9-04 10-04 11-04 12-04 1-05 2-05 3-05 4-05 5-05 6-05 7-05 8-05 9-05 10-05 11-05 12-05 1-06 2-06 3-06
4-06 5-06 6-06 7-06 8-06 9-06 10-06 11-06 12-06 1-07 2/07 3-07 4-07 5-07 6-07 7-07 8-07 9-07 10-07 11-07 12-07 1-08 2-08 3-08 4-08 5-08 6-08 7-08 8-08 9-08 10-08 11-08 12-08 1-09 2-09 3-09 4-09 5-09 6-09 7-09 8-09 9-09 10-09 11-09 12-09 1-10 2-10
3-10 4-10 5-10 6-10 7-10 8-10 9-10 10-10 11-10 12-10 1-11 2-11 3-11 4-11 5-11 6-11 7-11 8-11 9-11 10-11 11-11 12-11 1-12 2-12 3-12 4-12 5-12 6-12 7-12 8-12 9-12 10-12 11-12 12-12 1-13 2-13 3-13 4-13 5-13 6-13 7-13 8-13 9-13 10-13 11-13 12-13 1-14 2-14 3-14 4-14 5-14 6-14 7-14 8-14 9-14 10-14 11-14 12-14 1-15 2-15 3-15 4-15 5-15 6-15 7-15 8-15 9-15 10-15 11-15 12-15 1-16 2-16 3-16 4-16 5-16 6-16 7-16 8-16 9-16 10-16 11-16 12-16 1-17 2-17 3-17 4-17 5-17 6-17 7-17 8-17 9-17 10-17 11-17 12-17

"Hey Google, how much you bench?" -Me to Kat's new Google answer machine.
"I can benchpress all the knowledge of the Internet... it's actually not that heavy." -Google machine answer


Wednesday, 1-31-18: My first ever real estate sale.
I'm leaving in 2.5 hours for what will be not only a long day but also an exciting day. I have to be at Jody's real-estate office at 0900 today to sign papers for the sale of my first ever rental property, my bootleg Bangor duplex. I bought the building on May 26, 2004, and ever since I bought the place I have only been a buyer. More rental properties came in 2005 (two buildings in one deal), 2007, 2009, and 2010. Then in 2013 I took on another property not as an owner but as a manager. In 2014 came our own house so I have been responsible for 8 buildings over the course of the past nearly four years. On top of that I have had other endeavors first as a part-time supervisor at FedEx Ground, then as a part-time supervisor at UPS, and now as a tax preparer. I haven't always been 100% busy during all those years, but lately I have felt overwhelmed far too often so I knew I had to cut back.

I have tried to sell my bootleg Bangor duplex two other times. The first time I tried to sell the building was to grab money for a down payment for this property late in 2013:

^Located right across the street from where I used to live and from where my gym and office still is located. I was gonna buy that and use it as a rental property, but then I considered living in it when things were ending with Kelly, and instead I got the house on Parkway North where I sit as I write this useless bootleg blog.

I never sold the duplex in 2013, mainly because I was greedy and wanted more than it was worth. What a bunch of crap! At the time I didn't know that an asking price of $115,900 was just not going to work. I was way too stubborn to take a lowball offer on the building back then, and in hindsight I do not regret it because I owed a lot more on the loan still in 2013, and Gavin ended up buying that 3-unit so it is nice having him in the neighborhood. Unfortunately for him that 3-unit is his personal money pit so I do feel badly about that still...

^My NOT selling my bootleg Bangor duplex in 2013 led to the eventual purchase of our current house. The photo above was taken in April of 2014 just before I closed on the house and moved in.

I tried again to sell my bootleg Bangor duplex in the fall of 2016, not quite 1.5 years ago, but I did not get a serious buyer so I decided to just keep the place. I thought odds were good in 2016 that I could find a buyer, especially after putting a lot of work into the front apartment, but alas it was not to be. What a bunch of crap!

I pulled the FOR SALE sign and found a tenant for the vacant front apartment in mid-October, 2016. Two months later we had epic cold weather, the sewer pipe froze (don't ask how the hell a gods damned sewer pipe can freeze.. just don't go there), and that literal shit-show cost my ass about $900 in emergency repairs. What a bunch of crap!

I decided I wanted to sell the property again, but I was not in a huge hurry. Last fall I almost had the chance when one of the tenants got a little behind on rent. I started the eviction process and was only days from an FED hearing, but at the last minute she got her rent paid and has been great ever since. If I did have to do the eviction last fall I would have had Jody throw a FOR SALE sign up once again. Thankfully I did not have to do the eviction because those are never fun. They are a bunch of crap!

I figured I'd keep the building, put a few grand into it this spring or summer, and then try once more to find a buyer. In my opinion the side porch looks kinda bootleg so I planned to replace that as well as some or all of the siding. However, a couple weeks ago Jody sent me a text message asking if I wanted to sell. He had a potential buyer so I said "Oh Jesus, hell ya!" to that possibility. We did a showing, the guy was noncommittal, and later that day Jody told me the guy decided to buy some other, better property so thanks for your time. What a bunch of crap!

^Porch still sturdy enough, but does not look great and definitely sags. Needs paint since that photo was taken, but soon will thankfully not be my issue to deal with!

Oh well, tenants are there and the place does make money so no huge worries. Right? Imagine my surprise when Jody texted me several days later asking if I would take $85k for the property. HELLZ NO. 85k is way too low. However, I decided I would take 90k so I shot back a text with that informal counter-offer. I expected to meet somewhere in the middle, but Jody wrote back a few hours later that the buyer accepts. AWESOME. From there we have been putting it all together, and on Sunday morning I went over to that property for what could be the last time ever to do a little cleanup, grab my ladder from the cellar, and unclog a toilet. Yeah, as a final FU from the property I had a clogged-ass toilet. What a bunch of crap!

We only agreed on a sale price 1.5 weeks ago, give or take, so I am amazed we are closing already. The guy who wants the place is a cash buyer so there is no loan to do, and I guess that makes things go faster. Apparently the 3-unit the guy wanted to buy fell through so I am okay with being his plan B. When this year begain just 31 days ago I never would have imagined I'd not only have a buyer but also have a completed sale by month's end. Amazing!

Back in 2013, and even back in 2016 I would never have accepted $90k for my bootleg Bangor duplex. However, back then I owed more on the loan. I paid $103,500 for the place back in 2004 plus a couple grand more in closing bullshit so I am taking a loss. Thankfully 13.5 years of ownership built me a sizeable amount of equity so I am profitable overall. Not a GREAT profit, not even close, but good enough. I can't work full-time hours four months of the year and be responsible for eight buildings anymore, it is just too much. This sale is the right thing to do.

When I first started doing taxes in 2011 the season was closer to three months. Robin at Liberty Tax had me start mid-Jan. Even my first seasons as Jackson Hewitt began in early Jan. However, both last year and this year I've started in mid-December for the loan advance part of our tax season. When I first heard we were doing loan advances and starting before Christmas I thought I didn't want anything to do with that horse shit, but I am glad I agreed to work that part of the season because it greatly increases my customer exposure and what will be my final bonus this spring.

In conclusion I am selling my bootleg Bangor duplex this morning. Awesome! I have no regrets about it at all. Not one. I just hope everything goes well and it is a smooth transition. Hopefully my next bootleg update will be a celebratory one where I can write about how easy the closing was. *Fingers crossed.*

Goonies never say die!



Sunday, 1-28-18: Another one bites the dust?
We are pretty low on staff for this local area at JH. I think one of our new hires quit yesterday, but am not 100% sure about that yet. I was scheduled to fly solo yesterday, and I had things well in hand. However, at our other office two people were scheduled all day. I got a call midafternoon from my co-worker saying that the new chick with whom he was working just walked out, and he had no idea why. She was not on lunch break and she did not say goodbye. That office was very busy so he could not handle all the customers by himself so he wanted to know if I could handle some of the overflow. I told him unfortunately I could not as I had a few appointments scheduled so his best option was to call Brewer and send overflow there, depending on what she could handle. I knew she was not busy in Brewer because I had been helping her with some tax stuff through our office "Skype" chat-thingie in between my own clients.

There was a new girl working in Brewer as well, and I trained her as best as possible last week for a couple days. Her first day working solo was actually last week on Wednesday, and for her very first customer she dropped the phone right onto the power surge strip and shut down her entire computer right in the middle of the tax consultation. HAHAHAHAHAHA! In hindsight it is hilarious, but at the time I think she was a nervous wreck. This poor girl really got thrown right into the fire with minimal training, but I gotta give her credit she hung in there like a boss and her customers, thankfully, were a really nice couple. I actually finished their stuff up yesterday and we were joking around about how the phone dropped right onto the power strip and shut it all down.

For my own sanity I don't want new people to quit so I have tried my best to help them all. The new girl who thankfully did not walk out on the job yet (and better not!) is very sharp and seems eager to do a lot of taxes. She works at my location on my days off so I gave her my own phone number and have had to field a few calls on my days off. I normally would not do that, but if managers are busy helping others and no one is available to help her then the last thing I want is for her to walk out on the job. If one more quits then I am screwed and will be asked to work extra hours. OT is great, but not really because I have lots of other things to do like spend time with my awesome wife.

My cohort yesterday took what I said a bit too literally about using Brewer as an overflow outlet, and he send three people over to Brewer almost at once after quitter McChick walked out on him. Great! However, not great. Brewer is a one-desk setup and again it was the new girl. Even a seasoned pro couldn't take three different customers at one time, though. Thankfully I chewed through my appointments like a boss so I was able to take one of the overflow clients. Even better, the one who came to see me was nice and was fine with a small discount for the inconvenience. No yelling, no cursing, no screaming, no hating on me. Score! The poor customer had to drive to all three of our locations because one of our staff pulled a Sara Conner from The Terminator and went off the grid. What a bunch of crap! Oh well, it happens. Every year people quit because doing taxes ain't as easy as it seems when you are still new and learning how to do it.

^A Gunnery Sgt. Hartman classic!

The new hire walking out in the middle of her shift without so much as an "adios amigos!" sucks for the company, but oh well I get a bonus at the end of the season based on what I do so her quitting gave me one more customer than I otherwise would have had and will throw a few bucks onto my final paycheck in the spring. Works for me! Unfortunately, when someone quits it makes our already-thin staff even more worse for the wear so now, assuming she did quit and won't return, we can't afford even one call-out and we have to stay razor-sharp in order to manage all our customer flow. My location is pure BEAST MODE right now and has done the most in the entire state so far. Eventually Rockland will take the lead because they are the largest office, but I am enjoying my lead while it lasts. Customer reviews for my location have been very positive as well so that helps for my own job security. I hope! Hell they can't afford to fire anyone right now so, short of blatant tax fraud or other horrible unredeemable sins, no one is getting the axe. They hired four new people for our area earlier this month and two of them have already bailed. What a bunch of crap!

It is warm outside so I plan to take the dogs into the woods with me this morning to go see if my trail camera is still locked onto a maple that faces Supertree. I last swapped the SD card in early December before FROZEN EARTH happened. It is a half-mile walk back into those woods so I wasn't going to recover my camera when it was -10 with 4 feet of snow on the ground. Thankfully a lot of the snow has melted and it's a "balmy" 40 degrees even at this early hour so I'm willing to bet the snow isn't too deep and I can get back there. Plus the dogs could really use the exercise. I haven't had them to the park in weeks, if not since last year, because there has been too much cold and snow. I bet my SD card has 1000 photos on it, assuming it hasn't been stolen of course. Odds of a thief back there this time of year are pretty slim, but I can't totally rule it out. Sadly.



Friday, 1-26-18: Pretty sure I am exhausted.
It is now almost 2230, and that is way past my bedtime every night but Friday night. I worked a lot of hours today. What a bunch of crap! I have been in water-heater-fail purgatory since Monday night, and today I finally got that shit fixed. Bye bye all kinds of money and precious... precious time dealing with that horse shit. I had a water heater stop pumping out hot water so I replaced the thermostat, but then that did not work so on Wednesday I spent a few hours replacing the entire water heater. What could go wrong with an all-new appliance? Turns out a lot.

^New water heater installed Wednesday. I had to run to Home Depot to buy a new one, I had to pay Jeremy $20 to help me bring it into the basement because it is awkward and kinda heavy doing it solo, and as an added bonus everything was a muddy mess because the floor was very wet and muddy. Oh, that property also has a weird Silence of the Lambs pit in the cellar. What a bunch of crap! Thankfully the pit is filled in with gravel, but unfortulately is still is a bootleg shit-show that collects water and makes that basement suck. A lot. When you buy a property that has a weird pit like that you should ask questions, but my dumb ass said "I'll take it!" Oh well I only paid around $38k for that house in 2009 so no wonder it still has many flaws.

I was all proud of myself for getting the new unit installed because I had to cut pipes and solder and whatnot. Plumbing sucks and I screw it up a lot, but on Wednesday I mostly got that part right. Unfortunately, there was still no hot water despite my awesome install. All I wanna know is why? Why does that gotta happen? Why did it fail? The tenant made sure to let me know later that day that they still had no hot water.

I went back over Wednesday night and called Rheem, the manufactuer. I had to be on hold for what seemed like forever to talk to someone, and they asked if I had a multimeter. NOPE. So I had to borrow one from G and test it again Thursday morning when I was on the phone with them. No power. NO POWER WTF?! OMG. The disgnosis is simple. The water heater was not getting any power. The breaker at the fuse box was epic fail, but I had to waste all kinds of my precious... precious time to come to that result. Yes, that does suck. All kinds of suck. Here I was thinking I needed a brand new water heater when all I needed was a new GE breaker. What a bunch of crap!

Even worse was this:

I don't know how I didn't electrocute my gods damned self pulling that stunt. I used that multimeter to test everything, and I finally got so frustrated that I caused a huge spark and am lucky that I didn't burn the building down like Milton did in Office Space. "I'll burn the building down." A classic in the movies, not so much in my own rental property.

Oh, while I was dealing with that mess I also had to coordiante a repair for an oven that did this:

^EPIC FUCKIN' FAIL. That repair had been on my list for the property that I manage for a couple weeks, but other crap kept getting in the way so I finally scheduled that one for a fix. I could have fixed it myself. Maybe? Okay I would have screwed it up somehow. It is a cheap part, but the install = no thank you. I tried to install one of those burner power-thingies a few years back at another property and I decided I never wanted to do it again.

So I had to get a very early start today getting my bootleg apartment stuff done. I work way too many hours this time of year. What a bunch of crap! The spring needs to hurry up and get here. I did get my apartment stuff done so I could get to work at JH on time for my 1100 shift. For the first three years of my JH job we opened at 1000, and this year it is 1100 and that is perfect for me. I can do apartment stuff and use my gym before I have to go to work. Maybe soon they will change the hours, but I hope it stays 1100 because I always have things to do in the morning before I go do taxes.

Speaking of taxes, I have done a shitload of them lately. More than I can even handle. The last two days I have been overbooked and have had to send people over to the Brewer location. Today was epic busy, but I did get out at the 1900 closing time so that is okay. I might as well take all that I can get this time of year because it will only increase my year-end bonus, which will hopefully be substantial again like it was last year. I really enjoy my JH job, but I am very glad that it ends in April because I would go insane if I had to do it at this pace year-round.

Oh, before I go, I want to mention the major news. My bootleg Bangor duplex is SOLD and we have an official closing date of next Wednesday. Oh Jesus, hell ya! I can't wait to close on that property because I am way too busy to do the JH job and to be responsible for 7 buildings, 14 units, not including our own house. Work to live, not live to work gods damn it. The end. Fin.



Wednesday, 1-24-18: Shopping online at gods damned 0545.
All I wanna know is why? Why do I have to be shopping online for water heaters way before sunrise this morning? Revielle for my loser ass was about 0520 this morning. I would have slept until my "normal" time of around 0615-0630, but I got the hose when I woke up and could not fall back to sleep. What a bunch of crap!

My friggin' Holyoke house, what a thorn in my side that place has been lately. First was a fridge that broke last week, and now is a dead water heater. Even worse is the fact that the water heater is "only" just over 8 years old. I know electric hot water tanks only have a warranty of 6 years, but most of the ones I've ever seen have lasted a solid 10+. The current water heater still looks like new, but no hot water will come out. It's bad when that happens. The water heater is getting power, and I checked the elements and thermostats. Everything looks okay, no corrosion, leaking, or rust. I thought the upper thermostat might not be working properly so I replaced that yesterday, but my repair was a turd and there is still no hot water. I had to wait until the evening to replace the thermostat because I worked all day at JH doing a shitload of taxes, and before I started my work shift I had to deal with it as well so yesterday was another long day for my ass. What a bunch of crap!

I guess I'm buying a new hot water heater today at Home Depot and not Lowe's. Lowe's only lists short and tall ones, and I do not know why. Where are the normal-sized ones ya fuckin' dinks?! What a bunch of crap! So this is the one I will most likely buy today:

^I could buy a 40-gallon for $375, but I do have a 10% off coupon and a 50-gallon would be better at that house so most likely that is what I will do. Replacing the water heater would be easy if Bruce had plumbed it with simple disconnects, but unfortunately I will have to cut copper and solder on a 3/4" male coupling to both the hot and cold. What a bunch of crap!

Bye bye a few hours of my day off from JH today dealing with this bullshit. Plus we have two doc appointments and I have to do some paperwork for the impending sale of my bootleg Bangor duplex. Jesus fucking Christ I always have so much to do and it is pissing me the fuck off. To add insult to injury yesterday night we got 3" of snow, just at the minimum to need $150 in plowing, before it turned to freezing rain then all rain. We got over an inch of rain so now all my rental property driveways are fucking skating rinks and I have to pay for sanding today, too. Mother puss bucket fuck this.

This winter has truly been horrible so far. The only thing going right is my JH job (I really like that job) and the fact that I have been healthy and physically feel pretty good. However, that is more than offset by the fact that my poor wife can't catch a break when it comes to her health. Hopefully we can chew through this shit winter ASAP and things will look better come spring. Right now I am enjoying my JH job, but I know I'll be ready for it to end at this time in a couple months. I actually don't love the JH job when I have lots of apartment bullshit to deal with. This Holyoke St house is costing my ass some serious money lately. What a bunch of crap!

Alright turds, all two of youz, I am getting off this bootleg site to go use my gym and to go dig out my loan info for my Bangor duplex. The title company needs that and some other info so they can expidite the sale of that property. If all goes well we will close in exactly one week. I do expect something to get fucked away so it pushes back into Feb, but hopefully everyone does their damn jobs and the buyer does not back out because I need to reduce my load ASAP. I have way too many responsibilities and cutting back is the right thing to do for my sanity. There really aren't as much financial considerations here as much as there are time-management considerations at this point in my life. Sure the money I get from the sale will be great and make us a lot more comfortable, but the precious... precious time I will get back from not having to deal with the property is the most priceless thing for me at this point.



Friday, 1-19-18: It sells its bootleg duplex or else it gets the hose again.
The Kinks, Fly Like Superman. This a a really cool song that I do not own. However, my awesome wife is a DJ so maybe she can give it to me if she owns it. All I wanna know is why? Why am I listening to this song right now? Tommy told me about a song called Anytime by the McAuley Shenker Group so I listened to that on YouTube and then I saw this Kinks song listed as a comparable so of course I clicked on that one. If I had any talent (don't worry I don't have any talent when it comes to singing and I never will) then I would karaoke the hell out of this song because it is great. Superman. Superman. I wanna fly like Superman.....

I actually don't want to fly, F that, but oddly enough I am not afraid of heights. What a bunch of crap!

I better get motivated and write my bootleg thoughts to no one in particular because it is already 2235 and soon it will be Jester's O'clock. Kat is back on duty down there and she just let me know that the place is packed so no sense rushing on down. It sucks being there when the small bar is jammed right up so maybe the crowd will thin some before I make my *grand* entrance.

The big news of the week for my loser ass is the impending sale of my bootleg Bangor duplex. I wrote in my last crap update that I had an informal offer of $85k for the place, to which I politely said F that to. I countered at 90k, and thankfully the buyer accepted so yesterday we did the paperwork through email. I guess signing in person is obsolete, but I don't give a crap as long as I can haul on that property and get some precious... precious money and even more precious free time. So in between customers at my JH job I was working on the paperwork for selling that place. This morning Jody called me as I was driving to work to tell me that it looks like a closing can happen as soon as the 31st of this month.


^From 2004 before I even owned the place. Funny the same realtor (Jody) who helped me buy the building is also helping me sell it.

The buyer had wanted a 3-unit, but I guess that one fell through and I was second on his list so that is A-okay by me. The tenants do not know yet that I have a purchase and sales contract in place, but I will let them know next week. I need to tell them in advance of next Thursday because that is when the buyer wants to do another walkthrough of the property. Jody seems to think the walkthrough will go fine, but we shall see. The buyer does have a couple bailout clauses so maybe he will decide against buying the building. I certainly hope he does buy the place, but if he decides to pass then I will make it work. I'll be disappointed, but I won't cry like a little sissy baby.

This YouTube is now playing Tom Petty. Oh Jesus Hell Ya to that! First was Learning to Fly and now is Don't Come Around Here no More. The latter is one of his best songs ever, but the former is a great one as well. Both are on his greatest hits album from the 90s that I once owned and can't seem to find anymore.

Is selling my Bangor duplex the right thing to do? I dunno, but my gut and heart says it is so I am happy to do it.

OMG RUNNIN DOWN A DREAM HELLZ YEAH! It is even playing the music video. What a great video! It is animated and weird, but a classic. We did not have MTV during most of our childhood so watching this video was a rare treat in the days prior to Interweb, YouTube, and all the on-demand services. RIP Tom Petty, one of the best ever.

^His Full Moon Fever from 1989 is great. That is an all-time classic album with Runnin' Down a Dream as well as many other awesome songs.

My bootleg Bangor duplex once appraised many years ago at $115,900. However, I think that appraiser was on drugs or something because both of the times I officially listed the place for sale I got jack friggin' shit for offers. So funny now I don't even have the place listed for sale, it is the middle of winter, and here we go with an offer and a signed contract. I paid $103,500 plus closing costs in May of 2004 so I am taking a loss, but over the years all the equity has accumulated so it is not all bad. When I am not drinking coffee brandy and milk I will post more detailed financial numbers for the 13.75 years that I have owned the place and then make an analysis and thoughts.

I am not drunk, F that, but I am kinda buzzed. I just ate a protein granola bar; before I came to this shitty piece of dump site I used my gym for a bit. It is ironic and not fair that I feel like I am in great shape and my wife is the opposite. Poor Kat has had heart issues, bad nosebleeds, and she is still recovering from her knee replacement. I feel shitty about it all, but I cannot control anything in that area so I have to hope for the best. I know she will get better, but so far this winter has been all bad for her. It sucks not being able to do anything about it. What a bunch of crap! Watching your wife be sick all the time is not easy.

Oh, in other news apparently one of my greatest friends had a parent murdered. OMG. I need to connect with him ASAP, but gods damn it I don't even know yet what happened. I feel terrible about it. I need to get off this bootleg shitpile now and get the scoop on that situation and then definitely reach out to him tomorrow.



Wednesday, 1-17-18: A cash offer.
I cannot sleep. What a bunch of crap! We bivouaced around the usual time, 2200-ish, but I have felt wide awake since the lights went out 40 minutes ago. My mind is on overload so it is time for a coffee brandy and a trip to this bootleg therapy-turd. I have no intention of getting drunk, F that, but I do hope I can wind down a bit.

Today was a busy day. Not only did we get 5 or 6" of snow all day, but Kat also had to go to the hospital to have all kinds of tests done on her heart, and at one point they almost killed her. Fuckers! They gave her something called a stress test that made her heart start beating at 160+ BPM so then they had to order a code red or something like that. I was there with her for a good part of her testing, but figures the most worrysome code red was the one time I was not there. Epic fucking fail. I had to leave for a while to meet my appliance guru regarding a failing fridge at my Holyoke property. What a bunch of crap that is. Fridge is only a couple years old and already not working properly. Thankfully the tenants can toss their food into the snow since it is plenty cold outside. However, that is not a good way to store food so it needs fixing ASAP. Kat's heart needs fixing ASAP, too. Obviously the fridge is a lot less important than my wife, but sometimes there just isn't enough of me to go around so I left her in good hands at the hospital for a bit while I took care of that fridge issue.

The fridge is not fixed yet, and I am $60 poorer. What a bunch of crap! It needs some $650 part, but wait maybe not the repair guy called me shortly after we parted ways to tell me he thinks a $150 part will work. That part is on express order and if all goes well it gets installed Friday. Fingers crossed all goes well because I'd rather just go buy a new $900 fridge than pay $650 for a repair. (It is a bigger side-by-side fridge since the property is a 5BR, 2BA house.) The guy said that if the $150 part failed he would send it back and give me that credit back so I appreciate that a lot.

So after the kinda-failed fridge repair I drove my ass back over to the hospital, and as I was walking from the snowy parking lot to the front entrance I got a text from Jody: "I have an $85,000 cash offer on your property." Guess that guy who looked at my bootleg Bangor duplex 9 days ago is still interested. Oh Jesus, hell ya! At the time I was more focused on getting back to my awesome wife so I put it on my mental shelf for a bit. I did think $85k was a way too-low offer, but I didn't pay it my full attention at the time.

I am not really sure what a cash offer is. I guess it is a buyer who has the money to just pay for the entire property instead of needing to get a loan from a bank. I think of it as a briefcase full of $100 bills, but I guess it would really just be a bank check? I have never researched that for obvious reasons. Hehe.

^A true cash offer! Not likely to happen in my lifetime unless I decide to become a criminal.

Kat had to have a bunch of sonic photos of her heart and stuff taken so I sat there and listened to their radio while I waited. Thankfully they put it on 95.7, I-95, so there was some ACDC and Def Leppard, among other classic good tunes. 100.3 is my favorite station around here, but I like 95.7 a lot. While I waited I did think about that offer for my least-favorite duplex a bit more, but I didn't make a decision until we got home around lunchtime.

After lunch I booted up my computer to pore over some numbers and to do some math. I also had to research the impacts of depreciation add-back on a rental property sale and how that affects claiming a capital loss. I really don't want to sell a property at a loss, but the reality is someone would have to be pretty stupid to pay what I paid for my Bangor duplex, at least as it looks right now. It's not a shithole, but it sure as hell ain't the Ritz either. Needs some cosmetic improvements and maybe a little foundation work and a new driveway side porch. On May 26, 2004 I paid $103,500 for that building plus closing costs and I paid a large down payment. Closing costs were a couple grand more, give or take, so I have about $105,500 into the building. If I sell for $85k then Jody gets a commission so I am down to around $80k. That is a conservative $25k loss. A LOSS. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

I am okay with taking a loss on the sale of that duplex. In fact, a loss does not hurt me horribly because I have a lot of depreciation to add back into my basis. I am depreciating the property at about $3120 a year, and the depreciation cycle for a rental property is 27 years. I am just over the halfway point now at 13.75 years so I can roughly say my depreciation has been $43,000 so far. That adds back so an after-expense sale price of $80k I am at $123k. Complicating matters slightly is the roof that I did in 2008 for $4800-ish that I am depreciating currently using the same 27-year rule so that adds back $3000 to my original cost basis. It is getting confusing so I will do the math this way:

$80k + $43k = $123k -106k - 3k = $14k. $14,000 would be my taxable gain after all the depreciation and bullshit happens. The maximum tax rate on that from the IRS is 25%, but we would likely be in the 12% bracket on that next year. Maine would drill us for 7% so I can roughly say income taxes on that $14k would be a total of $2660.

I owe $46k on the property right now to TD Bank. My estimated $80k after commission at a sales price of $85k gives me $34k. Not bad! However, bye bye a few thousand in income taxes so I am really closer to $30k. Not terrible, but I think I should be getting a little more than that so I texted Jody that I would accept an offer of $90,000 but an offer of $85,000 is just too low. Jody said he would notify his buyer, and I dunno what the buyer is thinking right now but I hope he says yes so we can make a deal.

In conclusion, at this point I think $85k is too low but I am willing to take $90k. If it works then great. If not then that is okay because the property still does make money and build equity. In fact, that property had a very good 2017 with no vacancies and no major unplanned expenses. I want to sell, but I don't need to sell. Wants vs. needs is the ultimate in this world!

I thank the gods who do not really exist that my wife is still alive and home sleeping right now because this morning was scary. I think that scare plus the prospect of selling my Kenduskeag duplex has my mind going into overdrive. I did have today off from JH, and I am glad because it was a busy day. A brand new employee was running the show at work today so I hope things went well for her. I'm back to the JH grind the next three days working 1100-1900 tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. So far this has been a BUSY season for me. As of yesterday at closing time I had done more returns than any other office in the ENTIRE STATE. Wow! Right now I am still feeling fresh at work and ready to do a shitload more tax returns, but I know by March I will start to fade a bit and I'll be hoping like hell that mid-April comes ASAP.

Alright turds, all two of youz who read this crap, I am going to try to sleep again. I still feel pretty awake so maybe I will go to espn.com and read an article or two about the Patriots. They won easily last weekend against the Titans and play the Jaguars this coming Sunday. Winner of that game goes to the the Superbowl! Patriots have been amazing to watch over the past 16 or 17 seasons that Brady has been the QB.



Friday, 1-12-18: Melt snow, MELT.
What a difference a week makes. It is now nearing midnight on Friday night, and the temp outside is about 50. Oh Jesus, hell ya! It seems Friday nights over the past few weeks have been epic frigid with many of them below zero so this is awesome. We got the major smackdown from mother nature for most of December and into the first part of January, but the last few days have been good. We warmed up, and there is a lot of rain so tons of snow has melted today. Good thing because we were running out of places to put all the snow. 48" of snow in 30 days = what a bunch of crap! Then, on top of all that snow, we had frigid temps so nothing really melted. Gods damn it!

The only drawback to this warmup and rain is potential for flooding. I used my bootleg gym just a bit ago, and there was some water leaking into that basement. Fortunately it does not seem like a big deal at the moment, but when I look at the radar there is cause for some concern:

^From weather.com. Tomorrow AM this crap turns to ice before it ends. We might get a lot of ice, but the hourly only shows about 3 hours of ice so probably not that big of a deal. Maybe? I work tomorrow at 1100, right when it will be ice, so we shall see. Hopefully there is not a ton of rain between now and then because flooding = what a bunch of crap! Hopefully tomorrow there is not a lot of icing either.

I did not do good work clearing roofs so there was a bit of water infiltration at two of my rentals (that I know about) and even here at our own house. I was about to go to work Wednesday when I saw water coming into the new addition in several spots. What a bunch of crap! I'd blame the carpenter, but when I look in the mirror I see the carpenter so my bad there. I did a pretty good job installing the roof, but there was just so much snow up there that I was fighting a losing battle. Everything facing the north side froze bigtime so there was a huge ice dam. In hindsight maybe one more 3-foot section of ice and water shield would have been good instead of basic tarpaper. I did ice and water the first three feet, but the pitch is not that much and this winter I am paying the price so far. Ah well.

In other news, I tried to sell my Bangor duplex. On Monday I met with my realtor (Jody) there along with his buyer. The guy looked at the place but made no indication as to whether or not he liked it. I don't even like it so I assumed the worst, and later that day I got this text message from Jody "Hey Steve I didn't want to call you in case you were working but my buyer likes another property a lot more it's a 3 unit and makes better money. Talk soon."


Oh well. I actually was amazed to see that property had a great 2017 and made money in addition to building equity so I'm fine with keeping it. However, I do need to sell the place later this year because I have one property too many. If not for the JH job I'd say 7 buildings would work, but with the winter full-time tax job managing 7 places is just a bit much. (6 that I own, one that I manage.) I really enjoy doing taxes so when it is tax season it can be hard to take care of the rentals and to work full-time on top of that.

The JH job is going great so far. I was scheduled for 48 hours this week, 1100-1900 M-Sat. However, I cut out some time so I think I can keep it right at 40 for the week. I'll "only" work a half-day tomorrow, weather pending, so that will put me where the managers want me and where I want to be. Every tax season before this one I have had an easy start to January, but this year so far I am double as busy as I was at this time last year. Oh Jesus, hell ya! The boss also hired three new people whom I have spent time with training so that is a huge plus. I still think the end of this month and a lot of February will be extremely busy, but that is ok if I am busy because I will be making the "big bucks." Or something like that. I really do like working for JH because the pay is fair and I *mostly* know what I am doing so I feel comfortable dealing with customers.

Good god there is still over three months before the tax filing season even ends. When I worked for Liberty many years ago I worked three months total, but this year with JH (and last year) it will be four months because we start before Christmas for loan advances. That is a big reason why I need to reduce my apartment stuff. Work to live, not live to work gods damn it! Except winter of course. I should work a lot in the winter so it goes by faster since I fuckin' hate winter. I used to like winter, but now it is like ten pounds of shit stuffed into a 5-pound bag. Or it is like this:

^The turd is winter, and the punch is the rest of the year. However, that is a bootleg analogy because who would drink any punch that has a giant piece of smiling shit waving at you from the middle of it? Turd island on punch-paradise? What a bunch of crap!

(Where's my psychologist?)



Saturday, 1-06-18: Iced coffee and my most bootleg duplex.
I am in my little bootleg JH office, and it is lunchtime at 1530. However, it is not really lunch time I just have to clock out for a 30-minute break. I did actually eat my sandwich closer to noon. I was getting a little groggy so I drank some iced coffee, and that perked me up a bit. I did get enough-ish sleep last night, maybe 5.5 hours, but sometimes when there are no customers and I am doing tax training and stuff I feel sleepy so the iced coffee helps. I started bringing some in with my in my fancy Jackson Hewitt thermos. I "won" the thermos last season by doing good work, but then I gave it to Katherine. However, she hasn't been using it lately so it is "mine" again. For now. Hehehe. Half the employees or more probably "won" that same thermos it is not that special.

I think the iced coffee is better than Monster Energy? They sell it in 1/2 gallon containers like how orange juice is sold. This is the stuff I get here at WM:

^I only recently started drinking iced coffee, and it does help me stay alert. Sometimes I drink it before I use the gym, too. I have not purchased the caramel kind yet; maybe I will try that one next time. I generally like vanilla and mocha more. I think. Maybe? It costs $3.56 not $3.99 from that Google-searched photo. That does make it cheaper than Monster by a bit per ounce. A 10-pack of Monster is $15 so that is what, 16 ounces x 10 = 160 ounces. 9.375 cents per ounce. Plus all the cans I have to deal with and those add up to a pain in the arse going to the redemption center. The iced coffee must be 64 onces? If so that is 5.556 cents per ounce so that is actually a big difference. Wow, I didn't realize until just now how big of a price difference that is.

I still on occasion drink Monster Energy. It will kill me, but hopefully in moderation it will "only" very slowly kill me.

What is worse for me, iced coffee or Monster Energy? My gut tells me that, ounce for ounce, the iced coffee is healthier. However, I do think the Monster gives me a little more of a boost. I guess both are pretty unhealthy, eh? What a bunch of liquid crap!

So now that I just wasted a couple paragraphs writing about heavy fuel (thank you, Dire Straits) I can write about the other thing that has been on my radar since Tuesday. My Bangor duplex *might* have an interested buyer. Oh Jesus, hell ya! I have not listed the building for sale lately, but Jody (my realtor of many years) knows I want to sell the duplex. Jody knows a guy who wants to invest in rental properties in Bangor, and he has already showed the guy a bunch of "dumps." that the guy is not loving. Jody called me a few days ago and asked if I would be willing to show my duplex, but I was hesitant because I don't want to scare the tenants away. I thought on it, but not for long. I decided the best thing would be to have the guy look at all the photos (on file still from my last listing in fall of 2016) and do a drive-by. Then if he still had interest we could make a plan.

The next day Jody called me back sounding excited. His potential buyer was still very interested after seeing the building and the photos. Oh Jesus, hell ya! Then it became decision time for me. His guy wants to look at the inside, which is totally understandable because if I were a buyer I would want a tour, too. However, I don't want to freak out the tenants too much so how should I handle that one? Telling the tenants that I have a buyer so we need to do a tour might create bad blood. I was tempted to just say to the tenants I was coming over to do a routine inspection, but that's shady so I finally just decided to tell them I am doing a walkthrough with my realtor because I might sell the place. At this point it is what it is.

We are scheduled for Monday at 1000 to meet at the place, and hopefully Jody's mystery shopper likes what he sees. No way will I be Santa Claus on my price, F that Xmas is over beotches. However, I will be willing to negotiate some and if things line up then that building will be SOLD. So funny the timing of it all when in one of my most recent updates from last week I was about having a meltdown because I wanted to reduce my burden and sell the building in 2018. Does Jody read this bootleg site? (Hell no he doesn't because no one reads this pile of shit!)

Hopefully I can sell that duplex ASAP because that would be awesome, but if not that is okay, too. The place does not lose me money and I keep building equity so waiting until the summer to officially list for sale again would be okay with me. However, given a choice I would definitely and without hesitation choose SELL NOW vs. SELL LATER even if SELL NOW means I get a little bit of a lower price than I might get if I try to SELL LATER.



Friday, 1-05-18: 18.3, 46, pwned.
We got crushed by another mega-blizzard yesterday. It was our second blizzard in as many weeks (we got a fast-hitting 13" Christmas day. What a bunch of crap that was!) It seems that over the past few years there have been some incredibly nasty storms that have given us hard hits. Was it ever this bad when I was a kid? Probably on occasion, but it seems we only got over a foot of snow once or twice. One year I do remember having HUGE snow drifts along the driveway. Belmore had to bring in a bucket-loader to clear the long 100-yard-long driveway. We could stand on the snowbanks and look down on the Volkswagon, and I think that was also the year Doug got stuck in a snow drift. He seriously got stuck. We had to shovel his ass out. HAHAHAHA. It was a lifetime ago so maybe it was Jason who got stuck? It was the 80s, the glorious era of life that is gone forever much like a turd flushes and becomes gone forever. Speaking of the 1980s, I have channel 1928 on right now so I can listen to awesome 80s tunes. John Mellencamp is singing about how he was born in a small town. Good tune! I was born in Hyannis, a medium-sized town. (Small city?) but I grew up in a small town and I thank the gods who do not exist for that one.

Things always seem worse when you are a kid. (Had to walk 10 miles in a snowstorm, uphill, BOTH ways. Hehehe.) We did live in the midcoast, a bit south and a lot closer to the coast. Mom and Pop got 10" of snow and we officially got 18.3" as reported in nearby Bangor. Good gods that is a lot of snow! The blizzard was a huge news story because it even caused snow in Florida. 7 people died, epic storm surge, record tides, etc. I did not work yesterday due to the storm so that was awesome, but bye bye $$$$$$$ that I would have had if I did work. Oh well.

^From weather.com. The blizzard had a name because they name winter storms now (Grayson?) and it looked almost like a hurricane on the satellite. There was a lot of wind, but thankfully we did not lose power. This morning was a bunch of crap cleaning up the mess. I did snowblow and shovel some last night so that helped, but there was still an epic amount of work to be done this morning. Thankfully my snowblower actually worked like a boss this time so that helped. However, it was so windy that the thing shot snow back in my face a lot. What a bunch of crap! It was cold, too.

^The dogs LOVE all this snow. They almost seem to be swimming in it. Copper dove right into that snow in the deck, and Tiger Lily followed him in. That was from yesterday morning. We have loads of snow all over the place around here. The city is trucking it away and dumping it near Indian Trail Park tonight. What a bunch of crap!

After I cleared the driveway I had to go manage the properties. Some tenants, as usual after a crushing storm, complained some so I told them to STFU. Just kidding about that last part I tried to help as best as I could. I talked to Gavin; he had to waste nearly three hours of his precious... precious time snowblowing his own spread. He said he might as well just hire a plow person because it took so long to snowblow. The plow bills for my ass will suck. A lot. After this past month I realize I should just put a plow on my own truck for next season because I would save A LOT of money if I did it myself. Plus the tenants would be overall happier because I could just cater to them. It would also make doing our own driveway easier. I liked the snowblower for this storm, but it did take a long time to clear things out. I barely had time to get ready for my 1100 work shift at JH because I spent to much time fucking around with all this snow. What a bunch of crap!

So we have gotten 46" of snow in about the past month including the 18.3" from yesterday. Gods damn it! That is a tremendous amount of snow for one month. It is -3 right now with huge winds so I might have pipe freezes to deal with again this weekend. Tonight = -11, tomorrow's high = -1, and tomorrow night = -14. Shit on toast! We just need to get through this weekend and then next week looks a tad better...

It is 1215 on the 6th now, and I am heading back down to Jester's in about 30 minutes to break down Kat's gear and bring it all home. I wish I did not have to do Jester's tonight because of all the snow and cold. Oh well, at least I did get a good workout in my bootleg gym just a while ago. If all goes as planned my awesome wife will be back in action in two weeks (two weeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkssssssssssssssss!) taking her show back over; her knee is doing better lately but there are other health concerns. I can't wait for her to take over, but I don't want her to rush back either. Dealing with this severe winter weather, doing the JH job, and then having to set up and break down her karaoke gear for the substitute DJ fucking sucks. A lot. I half-jokingly told Kat earlier that I would love to pay her substitute DJ to NOT come into work tonight. However, I was not really serious F that the show must go on as they say plus we do make a little $$$$ still from it.

I don't ever want to be a DJ. F that! I did okay when my awesome wife sent me on a solo mission in August last year, but I have no passion for it and I just want to put her in charge and be her helper. I can do taxes and rental properties like a boss, but running a music show is not my forte. I want her to be in charge so I can just be her lackey. She is really good at it and I am just okay. That is why right now PJ is the DJ (no pun intended!) and I am writing on this piece of dump site that no one will ever read. What a bunch of crap!



Wednesday, 1-03-18: Google and the machine takeover. Oh look another blizzard.
It's happening. Machines are slowly becoming self-aware, and one day this could be the fate of humanity:

^Neo wakes up and thinks "Put my ass back to sleep this is a bunch of crap if I stay awake I will get my ass kicked by a bunch of machines I would rather just be their fuel and never know it."

We will become fuel and stuck in the Matrix thanks to our technology advances. Someone in charge better be making a shitload of fail-safes for these new computers and machines, just in case. Hell, maybe we already are just in a machine-ruled world asleep in fluid-sacs and blissfully unaware. What a bunch of crap!

A couple days ago Kat, Katherine, and even Dillon and Debbie bought a round device called something like a Google Home. The thing is a lot of fun, but I am wary. It is damn smart, and it has an answer for just about everything. (Hence my bootleg quote of the month.) We have them connected so we can shout insults to each other from our rooms, and on the first night Kat owned the thing it woke us up because it was not turned off.

^This Google-thing only costs about 30 bucks at WalMart, and it does all kinds of cool tricks. It can play music, too. I really like it, but at the same time I see the potential for computers and technology to one-day pass us by. Skynet from The Terminator in the form of a little disc-shaped toy? Possibly the start of the end for life as we know it? Hell no for now, but in the future if things keep moving forward at this pace I would not rule it out. I hope all the Google-discs can't hack the Pentagon and launch nukes all over the world anytime ever.

"Hey Google, how much you bench?" -Me to Kat's new Google answer machine Monday the 1st.
"I can benchpress all the knowledge of the Internet... it's actually not that heavy." -Google machine hilarious answer! That thing even sounded like it was being sarcastic.

We are getting a blizzard tomorrow. What a bunch of crap! A foot of snow, give or take, and massive winds near 50MPH in gusts. At the end of October just a couple months ago we had gusts in the 60s that demolished our state's power infrastructure. Half the state (or more) lost power, and most lost it for days. We were dead for three days. Over 500k outages set a record, and I can only hope this storm does not do similar damage. Here is an ominous-looking chart from The Weather Channel:

^If we lose power for an extended period of time my rental properties are in big trouble because by Saturday our forecasted high temp is -1 with a low of -17. OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! February of 2015 was a kick in the nuts from mother nature, the worst stretch of winter I have ever seen, but this latest stretch has been worse. These past two weeks have been HORRIBLE. Gods damn it. Hard to say whether or not this winter will rival the brutality of the 2014-2015 winter, but so far I am not liking these trends. December was 6.5 degrees BELOW normal, and we ended up with around 27.5" of snow, nearly double what is considered average. Epic failer. Surprisingly the gas bills are not too horrible, though. However, some of those bills only go through Dec. 21st so the next round of bills will be very depressing. I have a feeling this is going to be a very expensive winter...

Oh well, at least I will get tomorrow off from work. No work = no pay, but I know a lot of hours and probably some overtime is coming soon so my JH pay will all average out. So far it has been busier than last year at this time mainly because of our refund advance programs. Hope it stays steady, but not too busy because right now I am in the second busiest office in the state flying 100% solo. I have no receptionist and no one to come help yet if it gets to be swamped. What a bunch of crap!

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