1-29-15: Snow, taxes, and donuts.
I left some for Tommy to shovel, but he didn't shovel jack shit yet. I plan to give him a hard time about that for sure. I actually don't know how he got his car into the driveway with the huge snowbank at the end choking the thing off. He needs to grab that shovel and get motivated! He was actually supposed to move out by Jan. 1st, but unforseen circumstances in his life caused him to stay longer. It's been hard for us since we can't finish moving the rest of Kat and Katherine's stuff over from her place in Bangor, but we make due. Now we're totally fucked because of all the snow and work hours at JH so I suppose the rest of the move will have to wait. I feel bad because I told her Tommy would move out, but then he didn't move out. Thankfully she hasn't hauled on me yet because of it.
I've eaten a lot of donuts this month. A lot. On Sunday I bought a "baker's dozen" donuts at Walmart after work for $3.98. Donuts rule! However, Kat also bought a baker's dozen so we ended up with 26 donuts in the house. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Great minds think alike they say. All I wanna know is why? Why does a baker's dozen have to be 13? Who invented that stupid shit? I am all for throwing a free donut into a 12-pack, but why not just call it a 13-pack? Does bad luck factor into that verbage? I could go on, but I already stopped caring. I don't even care... if I care. Also, why was the price $3.98? Why not call it $3.99 and they make an extra penny off that sale? might not seem like much, but it adds up. Beotches! I probably would have paid $5 so they could have made an extra buck off me. Hehehehe.
Last week I bought these donuts and shovelled them in pretty
Those 26 donuts are long gone. The last crusty one disappeared this morning. I probably ate half of those 26. Seriously. The last few were fairly crusty, but there was no mold on them yet so in the gom-hole they went! Crusty donuts aren't as good as fresh donuts, but 10 seconds in the microwave does help make them seem somewhat less stale.
I stopped at the grocery store this morning after I dropped Katherine off at school, and I didn't buy any more donuts. OMG. A rare thing has happened. I have achieved donut consumption satiation. I do not want to eat any more donuts today. Maybe I will want more tomorrow, but for now I am all set. It is VERY rare when I don't want to eat a donut. Sometimes I even wake up and an excited to go get breakfast when I know donuts await. This morning I was not excited to eat a donut, but throwing any donuts away was NOT an option so I shovelled one in. There actually was one final plain sugary crusty donut left that I broke in half and gave to the dogs. Donut abuse! I should not have admitted that. What a bunch of crap!
I worked 12 hours doing taxes yesterday. BEAST MODE. I was
scheduled to work 10 hours in Brewer, but it was epic busy. Kat was busy
at the Bangor JH Kiosk as well. In fact, she sent a couple customers my
way. I finished up 9 tax returns. Awesome! At the end of the day I was
sick of looking at tax forms and w2s, but I'll be ready to drop the hammer
again come Saturday. (I have today and tomorrow off.) I want to do at
least 200 taxes this year so I hope it stays busy. I'm sure the end of
next month and most of March will be a lot less busy so I want to do a
LOT of taxes until it does slow down.
Tuesday, 1-27-15: Blizzard!
I'm out of here, chumps (all two of youz who actually read
this monkey crap.) I hate winter!
Friday, 1-23-15: Stupid
Midnight vacuuming. HAHAHAHAHA! According to them it was
only 2100. Their neighbors said it was midnight, I guess that really means
2230, and it's still too late at night to be upstairs and running a frigging
In addition to the letter that I left for them last Thursday I called two of them up and had a conversation about expectations, rules, and general neighborly-ness. (Not a real word? Eh, fuck it. If you don't like it you can ggggggggggeeeeeeeeettttttttttttt ooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttttt!) They said okay, no problems. I said no problems, only solutions! I'm obviously not qoting verbatim here, but you get the gist. Last night I got a text from the people who live below them. Smelled like pot again. Nice! So I did what any responsible slumlord would do at 2200 when it's bedtime. I snuggled with my hot fiancee and went to sleep. Mental note filed.
Today at 1530 I got another text. Smelled like pot again. What a bunch of crap! I was on my way to an ass-kicking at racquetball so I decided to handle it later. Now it's later! I just helped my sexy fiancee set up her gear down at Jester's, and I beat-feet it across the street to my bootleg office to handle some business as I rip out 80s tunes. Glass Tiger, Someday, extended mix. If you don't like that song then I hate you. I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you just a little more.
Kat looks really good all the time, but it's next-level hot when she's hosting karaoke or doing gigs as a DJ. She looks GOOD. Like, how did I get so lucky I maybe should belive in God okay just kidding there really is no God but damn I just cooked Hamburger Helper WITH DEER MEAT and she still loves me so that cannot be explained. Epic run-on sentence just happened.
I need more money so I can afford a honeymoon.
I'm drafting a new letter to these Giblet-Head tenants, and I swear to the Gods who do not really exist that I am going to bang on their door in a few minutes and have a chat with whomever is home. I just gotta stop checking out my gorgeous fiancee (I learned it's only spelled with one E at the end, but I don't even care... if I care. Adding the extra E at the end of fiance means I love her extra. Hehehehe.) I hav a FIANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
This new letter says:
If that doesn't get the message across then I will begin the eviction process. Damn bunch of FFIs living there. What a bunch of crap! (FFI = Failure to follow instruction.)
In other news, I've been pretty damn busy so I don't update this bootleg site anymore. I had a couple kinda-boring days at JH in the Brewer WalMart because not too many customers came my way. However, a lot more people have their w2s and crap now so I know it will get BUSY. I covered the kiosk in Bangor for a couple hours yesterday AM and did two back to back. So far I've finished 8, and I need 192 more to reach goal. It's a high goal that I might not reach, but I sure hope I do!
Okay, I'm off to go drop the hammer on Giblet-heads now. I'll be back to write about it!
I just went over there, knocked on the door, and I saw through the front door window two people sitting on the couch smoking pot. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! The dudes who were smoking don't even live there either. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nothing like getting caught red-handed, eh? It doesn't even piss me off; I actually think it's funny and I'm in a good mood because I am being PROACTIVE and creating solutions. No problems, only solutions! If I let my emotions get the better of me then I have failed and I shouldn't be a slumlord anymore.
The even funnier part is two of the tenants are a guy and a girl, boyfriend and girlfriend couple. I talked to the guy about the smoking last week and I told him to let everyone know. His girlfriend wasn't there at the time. This time it was his girlfriend who answered the door, I told her you've been busted, I handed her the letter, and I told her they're off the boat if it happens one more time. Gods damned Giblet-Heads. I never want to bring up the word "eviction", but sometimes in this business is needs to be said.
All I wanna know is why? Why didn't the boyfriend bother to tell his chick over dinner or at least over pillow-talk before bed "Oh, by the way, the scumlord called earlier, dropped off a letter, and told me we can't be too loud or smoke in here." The boyfriend wasn't there tonight, but I just called him and had a nice chat with him. I asked him why he didn't tell his chick, who was there now getting baked with her basketball team friends, and he had no good comeback. However, he did say he doesn't want to get evicted so he'd make sure it never happens again. I hope he's right because if not they can all GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
Alright turds, all two of youz, I gotta get my arse over
to Jester's so I can drink a couple beers and listen to my best friend
sing cool songs. Not only is she a great karaoke host, but she is also
a great singer. She might sing some Pat Benatar later. I win!
Thursday, 1-15-15: A look
back at 2014.
I busted my ass renovating my house to better suite my needs, and most of the renovations got done just before Doug flew back for a visit at the end of May. Those three or so weeks of renovations were busy; sometimes I'd mud/tape/sand at 0330 before going into work at UPS an hour later. The renovation cost a few grand, but it opened up the floor plan and expanded the bathroom so I think it was money and labor well spent. Doug hit the road in early June to drive back to Arizona, and in late June my life really took an unexpected and fantastic turn when Kat agreed to come back to the house for a late-night fire. Her and I hit it off immediately, and we've been inseparable since.
Within days of seeing Kat I knew her and I had something special. Also at that time I was down to my final straw at UPS. Tommy got a job at UPS as well, he thought it was a piece of shit, so he and I quit on the same day. I actually tried to give my two-week notice, but my boss just issued me parole that same day. Works for me! In a funny coincidence, Kat actually worked at UPS briefly as well in November. She hauled on that shit-job pretty fast, too. UPS SUCKS!
I had the summer of my life hanging out with Kat. When it was time to work hard, we worked hard (blueberry raking, apartment painting and related, her gigs as a DJ/KJ, etc.) However, we made sure that we had plenty of time to enjoy the brief Maine summer. We did lots of camping and hiking, and we made many evening strolls down to Jimmy's Ice Cream.
In the fall Kat and I took a week-long road trip/vacation all the way to Michigan and back. Along the way we had many more Goonie adveutnres like exploring caves, seeing Niagra Falls, and watching an IMPACT WRESTLING taping. It was a great time, and it solidified the fact that we were 100% compatable. Hours and hours stuck in the same car, checking into the most bootleg hotel ever, and getting lost didn't wear us down at all.
On September 28 last year I asked Kat to marry me, she said yes, and now we have a wedding coming up in just over three months. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be able to find my perfect match and actually get her to say yes to her spending the rest of her live with me. Awesome! After I hit the road from Kelly's the last thing I was thinking of was being in another relationship. I was planning to drink a lot of beer (which I did in the spring last year), play a lot of video games, and just hang out until something happened or until I decided to die. I didn't even care... if I cared. Then I met Kat and I pretty much fixed my shit thanks to her. Awesome! Now I don't drink half as much, I don't think about freezing myself to death (good thing because there have been plenty of opportunities lately thanks to a frigid January), and I'm happy. I guess before I met Kat I wasn't a total shit-show, but I was just kinda existing in some weird emotional and life void.
Kat and I decided to live together at the house in Brewer so in October we started building a fence in the backyard for the dogs. The fence was actually quite a time-consuming project since it was 192 feet in total length. We finished the fence in early November, I had time to go deer hunting and shoot a mid-sized doe, and then it was time to start the USPS job, train for the JH job, and start moving Kat and her daughter, Katherine, over to Brewer. The move is still incomplete, but we're all living together as a happy family now. All the essentials are at the house here in Brewer. Before the move Kat spent most of her time with me in Brewer over the summer, I spent most of my time with her at her place in Bangor in the fall, and now we are officially living together for real here in Brewer. Awesome!
2014 was really a crazy year for me. I had five jobs! First, as always, is the slumlording. Second was UPS, a total piece of shit job that I don't regret hauling on. In August came an epic blueberry raking season that lasted for most of the month because I raked for Cliff and then John and Susette down in Franklin. I even taught Kat how to blueberry rake and we had many Goonie adventures in the blueberry fields down there. She was good at raking, too! After raking I took it easy for a bit before finding a job at the USPS working nights before the busy Christmas season. Also in the early fall I submitted an inquiry to Jackson Hewitt that led to a conversation with a local manager, an invitation to try their online training course, and a job. Kat got a job at JH, too. How cool is that?!
In conclusion, 2014 was a roller-coaster ride of a year for me. It started off not so great, it got better when I got my house, then it was just okay, and then I met Kat and it got FUCKING AWESOME. I'm hoping this year will be FUCKING AWESOME, too. So far it's way too early to tell because January is a giant, depsressing turd of a month. I think it will be a great year, though. I'm getting married this year. April 19th, beotches! Mark it on your calendars, all two of youz who actually read this bootleg blog of mine.
Goonies never say die!
Monday, 1-12-15: A new
generation of communication Giblet-heads.
HEY ALL YOU GIBLET-HEADS, HOW ABOUT YOU ANSWER YOUR FRIGGING PHONE INSTEAD OF LETTING IT GO TO VOICEMAIL, HEARING THE VOICEMAIL, AND THEN IMMEDIATELY BEGINNING A TEXT MESSAGE CONVERSATION WITH ME. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! It's like people would rather just text back and forth instead of picking up the phone and calling. A text is great for some small things, but an actual conversation should not occur over text. If your phone rings and you don't wanna answer it then fine, but don't refuse to answer and then decide to immediately text instead of calling back. Gods damn it! I guess this new generation is forgetting how to communicate verbally. Everyone lives off phone texts, instant messaging, and Failbook posts. I'll admit that I text quite a bit, but when I get a call I don't let it go to voicemail and then almost immediately send the caller a text message. Especially if it's a business-related call.
I suppose social media is allowing for the slow demise of actual conversations. People don't need to say "I'm going to the gym." when they can just post a sentence announcing it to the world on Failbook. When I had my fake Rambo Failbook account a couple years back I used to hate seeing those useless brief posts that no one really cares about. Don't tell the world you are heading off to the gym, don't tell the world you are eating crackers, don't tell the world you have to go get supper, just SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. I don't even own a Failbook account anymore (Fuck that gods damned thing!), but Kat has one so on occasion I can see her page when we sit together and use our laptop computers. 99% of what I see on that page makes me hate the world. It's all a bunch of crap!
In other news, I did my first real tax return at the JH WalMart kiosk on Saturday. That was a borderline shit-show, not because I don't know how to do taxes but because I haven't been properly trained on how to use their software. What a bunch of crap! Things were good until I got near the end and had to actually finish it up. My manager never set my PTIN up in the system so I wan't authorized yet. I didn't know how to activate one their JH cards (prepaid Visa), and I didn't even know how to get to the screen where clients e-sign a bunch of documents. Gods damn it!
Yesterday both Kat and I worked from noon to five at JH, and neither of us had any taxes to do all day. She was in Bangor, and I was in Brewer so we got to use their Lync program to chat back and forth. I spent time chatting with babes online when I was at work. Awesome! Both her and I actually used the chat feature for work-related things, but a lot of the time we were talking about other things like what pizza to get for supper. If corporate saved that chat and reads it then we might get in trouble. Not so sure "I love you Sweet Pea." is something they want us using their Lync chat thing for. Hehehehe.
On Saturday the Greatriots beat the Ravens to advance to the AFC championship game next week. Oh Jesus, hell ya! The Pats were losing for most of the game, but then they took a late lead because God Brady led the team down the field for a touchdown. They will play the Colts in Foxboro next Sunday, and if all goes as planned I will actually be able to watch the game because it's an evening kickoff. (I missed most of Saturday's game because I was at work. What a bunch of crap!)
I should do other things now. I have today off from JH, but as always there is apartment work to attend to. Last Thursday I worked all day on the bootleg rentals because I had frozen pipes, bills to pay, more frozen pipes, etc. I didn't even have time to use the gym that day like I had planned to do. What a bunch of crap! So far today hasn't been too bad. I did have to go turn up the thermostat at one of my duplexes earlier. The first-floor thermostat controls the heat for both apartments in the building. I keep a lock-box on the thermostat at that building, but it had fallen off so the guys who live there decided to help me out and turn the heat down to 60 before they went back home for the holidays. Unfortunately, it also turned down the heat for their upstairs neighbors, the upstairs tenants didn't wanna bother me so they just tolerated the cold, but finally they let me know after about 3 weeks. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I have awesome tenants in that building. The tenants in
that upstairs apartment even said they wouldn't mind if I raised the rent
to give them extra heat. HAHAHAHAHA! That's a definite first for me in
over 10 years doing the slumlord thing, having a tenant tell me it's ok
to raise rent. The guys who live in the first-floor apartment are two
brothers, both in college, from up beyond The Forks a couple hours away.
I really appreciated the fact that they turned the heat down when they
knew they wouldn't be there, but it sucks they froze out their other neighbors.
I'll save money on the heating bill since it's been turned down for about
three weeks, maybe even more. Oh Jesus, hell ya!
Thursday, 1-08-15: Gods
damn this weather.
The heating system in my house sucks. A lot. Thankfully we have electric space heaters and the fireplace. This summer or early fall I will definitely need to spend some money to get it installed properly. It's supposed to be radiant flooring heat, but it's a bunch of crap that was installed wrong. Like, way wrong. This morning it was down to 58 before I got the fire going. No problems, only sulutions!
I've been pretty stressed out lately; this time of year makes me a tad miserable anyway, but then I gotta add on my roommate staying extra, us not being able to finish the move (the rest of Kat's stuff from her place in Bangor over to our house in Brewer), training for the new JH job, trying to keep things squared away with the bootleg apartments, planning a wedding, etc, and it's just a lot. Thankfully her and I are as cool as the other side of the pillow (RIP Stuart Scott) so we will be okay in the end. No problems, only solutions!
I worked my first "live" day for JH in the Brewer WalMart Tuesday. I did a little training on Monday in Palmyra, but Tuesday was my big day of flying solo. Thankfully there weren't any real customers. I spent the day getting set up, doing training, etc. Yesterday I did have more potential customers stop in to ask questions and I did have live clients who thought they were ready to start their tax returns. However, they weren't really ready so after I spent some time with them I had to send them packing so they could go get the rest of the papers that we need. A lot of people haven't even gotten their w2s yet so obviously they have to wait.
Today and tomorrow are my days off from JH, but they're
not really my days off because I have a lot of things to take care of.
There's a leak at the building next door in the downstairs apartment (from
the shower above) that I already started working on. I have bills to pay,
I have a new tenant kit to prepare, I have to go to the bank, I have a
couple more rents to collect, and maybe I will work on this for a bit:
That's the area of the gym I am trying to expand. I bought a used elliptical for that area, and I've used that elliptical a couple times already. (I like it.) Notice the broken mold-resistand sheetrock. I was heaving a couple sheets of the stuff onto my cart at Lowe's last week, and I heaved too hard. I let the sheet drop a couple feet onto the cart and it snapped. What a bunch of crap! I'm a giant Giblet-head for doing that. Now I have to use more mud and tape for the finish work. I could have bought another sheet, but screw that it's $13.25 so I will make what I have now work. I hope. No problems, only solution!
What's the solution to dealing with this cold weather? Move to a warmer climate? Now that's a solution I can get behind! When Kat and I get older I do plan to have a warm place for us to run off to for the winter. Just gotta pay off some mortgages first. Being a "snowbird" is looking better and better with each passing year. No problems, only solutions!
I guess I should get this paperwork ready for the new tenants and pay these bills now. I can't wait for next month's heating bills to come in [sarcasm.] Goddamn -13 degrees. My hands and feet are still cold despite the fact that I have an electric heater 15" away from my body. What a bunch of crap!
*Edit: it's already after 1600, and I have had no time to
work on that gym expansion. I haven't even had a chance to use
the gym yet like I had planned to do. I had two frozen-pipe calls and
other stuff to deal with so it's been a full day of work as a slumlord
today. What a bunch of crap!
Tuesday, 1-06-15: Who leaves
behind this stuff?
There were four chicks living there, but one of them hit the road in November. The other three replaced the one who left, and then the other three left so the one new chick who remanied replaced them all with friends of her own. No prob! Thankfully I've been kept in the loop on most of these changes and no one has tried to stiff me out of rent so I can make it work. It is a slight pain in the arse dealing with it all, but that's my job so I won't let it keep my up at night. It definitely makes for good Crap site fodder!
So the three chicks who left were supposed to be all done
by the end of Dec, but I got a call from Mike (one of the new guys) on
Jan 1st. Apparently there was still a lot of crap left behind that wasn't
theirs. Plus the apartment was left a mess. What a bunch of crap! Check
out this bullshit:
In addition to the trash they failed to remove they also left a box spring, mattress, and other personal belongings IN THE STAIRWAY THAT LEADS TO THE FRONT EXIT OF THE APARTMENT. This is a second and third-floor apartment so totally blocking the second egress is totally unsafe and unacceptable. Good thing there wasn't a fire that caused serious harm or even death because there was no way out. What a bunch of crap!
The trash and the personal belongings aren't the worst of
it, though. Check this out:
It's a fish tank WITH THE FISHIES STILL IN IT. OMG THIS IS RETARDED. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! The new tenants all went home and stuff for the holidays, they got back, and they were wondering wtf. Thankfully the fishies didn't die and the new people gave them some food. I talked to two of the three chicks who just moved out and of course they said none of it was theirs. The third chick is off the grid so I guess she can take the majority of the fall. Her phone is turned off and I told the other two chicks to have her contact me but so far nothing. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The funny thing is each of these Giblet-Head chicks has a $277.50 security deposit with me so you'd think they would actually want some money back. They actually will get some back because it's not $1100 worth of crap to deal with, but they are going to lose a big chunk because of their failures.
I really don't have to invest a whole lot of time dealing with any of the crap they left behind or the cleaning because I'm just crediting the new people $200 towards their deposit for dealing with it. The can stick the belongings in the basement and do all the cleaning. Not my problem! However, the fishies are a bit of an issue. I can't stick them in the cellar because they will die. The new people want the fishies gone ASAP, but they still have to pay me deposit and rent money so I'll take care of that once I get PAID. (Not due til the 7th as they well know.)
I think I might have fish in my house for a while until
I find them a home. I'll Craigslist those little assholes, or I will feed
them to the cats. Or flush them down the shitter. Goddamn Giblet-Head
tenants leaving fish behind. What a bunch of crap!
Monday, 1-05-15: Back to
Friday, 1-02-15: 2015!
The Patriots (aka Greatriots) finished up their season at 12-4 and earned a first-round bye in the playoffs as well as the top playoff seed. That gives them home field advantage, and if they win two playoff games then they will be the AFC champs and appear in the Superbowl in about a month. The Greatriots truly have been great ever since Tom-God-Brady took over as QB back in 2003. Or was it 2001? Damn, I forgot. I could look it up, but screw that I have other things to do.
I'm out of here. Hopefully 2015 is great. Goonies never say die!