(Last updated: 1-17-2017)

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ME AS A PERSON THEN I ADVISE YOU TO TURN AWAY NOW. CLICK THE 'X' IN THE TOP CORNER OF YOUR SCREEN! RUN, FLEE, ESCAPE. IF YOU ARE A FAMILY MEMBER THEN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER BEYOND THIS POINT!

Welcome to my crappy website. It truly is a bootleg bunch of crap, but I don't care. Not at all. I'm not doing it just to entertain you scumbags; I'm doing it because writing is fun but I am too lazy to actually write a real book. Don't laugh because I'm serious.

If you want to know who the hell I am and why I spent my hard-earned $14.99 to register this domain and to share my thoughts with the world then you can click here to find out. I have no update schedule so if you don't like it then you can ggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt oooooooouuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt!



"Hey Google, how much you bench?" -Me to Kat's new Google answer machine.
"I can benchpress all the knowledge of the Internet... it's actually not that heavy." -Google machine answer

Click here to check out my bootleg quotes page.

 

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Why are you still here? Chances are pretty damn good that I WILL insult you in some fashion if you choose to continue beyond this point. The purpose of this site is to entertain me, and I am often entertained at the expense of others. Therefore, prepare to be slandered. A lot. It's still not to late to leave with your feelings intact!

Wednesday, 1-17-18: A cash offer.
I cannot sleep. What a bunch of crap! We bivouaced around the usual time, 2200-ish, but I have felt wide awake since the lights went out 40 minutes ago. My mind is on overload so it is time for a coffee brandy and a trip to this bootleg therapy-turd. I have no intention of getting drunk, F that, but I do hope I can wind down a bit.

Today was a busy day. Not only did we get 5 or 6" of snow all day, but Kat also had to go to the hospital to have all kinds of tests done on her heart, and at one point they almost killed her. Fuckers! They gave her something called a stress test that made her heart start beating at 160+ BPM so then they had to order a code red or something like that. I was there with her for a good part of her testing, but figures the most worrysome code red was the one time I was not there. Epic fucking fail. I had to leave for a while to meet my appliance guru regarding a failing fridge at my Holyoke property. What a bunch of crap that is. Fridge is only a couple years old and already not working properly. Thankfully the tenants can toss their food into the snow since it is plenty cold outside. However, that is not a good way to store food so it needs fixing ASAP. Kat's heart needs fixing ASAP, too. Obviously the fridge is a lot less important than my wife, but sometimes there just isn't enough of me to go around so I left her in good hands at the hospital for a bit while I took care of that fridge issue.

The fridge is not fixed yet, and I am $60 poorer. What a bunch of crap! It needs some $650 part, but wait maybe not the repair guy called me shortly after we parted ways to tell me he thinks a $150 part will work. That part is on express order and if all goes well it gets installed Friday. Fingers crossed all goes well because I'd rather just go buy a new $900 fridge than pay $650 for a repair. (It is a bigger side-by-side fridge since the property is a 5BR, 2BA house.) The guy said that if the $150 part failed he would send it back and give me that credit back so I appreciate that a lot.

So after the kinda-failed fridge repair I drove my ass back over to the hospital, and as I was walking from the snowy parking lot to the front entrance I got a text from Jody: "I have an $85,000 cash offer on your property." Guess that guy who looked at my bootleg Bangor duplex 9 days ago is still interested. Oh Jesus, hell ya! At the time I was more focused on getting back to my awesome wife so I put it on my mental shelf for a bit. I did think $85k was a way too-low offer, but I didn't pay it my full attention at the time.

I am not really sure what a cash offer is. I guess it is a buyer who has the money to just pay for the entire property instead of needing to get a loan from a bank. I think of it as a briefcase full of $100 bills, but I guess it would really just be a bank check? I have never researched that for obvious reasons. Hehe.

^A true cash offer! Not likely to happen in my lifetime unless I decide to become a criminal.

Kat had to have a bunch of sonic photos of her heart and stuff taken so I sat there and listened to their radio while I waited. Thankfully they put it on 95.7, I-95, so there was some ACDC and Def Leppard, among other classic good tunes. 100.3 is my favorite station around here, but I like 95.7 a lot. While I waited I did think about that offer for my least-favorite duplex a bit more, but I didn't make a decision until we got home around lunchtime.

After lunch I booted up my computer to pore over some numbers and to do some math. I also had to research the impacts of depreciation add-back on a rental property sale and how that affects claiming a capital loss. I really don't want to sell a property at a loss, but the reality is someone would have to be pretty stupid to pay what I paid for my Bangor duplex, at least as it looks right now. It's not a shithole, but it sure as hell ain't the Ritz either. Needs some cosmetic improvements and maybe a little foundation work and a new driveway side porch. On May 26, 2004 I paid $103,500 for that building plus closing costs and I paid a large down payment. Closing costs were a couple grand more, give or take, so I have about $105,500 into the building. If I sell for $85k then Jody gets a commission so I am down to around $80k. That is a conservative $25k loss. A LOSS. WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP!

I am okay with taking a loss on the sale of that duplex. In fact, a loss does not hurt me horribly because I have a lot of depreciation to add back into my basis. I am depreciating the property at about $3120 a year, and the depreciation cycle for a rental property is 27 years. I am just over the halfway point now at 13.75 years so I can roughly say my depreciation has been $43,000 so far. That adds back so an after-expense sale price of $80k I am at $123k. Complicating matters slightly is the roof that I did in 2008 for $4800-ish that I am depreciating currently using the same 27-year rule so that adds back $3000 to my original cost basis. It is getting confusing so I will do the math this way:

$80k + $43k = $123k -106k - 3k = $14k. $14,000 would be my taxable gain after all the depreciation and bullshit happens. The maximum tax rate on that from the IRS is 25%, but we would likely be in the 12% bracket on that next year. Maine would drill us for 7% so I can roughly say income taxes on that $14k would be a total of $2660.

I owe $46k on the property right now to TD Bank. My estimated $80k after commission at a sales price of $85k gives me $34k. Not bad! However, bye bye a few thousand in income taxes so I am really closer to $30k. Not terrible, but I think I should be getting a little more than that so I texted Jody that I would accept an offer of $90,000 but an offer of $85,000 is just too low. Jody said he would notify his buyer, and I dunno what the buyer is thinking right now but I hope he says yes so we can make a deal.

In conclusion, at this point I think $85k is too low but I am willing to take $90k. If it works then great. If not then that is okay because the property still does make money and build equity. In fact, that property had a very good 2017 with no vacancies and no major unplanned expenses. I want to sell, but I don't need to sell. Wants vs. needs is the ultimate in this world!

I thank the gods who do not really exist that my wife is still alive and home sleeping right now because this morning was scary. I think that scare plus the prospect of selling my Kenduskeag duplex has my mind going into overdrive. I did have today off from JH, and I am glad because it was a busy day. A brand new employee was running the show at work today so I hope things went well for her. I'm back to the JH grind the next three days working 1100-1900 tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday. So far this has been a BUSY season for me. As of yesterday at closing time I had done more returns than any other office in the ENTIRE STATE. Wow! Right now I am still feeling fresh at work and ready to do a shitload more tax returns, but I know by March I will start to fade a bit and I'll be hoping like hell that mid-April comes ASAP.

Alright turds, all two of youz who read this crap, I am going to try to sleep again. I still feel pretty awake so maybe I will go to espn.com and read an article or two about the Patriots. They won easily last weekend against the Titans and play the Jaguars this coming Sunday. Winner of that game goes to the the Superbowl! Patriots have been amazing to watch over the past 16 or 17 seasons that Brady has been the QB.

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Friday, 1-12-18: Melt snow, MELT.
What a difference a week makes. It is now nearing midnight on Friday night, and the temp outside is about 50. Oh Jesus, hell ya! It seems Friday nights over the past few weeks have been epic frigid with many of them below zero so this is awesome. We got the major smackdown from mother nature for most of December and into the first part of January, but the last few days have been good. We warmed up, and there is a lot of rain so tons of snow has melted today. Good thing because we were running out of places to put all the snow. 48" of snow in 30 days = what a bunch of crap! Then, on top of all that snow, we had frigid temps so nothing really melted. Gods damn it!

The only drawback to this warmup and rain is potential for flooding. I used my bootleg gym just a bit ago, and there was some water leaking into that basement. Fortunately it does not seem like a big deal at the moment, but when I look at the radar there is cause for some concern:



^From weather.com. Tomorrow AM this crap turns to ice before it ends. We might get a lot of ice, but the hourly only shows about 3 hours of ice so probably not that big of a deal. Maybe? I work tomorrow at 1100, right when it will be ice, so we shall see. Hopefully there is not a ton of rain between now and then because flooding = what a bunch of crap! Hopefully tomorrow there is not a lot of icing either.

I did not do good work clearing roofs so there was a bit of water infiltration at two of my rentals (that I know about) and even here at our own house. I was about to go to work Wednesday when I saw water coming into the new addition in several spots. What a bunch of crap! I'd blame the carpenter, but when I look in the mirror I see the carpenter so my bad there. I did a pretty good job installing the roof, but there was just so much snow up there that I was fighting a losing battle. Everything facing the north side froze bigtime so there was a huge ice dam. In hindsight maybe one more 3-foot section of ice and water shield would have been good instead of basic tarpaper. I did ice and water the first three feet, but the pitch is not that much and this winter I am paying the price so far. Ah well.

In other news, I tried to sell my Bangor duplex. On Monday I met with my realtor (Jody) there along with his buyer. The guy looked at the place but made no indication as to whether or not he liked it. I don't even like it so I assumed the worst, and later that day I got this text message from Jody "Hey Steve I didn't want to call you in case you were working but my buyer likes another property a lot more it's a 3 unit and makes better money. Talk soon."

MOTHER DICK WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! BUY MY BOOTLEG DUPLEX YOU MUDDA FUCKA!

Oh well. I actually was amazed to see that property had a great 2017 and made money in addition to building equity so I'm fine with keeping it. However, I do need to sell the place later this year because I have one property too many. If not for the JH job I'd say 7 buildings would work, but with the winter full-time tax job managing 7 places is just a bit much. (6 that I own, one that I manage.) I really enjoy doing taxes so when it is tax season it can be hard to take care of the rentals and to work full-time on top of that.

The JH job is going great so far. I was scheduled for 48 hours this week, 1100-1900 M-Sat. However, I cut out some time so I think I can keep it right at 40 for the week. I'll "only" work a half-day tomorrow, weather pending, so that will put me where the managers want me and where I want to be. Every tax season before this one I have had an easy start to January, but this year so far I am double as busy as I was at this time last year. Oh Jesus, hell ya! The boss also hired three new people whom I have spent time with training so that is a huge plus. I still think the end of this month and a lot of February will be extremely busy, but that is ok if I am busy because I will be making the "big bucks." Or something like that. I really do like working for JH because the pay is fair and I *mostly* know what I am doing so I feel comfortable dealing with customers.

Good god there is still over three months before the tax filing season even ends. When I worked for Liberty many years ago I worked three months total, but this year with JH (and last year) it will be four months because we start before Christmas for loan advances. That is a big reason why I need to reduce my apartment stuff. Work to live, not live to work gods damn it! Except winter of course. I should work a lot in the winter so it goes by faster since I fuckin' hate winter. I used to like winter, but now it is like ten pounds of shit stuffed into a 5-pound bag. Or it is like this:

^The turd is winter, and the punch is the rest of the year. However, that is a bootleg analogy because who would drink any punch that has a giant piece of smiling shit waving at you from the middle of it? Turd island on punch-paradise? What a bunch of crap!

(Where's my psychologist?)

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Saturday, 1-06-18: Iced coffee and my most bootleg duplex.
I am in my little bootleg JH office, and it is lunchtime at 1530. However, it is not really lunch time I just have to clock out for a 30-minute break. I did actually eat my sandwich closer to noon. I was getting a little groggy so I drank some iced coffee, and that perked me up a bit. I did get enough-ish sleep last night, maybe 5.5 hours, but sometimes when there are no customers and I am doing tax training and stuff I feel sleepy so the iced coffee helps. I started bringing some in with my in my fancy Jackson Hewitt thermos. I "won" the thermos last season by doing good work, but then I gave it to Katherine. However, she hasn't been using it lately so it is "mine" again. For now. Hehehe. Half the employees or more probably "won" that same thermos it is not that special.

I think the iced coffee is better than Monster Energy? They sell it in 1/2 gallon containers like how orange juice is sold. This is the stuff I get here at WM:

^I only recently started drinking iced coffee, and it does help me stay alert. Sometimes I drink it before I use the gym, too. I have not purchased the caramel kind yet; maybe I will try that one next time. I generally like vanilla and mocha more. I think. Maybe? It costs $3.56 not $3.99 from that Google-searched photo. That does make it cheaper than Monster by a bit per ounce. A 10-pack of Monster is $15 so that is what, 16 ounces x 10 = 160 ounces. 9.375 cents per ounce. Plus all the cans I have to deal with and those add up to a pain in the arse going to the redemption center. The iced coffee must be 64 onces? If so that is 5.556 cents per ounce so that is actually a big difference. Wow, I didn't realize until just now how big of a price difference that is.

I still on occasion drink Monster Energy. It will kill me, but hopefully in moderation it will "only" very slowly kill me.

What is worse for me, iced coffee or Monster Energy? My gut tells me that, ounce for ounce, the iced coffee is healthier. However, I do think the Monster gives me a little more of a boost. I guess both are pretty unhealthy, eh? What a bunch of liquid crap!

So now that I just wasted a couple paragraphs writing about heavy fuel (thank you, Dire Straits) I can write about the other thing that has been on my radar since Tuesday. My Bangor duplex *might* have an interested buyer. Oh Jesus, hell ya! I have not listed the building for sale lately, but Jody (my realtor of many years) knows I want to sell the duplex. Jody knows a guy who wants to invest in rental properties in Bangor, and he has already showed the guy a bunch of "dumps." that the guy is not loving. Jody called me a few days ago and asked if I would be willing to show my duplex, but I was hesitant because I don't want to scare the tenants away. I thought on it, but not for long. I decided the best thing would be to have the guy look at all the photos (on file still from my last listing in fall of 2016) and do a drive-by. Then if he still had interest we could make a plan.

The next day Jody called me back sounding excited. His potential buyer was still very interested after seeing the building and the photos. Oh Jesus, hell ya! Then it became decision time for me. His guy wants to look at the inside, which is totally understandable because if I were a buyer I would want a tour, too. However, I don't want to freak out the tenants too much so how should I handle that one? Telling the tenants that I have a buyer so we need to do a tour might create bad blood. I was tempted to just say to the tenants I was coming over to do a routine inspection, but that's shady so I finally just decided to tell them I am doing a walkthrough with my realtor because I might sell the place. At this point it is what it is.

We are scheduled for Monday at 1000 to meet at the place, and hopefully Jody's mystery shopper likes what he sees. No way will I be Santa Claus on my price, F that Xmas is over beotches. However, I will be willing to negotiate some and if things line up then that building will be SOLD. So funny the timing of it all when in one of my most recent updates from last week I was about having a meltdown because I wanted to reduce my burden and sell the building in 2018. Does Jody read this bootleg site? (Hell no he doesn't because no one reads this pile of shit!)

Hopefully I can sell that duplex ASAP because that would be awesome, but if not that is okay, too. The place does not lose me money and I keep building equity so waiting until the summer to officially list for sale again would be okay with me. However, given a choice I would definitely and without hesitation choose SELL NOW vs. SELL LATER even if SELL NOW means I get a little bit of a lower price than I might get if I try to SELL LATER.

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Friday, 1-05-18: 18.3, 46, pwned.
We got crushed by another mega-blizzard yesterday. It was our second blizzard in as many weeks (we got a fast-hitting 13" Christmas day. What a bunch of crap that was!) It seems that over the past few years there have been some incredibly nasty storms that have given us hard hits. Was it ever this bad when I was a kid? Probably on occasion, but it seems we only got over a foot of snow once or twice. One year I do remember having HUGE snow drifts along the driveway. Belmore had to bring in a bucket-loader to clear the long 100-yard-long driveway. We could stand on the snowbanks and look down on the Volkswagon, and I think that was also the year Doug got stuck in a snow drift. He seriously got stuck. We had to shovel his ass out. HAHAHAHA. It was a lifetime ago so maybe it was Jason who got stuck? It was the 80s, the glorious era of life that is gone forever much like a turd flushes and becomes gone forever. Speaking of the 1980s, I have channel 1928 on right now so I can listen to awesome 80s tunes. John Mellencamp is singing about how he was born in a small town. Good tune! I was born in Hyannis, a medium-sized town. (Small city?) but I grew up in a small town and I thank the gods who do not exist for that one.

Things always seem worse when you are a kid. (Had to walk 10 miles in a snowstorm, uphill, BOTH ways. Hehehe.) We did live in the midcoast, a bit south and a lot closer to the coast. Mom and Pop got 10" of snow and we officially got 18.3" as reported in nearby Bangor. Good gods that is a lot of snow! The blizzard was a huge news story because it even caused snow in Florida. 7 people died, epic storm surge, record tides, etc. I did not work yesterday due to the storm so that was awesome, but bye bye $$$$$$$ that I would have had if I did work. Oh well.

^From weather.com. The blizzard had a name because they name winter storms now (Grayson?) and it looked almost like a hurricane on the satellite. There was a lot of wind, but thankfully we did not lose power. This morning was a bunch of crap cleaning up the mess. I did snowblow and shovel some last night so that helped, but there was still an epic amount of work to be done this morning. Thankfully my snowblower actually worked like a boss this time so that helped. However, it was so windy that the thing shot snow back in my face a lot. What a bunch of crap! It was cold, too.

^The dogs LOVE all this snow. They almost seem to be swimming in it. Copper dove right into that snow in the deck, and Tiger Lily followed him in. That was from yesterday morning. We have loads of snow all over the place around here. The city is trucking it away and dumping it near Indian Trail Park tonight. What a bunch of crap!

After I cleared the driveway I had to go manage the properties. Some tenants, as usual after a crushing storm, complained some so I told them to STFU. Just kidding about that last part I tried to help as best as I could. I talked to Gavin; he had to waste nearly three hours of his precious... precious time snowblowing his own spread. He said he might as well just hire a plow person because it took so long to snowblow. The plow bills for my ass will suck. A lot. After this past month I realize I should just put a plow on my own truck for next season because I would save A LOT of money if I did it myself. Plus the tenants would be overall happier because I could just cater to them. It would also make doing our own driveway easier. I liked the snowblower for this storm, but it did take a long time to clear things out. I barely had time to get ready for my 1100 work shift at JH because I spent to much time fucking around with all this snow. What a bunch of crap!

So we have gotten 46" of snow in about the past month including the 18.3" from yesterday. Gods damn it! That is a tremendous amount of snow for one month. It is -3 right now with huge winds so I might have pipe freezes to deal with again this weekend. Tonight = -11, tomorrow's high = -1, and tomorrow night = -14. Shit on toast! We just need to get through this weekend and then next week looks a tad better...

It is 1215 on the 6th now, and I am heading back down to Jester's in about 30 minutes to break down Kat's gear and bring it all home. I wish I did not have to do Jester's tonight because of all the snow and cold. Oh well, at least I did get a good workout in my bootleg gym just a while ago. If all goes as planned my awesome wife will be back in action in two weeks (two weeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkssssssssssssssss!) taking her show back over; her knee is doing better lately but there are other health concerns. I can't wait for her to take over, but I don't want her to rush back either. Dealing with this severe winter weather, doing the JH job, and then having to set up and break down her karaoke gear for the substitute DJ fucking sucks. A lot. I half-jokingly told Kat earlier that I would love to pay her substitute DJ to NOT come into work tonight. However, I was not really serious F that the show must go on as they say plus we do make a little $$$$ still from it.

I don't ever want to be a DJ. F that! I did okay when my awesome wife sent me on a solo mission in August last year, but I have no passion for it and I just want to put her in charge and be her helper. I can do taxes and rental properties like a boss, but running a music show is not my forte. I want her to be in charge so I can just be her lackey. She is really good at it and I am just okay. That is why right now PJ is the DJ (no pun intended!) and I am writing on this piece of dump site that no one will ever read. What a bunch of crap!

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Wednesday, 1-03-18: Google and the machine takeover. Oh look another blizzard.
It's happening. Machines are slowly becoming self-aware, and one day this could be the fate of humanity:


^Neo wakes up and thinks "Put my ass back to sleep this is a bunch of crap if I stay awake I will get my ass kicked by a bunch of machines I would rather just be their fuel and never know it."

We will become fuel and stuck in the Matrix thanks to our technology advances. Someone in charge better be making a shitload of fail-safes for these new computers and machines, just in case. Hell, maybe we already are just in a machine-ruled world asleep in fluid-sacs and blissfully unaware. What a bunch of crap!

A couple days ago Kat, Katherine, and even Dillon and Debbie bought a round device called something like a Google Home. The thing is a lot of fun, but I am wary. It is damn smart, and it has an answer for just about everything. (Hence my bootleg quote of the month.) We have them connected so we can shout insults to each other from our rooms, and on the first night Kat owned the thing it woke us up because it was not turned off.


^This Google-thing only costs about 30 bucks at WalMart, and it does all kinds of cool tricks. It can play music, too. I really like it, but at the same time I see the potential for computers and technology to one-day pass us by. Skynet from The Terminator in the form of a little disc-shaped toy? Possibly the start of the end for life as we know it? Hell no for now, but in the future if things keep moving forward at this pace I would not rule it out. I hope all the Google-discs can't hack the Pentagon and launch nukes all over the world anytime ever.

"Hey Google, how much you bench?" -Me to Kat's new Google answer machine Monday the 1st.
"I can benchpress all the knowledge of the Internet... it's actually not that heavy." -Google machine hilarious answer! That thing even sounded like it was being sarcastic.

We are getting a blizzard tomorrow. What a bunch of crap! A foot of snow, give or take, and massive winds near 50MPH in gusts. At the end of October just a couple months ago we had gusts in the 60s that demolished our state's power infrastructure. Half the state (or more) lost power, and most lost it for days. We were dead for three days. Over 500k outages set a record, and I can only hope this storm does not do similar damage. Here is an ominous-looking chart from The Weather Channel:

^If we lose power for an extended period of time my rental properties are in big trouble because by Saturday our forecasted high temp is -1 with a low of -17. OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! February of 2015 was a kick in the nuts from mother nature, the worst stretch of winter I have ever seen, but this latest stretch has been worse. These past two weeks have been HORRIBLE. Gods damn it. Hard to say whether or not this winter will rival the brutality of the 2014-2015 winter, but so far I am not liking these trends. December was 6.5 degrees BELOW normal, and we ended up with around 27.5" of snow, nearly double what is considered average. Epic failer. Surprisingly the gas bills are not too horrible, though. However, some of those bills only go through Dec. 21st so the next round of bills will be very depressing. I have a feeling this is going to be a very expensive winter...

Oh well, at least I will get tomorrow off from work. No work = no pay, but I know a lot of hours and probably some overtime is coming soon so my JH pay will all average out. So far it has been busier than last year at this time mainly because of our refund advance programs. Hope it stays steady, but not too busy because right now I am in the second busiest office in the state flying 100% solo. I have no receptionist and no one to come help yet if it gets to be swamped. What a bunch of crap!

 


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