same. It's like a turd that won't flush! I wish winter would just fucking end so I can stop paying literally thousands of dollars on heat. The plowing bill has been a toilet this winter, too. What a bunch of crap!

On Sunday I went down to the ol' homestead to help Jason and Pop set up a hunting blind out back. It's one of those pre-fab, shed-looking things that Pop paid around a grand for last fall. Check it out:

^Cool little place to hide while you wait for turkeys and deer to stroll by, but no bargain at ONE THOUSAND FRIGGING DOLLARS! I could have build one for a small fraction of that price. However, the one I might have built would have been a bootleg piece of shit so nevermind.

When Mom, Pop, and I were having a nice lunch Mom asked how Kelly and I were doing and I said fine. Then she asked how our relationship was and that's when I could not tell a lie. So I spilled the beans and told them that I'm hitting the road next month and will be living in my own spread. I think Mom already knew there were issues because when her and Pop had lunch at the Epic Buffet with Kelly and I last Monday Mom said she could sense tension between Kelly and I. Gods damn it! I didn't sense any frigging tension. Maybe because it's always there so I'm just used to it? What a bunch of crap!

I guess Mom and Pop are probably disappointed in me since I fucked it away and will be single again. They really liked Kelly a lot because there is a lot to like about her. Thankfully both Doug and Jason have hardened Mom and Pop (mostly Mom I guess; Pop never says much when we talk about our failed relationships.) to the fact that we'll screw it up somehow. Last year Doug blew it with Nicole and this year I blew it with Kelly. Hopefully Jason doesn't blow it with Holly since they have a 3-year old daughter. He better keep Holly around, marry her, and pump out more kiddos if the nuclear family tree is ever going to have any branches.

It's actually amazing to thing that, out of three boys all in their mid-late 30s now, not one of my parents' three children has had a child to carry the torch. Both Doug and I don't have kids, I hope I never have kids, and Jason has one daughter. Holly said that Jason needs to marry her before she'll have more kids, but hopefully that was just lip-service because they've been together for around 6 years and they're not even engaged. What a bunch of crap! However, not really "what a bunch of crap" because I'm beginning to realize that the institution of marriage is obsolete. Looks like I'll never get married and I've long ago decided that I ain't pumping out any kids. Screw dat!

So Mom and Pop know that I'm a failure at relationships. Again. Of course Mom had to compare me to Uncle Kevin like she has in the past when I've been failing at the dating game. Kev is in his mid 50s and has been single and lived alone since I was a kid. Kevin is a great guy, but I know I won't turn out just like him because I have a computer and access to pictures of naked wommens online if I get desperate. Kev doesn't even own a computer. Hahahaha! (Where's my psychologist?)

So Mom thinks I'll grow up and be old, alone, and full of regrets. I don't think that will happen, but maybe it will? If I execute the current plan of eventually having a condo in Florida and a hunting/summer camp around here in addition to my primary home then I'll have three places to hang out at and I can also travel around, hop on a singles cruise or something, and still have a fun time.

I refuse to get both old, crusty, and lonely. F that! I'll save up enough money so I can basically buy my hapiness in place of potential lonliness. It's a great plan! Of course if that plan fails I'll just execute plan B: Get drunk and freeze to death...

Where's my psychologist?

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Saturday, 3-22-14: My new home.
Yesterday I posted a picture of the house that I am going to buy and live in. It's a single-family 2BR one-story ranch located only 1/3 of a mile from my bootleg office. It's literally so close to this office that I could walk it in a few minutes. How cool is that?

Last evening Gav, Tommy, and I went to do an "inspection" on the place. What a joke that was! We all had beers in our hands so I obviously didn't take it seriously. Gav pointed out a couple minor flaws as he pulled on a light and ripped it right out of the ceiling. What a bunch of crap! That was actually damn funny. I didn't find anything majorly wrong with the house so I guess I won't ask for any price concessions. It was listed for $129,900 and I'm getting it for $122,500 so I feel like I'm getting a fair deal. It's not a steal of a deal, but it's decent and if I haggled too much then someone else would have just bought it. (Like what happened with the last house I planned to buy. What a bunch of crap that was!)

The kitchen is pretty nice in my future home. The appliances will convey with the sale including a washer and dryer, too. Score! The place has a nice private back yard where I can make a fire pit and burn stuff as I drink beer and hang out. The deck has enough room for some chairs and a grill. The house has an attached one-car garage, too. What more could I ask for?

The house has two bathrooms, one down in the basement that I won't use much and the upstairs one in the picture. The upstairs bathroom is a bit small and dated, but I don't even care... if I care. I'll use it to take a 5-minute shower, to shave, and to take a crap so it's good enough. Part of the cellar is finished off with horrible wood paneling that I'll probably eventually get rid of... maybe. Check out this bootleg cellar room:

^HAHAHAHA! What a bunch of crap! That futon mattress in there is just weird. I guess I could get a roommate and stick him (or her) down there for a few hundred a month, but I can afford the place without a roommate so I probably won't. However, I might if the right person comes along.

I went and saw the house on Wednesday around 1345. It was the first of three that I had planned to see and as soon as I saw it I thought it would be the one I wanted. Since the second house on my list was just a few hundred yards up the road I went to see that one as well, I thought it sucked, and I didn't even bother to see the third house. Jody (my realtor) made a phone call when I said I'd offer $120k. The seller came back with $125k, I countered with $122,500 and by the end of the afternoon we had a verbal agreement on the price. How cool is that? I met Jody the following morning at his office to get it under contract so within 24 hours I had seen a house and gotten a contract to make the purchase. That's called getting it done!

I've been getting everything in order over the past couple days and right now, according to my banker, it looks like we'll close on the place around mid-April. I guess that means closer to the end of April or May since someone will screw something up, but pretty soon I'll have my own house to go live in. Cool! I'm gonna do a VA loan at 4.375%. Sucks rates have risen lately, but 4.375% isn't horrible. Sure beats 5, 6, 7, or even higher!

Even though I'll be leaving Kelly's house soon I still live there so I hope things won't be a shit-show there until I do spread out. I didn't even go home last night; I sent Kelly a text after 1700 and told her I was gonna have beer with Gav and Tommy. After we saw my future home we ate at Dino's City Side and then it was game on! We had a fun night drinking beer both at my old apartment and at Jester's across the street. I don't think I bivouaced until 0330 or 0400. OMG! I slept until almost noon and woke up in my office with no hangover. Sweet!

It's already 1630 so I guess I should go load up some RR ties and my chainsaw before I go "home." Tomorrow I'm going down to the ol' homestead to help Pop and Jason set up a hunting blind out back. We'll use the RR ties (spares that I have out back behind my shed) as a base for the blind and then we can hunt turkey, deer, etc. from it. Nice! I haven't been down to Mom and Pop's since around Christmas, but they did come up here on Monday to have lunch at the EPIF BUFFET with Kelly and I. I don't know if I'll tell Mom and Pop that I'm splitting up with Kelly yet, but I probably will because there's no sense in lying. They'll think it's a bunch of crap for sure since they think Kelly is as cool as ice. I think Kelly is great, too, but it's just not gonna work. I fail.

Kelly is at one of Lexi's basketball games in Dover, but I guess she will be heading home soon herself? Hell if I know. I hope tonight at the house things are okay. She knows I'll be moving out, but we haven't hung out since we talked about it Wed. evening. I hope she doesn't get mad at me! I will just drink some alcohol and that will make everything okay.*

*Award-winning advice from a giant slapnut right there. What a bunch of crap!

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Friday, 3-21-14: BIG CHANGES COMING SOON: My next house.
I've decided that I am going to buy this house and go live in it:

I've been living with Kelly since last summer, for the second time, I guess? I don't even really know officially what my "home" has been, but it goes something like this:

-Feb, 2011 I meet Kelly at Liberty Tax. We go out on our first date in March, 2011. By later in 2011 I was spending most of my time at her place even though I still had my apartment.
-I began building my bootleg office near the end of 2011 so I could have a work space and go live with Kelly. I spread out of my old apartment so Doug's friend, Nicole, could take my place around Jan. 1, 2012.
-I lived with Kelly for all of 2012, but near the end of 2012 we broke up and I decided to move out. I went to Michigan, Florida, and Maryland for most of Dec. and early Jan. 2012-2013. When I got back from Gulliver's Rambo's travels I decided to live in my old apartment again. I got my old room back and Nicole stayed in Doug's room since by then they were officially dating.
-A mere few weeks after I "moved" back into my old apartment I was pretty much back with Kelly and at her place most of the time. I gave plenty of notice to "officially" move out of my old apartment again and back in with Kelly effective August, 2013. Doug moved to AZ, Nicole moved to NH, and Tommy got two new roommates.
-Over the past couple months I've been thinking more and more about going to live by myself in my own house because I suck at living with Kelly. This week I 100% finalized my plans so now I'll be hitting the road. If all goes as planned I'll be in the house pictured above in mid-late April.

So I guess Kelly and I are done as a romantic entity. Again. What a bunch of crap! I talked to her a couple days ago about it all and she said "Do what you want to do." so I guess it's a done deal. The final nail in the coffin actually came the night prior when we were all in the kitchen. Lexi and Dylan were at the breakfast bar eating a late supper, and Kelly and I were standing at the bar facing the kids. We were chatting about a little of this and a little of that when Lexi asked "Mom, do you love Steve?" Kelly stood there for what seemed like an etirnity (but was really a few seconds) in silence before answering "Sometimes."

OMG THE CHICK I'VE BEEN DATING FOR THE BETTER PART OF THREE YEARS HAD TO THINK ABOUT AN ANSWER TO THE MOST BASIC LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP QUESTION. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

On Wednesday when I was telling her how I planned to hit the road I told her about that one question. I said she had to think about how to answer the love question so that tells me all I need to know. She said she was just joking around when she answered, but I think not. She probably does love me in some ways, but it's obvious to me that she's not in love with me so that makes me feel better about hitting the road. At least I won't be breaking her heart! If she really wanted my ass to stay I would have expected some emotion and the words "I love you." at some point in the conversation.

It's already 1545. I better put a wiggle on it so I still have time to lift a few weights, clean the office some, shower up, and crack a beer. I'm gonna have some drinks at my old bootleg apartment tonight with Tommy, Gavin, and whomever else shows up. I probably won't even make it "home" tonight. I'll just bivouac here in my office. I suppose I should tell Kelly, eh? I'm sure she won't even care... if she cares. I hope not!

Today is her birthday, too. Seriosuly. I am a piece of civilian shit.

I did text her a "Happy birthday" and she has a gift at the house so I didn't totally fail and 100% blow off her birthday. We agreed to celebrate her birthday with the kids on Monday PM since the kids are going with their dad this weekend. Even though we're not gonna go the distance as a couple I don't have any malice towards Kel at all. She's a great woman and I hope we can at least be friendly until I hit the road. That would suck if I go back to the house tomorrow (or whenever I get around to it) and all my loot is heaved in a pile all over the yard. I don't think she would do that. I hope! Last time we "broke up" she didn't so at least I have a positive precedent on my side.

In conclusion, I am buying my own house to go live all by myself. I'll have to write more about the house in my next update. I already have the house under contract with a loan approval so things are moving right along.

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Tuesday, 3-18-14: Real-estate wheeling and dealing.
Gavin is leaving his bootleg apartment now at the "old folks home" to go sign closing paperwork on a house. He's gonna be a slumlord right here in the neighborhood. Awesome! This is the building he gets to own today:

If it looks familiar it's because I've posted that very same photograph on this bootleg site several times since last September. Originally I was going to buy that 3-unit apartment building located across the street from my bootleg office and old apartment #2 here. I had a contract in place and everything, $155,000 and it was mine. Unfortunately, I had to jump through too many hoops and make too many sacrifices in order to put a deal for that building together before my March deadline so I just talked Gavin into taking over the contract for me. Awesome!

I could have extended my March deadline into the summer as the owners, my former neighbors, really wanted me to get the place. I wanted to get the place as well, but I don't even feel one tiny pang of regret for having Gavin take over the contract. I feel like it's the right decision, the same way I felt back in early January when we first started working towards that goal. Having Gav live right over on this side of the river will be awesome!

Maybe one day he will get sick of owning the place and sell it to me. Or maybe I'll sell out and he can take over my entire bootleg "empire" so I can go drink fruity beverages in a tropical climate. Hehehe.

So Gav is gonna own that 3-unit and I've been shopping around for another deal. After weeks of work I finally had everything in place to purchase this MOLD HOUSE:

I had my financing in place and I got a quote from a contractor. Unfortunately, by the time I got all my shit in a pile I had missed out. I was ready to pen an offer on the house last Friday, Jody said hell yeah, but then he called me back 10 minutes later with terrible news. The house went under contract on Wednesday, just two days before I was set to do the paperwork on it.

NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I was so close to getting that house. So close. The price had droped from $124k down to $117k so I guess that got other people motivated. Too bad so sad. I really wanted to own that house because it was right on the edge of some great bowhunting woods nearby. Gods damn it! I could have fixed it all up like new for $30k-ish and had a sweet little place.

So it's back to the drawing board for my ass. I did some drive-bys on a few other houses this weekend and this afternoon I'll take a peek at the top three. Maybe I won't end up liking any of them, but it's worth a chance since I'm already approved for the financing. Right? I hope!

In other news, no one can find that missing Maylasian airliner yet. After 10 days it continues to be as gone as a ghost. The Nothing must have taken it like it once took the beautiful lake from the Rock Biters in the North. 239 people were aboard the large aircraft so now the leading theory is foul play was involved. Someone turned off the transponders and communications, changed direction, and either stole the thing or else crashed it into the Indian Ocean. What a bunch of crap for all the passengers and their families!

I suppose I should eat lunch. After that I'll watch a bit of TV and go look at more houses. I'm a real-estate pig!

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Saturday, 3-15-14: A weekend of basketball in Gardiner... pass.
I'm a free man this weekend, or at least I am for today. Awesome! Kelly and the kids left the house before 0700 today enroute to pick up a couple friends and then southbound on I-95 to Gardiner. Lexi has basketball games down there all day today and a good part of tomorrow. Since Gardiner is about 100 miles from the house they're all staying in a hotel room instead of coming home for the night and then going right back tomorrow. Makes sense to me! Plus, as an added bonus, they didn't even invite me to go spend the night so I didn't have to make up an excuse for not going. SCORE.

I have no desire to watch kiddo basketball if I have to drive 100 miles. I actually have no desire to watch it even when it's local, but I do go to some of the games. Tonight they'll be swimming at the hotel pool while I drink beer and go watch a comedy show with Gav. I haven't been to a comedy show in ages so hopefully it's a fun time. We just decided to go about 3 hours ago. I could actually get liquored up and crash out late-night in my office, but Cammie is at the house all by herself and I bet she'll have to wizz at some point. Leaving the dog home alone for an entire day would end badly. I think? She has a camel bladder so maybe not. I swear to the gods who do not really exist that Cammie can go most of a day without having to go outside to pee or poop.

So I've had the whole day to myself and I've done all kinds of fun things like use the Interweb, read some of a book, take a nap, search the real-estate listings, watch Rocky (good flick that I haven't watched in forever!), and even play Ages of Empires II online with Gav. I went over a year without playing AOEII, but over the past couple weeks I've played a little.

^Good ol' Dorkville. Hey, there's nothing wrong with playing a computer game or two, right? AOEII > watching 9 and 10-year olds play basketball. As an added bonus Gav and I won both of our games this afternoon. Nice! Usually we lose...

It's just about 1700 so I guess I should pop open a beer. I gots a few in the office fridge here on standby, but they're not twist-off bottles so I guess it's time for a screwdriver and some pliers here. No prob! I really should put a bottle-opener down here for those occasional times when I want to drink here in Brewer. However, most of the time I'm drinking from Natty Light cans so nevermind. I have this good Shock Top Belgian Wheat thanks to a great deal at Tim's Little Big Store in OT. That store is fuckin-A! This beer probaby expired in 2013, but I don't even care... if I care. The price was right!

I suppose I should go watch one of Lexi's games tomorrow. I should "find" some work to do so I don't have to go! I don't think they care if I go or not? They don't even care... if they care. The flip side of that coin is the fact that I don't even care... if I care. How do I still have a girlfriend with such an award-winning attitude? If I keep it up I won't have one for long. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Where's my psychologist? Goonies never say die!

I got majorly hosed on a real-estate deal this week. Like, bad. I was pretty pissed off about it last night but 3 beers helped me fall asleep. I was gonna buy a house, I was all set to go do the paperwork, but some other slapnut beat me to it by 2 days. OMG what a bunch of crap! I'm still bummed about it, but life goes on and I'm not pissed anymore. These things happen. It just sucks because if my realtor and contractor were faster doig their shit then I would have been all set. Epic fail!

Alright, I'm gonna get off this bootleg thing and get my drink on. I guess it's time to eat food, too. Bonus! A tenant paid me some rent money earlier so I can blow it tonight at the comedy show and at the bar. SCORE!

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Thursday, 3-13-14: Gods damn this winter and these bills!
I've complained about this winter on this bootleg site for months now, and it's time for the complaints to keep on 'a rollin. This frigging winter... we got another FOOT of heavy, wet snow last night and into the early AM, but it wasn't a regular foot of snow. Nope, this one had a nice topping of sleet so it's really more like a white paste out there. Now it's highly frozen heavy paste as it's 16 degrees. It's a bitch to shovel. It's a bitch to plow. I've had the usual tenant calls about the plowing, the dumpster is totally buried, and I'm sick of it. GODS DAMNED THIS WINTER ALL TO HELL!

In addition to the fresh mountains of HEAVY snow out there it's frigging cold again. Will be down to zero or below tonight. What a bunch of crap! I literally had about $13,000 worth of bills on my desk until I paid my $1080 plow bill a day or two ago. Now I gots to fork over $3097 to Bangor Gas, $3300 to the city for property taxes, and by April 15th it's bye bye $5000 or so to the IRS and state for income taxes. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Oh, I forgot to mention the $1077 water/sewer bills...

My property taxes were due yesterday, but the interest rate isn't that bad if you pay late and they don't do a lien until May so I have time to blow that one off still. I actually can pay it now, but I choose not to fork over the loot just yet. It kinda sucks if you wait until they put a lien on the property because it costs extra administrative fees of $40-50. F that! They send a registered letter, too. Trust me, I've blown off property taxes in the past so I know how it goes down. Hehehehe.

This winter seriously has been fucked. I'll have to wait until the spring to assess the financial damage, but I'm going to say this winter will end up costing me $3000 more than last winter, give or take, in heating and plowing bills. Plus I still have to fix this whenever things thaw:

^EPIC FAIL!

Natural gas got WAY expensive last month, but the price has fallen slightly since then. However, it's still too damn expensive. Gods damn it! This gas bill is due on the 14th so I guess I should pay it now. [sigh] Some of my tenants will be majorly bummed out when my ass raises rents. However, I don't wanna raise rents now because I'd rather do it in the spring after I have a better idea of exactly how much this winter butt-fucked me. I'll also have to do some market analysis to see what the competition is charging for their slums. Fun times!

I'm hoping to get a quote back from a contractor by tomorrow so I can figure out how much it will cost me to renovate this house:

I'm expecting his quote to come in at around $25-30k. Ouch! However, I can chop his price down by doing extra work myself. The list price on the house is currently $117k (down from 124k that it was just last week), but I don't feel a super sense of urgency to get it under contract because no one has even looked at the place since I was there last Friday. (inside info from my realtor.) Still, it's better to not screw arond too much so I would like to get a new offer in on the place by Saturday. My old offer of $95k that I made two weeks ago was not accepted. The fuckin' DINKS.

Great, another call from a tenant. Waaaa where's the plow guy? Waaaaaa there's too much snow. Waaaaaa. Half my tenants have had their cars get stuck because the weather is so fucked. A stuck car = plow guy cannot move the snow around. Gods damn it!

Alright, I guess I should pay some of these frigging bills as I rip out more 80s tunes (Simple Minds, Sanctify Yourself)

WINTER SUCKS AND GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!

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Wednesday, 3-12-14: The real-life Nothing, more snow, and my free labor.
It's snowing outside now, and we're supposed to get anywhere from 6 to 18" ove the next 24-ish hours. What a bunch of crap! This winter truly has been a pile of shit. Thankfully I was able to go for a jog and finish the 3-mile loop right before lunch just as the first flaked appeared in the sky. Then I had to go paint a cellar window trim at the house I was once gonna buy. I've been all about the free labor so far this week!

^A 5-minute paint job almost held up the sale of AN ENTIRE BUILDING. What a bunch of crap!

The house across the street that I was once going to buy is now going to be Gavin's baby, and this week we've been working towards the goal of a Friday closing date. However, the appraisal that was done a few days ago required balusters to be installed (4" spacing, beotches!) and some trim painting to be completed. Great, no prob! Oh, it's 35 degrees now with copious snow, ice, wind, and below-zero weather in the immediate forecast? That is a problem. A BIG PROBLEM.

Fortunately, yesterday's forecast was 45 degrees with afternoon times of sun so I thought I could finish everything up before the weather shit in its diapers. Unfortunately, the sun never came out and it ended up raining for a bit in the PM. What a bunch of crap! We didn't see any frigging 45 degrees either. Gods damn it! Fortunately I went into BEAST MODE and, despite the garbage weather, I got everything done. Look at the deck now:

So I agreed to do all the work for free because the contract to buy that house was mine for a few months until Gavin came along and said "I'll take it!" When he took over that contract it helped me out because I didn't wannt fight for the financing and mortgage my soul in the process. I would have lost a few thousand if I had to totally walk away so, thanks to Gav, now I'm "only" out $1000-1500. Seems like a bad deal for me, but it's a lot better than it could have been!

Bye bye 4 hours of my afternoon yesterday doing that. The painting that I did was terrible, one of the worst paint-jobs in my life, but it was RAINING and about 40 degrees so I did the best that I could. It passed the new inspection so that's the most important thing. Right?

One of the headlines of the week in the news has been the disappearance of a flight from Maylasia to China. A giant commercial airliner with 239 people aboard vanished last Friday, and since then no one has any idea what happened. I should call up CNN and tell them that I have the answer. Obviously The Nothing came and took the aircraft. The Nothing grows stronger every day because people have begun to lose hope. Anyone who knows The Neverending Story knows that is the only logical explanation! No way the plane just crashed and sank into the vast Indian Ocean... [sarcasm] All joking aside, it's bad when a GIANT FUCKING AIRPLANE WITH TRANSPONDERS, RADIOS, BLACK BOXES, AND SATELLITE TECHNOLOGY SIMPLY VANISHES. WHERE DID THE AIRCRAFT GO?*

Speaking of The Neverending Story, I executed my plan to perfection on Saturday. I had the house to myself for most of the evening as Kelly was out and about so I cooked up some deer meat for supper, I consumed some beers, and I watched one fo the greatest movies of all time for about the 1000th time. Watching The Neverending Story was better than sex with a fat chick and, quite frankly, it was better than sex with any chick for those glorious 92 minutes. Even though I've seen that movie too many times to count, I haven't seen it from start to finish, uninterrupted, for a few years. Plus I just finished reading the book a couple weeks ago so I really enjoyed watching the movie. Even though the book and the movie are a lot different I still think both are great!

*I bet eventually that missing airplane will be found at the bottom of the ocean. Or on the planet Melmac with Alf...

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Saturday, 3-08-14: My plans for this afternoon.
I already got my swell on here in my bootleg gym and I just finished up my February statement for the bootleg duplex that I manage. Now I have just enough time to update my bootleg site before I eat lunch and watch some TV. Bootleg! The big project at the duplex that I manage has been a natural gas conversion and two Empire 35,000 BTU monitor heater installs, one for each apartment. The gas conversion was actually in the works all the way back in October when I finally convinced the (bootleg) owner that he's dumb for not converting to gas. Since then the price of natural gas has about doubled. What a bunch of crap! Ah well, it's still cheaper than oil!

The gas company was able to run the meter to the house in December, just before the ground froze too much for them to dig. Sweet! However, I was not able to get the two heaters until late January. I ordered them in early Jan, but they were out of stock and it took a few weeks to get them in. Then, once I had them, I needed to get my installer to come hook everything up. Then we realized the gas company only installed one meter when the place needs two (one for each apartment.) What a bunch of crap! Bye bye over a week waiting for those pinheads to get it right. We finally finished everything up on last Thursday the 27th.

^Awesome gas heaters that will hopefully pump out enough heat to keep both 1000 square-feet apartments warm. (roughly 500 feet downstairs, 500 upstairs in each 3BR unit.)

Guy pats himself on the back for a job well-done. Guy earns his $153.50 monthly commission. Shhh... don't tell the IRS! I didn't claim that income on my taxes. Ah well, I claimed everything else so close enough.

Hopefully one day I can own that duplex. It's only two houses away from my (bootleg) office so it would be a perfect fit for my "empire."

I'm pretty excited to go home this afternoon. It's gonna be about 42 degrees so I can job outside, wash up, open up a beer, and cook a nice deer-burger Manwich supper as I prepare to watch The Neverending Story and drink even more beer. How cool is that plan? The kids are with their father this weekend and Kelly is working until probably 1700 and then going out to eat with her mom and aunt so I gots the place to myself for most of the evening. She better not bail on the dinner and come home early gods damn it! I don't want to watch The Neverending Story with my girlfriend; I want to watch it with someone who truly appreciates how awesome the flick is. She'd probably watch it, call it stupid, and then I'd have to tell her to ggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttt oooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttt! However, it's her house so that plan would not really work. Since the only two other people I know who might appreciate the movie aren't around (Doug and Tommy?) I'm better off watching it with my three best friends: me, myself, and I. I haven't popped the the DVD and watched that movie in a long time so I'm expecting my evening to be glorious.

Where's my psychologist?

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Monday, 3-03-14: Official offer made.
I met with my realtor, Jody, on Saturday morning and again this morning to put the finishing touches on a $95,000 offer for this house:

The current list price is $124,000 and that would be a steal if the place was in great shape. Unfortunately, the house has SEVERE mold issues. I talked to the city code office on Friday to get the scoop (I ain't buying a house that needs to be condemned!) and the word is a lady had the plae built right before the real-estate bubble burts, she couldn't afford it, and she got foreclosed upon. Instead of doing the right thing and just leaving she decided to be a total fucking asshole so she opened every widow and turned on every faucet. OMG THAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IN ALL 50 STAES. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

Even worse, no one knew she did that for a while. The water department did its quarterly meter read, someone said OMG, and then they knew the house was pwned. All the moisture in there cause black mold to form. Bigtime. It's bad when that happens. I'm guessing the house should be worth $185,000, but since the beotch trashed it in a spiteful act of malice now it's worth literally tens of thousands of dollars less. Assuming the story is true then I vote society euthanizes that assface broad for pulling such a stunt. I bet the story is true because people often pull that ignorant crap. They live beyond their means and then when they get the boot they get pissed off at others. What a bunch of crap! No wonder this country is heading for a total meltdown at some point in the near future.

It sucks that some random broad/family/whomever wrecked that house. However, on the bright side of things there is a major opportunity to be had there. I think I can buy the house, remove the mold, and have a great place to add to the portfolio. Or I can go live there if Kelly gives me the boot! The home is only 12 years old and the exterior is in great shape. The roof, siding, windows, etc. are all like new. Unfortunately, the interior needs to be mostly gutted down to the studs thanks to all the mold. Look at this photo of the kitchen:

OMG BLACK MOLD! (I think I posted this a couple weeks ago already.) Other rooms in the house are actually worse than that, too. The place is a bon-a-fide shit-show. What a bunch of crap!

I'm no mold-remediation expert, but I think I can do a lot of the work myself. I'll just put on a PPE suit, a good mask, gloves, and I'll rip out the nasty sheetrock and related (some carpet, cabinets, etc.) I'll need to rent a dumpster so bye bye a few hundred for that. Then, after I strip the hell out of the place I can have a mold-remediation company come spray everything down, do some tests, and I can get a certificate of occupancy. I'm sure that part will cost several thousand dollars, but there's plenty of room in the budget for renovations if my $95k offer is accepted.

I don't know what condition the electrical, heating, and plumbing systems are in because I was only in the house for about five minutes before Jody and I bailed. The mold was so pervasive that we didn't want to linger in there and breathe in all the spores. It's BAD in there. The house is Fannie-Mae owned so there will be a lot of red tape and related before we do come to any agreement, if we come to one at all. I definitely don't expect them to accept my lowball 95k offer, but I'm hoping we can meet in the 110-115k range at worst. Then I can dump $20-30k into the house and have a house worth 185k that I've invested $140k or so into.

Right now I'm cautiously optimistic that I can get the place because I did find a bank that thinks I'm awesome, but for now I'll just wait and see how it goes. In he meantime I've been burning time this afternoon by getting my swell on in the gym and by reading a few months' worth of 2005 Crap updates. Hopefully at some point this week I can add to my Crap Hall of Shame with the addition of 2005. Fun times!

In other news, Lexi had 10 friends over on Saturday night for her birthday party sleepover. Including Lexi and Dylan we had 12 kids camped out in the living room that night. OMG! What are the odds that a dozen kids will actually all go to sleep before about 0300? Unless you drug them all (tempting!) the odds are zero percent. THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT A GAGGLE OF 10-YEAR OLDS ARE GOING TO JUST GO TO SLEEP AT BEDTIME. THEY WILL BE WOUND-UP ON CAKE AND ICE CREAM AND THEY WILL STAY AWAKE AND GIGGLE AND PLAY WITH THEIR IPODS AND SHIT.

When I was a kid and we'd have sleepovers, our cousins over, whatever the case may be then we'd stay up most of the night so I can definitely relate. I don't blame the kids at all for staying up and having a fun time. Many a night when we were kids did Mom/Pop/Grammy/Papa/Uncle Pete have to storm in and tell us all to shut our gom-holes. "You all need to go to sleep or else I'll have to separate you." Hahahahaha!

Fortunately, I knew that would happen so I planned ahead. I got drunk! I had a few beers, I got nice and liquored up, and I passed the hell out. Kelly had to stay awake half the night telling the kiddos to STFU while she threatened to separate them all, but I didn't hear a thing. I win!

I don't even deserve to have a girlfriend.

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Saturday, 3-01-14: Lexis birthday party (that I want to avoid)
Lexi turns 10 on Wednesday the 5th, but since that's the middle of the week and a school day we get to celebrate the occasion this weekend. Plus, as an added bonus, one of her friends also has a birthday soon so it's gonna be a double date. Twice the birthday fun! [sarcasm] Thankfully I managed to get out of some of the festivities. Lexi and a whole gaggle of 9 and 10-year old girlies are going tubing at Hermon Mountain this afteroon and I don't have to go. Awesome! I should thank the gods who do not really exist for that small miracle.

I think tubing is fun, but not really because I'm a borderline cranky old man at the ripe ol' age of 38. Lexi did the tubing thing for her birthday last year with a few friends and I tagged along for that adventure so at least I can say I went once with them. It was cold last year when we went and it's probably just as cold this year. The extended forecast is a bunch of crap; it's gonna stay very cold for the next week. Gods damn it!

Since I don't have to go hang out with a bunch of kiddos and a couple soccer mothers for a good chunk of the afternoon that gives me extra time to do fun things like take a nap, update this bootleg site, and go lose to Gavin at racquetball. Unfortunately, after racquetball things will take a turn for the worst. The kids will be all done tubing and they'll all be heading back to the house for pizza, cake (hell yeah to both of those!) and then an epic sleepover.

OMG THERE ARE GONNA BE A BUNCH OF KIDDOS SLEEPING OVER AT THE HOUSE TONIGHT. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! They're gonna take the place over much like cockroaches. It's gonna be an infestation; I'll need kiddo-repellant. Those little bastards will probably be crawling all over me since Lexi thinks I'm like Richard Pryor in The Toy. Thankfully I have a time machine that I intend to make use of. If I can hit the FF button on my evening then things will be just fine. A time machine you say? Indeed. Check out my evening solution:


^ALCOHOL! If I get drunk enough then I'll hit the magical "time warp" where all of the sudden it's bedtime, I pass out, and then I can start fresh in the AM. Unfortunately, the kiddos will still be there in the morning for breakfast before they get the boot. What a bunch of crap! Ah well, I'll get inebriated for most of the event so I should be able to tolerate the cockroaches children for a couple hours in the AM.

Tim's Little Big Store had a 6-pack of Shipyard Prelude for $4 so I got some last week. I also have a few pumpkin beers and Baroca rum so I'm all set for later. Tim's Little Big Store is fucking awesome. The 6-pack of Pumpkin Wheat beer was only $3. It was covered in dust and sitting at room temperature but the price is right gods damn it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Does the fact that I plan to get drunk in order to withstand the force of a 10-girl sleepover mean I fail at life? I'm sure Al Bundy would approve. Kelly asked me if I was gonna be home later and I almost asked her if I could just go to the nudie bar instead. I swear to the gods who not really exist that if Kelly said "Why don't you just go out drinking tonight and I'll see you tomorrow." then it would take me .002 seconds to answer with a resounding "OH JESUS, HELL YA!"

I don't even deserve to have a girlfriend.