(Last updated: 2-15-2018)

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ME AS A PERSON THEN I ADVISE YOU TO TURN AWAY NOW. CLICK THE 'X' IN THE TOP CORNER OF YOUR SCREEN! RUN, FLEE, ESCAPE. IF YOU ARE A FAMILY MEMBER THEN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER BEYOND THIS POINT!

Welcome to my crappy website. It truly is a bootleg bunch of crap, but I don't care. Not at all. I'm not doing it just to entertain you scumbags; I'm doing it because writing is fun but I am too lazy to actually write a real book. Don't laugh because I'm serious.

If you want to know who the hell I am and why I spent my hard-earned $14.99 to register this domain and to share my thoughts with the world then you can click here to find out. I have no update schedule so if you don't like it then you can ggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt oooooooouuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt!



"What's Rambo?" -Hannah (my 20yr old coworker at JH)
"I weep for society." -Me in response to her not knowing about the greatest fake hero of all-time

Click here to check out my bootleg quotes page.

 

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Why are you still here? Chances are pretty damn good that I WILL insult you in some fashion if you choose to continue beyond this point. The purpose of this site is to entertain me, and I am often entertained at the expense of others. Therefore, prepare to be slandered. A lot. It's still not to late to leave with your feelings intact!

Thursday, 2-15-18: I am epic sick.
I am sick gods damn it. Not just a little cough either; this one is a full-blown FU to my precious... precious body from the gods who do not really exist. Probably the flu, but how the hell can I know for sure? Thankfully I have not chundered yet, but I have all the other undesirable symptoms now. What a bunch of crap!

I had Tuesday off from work so Kat and I drove down to Waterville to buy a new car for Kat and to visit with Phil, Danielle, and their new adopted baby. It was a full day down there because the dealership always plays the game and makes you wait. Then they apologize for the delay as they try to add on etra bullshit to your purchase. F that! We found a 2015 GMC Acadia with only about 23k miles on it, certified with a 12-month warranty, and we made it happen. I like the vehicle, and I hope my Sweet Pea likes it as well.


^Generic Interweb photo only. Eventually I might take photos of the actual vehicle we bought. Maybe? The one we bought does look the same.

We were undecided as to whether or not to trade in the Mountaineer, and when they offered us a paltry $750 for a trade value we said F that! However, we did negotiate with them and squeeze $2400 for a trade-in credit for the Mountaineer. The 2007 Mountaineer needed a lot of work so that is a win for us. Plus its inspection was running out so if we kept it we would have been foreced to invest at least several hundred dollars into the thing by the end of this month.


^The only generic stock photo I have of a maroon Mountaineer. Kat's 2007 Mountaineer was a lot more badass with Snoopy decals, though. The Mountaineer was only okay to us, not great. The radio display lights never worked so changing the station was a guessing game. On occasion the passenger window would stick, and there were areas of rust forming.

I wish it was warmer out here. The furnace decided to stop working last night. What a bunch of crap! I actually am not cold right now, though. I have an electric space heater pumping warmth at my feet (I'm sitting at the bar) so it is cozy. Down to only 63 degrees in the living room area now. Epic fail. Thankfully it was not a brutally cold night, and today will be in the low 40s outside, so we will be okay. It is only 0521 so I'll call my heating guy in 2-3 hours. If I am awake then. This winter has been so friggin' expensive. I guess at this rate I'll need to find another job after tax season ends, but hopefully not. I do still have some loot from the sale of my bootleg Bangor duplex, but that is already half-gone. What a bunch of crap!

I got up at about 0430 feeling like 10 pounds of shit stuffed into a 5 pound bag. Plugged nose, sore throat, nasty cough, extreme fatigue. Body so weak it hurt to stand up. I took two tylenol and this Alka Seltzer stuff that seems to help a bit. Hopefully I can jump back into the rack shortly and sleep a bit more.

I noticed Tuesday PM on the hour-long drive home from Waterville that I was not feeling so great, and Tuesday evening I faded hard. Wednedsay night was very rough, I felt horrible, and around 0400 I was nausious as well as totally sick. I did not chunder,but I thought there was no way I was going to make it to work. Then I slept a couple more hours, I felt a little better, and I did go to work for most of my shift. I was scheduled 1100-1900, but I closed at 1730 because of my illness. In hindsight not sure going to work yesterday was a good idea, but I added 5 more tax returns to my season total so I am glad I went. I think. Maybe? Today I am still not sure I will go to work, but I feel badly if I don't go because there is no one else to cover my shift today so I guess my office would just be closed. What a bunch of crap!

I have not called out sick in a very long time. Maybe 10+ years? Maybe ever? Hopefully a couple more hours of sleep today makes all the difference for me and I feel well enough to make it through my entire work shift. I hate being sick this is totally a bunch of crap! It is a bad sickness, too. Worst I have had in a very long time. Gods damn it...

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Saturday, 2-10-18: Just finished updating all my records. Oh, my parking epic fail and a weird 80s flick.
It is 2300 on a Saturday night, and it is very quiet here at the house. Kat is at Jester's and roughly halfway through her karaoke show. She does not plan to work every Saturday, but this one is the IWE monthly wrestling Saturday so she agreed to do it. I don't really want to go hang out at Jester's tonight, but I know I'll get there eventually. Probably after I finish this bootleg update I'll cruise the Interweb for a few then head on down. I don't plan to drink much tonight, but I am having my second coffee brandy and milk right now. I wasn't going to drink even one, but a little bit will be just fine.

I had several spreadsheets to update, and that is all done now. I track my JH tax returns in an overly complex Excel file so I had to input the 6 returns that I did today. (9 done, but 3 were finishing up stuff that does not count for my final bonus.) I thought I'd get out of work early, but gods damn it my co-worker called out so it was just me, myself, and I and I had to stay until the end. What a bunch of crap! Oh well I had three appointments no-show due to what I believe was questionable weather so that saved me from being totally buried. We were supposed to get rain showers today after 1-3" of snow, but we got a half a foot of snow late last night and freezing rain/drizzle for most of the day. What a bunch of crap!

I also had several business records to update and a couple business bills to pay. Bootleg properties is 24/7, beotches. I took care of all that, and I updated my exercise spreadsheet since I also lifted weights tonight. I should be exhausted, but half a Monster Energy helped me power through. (Was also a late night last night due to the usual karaoke routine.) I used my gym at 0645 yesterday morning and at 2130 tonight. Sometimes getting my swell on early is for the best, and sometimes doing it later in the day is for the best. All depends on what I have going on and when I can fit it in. I am glad I used my gym both yesterday and today because I felt pretty good. Unfortunately I couldn't fit in any racquetball, but hopefully I can do that tomorrow.

I had a 100% epic fail last night that ended up costing me what would essentially be my entire JH pay from today. I left my truck on the street last night, and I forgot to put it back into the driveway after the karaoke show. I remembered this morning when I woke up and saw nearly a half a foot of fresh snow, but by then it was too late. My truck was gone. It was like The Nothing came and took it like The Nothing once took away the beautiful lake from the Rock Biters in the North in The Neverending Story. My truck just was not there. What a bunch of crap!

I didn't think a thief stole my truck so I made a couple phone calls and sure enough it had been towed away. Gods damn it! I did not expect to get 6" of snow because the forecast for for a 1-3", but I should have known better. I did plan to pull my truck into the driveway, but I totally forgot and I totally made my own luck. I deserve to fail for being a dumbass. I had to go over to Union Street towing and pay $75 to get it back, and as an added FU I have to pay another 40 bucks for a parking violation. What a bunch of crap! Fuck this winter up its fucking ass.

We are now over 70" of snow for the season, way above the average for this point in winter. Will we get to 100"? Seems like a possibility. Plowing and heating are crushing my ass so far this winter. Rents will have to go up at some of the properties in the spring to make up for it. I am at a zero profit, and perhaps slightly in the red so far this year for the bootleg apartment business. What a bunch of crap! Oh well, selling my Bangor duplex helped. A lot. One bonus, and a small victory at that, is the fact that lately we have not had any truly brutal cold that freezes pipes and causes other issues. No epic cold in the forecast either. 20s and 30s for high temps suck, but they sure beat 0s and teens with lows way below zero. Hopefully there is no more bigtime cold this winter. 30 outside now (light freezing rain) feels like a "heat wave" compared so some other nights we have had this winter.

The sooner this winter ends the better.

Moving on, a couple weeks ago I finished watching a totally bizarre and lesser-known early 80s movie called Heavy Metal. This movie simply cannot be explained. I do not use drugs so maybe that is why I did not really understand what was going on? I remember many years ago seeing a few bits and pieces of the animated flick, and I saw it in a listing around the beginning of the year and decided to record it so I could pick away at it. The movie is only about 1.5 hours long, but it still took me three different days to get through it because I just don't watch much TV without my awesome wife. Thankfully she decided to skip this one.

^Made in 1981, an animated movie with a badass rock soundtrack that loosely connects some evil ball-orb to a bunch of stories across seemingly both space and time. Does it make sense when put together? Mostly nope! Is it a good movie? Mostly nope! However, it is strangely watchable in a train-wreck sort of way. I think it is rated R, but I am not certain. Don't see how it could NOT be rated R, though. Cartoon chicks dump 'em out in many scenes, and John Candy does the voice of this boob-grabbing dude in one "chapter" of the movie:


^Damn guy how much ya bench?

I felt guilty seeing all the cartoon boobs so I hit the FF button some of the time. These animated chicks got naked for seemingly no reason at all. In the John Candy one he is some nerd who gets transformed into some hero, and he gets a lot of tail. The sorta evil ruler-chick decides she wants to get pokerized by him, but he essentially fucks and chucks her ass and robs her stuff so she gets pissed, seeks out revenge, but meanwhile the "hero" dude is off getting laid by some other chick and then the shit hits the fan and then the evil orb takes us to a spaceship where it is the future and all I can do is ask wtf because it is a convoluted hot mess. That last sentence was also one rambling hot mess, but it somehow fit given the theme at the moment.

Cartoon boobs = do not want. Real boobs = do not want. I don't even like to watch scenes in movies where chicks shell 'em out or otherwise get naked because I have a hot wife and I don't need to see boobs on TV anymore. When I was a kid TV/movie boobs were the best, a rare treat, but now I am like Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon and I am too old for that shit. I only want to see my wife's boobs!

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Friday, 2-09-18: Late-night snack, 80s music, and an IRS letter that sucks.
Kat is at Jester's, and I will be there soon. Tonight is the grand karaoke reopening of Cap's so we don't expect Jester's to be that busy. Cap's burned down last summer, and now it is back and fully operational. Is it more fully operational than the Death Star in ROTJ? Well that only depends on if it has a weapon capable of destroying a planet.


^Does not look like much, but it did some major damage when the rebels thought it was not at full capacity.

Once Cap's burned to a crisp last summer the owner of Jester's asked my Sweet Pea if she would be willing to do both Friday and Saturdays for karaoke at Jester's. Kat agreed to either do it or to find someone who could, and thankfully the Cap's karaoke DJ was free and looking to replace some lost income so he took over Saturday nights. Now that Cap's is back I guess Jester's does not need karaoke on Saturdays anymore. However, Kat is also working tomorrow for the IWE show so it seems, at least for wrestling Saturdays, there will still be karaoke at Jester's.

I feel badly that Cap's burned down, and the people who caused that fire are pinko pieces of shit. Rumor is there were Giblet tenants in one of the two apartments above Cap's who either started the fire on purpose or who had a meth lab gone wrong. No official word on that so for now certainly no more than bootleg rumors. Hopefully the new Cap's does well, but hopefully Jester's does a little better so Kat has good job security for her Friday nights. She is the best DJ in town so I think her Fridays will be A-ok. If only Jester's was a little bigger and less bootleg...

The dogs have been beating the crap out of each other in the living room for over an hour. It has been some rumbling, some tug-of-war with toys, and now it is back to rumbling. Two dogs is perfect because they can entertain each other. I sneezed so that stopped them for about .05 seconds. I assume at some point they will get tired, or Katherine will want to bivouac and shut that shit down. (Her bedroom is below the living room so she hears when the dogs decide to make a huge rumble.)

I just shovelled in a protein granola bar, and it was delicious. Maybe some Teddy Grahams will also enter my gom-hole before I go to the bar. Coffee brandy and milk is also entering my face as I write this bootleg update that almost no one will ever read. Oh, Mike and the Mechanics are on channel 1928 singing about how All I Need is a Miracle. What an awesome 80s song by an awesome band! I believe the lead singer, Mike Rutherford, was also in Genesis. I should Google that in case I am wrong...

From Wikipedia:
"Mike and The Mechanics are an English pop/rock supergroup formed in 1985 as a side project of Mike Rutherford, one of the founding members of the band Genesis. The band is known for their hit singles "Silent Running (On Dangerous Ground)", "All I Need Is a Miracle", "Taken In", "Over My Shoulder", and "The Living Years..."

Well okay there ya go. Genesis was a great band, too!

I "only" did two tax returns today at JH. My lowest total in weeks. However, I really did more because I had a ton of stuff to work on so I set my co-worker loose and focused on my backlog of drop-offs and more complex stuff. I often work solo at my office, but today and tomorrow I have some help so that is nice. Gives me a chance to catch up. I also got a letter from the IRS today, and that is a bunch of crap. Those mudda fuckas as the IRS. All I wanna know is why? Why did I get a 4858 that says this "Our review of the 2017 tax year returns prepared claiming the EIC, CTC, ACTC, and AOTC indicates you may not have met your due diligence requirements..."

OMG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO FILE TAXES USING JH SOFTWARE AND NOT MEET THOSE REQUIREMENTS YA FUCKIN' DINKS. I DO TAXES IN A WALMART WHERE A LOT OF POOR PEOPLE COME TO SEE ME SO OF COURSE I AM GOING TO HAVE A SHITLOAD OF TAX RETURNS THAT HAVE "REFUNDABLE" CREDITS ON THEM. GODS DAMN IT.

The letter is not specific to any particular tax returns and my boss does not seem overly concerned, but I don't want to get hauled on for screwing up taxes. I guess because I do so many taxes I get a letter, but that is truly a bunch of crap because I do good and I don't help people cheat the government. It's not my fault that half my customers have a few kids, make under the poverty level of income (no offense), and get thousands back in their refunds. If someone gives me a w2 that shows 18k income and has 3 kids to claim then the tax code says they get 8000-10000 back in a refund. That's not my fuckin' fault. I don't even know how we as a society can afford that bullshit, but whatever I just roll with it like a Steve Winwood song, also from the 80s. Of course!

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Thursday, 2-08-18: Snow removal then work.
We got another 7" of snow yesterday afternoon and evening; it was ending around the time we bivouaced last night. It actually didn't start snowing here until after lunch so Kat and I had a chance to do a little shopping and have a nice lunch. Jody gave me a gift card to Longhorn's as a token of gratitude for my using him to hock my Kenduskeag duplex so we took advantage of that. I had never been to that restaurant before, and it wasn't too shabby. We'd go back. Maybe? We still have 15 bucks left on the gift card so it seems likely at some point we will go back.

We went to the mall yesterday, and I finally was able to find a new pair of racquetball shoes. Gavin also bought me a badass new racquet as a token of gratitude since I help him with his taxes so now I can truly dominate on the court. However, I will probably still lose more than I win. What a bunch of crap! I also bought a couple pairs of gym shorts at Sears. Sadly the entire mall and Sears itself is looking like the Titanic. That place is epic failing; there are tons of vacant spaces in the mall itself and some of the big anchor stores like Macy's and soon-to-be Sears are all done. I don't shop at the mall very much so if the whole place does go under then I will feel badly but not really be affected personally. I used to love Sears, it was my favorite store, so I do wish they could have made it. I think WalMart and Target really put a hurting on the Sears business model.


^Seems like epic fail to me...

There are lots of vacant retail spaces in the mall area. Toys R Us is going out of business so that building will be empty. Last year (or the year before?) the former Circuit City building was demolished. I heard JC Penny is going under so maybe that will be the death-knell of the mall itself.

It is now 0700 so I am going to watch a few news headlines and then go do some shovelling and fire up the snowblower. I had yesterday off from work, and it was a nice day off overall. First day in a while where I felt I didn't have too much to do. I found a 2BR villa at The Royal Haciendas listed on Interval International for only $274 so Kat and I decided to jump all over that one. Our original plan was to just use our scheduled unit at the end of April at the RH (the "lockoff 1BR cozy enough for just her and I), but the full unit that sleeps 6 was a deal too good to pass up. So now we're bringing the kids with us and going May 19-25. Oh Jesus hell ya! The kids only have to pay for their airfare and we can take care of most of the rest. Katherine, Dillon, and Debbie are all getting tax refunds so when those come in they will at least cover their airfare cost. Kat and I will trade our own RH unit scheduled for the end of April for a trip to somewhere else (Arizona again?) this coming fall.

Alright turds, all two of youz, the headline story is more bullshit about Trump and the winter olympics that start today. As far as the olympic games go, I don't even care... whether or not I care. Time to go make snow disappear from the driveway. Again. What a bunch of crap!

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Monday, 2-05-18: Epic Patriots defense failer.
Wow, what a Superbowl last night! Eagles vs. Patriots in Superbowl 52. Record-setting game in terms of yards allowed between both teams, final score Eagles 41, Patriots 33. Brady had a fantastic game throwing for a record 505 yards (3TD, no INT), but the Patriots defense laid an egg and totally blew it. What a bunch of crap! The Eagles were the #1 seed in the NFC and the Patriots were the #1 seed in the AFC. Philly was considered the underdogs throughout the playoffs because their star QB got hurt late in the regular-season. However, the backup QB played his ass off and shredded what had oft-been a porous Pats defense. Oh well...

^Late in the 4th quarter the Eagles defense got to Brady and caused this fumble as Brady was throwing the ball. Not Brady's fault that his lineman did not stop the pass-rush. What a bunch of crap! The Patriots were fun to watch this season, but their defense was quite poor in many games. Brady has now played in a record 8 Superbowls and has a 5-3 record in those games. GOAT = Brady.

I was going to write more, but I am out of time so need to spread on out of here. Goonies never say die!

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Friday, 2-02-18: Doing Jesters without my wife.
My Sweet Pea is fighting a flu bug so she had her substitute DJ-PJ fill in for her tonight. PJ does a good job and she knows how to run the show like a boss, but it sucks for me when PJ does the show because I have to go set everything up and then go back and break it all down later all by myself. If I didn't already work all gods damned day then I guess I wouldn't mind doing that so much, but it sure is a shit-cherry on top of a vomit sundae this time of year. Oh, it is also 3 degrees outside with a wind chill of well below zero. Oh, it snowed this morning and no one shovelled except me. What a bunch of crap! We "only" got about 3 inches, but it was a bad little storm that closed schools, that made the roads terrible, and that cost me precious... precious money for another round of snowplowing. Gods damn it. The temp dropped fast so everything froze solid and is still frozen solid.

The heating bills came in for all the apartments. As a final FU from my Bangor duplex that I *thankfully* sold, the heat bill for that building was $600. OMG. That was not unusual, though. All my other buildings ranged from $500 to $850. $3500-ish total. What a bunch of crap! The billing cycle included the frozen-earth Hoth-like wasteland that we had from the end of Dec into the beginning of January. Over $1000 higher than the heating bills for the same period of time one year ago. Mother puss bucket! That is way too friggin' expensive. Fuck winter. Last winter was like a vacation compared to this toilet-bowl of a winter. However, last winter sucked as well just not as badly as this one has sucked.

The sale of my bootleg Bangor duplex was not hard at all. Show up, sign stuff, be friendly, deposit check, and already watch money go away due to heat and plowing bills. I have zero regrets about selling that property, especially after the past few days at JH doing taxes. I have been buried with customers, more than I can handle. Today I tried to send some of my overflow to Brewer, but the tax preparer there called out sick or some shit and no one told any of us. That is epic fail. Who knows, maybe another person quit for all I can tell. I certainly hope not of course. Business for me is up quite a bit from this same point one year ago. It is by far the most I have ever done up to this point, and tomorrow will be busy again. Thankfully I do have some help with me tomorrow. I still love the job, but holy crap it takes a lot to run my office all by myself. My goal this year is to at least equal what I did last year, and if things stay this busy then for sure no problem on that one.

The Patriots play in the Superbowl on Sunday. Awesome! They face the Eagles, a good team whose quarterback is injured with a knee issue (ACL?) However, Philly is still winning and looking good with their backup QB so, even though the Pats are favored by 5, it will be tough. I could easily see the Eagles winning. Thankfully Brady is a fantastic QB and the GOAT so, as long as there are no serious injuries to key players, my money would be on the Greatriots if I were to bet on the game. (NOT BETTING ON FOOTBALL F THAT I LOSE WHEN I GAMBLE!) I definitely have a bias towards my favorite team, but for good reason because the New England Patriots are awesome!

I really just want to go to bed, but I need to stay up until 0100 so I can go back to Jesters to pack up all of Kat's gear. I would mind less if it wasn't so gods damned cold outside. It is only 2253 now so I guess I will hang out here at the house for a bit more and then go back to the bar. No sense getting there too early since I am not liquored up and especially since my awesome wife is not even there. I often enjoy Friday nights, but this Friday I am not really enjoying things. I should be in a good mood since I sold my bootleg Bangor duplex and since I feel good physically and have a good thing going at the tax office. Unfortunately, I just feel a bit off and want the day to just end. I feel like it has been a long week and I am just too stressed out. Epic fail.

I have another water heater that is dying. It is leaking water, and soon it will 100% fail. What a bunch of crap! Oh well it is 13 years old and on the schedule for replacement this year anyway, but it sure would have been nice if the bootleg thing had lasted until the spring when I have more precious... precious free time. All four water heaters at that building are on the list for replacement so I might just do them all at the same time. It is the building where I used to live and where my gym and office are still located. Thankfully it is only a slow leak, but it is something I can't just let go. It needs to be taken care of sooner rather than later.


^It's bad when that happens.


^There is no saving this one. Total replacement will be the only option.


^This one is also failing What a bunch of crap! Two failing water heaters out of the four at that property. Hopefully they hang in there a bit more so I can wait for a coupon or a big sale from either Home Depot or Lowe's. If not oh well I get 5% off every day anyway when I use my Lowe's card. I'll likely buy four new ones at once so I can replace them all because it won't be long before the other two fail.

Always seems I have 10 things to do. Even though I do love my JH tax job it is hard doing both that and the apartments this time of year. What a bunch of crap!

 


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