(Last updated: 4-19-2019)
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Welcome to my crappy website. It truly is a bootleg bunch of crap, but I don't care. Not at all. I'm not doing it just to entertain you scumbags; I'm doing it because writing is fun but I am too lazy to actually write a real book. Don't laugh because I'm serious.
If you want to know who the hell I am and why I spent my hard-earned $14.99 to register this domain and to share my thoughts with the world then you can click here to find out. I have no update schedule so if you don't like it then you can ggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt oooooooouuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt!
Click here to check out my bootleg quotes page.
ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Why are you still here? Chances are pretty damn good that I WILL insult you in some fashion if you choose to continue beyond this point. The purpose of this site is to entertain me, and I am often entertained at the expense of others. Therefore, prepare to be slandered. A lot. It's still not to late to leave with your feelings intact!
Friday, 4-19-19: Happy... fruit anniversary?!
So as an anniversary gift our great friends, Neil and Ang, gave us a fruit basket with all kinds of interesting things including what tastes like strawberry Pop Tarts. They could be raspberry or cherry, but my Pop-Tart-eating ass is pretty sure these are strawberry. Ang said that the 4-year anniversary is the FRUIT ANNIVERSARY because apparently that is when fruit is borne. I suppose there is a child reference mixed in there somewhere, but there shall be no kids for me because kids suck. Kat loves babies and would love to adopt a kid, but F that. However, I love my wife enough that it is tempting. However, nevermind she has kids who will soon enough have kids of their own and then we can hang out with the grandbabies and change their diapers. And when that happens I will have a conveniently-located woodpile out back so I can go chop wood while she does the diapers. Unfortunately if she reads this then I am pwned so nevermind. What a bunch of crap!
Overall it has been a great anniversary for us. Of course since our anniversary this year falls on a Friday it is the usual Jester's routine. I stayed at the bar for a while, but I came home to put the dogs out. As soon as I am done with this bootleg update that no one will ever read then I will put Groot back into her crate and I'll go back to the bar. My awesome wife sang the first song of the night, our wedding song. Ed Sherran Thinking Out Loud. She also played great songs before the show, songs like Girls, Girls, Girls, Heavy Fuel, and Hello America (early Def Leppard!) My wife is THE BEST. If you disagree then I hate you. I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you a little more.
This morning we exchanged anniversary gifts. This year was very much a GOT theme, at least for me. Here is a pile of loot that I gave to my Sweet Pea:
^The Iron Throne, Longclaw, The Targarian symbol, and the Hand-of-the-King lapel. I am wearing the lapel right now because I am the "Hand of the queen." Hehehehe. I also have a GOT tee shirt on that says Winter is Coming, and Kat has a GOT tee on that says I know things when I drink. HAHAHAHAHA.
Poor Groot, I feel badly that I have to lock her back up into her crate. Unfortunately she will do stupid shit if I let her be free, and we can't allow that.
^Kat's great gift to me, a wall of memories and a beautiful centerpiece that also has a veiled GOT reference with the wolves (HOUSE STARK!) I suck at photos, and she is great at them. Another of the many ways that we compliment each other. I am bad at a lot of things, and she is great at a lot of things.
The Red Sox managed to win a game tonight in Tampa Bay. Now they are 7-13 on the season and probably still in last place, but checking the standing is too much work. It has been a terrible start to the season for the defending champs. What a bunch of crap! Oh well the season is still early so mabye they can start winning more. Maybe? Hopefully!
Wednesday, 4-17-19: The easiest final tax day
So today is easy, very easy. I'm not making any money when there are no customers, but I have already well-exceeded what I thought I would do in my first year as a tax solo proprietor so that is more than fine. No advertising, all word-of-mouth and a sandwich board on the street, so no big business expected. Next fall I can start to prep for being open for an entire tax season, hopefully I can do a little advertising, and hopefully I can at least double what I did this year.
I have a lot to do for the last part of this month. Tomorrow I need to spend some time prepping the upstairs "new addition" area of our house for Katherine to use, and I need to fill some potholes and rake leaves over at the building where I used to live. Maybe clean the gym some, etc. I'm thinking I'll pay Katherine's boyfriend to help me with the yard cleanup over at that property because just raking the leaves and cleaning things up wiill take several hours if I try to do it all myself. Plus it will be a good test to see how good of a worker he is because I plan to bring him to Phil's house with me starting next week.
Last year my awesome wife and I did a tremendous amount of work down at Phil and Danielle's house, and when we finished the season it looked kinda like this out in his back yard:
^That photo is only a small fraction of what we did last year, but it shows where we left off. The remaining work will involve stripping off the old shingles moving from left to right and wrapping around to some point at the front of the house. Since I took that picture Phil did install a deck by that storm door so thankfully we don't have to do that. I love doing the work, but I have a lot of other things to do this year so I want to get his house taken care of ASAP. Hopefully most of it will be done by the time we go to Mexico from May 11-17 next month.
My Sweet Pea won't be able to come with me much if at all this time around for the work at Phil's so that is why I recruited Katherine's boyfriend. Kat will have to work a lot up here because her DJ business is really doing well. Plus someone has to be responsible for the dogs. Last year we only had Copper and Tiger Lily when we went down to Oakland, but now we have Groot and unlike the other two dogs she cannot be left home unattended yet because she finds things to destroy. What a bunch of crap!
I'm hoping to work down in Oakland 4 days a week next week, 2 days the week after (gonna turkey hunt and do a little work down at Mom and Dad's), and 4 days the week of May 6-10. If I can get 10 good work days in down there before our vacation then I think that will get me really close to the finish line of what is needed for work done down there. Maybe? Hopefully! When we get back from vacation I'll have a vacant apartment to re-rent, but I'm expecting that won't be hard to do. In fact I need to push that place hard next week so I can line up some showings and get a renter there. Thankfully that apartment still looks quite nice, at least last time I was there it did, because the tenants who live there now are really good people.
^From two years ago, 4-20-17, when Phil came up for several days later in April and maybe even into May some to help me with remodeling. That soon-to-be-vacant apartment has had the same tenants since we redid the floors and doors in that place. How cool is it that now I am going to work for him?!
I guess I should eat some lunch and then do carpentry until my self-imposed quitting time of 1600. If I get a customer or calls for later appointments then I will stay past 1600, but I hope I don't because I'd rather quit, go for a jog, and then celebrate the end of the tax seaon by eating pizza and hanging out with my awesome wife.*
*I'm pretty sure I'll do a few more tax returns for late and extension filers later this year, but those ones will be few and far between, if even at all.
Sunday, 4-14-19: Late-night GOT?
I wanted to skip out of the house for a while this evening because it was the season 8 debut of the much-ancipated final season of HBOs Game of Thrones (GOT.) Kat and I watched all of the first seven seasons of GOT earlier this winter, and we loved the show so much that we recently rewatched all of season 1, many episodes of seasons 2-6, and all of season 7. We just finished our second go-around of season 7 last night, and it was glorious. GOT is an awesome show and if you disagree then I hate you. I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you a little more.
Katherine also loves GOT, and so does Debbie, so they planned to watch it this evening. Since my awesome wife is at work right now hosting karaoke at the Pour House I didn't want to watch it without her so I balied. First was a stop at my tax office to look a couple things up for Jason. After that was a trip to my gym, and I also spent 20 minutes cleaning my bootleg old primary office. Now I am obviously back home, but not for long because I'll head over to Bangor shortly. The Pour House is right next to a 24/7 McDonald's so hopefully we can grab a few late-night snacks and watch the season 8 debut of GOT around 0130 or 0200 tonight before we bivouac. It will be a late night for sure, but thankfully I feel well-enough rested and I don't need to get to my tax office tomorrow until 1000. I won't sleep in that late, I never do, except for last year's July 4th party when I got wrecked and had a horrible hangover the day after. What a bunch of crap! Ah well that July 4th party was epic and in hindsight I don't have too much in the way of regrets.
^Photo taken a few weeks ago, or so it seems. Since then I have moved that bookcase into my office and built some shelves out of that plywood but overall it is still not even close to clean in that gym area. What a bunch of crap!
My tax office has been way busier than I ever expected it to be, and that is awesome. I have had three walk-ins off the street, people whom I have never before met in my life, and all three of them are now clients. Oh Jesus, hell ya! I did get a 4th walk-in Saturday PM, but he was a neighbor who just wanted to say hello and get a quick form. Maybe he will use me for his taxes in the future, but if not no big deal. I like to meet the neighbors and I have met most of them over at that property. So far they have all been very good to me, and I try to return that courteousy.
In addition to the walkins from the street I have had friends of friends, referrals, family, and friends all reach out to me about taxes. I have not done even close to as many as I did at JH, but I wasn't even open until recently, at least not 100% open, so that is like comparing apples to oranges. Hell it's really like comparing apples to dog shit. Okay maybe not that is a very extreme analogy but the point is the two are very different. I've had former JH clients of mine track me down by Googling my name and finding me. How cool is that? On Friday I had a very nice older lady who tried to find me on Failbook. She must be 70, I forget exactly, but I told her to her face (politely of course) that I think it's hilarious she even knows how to use Failbook at her age! Of couse I don't partake in that monkey-shit, but maybe I will have my awesome wife make me a business Failbook page in the future if it leads to more clients...
I have had to deal with some very complex tax issues this year, and I am enjoying it more than I ever have. Trusts, K-1s, adoption credits, estates, etc. Things that take a fair amount of time to prepare and to research. Anything that appears to be too challenging will go to my old Liberty Tax boss because she also has her own tax business. So far I haven't had to send anyone her way, but I hope I can send her some business if not this year then next year because she is a good person who is the reason I even got into the tax world in the first place. We didn't always see eye-to-eye on how a business should be run, but she has more tax knowledge than I do, especially concerning business corporate taxes and really complicated trust stuff, so I'd gladly send people her way if needed.
There are only 3 days left before the tax deadline, and then after that I can get back into carpentry. I don't know how many more tax clients I will have, but I have four in the queue right now to finish up and I still have our own to finish. I bet I'll have a couple more people show up or call me, too. Maybe? Hopefully! If not that is okay, though, expecially since I have already exceeded what I thought I would do in my first year in business for myself.
Alright turds, all two of youz, I am going down to the bar and then we will eat a late-night breakfasty meal and watch GOT. Maybe I'll get 5 hours of sleep tonight. Maybe 4? 3? Hell in a perfect world best-case 6, but belay my last on that one because we have a Baby Groot who does NOT like it when we try to sleep in. Plus we're old now and old people don't sleep in anyway. Hehehehe. Definitely no sleeping in when a 10-month-old dog jumps on you at sunrise!
Oh, we took the dogs to the park and used the grill for the first time today so it is finally feeling like spring. Oh Jesus, hell ya! (I've taken the dogs to the park a few other times, but today both Kat and I were able to go together for a nice walk for the first time.)
Friday, 4-12-19: I gotta pace myself extra carefully
I have been stuffy and not quite 100% for the last couple or three days so I need to drink a little less than I otherwise would drink on a Friday night. When you are fighting off a cold the alcohol always hits harder. I am a huge fan of drinking to help cure a cold, but only in moderation. I'm pretty sure booze was an old-time solution to ails, but hell I dunno maybe I just made that up. I can look it up thanks to the magic of the GOOGLE INTERWEB MACHINE.
"Let's be honest. We're all looking for additional reasons to drink right now. As we head into the holiday season in the wake of the most divisive political upset since King Joffrey donned the crown on GoT, it seems like a great time to start viewing increased alcohol consumption as a medical necessity. Alcohol has been used for its medicinal properties since Biblical times, but we're not just taking god's word for it. I talked to practitioners from both Eastern and Western medicine about the legitimacy of historical alcohol cures to find out which ones are actually grounded in scientific fact and which ones are as baseless as your relatives' drunken rants at the Thanksgiving dinner table."
AHAHAHAHAHAA! This articele was posted on the Interweb in 2016, and that is when Trump defeated Hillary in the presidential election. I am kinda glad that Trump won because Hillary would have been a tumor on our long-term economic viability as a nation, but Trump is a piece of dog shit human being. Trump might actually be a worse human being than Hillary, but they are both terrible. Our fuckin' president dodged the draft and didn't serve his country because he had bone spurs in his foot. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. Maybe if more people had served then my own dad wouldn't have had it so bad over in 'Nam. Hell what do I know I wasn't even alive way back then.
That article above gets bonus props for referencing GOT. That show is so awesome and if you disagree then I hate you. I probably hate you anyway, but I'll hate you a little more. The article about whether or not booze helps with a cold was very inconclusive. No shock there, eh? I think, based on my own experience, that sometimes it does help and right now it is helping some. I felt like crap earlier, but I feel better now. Maybe it's because I am on my third drink of the night?
I don't want to get too boozed up tonight because I have a couple tax appointments tomorrow. My tax business has really been going great, and I have several more to finish before the deadline next Wednesday. I just found this funny tax meme online:
^AHAHAHAHAHAHHA! So funny because that bullshit happens to my ass every year. I have a client who gives me a shitload of receipts that smell like cigarette smoke. Pieces of leaves were falling out of his reeipts folder earlier this week. OMG WHAT A BUNCH OF CRAP! Nothing is organized, and it is a shit-show. Most of my late-filers are pretty awesome people who just waited until the end, and I am okay with that because this year my office wasn't even ready to go until the end. I can't mock the late-filers this year at all because our own taxes are not even done yet. What a bunch of crap! This year our own taxes are the most complex, ever. It has taken a long time to chew through them, and finally I am close to the point where I can submit them.
I had a couple people reach out to me earlier today, former JH clients of mine, and that is a good feeling. Some of these people have Googled my loser ass to get my number, and I am garteful that I fooled them enough into believing I am good at my job. One poor lady today said she had to pay $500 to get her taxes done at a competitor. OMG! That would be reasonable if she had a TON of unique and complex tax issues at hand, but it was only a couple rental properties, SSA, and a w2. Not that hard my price would have been maybe 1/3 of that. Certainly no more than half of that. I've had people coming in off the street, friends of friends, referrals, and former clients all seeming to find me. I won't do hundreds of taxes, not even close, but in this past week I have been plenty busy and I am happy to say that my tax office is a comfortable room in a great location. I am proud to have clients come there because it looks nice and mostly professional, and that is what I need in order to be successful in the years to come. Maybe? Hopefully! I am also grateful to all my friends and family who have had me do their taxes because that is a big part of my future success of the business. I really do enjoy doing taxes so I hope I can keep it going for many more years.
Alright turds, all two of youz who actually read this monkey-crap, I am going to lock Groot back up in her crate (it is a big crate at least, plenty roomy) and then head back down to the bar. Goonies never say die!
Thursday, 4-11-19: Nice haircut, snow, allergies?
We got about 4" of snow Monday, and we got another 4 inches Tuesday night into Wednesday morning. What a bunch of crap! I'm amazed none of the tenants complained because I decided to skip the plowing. There was not 8" total in the driveways because some of it melted on contact, but there were a few inches. Thankfully right now most of it has melted away because the sun is so strong this time of year.
^Yesterday morning Tiger Lily and Groot thoroughly enjoying the fresh snow. Copper was already inside because he doesn't seem to love the snow like they do. Instead he would rather try to get one of us to throw the ball for him 10000000 times a day.
Groot running in when she thought she'd get a reward for heading our way.
Then she got inside and wanted to go right back out to keep playing. Tiger Lily had huge chunks of wet snow matted into her underbelly from all the playing and rolling around. Our floor will be pwned within a couple years because of the pets, but I love the pets and they are worth it. I do love to watch them play in the snow, but I love it more when there is no snow at all.
So we still have snow on the ground and I had to take my first allergy pill of the season. Epic failer. I just took it a few minutes ago because I kept sneezing. I've been a tad stuffy all day and thought maybe I was fighting a cold, but now I dunno if it's just allergies because I don't really feel sick. Last year I didn't have to take too many allergy pills, but it does vary year-to-year. My nose was running hard for a while and I finally got sick of the sneezing. I did have the energy to lift some weights in my gym this evening so I know I'm not really too sick. At least I hope I'm not sick. I can't get sick because I have a lot more taxes to do!
The tax filing deadline is only five days away now, and my tax business is really doing well. Much better than I expected, and today I had my first ever "walkin" client. I actually had two of them. Oh Jesus, hell ya! No guarantee either of them will finish with me, but I think they will because I have all their stuff and my prices are very fair. I finally decided to try the sandwich board on the sidewalk and the OPEN sign and so far it is paying off. I still don't have regular hours, but I'll be there a lot tomorrow, Saturay, and then Monday-Wednesday of next week. I will take Sunday off unless someone desperately needs me for taxes that day.
Sunday, 4-07-19: Winter is coming (GOT reference.)
Yup, there are 1000 of them on the Interweb because that is a hugely popular show, and it is a damn good show. We have been rewatching some of the older seasons in anticipation of the final season 8 that debuts in one week.
Sadly winter is coming again for our northern asses. We don't normally get lots of snow in April, but tomorrow we are pwned:
WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM MONDAY TO 2 AM EDT TUESDAY... * WHAT...MIXED PRECIPITATION EXPECTED. TOTAL SNOW ACCUMULATIONS OF 4 TO 7 INCHES, SLEET ACCUMULATIONS UP TO A HALF INCH AND ICE ACCUMULATIONS OF A LIGHT GLAZE EXPECTED. * WHERE...PORTIONS OF COASTAL DOWNEAST, FAR EASTERN, INTERIOR DOWNEAST AND PENOBSCOT VALLEY MAINE. -National Weather Service advisory
OMG PWNED. It gets worse, too. Look at this gods damned forecast from weather.com:
^WHAT A GIANT BUNCH OF CRAP! We got an inch or two of snow a few days ago, and we got an inch of snow late Friday night. The snow we did get mostly melted away, and today was a very nice day. I went for a jog in shorts and a tee shirt, but obviously that will not be happening again for several days or more.
An inch or two of snow this time of year is a nusiance, but not that big of a deal because it melts away so fast. Unfortunately a half a foot of snow means another plowing bill that I was not planning for. What a bunch of crap! Maybe the forecast will end up being wrong and we will get rain or only an inch or two of snow so I don't have to pay for more plowing. Plus this time of year plowing destroys my bootleg dirt driveways and part of lawns where all the gravel from the driveways gets piled upon.
The Red Sox are off to a 3-8 start to their 2019 baseball season. Epif fail 11-game west-coast trip for them. They did win today, 1-0, but so far this season for them has been terrible. I have hardly watched any of their games because a lot of them were late starts due to their being out west. Today they did play at 1600, but we were getting ready for supper and getting ready to watch a little more GOT before my awesome wife had to get ready to go to work. I never watch a game for all 9 innings anyway, but I can watch a little more of the games when they start at 1900 as opposed to when they start at 2200.
There are only 9 days left in the tax-filing season, and I still have not finished our own taxes because I suck. I still have projects ongoing all over the place, and I want to start doing more shingling for Phil and Danielle in 1.5 weeks just after the tax season does end. However, with a very wintry forecast still in place I might not be able to start down there midweek next week if it is all wet/muddy/snowy. I can do shingling when it is still cool outside, but I don't want to destroy their lawn if it is still soft and thawing out. Hopefully the weather takes a drastic change for the better next week so I can bring Dakota down there and start getting some stuff done for them.
Who is Dakota you ask? He is Katherine's new-ish boyfriend. They have been dating for maybe a couple months, and he seems like a decent guy. She is 20 still, he is 21, and he is looking for some work so Kat and I decided that I should bring him with me to help with the carpentry since she is busy working 3 nights a week now, and at the end of this month it will be 4 nights a week for two consecutive weeks. It might not seem like a lot, but for her it is since she has lupus and since working down in Oakland for Phil and Danielle = long days including the travel. Assking my awesome wife to do carpentry with me and to do her DJ stuff would just be way too much.
It is still weird that my wife works Sunday nights now. The bar where she works seems like a piece of shit, but hey people go there and I guess it makes money. The owner seems like a decent guy, but he's usually not there. For this week and for last week they have some bootleg pricing system for their drinks that I hate. The prices of the drinks change, and they have TV screens that show the current price sorta like you'd see on CNBC when they show the stock market screens. It's all based on supply and demand or some shit like that. So for example if a bunch of people buy Fireball the price shoots up. If a bunch of people buy Bud Light then the price shoots up. If no one buys Fireball for a while then the price drops some.
The bar does have a great selection of beers on tap. However, nevermind because for the past couple weeks their taps have not worked. What a bunch of crap! I wanted to get a cider beer last week, but they didn't seem to have anything even in bottles so I just got a Bud Light. I'm not really a picky drinker and I haven't drank too much on Sunday nights becase Friday is my normal drinking night. I will have a few tonight, though.
^I got that from Google, but the bar does shit like that and it is epic fail. Where the hell is my bootleg fail trophy? Ok here it is...
^Awarded to any bar that decided to base their alcohol prices on micro-economics. Doing that stupid shit means you do suck!
I had intentions of doing actual, real work tonight. Maybe some taxes, maybe some cleaning of my old bootleg rental office, or maybe the last little bit of flooring here at the house. However, I did my DDP Yoga and then I decided to drink alcohol and to write my useless thoughts to almost no one at all except for the three most important people who could read this right now: Me, myself, and I. Where's my psychologist?
I'm not gonna do any work tonight, F that. Instead I will head out shortly and stop by the bar. Then, since the bar is so close to the casino, I will go there and gamble away about 20 bucks of our precious... precious money. I think the casino is comfortable enough, but I believe thier alcohol prices are sad. $4 for a PBR?! Hell maybe now it is $6. I have not gotten a beer from that place in seemingly forever. Maybe they have "stock market" alcohol pricing, too. (I hope not!) I was at the casino for about 30 minutes a couple weeks back while my awesome wife was working, and I was disappointed to not see any video poker machines. Maybe I just didn't happen to spot them, but those used to be my favorite. So instead I sat at a slot machine and blew around 11 bucks.
The one bonus of where my wife does work is the location. There is a 24/7 McDonald's next door so we can get out of work and get cheap food. Tonight hopefully we will do the same, and then we can have a middle-of-the-night snack and watch some of WRESTLEMANIA before we do bivouac. I don't have any appointments until 1100 tomorrow so I can stay up late and sleep in. I also took an hour nap this afternoon so I am good-to-go. I won't work much tomorrow, and the one good thing about the fact that WINTER IS COMING is I have a great excuse to putter around and sorta half-ass my work day.
Alright turds, all two of youz, I guess I am going to go do other things now across the bridge. Who knows maybe I will end up at the casino and win a few bucks. Odds are better I'll get struck by lightning, though. What a bunch of crap!
Thursday, 4-04-19: I bounced around from job
to job today.
Work at my third location today was right here at our own house; I spent a couple more hours working on these stairs:
I am not done with them, but I made great progress. Hopefully I can finish that before tax season ends in a couple weeks. That's also around the time we hope to move Katherine back upstairs so that is my driving factor in wanting the stairs done. Today we had a second bedbug treatment up in the new addition here, and the prognosis is favorable. There was one live bedbug on the wall, but it was not a Goonie because it was about to die. The remediation-guy treated me well and I think he knew what he was doing. Maybe? Hopefully!
In addition to the carpentry work that I did today I also had to spend time with the pest-service guy at N Main, I had some paperwork to do, and I finished up some more tax returns this afternoon. Two more paying clients checked off the list, another $245 added to the ledger. Not a pace to make us millionaires anytime ever, but good enough for a fledgling little startup business.
My awesome wife is working for another hour, and I can't wait for us to get home and to bivouac. I feel kinda tired, and I am also sore from doing flooring and using my gym. I had intentions of playing racquetball tomorrow, but I think I will skip it and just go for a jog because my tennis elbow is still a nusiance. It is much better than it was, but today's stripping the floor, painting, hammering, etc might aggrivate it a tad. Doing flooring is a lot of up, down, up, down (left right left right B A B A start Konami code like a boss hehehe.) and it always feels a little bit like I used the gym.
Tomorrow I have two more tax appointments. Oh Jesus hell ya! There are only 11 days left before the filing deadline so I really need to get our own taxes finished. It will take at least a couple hours of work to even have ours ready, and maybe even 3-4 hours. I'll do a little here, a little there, and hopefully by this time next week I can get them submitted and then scrape together the money that will be required to pay the taxes due. This year we will be more poor because I will have the expense of the new tax business (it will operate at a substantial loss as expected for year one) so at least we have that to look forward to when we file 2019 taxes in 2020. However, I plan to sell a property and there will be sizeable capital gains so nevermind we will owe a lot next year, too. it never ends. What a bunch of crap!